Khalessi: Love comes first during courtship and submission must come first in marriage. It takes more than love to keep a marriage.

TRUTH!

The man is the head of the house, Hence, submission should come first from the wife. No right thinking man will not love a submissive wife.

Love should come first. Once there's genuine love, it won't be difficult to submit. A wise woman knows how to have her way in her hubby's house while submitting to her man!!

Nemeka: Submission comes first! Don't forget that accepting to date you is an act of submission, and there is no way two people will go to next level without first submitting to each other. No matter the infatuation, nobody (right thinking person) will propose marriage to somebody thats not submissive even in courtship.
Submission is the glue that holds two people together, be it in friendship or marriage.
And submission is a two way thing of give-and-take and not mono-directional

The embolden is pure fallacy. You fall in love with a girl, woos her and makes her fall in love with you; and then ask her out on a romantic date which she agrees to out of love and trying get to know you better, and you term it SUBMISSION? Seriously? So what happens when you agree to go on a date with a girl, you're submitting to her? SMH

@OP, some people will prefer submission first, but I prefer love first. Once a girl loves me, cares about me as I care about her, she will naturally submit to me out of LOVE. That's how it's always been with my GFs. I prefer submission borne out of love and care about US (me and her), not the borne one out of a natural order for her to submit to me before I love her or respect her.

It "should not" be conditional o...


But it is, in fact We love God because He first loved us. And as we to God so the woman to the man.

If men are truly the leaders the Bible makes them out to be, their love should come first. The man's love is what the woman responds to with her submission.

Summission comes First, when a woman is submissive, there is no how the man will not love her, except a man that does not have human feelings. So submission then Love follows

Crystalline: A man says...I don't love my wife because she is not submissive perhaps if she were submissive, i'd have loved her.


A woman says...I am not submissive to my husband because he doesn't love me, if he had shown me love, i'd have been submissive.


Ephesians 5:22...wives be submissive to your husbands as unto the LORD

Ephesians 5:25...husbands love your wives just as CHRIST loves the church.

Now my question is "which should come first...LOVE or SUBMISSION?"

Your honest views are welcome.

Well, one thing I can say here is that the admonition of Eph 5 clearly states the role each one should play in marriage. It is the responsibility and duty of Husbands to love their wives. Likewise, it is the duty of wives to be submissive to their husbands.

I do not think one has to come before the other. It is what everybody has to do. The Husband should love and that should be unconditional. The wife should submit and have respect for her husband. That is also unconditional. If you are waiting for one person to do his/her part before doing yours, chances are the the other person is also waiting. So when will you all get to start loving and submitting?

Crystalline:


TRUTH!

I strongly disagree

Love first.......there is no any other truth except the answer I just gave u.

shoefreak:
God bless you!

BTW IMO:
Love is not an emotion that one should automatically expect, sometimes it starts as lust, crush, infatuation, so it either grows or dwindles. And it also doesn't mean the outcome is to 'sign the doted lines.' this is an automatic reason to be pretentious and robotic.

Singing the doted lines (marriage) is a decision that is taken for other several reasons aside love, which to me might just get people a little carried away. And wen people get carried away, calling them back is not very easy.

The expectation of 'love me enough' will only always leave a lady panicky and she tends to walk on egg shells around him, he may even take it as 'submission' instead of doubt and uncertainty.

Love is when she knows he cares and will go extra miles for the relationship, even if he doesn't say it enough. That should be good enough.

Submission is letting him know you trust his judgment and you are comfortable with him making decisions IF its not disrespectful to you in anyway.

So, it is dependent on the individual actually and their kind of personalities, some people just go with the flow, whichever happens first. Love also has the tendency of making one submissive sha.

When you say "just go with the flow" what exactly do you mean?

professore: Love first.......there is no any other truth except the answer I just gave u.

What is Love in the context of Eph 5?

love should come first. You cannot love someone without being submissive to the person , but you can submit to someone without loving the person, with love submission follows naturally

princefunmi:

When you say "just go with the flow" what exactly do you mean?

enjoy the emotions. When it makes you giggle, when it makes you mad, when it makes you long, when it makes you get all up in his face.

I think submission should come first, it would give rise to love (from the husband) which in turn would reciprocate subsequent love (from the wife).

if there is no love they wont be submission

princefunmi:

What is Love in the context of Eph 5?

Tell me

If you are in love, submission won't be difficult

shizzle11: love should come first. You cannot love someone without being submissive to the person , but you can submit to someone without loving the person, with love submission follows naturally

if as you say, love cannot exist without submission, but submission can exist without love, how come you say submission follows love naturally?

Your premise is greatly flawed anyway. Love doesn't not make one submissive, else parents would be submissive to their children. Submission simply comes from the acceptance (conscious or subconscious) that someone else is superior. Submission is a natural reaction to either fear or respect.

In the longrun,its observed that both work pari-passu. When a man cherishes and loves his wife,she'd play her role accordingly. A man should love his wife and i bet she'd be submissive. It goes beyond mere say anyway.

