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This Is A Must Read For All, Especially married and Intending Couples / I Caught My Pastor-husband Naked, ‘counselling’ A Naked Church Member —wife / Fun- Bonding Activities For Couples (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 5:48pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
Having job will NOT stop a man from cheating . . . and not all housewives are set to be cheated on. But having a job will equip a wife so that she can fend for herself when the man decides to hold her to ransome. She wont have to rely on him for everything, therefore giving her a voice and different options that she can take. If she says she is not sleeping with him, he can turn round and say he is not putting down any housekeeping money. . . .and that will make it difficult for her to keep up with her As for snooping . . .there is no such thing in my dico. if you give me reason to doubt you, then I will snoop. Its not until you give me an STD or until someone trys to harm me and my kids becasue they want to come to marry my hubby that I will start to snoop and find out what his happening around me. 5 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Chrisbenogor(m): 5:52pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
Nothing like a cheating story to whip people into a frenzy. Self righteousness can sweet people sha, even those wey dey type from their gf tecno 1 Like |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 5:56pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
megamindmaster: Prayers are very important We need to pray not to fall to tempation . . .cos it is all around Some people always want what does not belong to them so one must be ready to "fight" spiritually for ones family. . .including Husband, wife, Children, Parents . . everyone 1 Like |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 6:35pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
Madampinkolo, I need the number of that woman she's a hero Just tryna imagine the look on the man's face at that time of the night Oh Lawd, I cannot laugh oooooo |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by edwife(f): 6:58pm On Jan 16, 2015 |
alutacontinua: Lol,she got gut! But you know,desperate times call for desperate measures |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by megamindmaster(m): 10:04am On Jan 17, 2015 |
chaircover:My point exactly. Rowzayy you've got yo really get up and be strong. Become an asset to yourself and your hubby, become agile even spiritually. This may take a lil while, patience and consistency, but just keep working, truth is that most of the ladies the men cheat with are not even close to, not to talk of being better than their wife... Its well with you |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Wendy80(f): 10:49am On Jan 17, 2015 |
megamindmaster:Dem take cheating swear for some men, so praying n fasting is necessary to deliver them. And them take dating married men swear for some girls too #joking oh. 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by damiso(f): 11:24am On Jan 17, 2015 |
Sometimes bullies just need one dose of shock to reset their brain |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by LewsTherin: 11:42am On Jan 17, 2015 |
I feel so sad whenever I come to this thread. I feel sad seeing people suffer in a union God designed to be a reflection of His relationship with us. I feel much worse when I remember that a marriage is only salvageable when BOTH parties choose to save it. No matter what amount of excellent advice we give distraught partners here, if both of them do not work at fixing their relationship, it's pretty much moot. Be strong people. There is always hope. Always. P.s. that machete thingy was gangstar! 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by megamindmaster(m): 12:11pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
Wendy80:Cheating take root from many angles, the falling into temptation and serial cheating. That of serial cheating is a product of the mindset that men are polygamous by nature...and you will be amazed by many men that are holding on that biggest lie of the century. This can only be changed by the renewing of the mind. Husbands of rich, independent, hot sexy women cheat, so what are we talking about... Na prayers o, for the ones that have not gone astrey not to go, the ones that have one devil playing music for them somewhere, let them go deaf to it, then the ones that have gone far, God bring them back, change them and heal their relationship... Amen! 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by roWzayy: 12:58pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
