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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? (6888 Views)
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Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by b3llo(m): 9:12pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Grayz: 9:24pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
aisha2: OP, dont be mad, a smart woman builds a HOME not a wedding day. it seems you don't understand the write up. Thanks anyway. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:31pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
@OP the man could have been testing to see how desperate you are about fancy wedding.... how much you really want to marry him... how rational/wise you are about such family matters etc who knows....but you made many errors: in my humble opinion you failed because you should have given him a straight no BS answer. what were you afraid of? why was it so difficult for you to tell him your mind? if you cant make the proper decision when it matters then you are looking weak in the eyes of (some) men. this is what unions are about, when a man need guidance and asks his significant other for "enlightening". that was STRIKE #1 to make matters even worse, you said you cant take such decision FOR HIM....instead of saying FOR US. dont you see you guys as a unit? he certainly does because thats why he came to ask you for your opinion this should be your STRIKE #2 then you come up with a very lame excuse that the fact that he asked quotation means he has already made up his mind.....BWAAAAAH, didnt he ask for wedding quotation as well? how does he know how much wedding costs if he did not get wedding quotation?! STRIKE #3 then to make matters worse, you now give him the silent treatment?! so he can certainly conclude that this issue (which is a no brainer: build the house) is not what you really want but you are too afraid to say your mind. ultimate STRIKE #4 10 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by coogar: 9:37pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
it was such an easy test & the OP failed it woefully. 4 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by babestell(f): 9:40pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
coogar: it was such an easy test & the OP failed it woefully.How should she have answered it |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:44pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
I still don't get what he was tryna test, seriously! 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:45pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Grayz: Grayz: How dont I understand? He had some money, and said he would like to use it to develop aland for BOTH OF YOu to have a home instead but asked you to choose which one you would prefer. I shared with you how we had saved up but had an opportunity to own a home and we did and had a smaller event, and have no regrets. I simply adviced as some one in your shoes. My bad, abeg continue keeping malice |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by coogar: 9:45pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
babestell: say her mind by appearing as selfless as she could ever be. building a house is an investment. wedding is a one-day event! oh my gosh - blessing okagbare just won gold for nigeria. what a speedster!!! |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:49pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
oluswaggz: you mean he actually proposed marriage to a woman he wasn't sure of how self-centred she was? and he had to ask her such a stvpid question to determine that? come on, guys-what would she have said? Marry me and don't build ya house? God knows I'll gladly fail this kinda nonsensical test. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:55pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh Op you passed the test but pls pause this marriage till you can build a solid relationship with this man. |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Descartes: 9:57pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Kanwulia:Nne onu gi bu nsi |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 9:58pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
chidyhels: Recommended wife/husband tins, no synergy btw the two. God help people cos this is 21st century. Smh Now, somebody is talking I wouldn't be thinking marriage with a man that is still testing me 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Descartes: 10:02pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Kanwulia:Nne u go kill person with mouth o o!! |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 10:13pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
alutacontinua: I still don't get what he was tryna test, he asked her a simple question, geared toward the family's future, and she couldnt answer it......... that is simply a confirmation of what type of person she is. |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by coogar: 10:23pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
MRbrownJAY: a lot of the ladies here are still in their teens. majority of them haven't even grown their molars so they won't understand. all they can see right now is a wedding dress & a nice venue for reception at the expense of whatever stands in their way. 6 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 10:24pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
IMO, the question was totally uncalled for. I'm tryna put myself in op's shoes and something just doesn't feel right see this part of her post:
Any right-thinking woman would understand the need to build a house instead of a wedding ceremony. All I would want from my man is to explain himself to me in such a way that I'll even come up with the idea of going for the house myself, not throw it in my face like marrying me is a burden to him. I dunno if you guys can see this from a lady's perspective but the statement above just doesn't sit down well. MRbrownJAY: 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by ireneidiva(f): 10:44pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Following |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 10:45pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Grayz: First of all, I think your fiancee is playing a very silly prank and if it is not a prank then he seems weak. Sorry, he is expected to be the man of the house and the leader of the family. If he cannot even decide whether to get married or build a house, then he needs to check himself. Most times, the man proposes to the woman, so why should he ask you he cannot decide if he wants to get married or build a house? If you have to decide this for him, then be ready to make all the decisions in the future as he may never decide on anything. And if he was truly testing you, first of all, you passed and secondly, it was a needless and silly test cos its not like you were asking him for marriage. Such a needless test in my opinion. I will advice you to pick his calls and continue the relationship. Hear what he has to say and reason with him too so that you can get to the root of the question. But quite frankly, he sounds a weak man that cannot take decisions. How can you say your marriage is your fiance's choice? How silly is that? 8 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 10:53pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
coogar: immature people indeed...... a dress, free food for all and the notion that everyone will now believe that they are happy, instead of building a home. haba! alutacontinua: IMO, the question was totally uncalled for. we men certainly know how big of a deal marriage is to many women out there, not the married status per se, but the WEDDING CEREMONY that has to be grandiose (the bigger the better) and the wedding dress. so that question makes plenty of sense to a wise man trying to figure out how equally "wise" his partner is. now, this is a woman who he will possibly spend the rest of his days with, and he sure needs to know her state of mind before saying "i do". if we men could marry for free by just signing a piece of paper, we ALL would. the enormous waste of money in wedding ceremonies is just because of "some" women and their need for fairytales BS. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by coogar: 10:57pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Nashville: man of which house? are they married already or what are you saying? it's a relationship not dictatorship. he cannot decide by himself to either build a house or get married because he has a partner that must agree in principle to every major step he takes. the dude asked a very genuine question & the OP failed with her inability to answer.