Husbands are required to Love their wives whether their wives submit to them or not...now, that is difficult but true! If you love your wife because of her submission, that is no love. Ehpesians 5: 25-26 talks about Christ like love which is unconditional.

So also, wives owes it as a duty to submit to their husbands whether or not their husband loves them. They are to submit to their husband as unto the Lord. If you do not love your wife or submit to your husband for any reason, you 're simply disobeying the scripture. Hence, the question of which one comes first does not arise.

Abeg, u people shd leave eph 5 alone on dis nairaland. If u like u love if u like u submit(your script), it is yr marriage that would suffer, after all virtuous woman in proverbs came before eph 5 and abraham and sarah came before proverbs, so take your pick.

My own rule is do as u would have others do unto u, not do me I do u ohh, I mean I do u then u do me, shikena.

Oh No. Not this topic again. Does it matter which one is first? As a husband, go into your marriage with the mindset to love your wife. Display your Headship the same way Jesus christ displayed his own. Jesus was never abusive. He loved his disciples and congregation FIRST by laying his life down for them. His presence was a breath of fresh air. Let your own presence be fresh air to your wife. As a wife, go into marriage to submit. Be submissive. Jesus also said 'Do to others what you would like them to do to you'. All of these is self explanatory. There is no master-slave relationship here.

How is it possible to submit to a man who does not love you!! In all I think love sould come first

3Dimension: Submission and love...

Which should come first?

Love:
And which should come last?

Still LOVE.

Embedded in Love is submission, peace, joy etc.

A woman can be submissive but will neva love the man.

Mind you if a typical naija man says the wife is not "submissive" he actually wants a puppet to control left, right and center.

Exactly. I think before a lady marries a man, she must ask the man what he thinks submission is because different people have different ideas as to what submission really is. Its funny that its mostly abusive men who harp into this submission thing. you will be surprised to hear that a woman who is naturally submissive still gets complains from her abusive husband that she isnt still submissive. SMH. No wonder that word "Submission" makes some women cringe.

Oahray: if as you say, love cannot exist without submission, but submission can exist without love, how come you say submission follows love naturally?

Your premise is greatly flawed anyway. Love doesn't not make one submissive, else parents would be submissive to their children. Submission simply comes from the acceptance (conscious or subconscious) that someone else is superior. Submission is a natural reaction to either fear or respect.

I think its you who is missing the point.

I repeat and i insist, with love, submission will follow naturally, in order words if you love someone, its almost guaranteed you'll be submissive, but you can be submissive without necessarily loving a person.

Now to the bolded in your comment, it simply means you agree with me that you can submit to someone out if fear, respect, duress etc and not out of love meaning you can be submissive without an iota of love, but once you love someone, you are most likely to be submissive.

bottom line: love comes before submission, if you love, you'll submit, but if you submit, you dont necessarily love

stello: How is it possible to submit to a man who does not love you!! In all I think love sould come first

thank you jare, your head dey there

Sophyrocks:
Exactly. I think before a lady marries a man, she must ask the man what he thinks submission is because different people have different ideas as to what submission really is. Its funny that its mostly abusive men who harp into this submission thing. you will be surprised to hear that a woman who is naturally submissive still gets complains from her abusive husband that she isnt still submissive. SMH. No wonder that word "Submission" makes some women cringe.

submission simply means respect to your partner, unfortunately some women do think that everything concerning a couple should be 50-50, i hope you are not a feminist?

shizzle11:
submission simply means respect to your partner, unfortunately some women do think that everything concerning a couple should be 50-50, i hope you are not a feminist?

No1) am not a feminist beccause i believe in a husband being the Head and the way he is to be the Head is the same way Christ is the head of the congregation. If he isnt exercising headship the same way christ is, then he is being somethng else.

2) What does the phrase 'Do to others what you would like them to do to you' mean?

3) Mutual respect is essential in marriage. It was also written that husbands should show honor to their wives. There are many ways to show honor. Even the way you handle the marriage shows honor or no honor. I think that itself is explanatory.

Sophyrocks:
No1) am not a feminist beccause i believe in a husband being the Head and the way he is to be the Head is the same way Christ is the head of the congregation. If he isnt exercising headship the same way christ is, then he is being somethng else.

2) What does the phrase 'Do to others what you would like them to do to you' mean?

3) Mutual respect is essential in marriage. It was also written that husbands should show honor to their wives. There are many ways to show honor. Even the way you handle the marriage shows honor or no honor. I think that itself is explanatory.

you and explanatory
The bolded answered my question, and all these you mentioned, i acknowledge and appreciate.

I am beginning to like you

Going by the verse you provided, submission is not conditioned by love, the vers/"God" didn't say submit if your husband loves you

shizzle11:
you and explanatory
The bolded answered my question, and all these you mentioned, i acknowledge and appreciate.

I am beginning to like you

I see. You will be surprised that upon all i have said, some men will stiill tag me a Feminist. I think such men are abusive and do not like the fact that their unbalanced mentality has been exposed.

But you have not answered my question. What does 'Do to others what you would like them to do to you' mean?

All join....y wont i luv she?? My giving her close marking is cos of d love i had 4 her ...once she undrstands this, lobatan.