Thks a million to everyone dat contributed may God almighty continue to bless u all...we ve been acting like roommates for d past few days now and im liking it....even if we manage to settle there ll be no se.x till he agrees to go for an hiv test,this cheati.g issue has been going on for a long time I remembered when I was pregnant i he didnt come home on time d till 1am,when he came home he said he had an appointment it was through snooping I found his chat to his friend that one was asking why he didnt come home on time that I called him,my hubby told him that he went to offload his waist,when I confronted him he denied saying offloading his waist meant dancing,when his friend later replied he wrote hahahahhahha hope u didnt break d girls waist oh,d reply just confirmed my suspicion but my hubby denied it to my face,And d stupid advice out there is that men will always cheat,he married u because he loves u,just relax your mind bla bla bla.hmmmm heavens knows that when I start earning my own money I will kick his cheating a.ss cos im not in for this all men are cheat crap 3 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bukatyne(f): 1:22pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
aisha2: @bold: 100% correct: I had a facilitator who told us he will NOT cheat on his wife because he knows it is over... She is sweet et al but will end it the moment he cheats Funny, he said exactly what you quoted; a lot of men do what they do because they know they will get away with it 4 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bukatyne(f): 1:23pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
LewsTherin: 100% correct |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by bukatyne(f): 1:46pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
Madampinkolo: I like that lady cleaner These are the type of women I like to read about. Whinny helpless women disgust me 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 2:16pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
bukatyne: Seconded. I love women who take action and take charge of their lives. 1 Like |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by eagleeye2: 5:53pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
Every lady here is now liking the gangster woman (lady cleaner), hope you all know that was an extreme reaction and could result into death or bodily harm if she confronted some other kind of men. Or it could even lead to the end of the marriage if it some men too. . Threatening a man like me with a matchet may mean an end to a marriage. Because I dey fear fear too much. I will just start planning my escape route from that very day. . NB Anyway, I will never beat a woman. 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Chrisbenogor(m): 8:44pm On Jan 17, 2015 |
LewsTherin:No need to feel sad, a lot of what goes on here is 1D, one party complaining. You don't get to hear from the other side, if a woman comes here to complain that her husband has started coming back home late these days, he is acting dodgy, I checked his phone I saw this and I saw that ; What a wicked man! He wants to give you HIV o! 1 Like |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:45am On Jan 18, 2015 |
Please I need your advice about this. I met my husband to be through his younger brother who has asked my own friend out before I met with the brother,but my friend declined but they are still friends. we will getting married soon and my friend is giving the younger brother green light, my fiancé is not feeling too good about the whole thing, he said why did she just realised they can now date after chasing her for 2years.I don't feel too good about it as well cos I don't want unnneccesary jealousy with inlaw |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 9:52am On Jan 18, 2015 |
fholammy: Madam, they are adults and have the right to fall in and out of love with who they choose to. You and your fiance should face ya front and plan your own lives. 12 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 10:04am On Jan 18, 2015 |
aisha2: |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 12:10am On Jan 19, 2015 |
@Megamindmaster congrats on your marriage..May it be an absolutely beautiful & fun filled journey for you and your lady. @ All, The lady cleaners name is Joanna.She's not even gangsterish..Just an oldish lady who looks calm.She showed me her pictures when she was younger,she was even frail looking.You'd never suspect.I guess her hubby wanted to try his luck and have a punching bag to vent frustration,but errr learnt a lesson..he was a police man,retired now fholammy: Madam i concur with Aisha.Please hold either side of your face with your hands and twist your neck to the front.Same with your fiance.Please try and enjoy each other,forget things that don't count.Come on!!! What if she's looked at your relationship with your fiance and seen he's a good lad and therefore his brother may also be good?Remember you cannot dictate who anyone should fall in love with or question them.Which one is jealousy again? You and your fiance should focus on eachother and be asking the vital questions: Attitude to finances,how many children do you both want?Which church will you attend?Where will you both live?Any one of you a se x maniac etc.. Good luck!! RIP Muna Obiekwe & I pray for comfort for those who have lost loved ones.. 5 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by megamindmaster(m): 7:23am On Jan 19, 2015 |
Madampinkolo: thanks Madampinkolo for your wishes and prayer... i never really knew Muna was gone. RIP to him |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by LaShawn: 3:13am On Jan 29, 2015 |
