bukatyne:

Can you define the insult?

You are not a wife and you have good advices on polygamy? Nice

Get married to a man you love so much and want to build happily after with and have him marry a second wife (because he loves her so much) then come back to read all your posts on this thread.

TV01:
Widows can marry single people, divorcees or other widowers. And I refer specifically to "the younger widowers. At an age, many prefer to remain single.


As previous. And the remedy for one ill is not to introduce another.


As previous


As previous. And the remedy for one ill is not to introduce another.

A number of things here;

1. These are the stigma & misfortune that women face everywhere. Divorce and baby mama'ism are not best for a flourishing society. Losing a spouse is tragic, but it unfortunately happens. Should women with husbands venture to marry widowers? Or is that the prefered solution for widowers?

2. In all the case mentioned, the arrival of a new woman on another womans territory casues upheaval, at best the incumbent may manage the situation, but it is rearely the case that she sees it as best for her and her children.

3. As in the case in question - i.e. the OP - the vast majority of additional wives will not touch the categories outlined. Men typically accumulate younger, fresher wives - which also adds to the incumbents psychological trauma - lets not decieve anyone here.

We are men, we don't have a young pretty wife at home and then start coveting the older not-as-nubile woman outside. There would have to be another reason for that - riches, connections, prestige etc. - non of which are reasons to marry. And neither is the "charitable" reason you are insinuating.

Not more than marginally so - to them and society - and there are better and preferred solutions as well as greater costs than any benefit. Like I said the vast majority of additional wives do not fall into the categories you outlined. It's basically a wandering dick scam.


TV

yeyenatu:

He won't have reasons to. I don't judge. the instance I notice it, I would sit him down and not delude myself with 'he loves me too much'. Something someone is doing out there caught his attention, I will find out what it is and take it from there. If it can't be nipped, then we'd take the next step.

Even me don't like to share so I'm just gon' make him see reasons why I can't. If we can find a compromise, jolly good! If not, she can be a 'Mrs' outside my home. Simple!

yeyenatu: One: I don't know which point you are referring to. The one you want me to see or the one there is to see.

yeyenatu:
Two: superior in what ways? From what point of view? Monogamy means one man-one wife, right? Yeah... why not?! its fun, you can be carefree and relaxed and not bother as you are now the 'mrs'.!

yeyenatu:
But it doesn't make it better than the guys who thinks they found love somewhere else but would rather bring her home for his wife to accept or not accept, than abhor lustful thoughts every single period of oneness being shared. Nothing makes monogamy superior than polygamy. Each has its pros and cons. And choices, he takes her or he doesn't. She stays or she doesn't. Choices.

yeyenatu:
No one whose region doesn't allow it/explain it, should indulge in it. A wife married into a certain religion whose teachings give room to it shouldn't really cry foul. Should just hope for respect and understanding of her feelings by her man. Communication! Communication!!

yeyenatu:
Third: choices!!! We all have moments of sadness. It's not every time we have that "oh alalah' kind of feelings. Acceptance just makes things a lot easier in such situations. Human are general ever satisfied.

yeyenatu:
Four: a woman that has issues with her complex, regardless of the kind of marriage she is in, would still have issues. Inferior?! Really?! She is a being that has every right to do what makes her happy. Even if its leaving a marriage that is going to involve other people. I'm fabulous and firm. In whatever type of marriage, I WILL shine! It's a decision and a choice.

yeyenatu:
Fantasy marriage? Well, I don't give a rat's... about what men think of it. to each his own.

tintingz: Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies.
.

bukatyne:

Are you a Christian?

yeyenatu:

Twisted. This is why some People get all frenzied. That the younger fresh girl is going to get all the love. Smh! Chai! Long thing!

tintingz: Ofcos widows can marry single people, but in Nigeria men prefer fresh single ladies.

tintingz:
In many polygamy marriages wives don't live under same roof, things have change in these new age.

tintingz: and what her the reason to marry?

tintingz: some women who ran to men as second wife did for security, wealth etc you will see them with chiefs. .

tintingz: Please, can you state why women in polygamy marriage prefer the marriage than monogamy, why will a woman agree to be a second, third, forth wife of a man.

cococandy: And please poll 1st wives and ask them if they prefer polygamy. I'd wager that even those 1st wives who accept it, would not prefer it.