brilliant.... 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Grayz: 10:57pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
alutacontinua: IMO, the question was totally uncalled for. God Bless you. you really understand my plight. |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 10:58pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
@Nashville starting a family the way you suggest is just a sure way to misery. in any union, you guys take decisions TOGETHER, and if not, then you have to make sure (before marriage) that you both have the same priorities in life. this has nothing to do with "being a man", but all to do with discovering the mindset of the person you are about to marry. i can already see the type of man you want to portray here, the type that does things because they want to, regardless of how their partner feels about it. that is a sure way to fail in any union.......... OR to get the shock of your life if/when your wife has to be in charge. 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by bravolyk(m): 11:00pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
aisha2: OP, dont be mad, a smart woman builds a HOME not a wedding day. this is a better advice,and I don't think the op was being tested all the young man wanted was a joint decision 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 11:03pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
coogar: Tell me what the man has suggested? How can you have a problem and you dont even have any ideas and you then dump everything on your wife? Is that the kind of man you are? When faced with a challenge, you just call your wife to come fix it. Did he even say what he was thinking before calling his wife to decide for him? Can't he use his brain? And if that was a test, he would have done better conducting a jamb test or given his fiance research project. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by damiso(f): 11:04pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding. Why not 'babes I have been able to get funding for the house we are going to call our home.Unfortunately that means we might have to cut back or have a not so extravagant wedding what do you think' that is even a more straightforward decisive 'test' as opposed to 'our marriage is in your hands'. As an aside, Bellanaija weddings on Instagram sure has a lot of flak to take for all this 'fairytale wedding' thingy.This one that people are now spending hundreds of thousands on pre wedding shoot(which wan be pre wedding shoot again naa ) I had a decent wedding photographer but the cost of weddings these days is getting outrageous. 6 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 11:06pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
MRbrownJAY: @Nashville Are you married? Did this man in question bring up any suggestions? Is that how you run your home? There is no decision to make together when he has put everything on his wife. Abi so he goes with whatever his wife suggest abi? Ok, when you get married, just let your wife make all the decisions for you then we will see how happy she will be, since it is ok not to have an opinion |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding. Correct person, abeg dont mind coogar. So the guy cannot use his brain to come up with a decent plan to present to his wife so that they have something to discuss abi? The wife should do all the thinking for him. Abeg poster, make I no abuse your guy abeg, make I just stop. But please pick his call and find out if it is really a prank! 5 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 11:09pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
damiso: Efe don tell you say you be old school |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Nobody: 11:11pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
Why is everyone saying the guy's testing her?? What for? Testing someone he already proposed to? This is no test to me, some guys could be like that.. Op, can't he do the two simultaneously? He can plan a small wedding while still laying the house foundation If I were in your shoe(can never be shaa), I wouldn't have chosen any answer considering he may be serious with the question..what if he builds the house for years?? You will keep waiting or what? Again, if he's someone that wants to jilt you(God forbid), he may keep telling you he's still building his house after all you chose it. If he isn't interested in the relationship anymore or isn't a fan of wedding, he should say instead of asking some useless questions.. Not taking his call is childish to me, how can you settle issues if not to talk them out? Good luck 5 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Grayz: 11:12pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.My dear it baffles me how some guys here misunderstood the whole issue. Thanks. |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by Grayz: 11:12pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
damiso: I actually don't see the need for the question ' our marriage is in your hands' like seriously.He expected her to say ok yes let's do wedding don't build a house'. Even the shallowest of girls (I think) will find it difficult to say let's spend the money meant for building a home on a wedding.My dear it baffles me how some guys here misunderstood the whole issue. Thanks for responding. |
Re: My Fiance Asked Me To Choose: House Or Marriage? by damiso(f): 11:16pm On Jul 28, 2014 |
alutacontinua: I no be old school when did I get married sef I just know now (from experience) that except your father or yourselves(bride and groom) are very rich weddings are not worth spending gazillions on.I paid for my wedding photographer and for that time it was quite a lot of money but when I hear how much people are paying these days on make up artiste alone sef you don't have to follow the crowd and impress people by using Atunbi for photography or Banke Meshida for your make up or Newton and David for your décor.It's not just about names I have told my sister softly softly on the Bella naija thing o hian We no get papa again o 3 Likes |
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