So here I am again. I Wish I could say everything, No holds barred But nairaland is a huge community. I remember coming here about a month ago, crying out my eyes. I remember I was scared I wasn't being liked by the inlaws. Things got to a head a week + ago and I had to spark to my man. It wasn't something that was done to me, But something that was done to my folks by his folks. It was a subtle act, So to say. It wasnt overtly obvious but It laid bare to the discerning eye and heart that they were not So much into me. I was very, very angry and told him without mincing words that it wasn't acceptable and I do not think l am getting the same level of acceptance and love from his folks that he has gotten from mine. In fact, I had to chip in the tribal difference question (Sorry, I know you guys asked me not to anymore, But I Can't seem to forget the sharp look his sis shot me the first day she heard me speaking in my dialect). I had to ask him if my tribe had to do with me not being liked. At first, he acted like I was overreacting, But he later conceded that What happened was actually bad and he had been concerned even before I raised it. He apologised and made me promise not to bring up the tribe issue anymore. I also apologised Because I sort of dumped the whole issue on him at first. Later my Parents and I had a long talk. My Dad was like not all of my inlaws would like me and that is the fact of life. And I should forgive. That they were the ones who were wronged and if they could forgive, So should I. My mum was like: This is not the time to pick on little issues. Well, I disputed my mums statement Because I think this is the time to do exactly that. Not swallow every bile I'm fed with and I said it too. All in all, never knew wedding/marriage preparations could be like this. Not like my 7 to 8 job has left me with much time for preparations anyway. Everything happening has just dampened my morale and I find myself scared and listless. I am beginning to feel irritated by questions about shades of colour and what not and texts of people cunningly asking for the contract /right to distribute asoebi. They don't know What I'm going through. They don't know.... If It's not text about asoebi from family, It's a text about money from friends. Asking for 200k or 50k like if I had such money easily at my disposal, I would be slaving from morning to night, trapped in a job Which only heightens the pressure in my life. *deep sigh |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 6:49am On Jan 29, 2015 |
LaShawn: Relax, take a day off and go to the spa, get a massage and thoroughly pampered let go, you can't do and control everything 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 8:39am On Jan 29, 2015 |
LaShawn: Hmmmm my dear this is the transition from a carefree single woman with minimal care to the world of marriage, responsibilities, new relationships. diplomacy, tolerance, descsion making, juggling balls and hoping for the best . . and a whole lot more. This is just the beggining I make it sound grim, but its all not bad, and there are lots and lots of positives from marriage, especialy when you and your hubby are on the same page. This is your new life now, so I suggest that you take a deep breath, calm down and deal with things remembering number ONE . .which is YOU! As for your in-laws, the truth is this. . . .some will automatically like you, some wont at first but when they get to know you they will like you and some will never like you till they die. Its therefore up to you how you decide to process this and deal with it and live with it. knowing that you cant change people. Personally I will deal with the ones I like and keep the ones that dont like me at arms length and so long as my conscience is clear, I have no problem. 2 Likes |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by LaShawn: 8:41am On Jan 29, 2015 |
aisha2: Thank you, Aisha. I Wish I could But work is So So crazy. You have to be visibly ill to get any sort of time off. Plus taking time off leaves your desk a mess. You come back and meet triple work and you are back to square one. |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 8:59am On Jan 29, 2015 |
LaShawn: Madam FIND THE TIME, if you break down work will still.go on. I used to be like you till I collapsed at work one day, I was in the hospital for over two weeks and the only call I got from them was to find out where one file was, it was the family members, friends and church members i abandoned to " face my work" who were there with me everyday. In summary if you die today you WILL Be REPLACED IMMEDIATELY. I am sure you don't work Saturdays and Sundays do you? You sound so stressed and wound up like someone going to explode soon. As a woman and a single woman now you have to learn to make time for YOU and make that part of your life even when you marry else you turn to an angry, bitter aggressive and sad wife. YOU ARE NOT SUPER WOMAN YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL, ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK 11 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by LaShawn: 10:06am On Jan 29, 2015 |
chaircover: Thank you Chaircover. Wish I knew all this. Even if I knew, I just at didn't think it would happen to me. Come to think of it, as calm as my mum is, some of her inlaws still act up. After over 30 years of marriage. I and my man are on the same page for now and I pray it continues that way. Thank you very much. I really appreciate.... |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by LaShawn: 11:42am On Jan 29, 2015 |
