BABE3:

yes, some are just here to mock. As humans, we have this need to make ourselves feel better by judging others. It's innate and if it's not checked, it becomes a part of you to constantly judge and castigate.

There's a difference between what edwife is doing (asking genuine questions and passing comments) and what some others are doing. What's the meaning of "tufikwa: I can't imagine sharing my own husband.. "? Is that supposed to make the OP cry harder or envy you? (not you in particular).

The most important thing is that she's trying to make the best out of the situation (as a christian); what most cannot even do.

BABE3:

yes, some are just here to mock. As humans, we have this need to make ourselves feel better by judging others. It's innate and if it's not checked, it becomes a part of you to constantly judge and castigate.

There's a difference between what edwife is doing (asking genuine questions and passing comments) and what some others are doing. What's the meaning of "tufikwa: I can't imagine sharing my own husband.. "? Is that supposed to make the OP cry harder or envy you? (not you in particular).

The most important thing is that she's trying to make the best out of the situation (as a christian); what most cannot even do.

BABE3:

yes, some are just here to mock. As humans, we have this need to make ourselves feel better by judging others. It's innate and if it's not checked, it becomes a part of you to constantly judge and castigate.

There's a difference between what edwife is doing (asking genuine questions and passing comments) and what some others are doing. What's the meaning of "tufikwa: I can't imagine sharing my own husband.. "? Is that supposed to make the OP cry harder or envy you? (not you in particular).

The most important thing is that she's trying to make the best out of the situation (as a christian); what most cannot even do.

bellong:


Trust me, you can't finish this project you are aiming at starting.

Your ilks will be the first to cry foul when it eventually goes south....


Always keep quiet on a subject you have no idea or grasp.

macof:
Wat project? Wat ever u thinking is ur damned business just address my posts

Wat subject are you talking of? that christianity is against polygamy when it's characters were ok with it or what

edwife:


Can we just stop for a minute and think about the op?It is not about YOU and I.

tpia1:


do people know the op personally in order for them to leave their OWN problems and start commiserating with hers?


the story does not even sound real, most likely recycled especially with the way certain folks are rushing in with "much sympathy" for the "first" wife.

The op is well placed, she has her job, qualifications and whatever else she needs without depending on the man. Its up to her if she wants to put up with this behaviour or not. In african culture, when your husband brings additional wives, you put up with it whether you like it or not. If thats what she wants to do, then there's no need to table the matter on nl.

what exactly does she want to do?

All this talk about first wife is irrelevant, that does not matter and is inconsequential in the larger picture.

tpia1:


do people know the op personally in order for them to leave their OWN problems and start commiserating with hers?


the story does not even sound real, most likely recycled especially with the way certain folks are rushing in with "much sympathy" for the "first" wife.

the way i see it, she or whoever is in this situation, are only dealing with the loss of a husband. This can happen in many ways- through polygamy, cheating,becoming a widow, divorce, criminality, scamming, etc.

There are may single ladies out there, some are raising kids, not all are single because they are in the exact circumstances as the op.

Some women are married but the husbands are relentless skirt chasers day in day out, my point is everybody has their wn problems they are facing.

The op is well placed, she has her job, qualifications and whatever else she needs without depending on the man. Its up to her if she wants to put up with this behaviour or not. In african culture, when your husband brings a second wife, you put up with it whether you like it or not. If thats what she wants to do, then there's no need to table the matter on nl.

what exactly does she want to do?

All this talk about first wife is irrelevant, that does not matter and is inconsequential in the larger picture.

neither is it a matter of threatening others with "when they are in the same situation"- there are millions who never even marry and are happy with their choice.

ayinba1:

@tpia1

And here I was applauding you that you have become a more sensitive person. I think it is a true story. I also assume that you are single but are you happy? If yes, good for you. Now some people are single AND miserable, some are married AND miserable (not polygamy). What I wrote was not a "threat". Approach it with an open mind and you will agree that these are things that happen everyday.

The thread is not just for the OP but the rest of us.
Now if I say I am a second wife on this forum, can you imagine the type of posts people will put out here. It is true that a faceless forum will generate the deepest vile in some people but we can still try to not lose our humanity.
I think we should all be less judgmental, it makes for a more peaceful world and that is okay too.

tpia1:

its not everything you know dear.