TV

tbaba1234:

In this life, we do not always get what we prefer , we sometimes have to make the best of what is.

That is the key to happiness.

yeyenatu:

One: I don't know which point you are referring to. The one you want me to see or the one there is to see.

Two: superior in what ways? From what point of view? Monogamy means one man-one wife, right? Yeah... why not?! its fun, you can be carefree and relaxed and not bother as you are now the 'mrs'.!
But it doesn't make it better than the guys who thinks they found love somewhere else but would rather bring her home for his wife to accept or not accept, than abhor lustful thoughts every single period of oneness being shared. Nothing makes monogamy superior than polygamy. Each has its pros and cons. And choices, he takes her or he doesn't. She stays or she doesn't. Choices.

No one whose region doesn't allow it/explain it, should indulge in it. A wife married into a certain religion whose teachings give room to it shouldn't really cry foul. Should just hope for respect and understanding of her feelings by her man. Communication! Communication!!

Third: choices!!! We all have moments of sadness. It's not every time we have that "oh alalah' kind of feelings. Acceptance just makes things a lot easier in such situations. Human are general ever satisfied.

Four: a woman that has issues with her complex, regardless of the kind of marriage she is in, would still have issues. Inferior?! Really?! She is a being that has every right to do what makes her happy. Even if its leaving a marriage that is going to involve other people. I'm fabulous and firm. In whatever type of marriage, I WILL shine! It's a decision and a choice.

Fantasy marriage? Well, I don't give a rat's... about what men think of it. to each his own.

TV01:
The obvious one you are in denial about.

TV01:
Monogamy is superior simply because it gives equal agency to both partners and provides the ideal setting to meet their individual needs and requirements of their children. Polygamy does not enhance it in any way and introduces a slew of issues and potential problems.

TV01:

Alternatively you can simply explain why monogamy is not superior or why polygamy is superior, instead of asserting it's just as good and merely a choice - like attending OAU or Harvard. Apologies to OAU'ites !

TV01:
How glaring? And yet the girl who finds romance with someone else is not simply free to introduce fyneflyguy to the marital home? All you've done here is state that polygamy is about mens desires - as I've maintained all along.

TV01:

I fully appreciate that some people, cultures, or religions practice it and that some jurisdictions have legalised it. Neither am I being prescriptive about it - merely descriptive.

TV01:
Complexes

tbaba1234:

In this life, we do not always get what we prefer , we sometimes have to make the best of what is.

That is the key to happiness.

cococandy: If a man wants to bring in another woman,don't hurt yourself by thinking someone out there is doing something better than you.
Wrong.
You could be perfect but as long as he's set his mind on the fact that you're not enough,he'll always find reasons to justify his lust.
If it was about what one's spouse is doing wrong,all men would have many wives to compensate for whatever fault each woman has. And all women would have many husbands to make up for what the others lack.

Good to know you CAN'T share.

yeyenatu:

Hehehehehe... hurt myself?! Looooonnnngggg thing!!!! I have my job and can independently care for my kids. I am not going to bring sadness into my life because a man finds his thing itching towards someone else. I didn't mean it in that contest. I meant that we are not perfect and always learning. Curiosity will make me want to know why. If it's just pure lust, why? What can be done?

if you're in love,it will hurt you honey. Badly.


No one just starts to develop lust in marriage. Come on!!!

it happens. Those men who cheat on their wives do so out of lust.(Or can you say they love all their girlfriends and buttycalls? It's lust. They only keep it away from their wives because their religion does not support it.so a man in a polygamous society doesn't have to hide his lust. He can just bring it home and rub it in the wife's face.