aisha2: Wish I felt like a super woman. More like a jaki (donkey). I'm beginning to flirt more and more with the idea of quitting the job gabadia. I mean, I feel bitter, stressed and What have you. It's an industry where feeling relaxed is like a crime and you are placed under serious pressure It's written all over you. And Then you think about the upcoming wedding and How important it is for a woman to have a job of her own and You're discouraged. I might still leave if it means having peace of mind. Wouldn't mind a salary cut sef. |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by eagleeye2: 12:07pm On Jan 29, 2015 |
Hello house, I don't know if I am just lucky or something. I come here and read about marriage wahala. Offline people tell me stories that touch the heart about their relationships and marriages. Yes, I had my fair share of heartbreaks as a bachelor. But in almost all my relationships, I never witnessed violence or a shouting match. . I have come to realize that when you put yourself in your partner's shoe you tend to understand your partner. You are then able to reason from her point of view. . Also when a partner tries to take me for a fool, I will allow her. But after it all, I will let her know that I know I have been taking for a fool. . Most times when things are about to heat up, I take a walk outside. If my partner wouldn't allow me to walk out on her (as one once did) I just switch off. No matter how loud her voice may be, I will no longer be able to hear her. . Why can't men understand that there wives and kids are their first responsibility? Why can't they understand that they need to first make their homes conducive before thinking of pleasing outsiders (be it parents or inlaws)? Why will they allow someone else to push them around or disrespect their wives? . I was made to understand that everybody in a man's family will not accept his wife, but the onus lies on the man to make these types to at least respect their wives. I can't think or a reason why anyone in my family will disrespect my wife so openly that she will have to come to me to vent her anger and frustration on me. If that were to happen, such family member will be put on further notice. No communication. No visits. Nothing. . I really don't like reading these sob stories all over the internet. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by breadplanets(f): 3:22pm On Jan 29, 2015 |
Goodday my online family. I don carry my wahala come again. I hope i'll be able to make myself understood cos im all muddled up. My parents had a horrible marriage that made me as a little girl promise myself i wont ever get married. But having grown up and seeing marriages that work i know that some work will some dont. I pray mine works. Now relationships have not dealt favourably with me. One heartbreak after another, it got to an extent i decided that i will get married o but just for the purpose of raising a family and companionship with none of the lovey dovey stuff. Now the cause of this long story is this. Im getting married in a few months time and contrary to my decision or whatever i love this guy like crazy. Whenever i rememeber him i smile like a fool and feel all warm and furzy *im silly i know* i find myself telling myself i love him like 50x a day. Pls im really bothered about this cause i did not want this at all! As in i never wanted to get married because i love but i just wanted it to be a decision based on neccessity thats all. Now i find myself kind of removing the thoughts of my fiance from my mind. As in anything that would remind me of him i delibrately fix my mind on something else. And i know that going on like this wont be good in the long run. I know im just ranting but make una no vex. Its just how the thoughts are going round and round in my head. Do i delibrately make myself stop loving this guy? How possible is that? Chai!! See long epistle ehh. Sorry biko |
Re: Counselling: Strictly For Couples And Intending Couples! by Nobody: 4:21pm On Jan 29, 2015 |
breadplanets: First of all you have an unhealthy attitude towards marriage and till you are able to deal with that I advice that you don't get married. The problem is that you will get married expecting the worst and any small mistake will make you shut down and act out thus making your partner miserable as he will will hardly be able to please you. Marriage is a relationship its not just something you do to fit in, its either you get help and healing from the issue issues of thw the past or you tell this man the truth so he knows what he is up against. Please dont pretend and marry this man hoping he will cure you of your insecurities no man is that strong. The thing is no matter what he does sooner or later unconsciously you will interpret it to fit your past experience, if he is home late you will think he is cheating, if he annoys you like all husbands do you will assume he intentionally plans to hurt you. So my dear if you really love this man let him know what he will be dealing with so he can decide if he can deal with it or not don't use and hurt this man. 2 Likes |
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