sean123:

Very good point. I also think see finish might have entered it. Can i get her back despite her been in Naija?

pickabeau1:

I dont get u dude..

I thought u said just now,, YOU HAD feelings... are you STILL having feelings for her

sean123:

I am in a state.Its been 2 months she left jand. I still like her for sure. I have told her that and she said she does have feelings but dont like my behaviour that if i can change yea but it all sounds too good. I dont know if she is telling the truth or playing me or just seeing how it goes. Yes i like her but dont want to get played again so worried. Thats why i act aloof to her sometimes cos i am confused on what to do. So much energy has been expended

pickabeau1:

ok.. let me get you

you like her.. u went out a couple of times.. she was feeling you
You came on for sex.. she stepped back and told u to take things easy.. she will give you in a matter of time
You did not hear.. u insulted her .. words were exchanged

The chemistry fizzled..

You need to sort your feelings.. dude

Do you really want to be with her or just pursue her to get back at her

If its the latter... move on... NOT WORTH IT

The former? more energy will still be expended... my conclusion.. MOVE ON

If things are meant to be... it will happen.. if not...

sean123:

You are spot on with the summary. Wish i came on here earlier. I guess i still like her but fear of not knowing what is on her mind drove me nuts. Even after we had arguements when she said she was leaving and i told to go and insulted her she still came over after i apologised. We made out and she was turned on (saying she liked rough sex and how hard i was - ok abit of alcohol was involved) she just stopped half way. The funny thing is i still gave what i bought for her even after she said we could not work (i was advised to cos i told i got it already and not giving her would look immature). All this things have so entered my head. Getting it out has proven very difficult.

pickabeau1:

So admit to yourself first that you have feelings for her

If you want to pursue those feelings.. that is another issue..

Long Distance Relationship has its own complications

sean123:

Never really denied i had the feelings. She knows that. Her stance was that she did like me at the start cos she thought i was different from the typical naija guy but i was not so she started studying me and we argued, i said she didnt have manners, told her to leave and hung up all in a month. So she cant like me. yes she still calls her friend my name sometimes but i need to change. Things got worse when she went back cos i have handled the situation terribly. Deleted her off my bb and re-added (which she agreed to), i told i loved her and was down (yes not proud) and she told us to start over saying we need to open up more and communicate more. It just did not feel right cos she was calling the shots. So i went on holiday and put up pictures of me with other babes (very immature i know) she has not buzzed since. what do u think of all this? Is it best i leave it the way it is? Can we still be sort things out when i go naija? whats the best step? Most think i should leave it for now and revisit it if i am interested later but i reckon she could forget all about me by then

sean123:

Very good point. I also think see finish might have entered it. Can i get her back despite her been in Naija?

pickabeau1: Hmm,...

No need to rehash what has happened

1. This is what i said.. If you want to kick things again.. Are you ready for a long distance relationship

2. What are her plans? her aspirations? SHe may even be thinking of coming over for studies?

3. After you see her in naijan and if she grees for you.. what next

okparaugo: You are being manipulated by an emotional expert..

Quit or get used the more...

Aren't there other ladies ?

Guys sef wey no dey Jand, if dem enter village with car after like 4 years of not going to village, girls will follow. Smh..

Moreover, is it only from your village, you dey toast girls ?

sean123:

1. Yes if i know she is truly interested and not just going with the flow while banging some other guy

2. She is starting NYSC next month then masters after. She wants to go yankee but if things go well can convince her about jand i think

3. Exactly what she asked me when i was still trying her (how will the relationship work). I will probably start speaking to her before i go so when i come to naija we will just talk. She can come to jand for hols and all. I know long distance aint easy but o well. The whole thing seems stretched tho which is why i guess you said leave it. The attraction phizzled out. What i need is how to restart it

okparaugo: I just observed you kept blaming yourself for everything going bad and you kept pushing too hard. Why bro ?

If you make a move at a lady the first day, it is not enough for her to blackmail you emotionally if she truly loves you. Just accept she aint yours..

The girl I treated most nicely all my life friend zoned me.

So girls don't deserve too much effort or trying to hard. Leave out the routine like calling everyday, skyping everyday.

Make her miss you. Don't be too familiar too early..

pickabeau1: The only way to know is to ask her and start again.
You cant know if she is seeing someone else. Trust is important especially in a LDR



ok.. this is workable but has issues too.. she may prefer to go to yanks



1st Bolded is good.. just take it you are starting over
2nd Bolded.. exactly why i said move on...

sean123:

yea i thought as well but people kept telling me na me cause am. That i dey try am everytime she came over, hung up on her, insulted her and sent her out of my house. That is too much for a one month friendship and you wanted something from her. I cant really pick up any fuckups on her path. Apart probably emotional manipulation and leading you on and we cant even prove any of this things. I do agree she got too familar with me and the respect started leaving small small. That wont happen again

sean123:

yea really respect your replies. The funny thing is she seems to have handled herself very well in all this. I just kept losing my cool. Do u believe she manipulated my emotions? The problem with starting over is trusting her. She knows my weaknesses and it seems like she used it against me. Which other posters seem to have picked up on

Estimable:

U were too fast bro......had it been u played gentle,u would av bleeped her.....but u wanted it fast and she was still studying the kind of guy ure......
I'll advise u to make her miss u,dat way ul know if she still has feelings for u.....if not move on.....

pickabeau1:


On the manipulation side,i know too little to say so as you are also culpable as you tried to guilt her also
So at best both of you are guilty in a way

Without trust, forget it

on weaknesses,... no how a woman will not know your weakness except you dont want to settle down with a woman

sean123:

Insightful again. But how did i guilt her here?

pickabeau1:

By abusing her when she hesisated, shouting etc ... making her feel guilty

sean123:

Wouldnt call that making her feel guilty but i get the point.

pickabeau1: The only way to know is to ask her and start again.
You cant know if she is seeing someone else. Trust is important especially in a LDR



ok.. this is workable but has issues too.. she may prefer to go to yanks



1st Bolded is good.. just take it you are starting over
2nd Bolded.. exactly why i said move on...