[s]if your half siblings (are they your half or step siblings?)[/s] were to give their own stories, it might not mirror what you're claiming.

For you to assume your dad's kids were happy to be raised by your mum, shows you probably are not in tune with the real situation and their true feelings. Unless your mum had been the one raising them from infancy (and even then), there is bound to be bitterness and a grudge.

Its also possible the kids did not know each other for any significant length of time, and thus do not feel much familial bond or attachment to either the other siblings or the father (except in name). Your guess is as good as mine as to whether this is a better arrangement for polygamists. However, in the long run, from what I've observed, the psychological impact remains the same. So does the ambivalence towards the father.

nowadays, many reasons, including greed on the part of either or both the man and the women, low self esteem, missions, indiscipline, etc etc.

Most women feel proud to be able to say they snatched someone's man, it makes them believe they have something over the woman whose man was snatched, ie that they are better than her and she's lacking what it takes to keep a man.

Women are their own worst enemies, and love nothing more than seeing another woman's downfall.

carefreewannabe:

Just for your information and before you continue to pass judgements about a religion you obviously know little about, Abraham wasn't even Christian.

bellong:

Where in the bible did God say, people should practise polygamy?

I don't discuss religion in forums, I'd rather discuss issues as they affect daily living.

Christianity is not the major reason why polygamy is kicked against. Humans generally are territorial, and no one is happy sharing what should belong to him/her alone.

Meanwhile, Abraham's polygamy wasn't an intentional choice but more of an accident. The effect of it today is a good example that Polygamy births more if evil than good.

tintingz: and why was Abraham in the Christian book called bible.

tintingz: The men of God in the bible were all polygamous, no where God frowns at them.

Isaac who maintained the monogamy marriage, what did Rebecca the wife did to their sons?

carefreewannabe:

Are you a Christian?

Have you taken the time to study this religion?

If you answer both questions with a no, it's better you stop discussing it before you learn a few things about this religion.

I am not discussing Islam with Muslims because I am not too well informed, so please, do the same.

Shirley07:
The fact that he didn't want to bore his children with such story doesn't mean
he didn't have some unresolved issues.
My dad is also from a polygamous home and eventhough he and his siblings have a good relationship, he doesn't want such home for his family. I tell you, no one comes from such home unscathed!

tbaba1234:

Untrue generalization. Many people also come out scarred from monogamous homes. Many people have beautiful polygamous homes.

The reason why some men do not practise polygamy is simply because of finances or the responsibility involved.

TV01:
The obvious one you are in denial about.


Monogamy is superior simply because it gives equal agency to both partners and provides the ideal setting to meet their individual needs and requirements of their children. Polygamy does not enhance it in any way and introduces a slew of issues and potential problems.

Alternatively you can simply explain why monogamy is not superior or why polygamy is superior, instead of asserting it's just as good and merely a choice - like attending OAU or Harvard. Apologies to OAU'ites !


How glaring? And yet the girl who finds romance with someone else is not simply free to introduce fyneflyguy to the marital home? All you've done here is state that polygamy is about mens desires - as I've maintained all along.


I fully appreciate that some people, cultures, or religions practice it and that some jurisdictions have legalised it. Neither am I being prescriptive about it - merely descriptive. As you yourself have outlined, monogamy is superior - starting with it's fairness and equally valuing both parties.


Emotive and funny. In polygamy, the real choices are with the man. The womans choice is whether to accept the mans choice - which is no choice really.


And polygamy introduces complexes for women by it's very design. But of course, a "multiple" wife has to form differently or face the truth of her situation.


The most laughable part of all, polygamy is exactly that - all about what the men think !

All very emotive but with no real substance. And the people affirming your posts well know this - so don't comment.

And way to argue that men and their desires have primacy over women and their needs.


TV

Nope, polygamy by definition makes women inferior. In agency, in need and in worth. It's a little sad that a woman would actually argue for it.

TV

macof:

In other words Abraham shouldn't be a role model in christianity

It's either that or Christianity is hypocritical

tbaba1234:

In this life, we do not always get what we prefer , we sometimes have to make the best of what is.

That is the key to happiness.

bellong:

You can ask your question with decorum. Don't turn this thread to religious war. This is how it starts.

Be civil pls.