ZIMDRILL:


your are missing the half of the picture you would be more comfortable with your mum but you aint the one who needs nursing or help but the wife, therefore her mum is the best option to take care of her, while yourself you continue your chores as a man, where i came from, zimbabwe we have something similar, half way through her 1st pregancy a ceremony is done taking the daughter in law back to her parents untill she gives birth and sort of recovered to be able to do the house chores

the reason are many will list a few

1 some family have rituals they do while a daughter is pregnant, going back during that period gives the family to do such things
2 some women turn to be nasty and rude while pregnant the best person to deal with such mood swings is her mum
3 the best person to teach you a new role is someone you have known and trusted in this case it would be the wife's mum, how to bath the child, nursing her wounds etc and all this would be at her mums place, roughly the place she grow up at mentally it helps her
3 after birth her mum will take care of her and the baby untill she recovers and then the goes back to her husband

"as a man, i will be more comfortable having my Mum around" the question is, is it you or wife you needs the most help? and even if what you who has been operated your mum is not the best option either


to avoid all these wife and husband need to plan things i.e hubby take time off from work and help your wife, just forget your mum or her mum do it yourself

yuzjet: If common sense do exists between the two mothers, they should be able to choose between themselves.

But with African/Nigerian mentality, common sense might be hard to be used in this scenario. Its both mothers responsibilities though.

Btw, I first thought "omugo" (Silly Person) is what OP was referring to. To a lame man, omugo could also means eniti o go in Yoruba i.e. A Silly Person.

Or did I got it wrong?

EMMABC1:
Now let me correct both u and d Op. It is 'Omugwo' ( exclusively Igbo ) and NOT 'Omugo' unless d op meant another thing in another language.

UniqueGem: ok sire. Duly observed. Though i only meant if tradition Where to be bypassed. But ur own culture strong ooo.

UniqueGem: Read again. I clearly stated that a man has to give up his opinion if he wants his wife to be happy. Moreover all this can be settled if the two parents where around.

datalossvictim1: I'm the one mcheew

ZIMDRILL:


even if tradition would be bypassed, if you think deeply your not comfortable to your mum in law in the first few yours of marriage right! then what makes you think your wife would very comfortable to your mum especially when she is in such a condition healing scars and the new baby ?

common sense tells you that her mum or someone she grow up with

nikky341:
Ok.
I just think the first time needs to be handled delicately
I witnessed my best friend who I went to visit 2 days after giving birth and saw her down stairs fetching water by the well. I quickly rushed and carried the water For her, imagine my surprise when I reached her flat upstairs and saw her mother inlaw and sister inlaw in the sitting room watching film. I assumed they did not know when she went to fetch water. When I used long throat to ask her for my share of pepper soup she told me that she hadn't been able to go to market. Na so I start work no pat omogwu, the mother in law will birth the baby and carry the baby during the day. I had to go in the morning and sweep and wash clothes, go to market and cook, lunch for 3 and dinner for 4 plus pepper soup before I go home . I did this for 3 weeks before I started work by then she was able to adjust. The husband tried thanking me with money but I refused while explaining to him it's his wives rite and since no one was doing it I had to step in, he did not understand and cording to my friend he asked an Elder in the church who schooled him. By the second baby his mom came but her mom was there before the birth so it was so much better.
There was so much tension that it nearly ruined her relationship with her in laws. I just had to step in. Thank God for a neibour that was a nurse who helped with the nursing of her wound.
I never blamed the man's mom as she was elderly and did what she could but the sister?

sage2: I think it all depends on family professional, social and financial status. You don't expect a billionaire mother to leave her palacial mansion with all her galaxy of staff for an omugwo in one small boy's house, do you? Or do you expect mama peace(PEJ) to leave Aso Rock for omugwo when her recently married daughter give birth?

nikky341:
Ok.
I just think the first time needs to be handled delicately
I witnessed my best friend who I went to visit 2 days after giving birth and saw her down stairs fetching water by the well. I quickly rushed and carried the water For her, imagine my surprise when I reached her flat upstairs and saw her mother inlaw and sister inlaw in the sitting room watching film. I assumed they did not know when she went to fetch water. When I used long throat to ask her for my share of pepper soup she told me that she hadn't been able to go to market. Na so I start work no pat omogwu, the mother in law will birth the baby and carry the baby during the day. I had to go in the morning and sweep and wash clothes, go to market and cook, lunch for 3 and dinner for 4 plus pepper soup before I go home . I did this for 3 weeks before I started work by then she was able to adjust. The husband tried thanking me with money but I refused while explaining to him it's his wives rite and since no one was doing it I had to step in, he did not understand and cording to my friend he asked an Elder in the church who schooled him. By the second baby his mom came but her mom was there before the birth so it was so much better.
There was so much tension that it nearly ruined her relationship with her in laws. I just had to step in. Thank God for a neibour that was a nurse who helped with the nursing of her wound.
I never blamed the man's mom as she was elderly and did what she could but the sister?

UniqueGem: You really don't know beyond what u watch on TV's do you?

ferdimako:
Nobody shows up in my house! Current trend only few dare! That thing is for idle mothers...busy ones bring the daughter and kid to their homes. Change ur mentality.

Kelly32: Funny, there are certain values that we eschew highly in Africa that makes things a bit difficult for young couples. An example is this OMUGO. when these in-laws (with there attitude issues)come to claim there so called right during OMUGO, these young couples bear the brunt of there presence and when you respond to there inconsiderate actions, meaning are quickly read to your response, thereby making an already challenging marriage unbearable. I wish couples can just enjoy a certain level of freedom from these chains called TRADITION (OMUGO) and decide for themselves what they want.

yuzjet: If common sense do exists between the two mothers, they should be able to choose between themselves.

But with African/Nigerian mentality, common sense might be hard to be used in this scenario. Its both mothers responsibilities though.

Btw, I first thought "omugo" (Silly Person) is what OP was referring to. To a lame man, omugo could also means eniti o go in Yoruba i.e. A Silly Person.


Or did I got it wrong?

100Cents:

Is this English or Yoruba ?

teeboo:

some MIL can be terrible

5minsmadness: For goodness sake it doesn't matter!

But for ease of comfort, wife's mother should come first. Husband's mother can come and visit for a while day if she likes.
Shikena!