I'm not one to turn blind eye, i'm too keen not to notice a wandering dîck when I see one. So, I can remove him from the list of eligible bachelor's.

that could work

But my religion does allow it, and I know what I am into. Can only strive at being a good wife, not for him but because it makes life easier.

very well then





]

hglmkope: I am from a polygamous family but I have vowed and prayed that by the Grace of God I will not find myself in that situation in Jesus name. I am not just praying it, i am working towards it and I know that God will grant me the desires of my heart.

My mom and step mother had been staying and eating together under the same roof for almost 25 yrs now and in fact most people envy our type of polygamous home because we all live together in peace. I will give credit to my dad for that. He tries as much as possible to treat every of his children equally without giving much preference to either of his wives.
As a child, i detested the whole polygamy stuff and I remembered when I was 7 seven years, I asked my mom why she married my dad (my mum is the 2nd wife and she did not know until she was pregnant). I also told her that she could have walked away with her first child(my sister) when she knew.

During the early years of my life, i hated everything about my family but as I grew, i realised that this is the one thing that I can not change about my life. Ever since then, I love and treat every one with great admiration and respect.

Despite the fact that my family seems to live together in peace, I cannot deny that there were times where envying and strife set in especially when one child excel more than the other.
Take for instance, there was a time when myself and my eldest step brother went to write post UME in one University, I gained admission but he did not. I felt the friction between us during that time. We used to be very close but all of a sudden he was cold to me. I understood then and all I did was just to pray ceaselessly that God should grant him the desires of his heart and God did that just that.

Based on this experience and many others that I cannot share here, I have decided that polygamy is not an option for me. Conflicts among children with the same parents is more than enough. I do not want to compound issues for my unborn children.

freecocoa: *spreads camp bed*

My dad is from a polygamous home, grandpa married about 10 wives(i know 2 besides my grandma), my grandma was the no 9, hearing from my dad, aunts and uncles, it wasn't easy, till now, there's no unity amongst them, they don't even know where some of their step siblings are.

I don't believe anything good can come out of polygamy.

bukatyne:

How did your father marry his polygamous lifestyle with his religion (Christianity)?

The Bible frowns against it and been the husband of one wife is a mandatory pre-requisite for becoming an elder

macof:

And wat was Abraham thr so called father of your faith?

macof:

And wat was Abraham thr so called father of your faith?

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Mark 10:6-8 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

1 Corinthians 7:2-4 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Shirley07:
Are you a product of a polygamous home?

macof:

So ur dad isn't anything good

tbaba1234:

No,

cococandy: Does that apply to women alone?
If the wife is not measuring up,why can't he make the best of the situation instead of going out to have more and more of what he wants?

Shirley07:
That was my thought too.
To my best of knowledge, every male child from a polygamous home never dream of making such home for themselves!

tbaba1234:

It applies to everyone.

Your statement is based on the assumption that all men get married to multiple wives because of a failure of the first.

ok. So most do because they found new love? Ok. The old love can stay or leave if she wants. Either way the man's gotta have what the man's gotta have


That is not true.

And when I say, make the best of an unpreferred situation, that leaves you with options.

the devil or the deep blue sea. That's all the choice it gives the woman. Not much to chose from.

Stay if you can accept it, leave if you can't. Either way, make yourself happy knowing that the situation is not preferred.

and all because the man couldn't care less about she wants. It's gotta be about him.

You see, polygamy was an absolute necessity in some societies in the past. In agrarian communities, big families provided labour needed for survival.

in the past. In the past. In the past. Key word. IN THE PAST!


In some societies, it offers practical solution to problems, for instance in black america 70% of children are born outside wedlock. This is mainly because the ratio of men to women is unfavourably skewed.

first of all,it isn't. But let me indulge you and agree that it. What do you make of polygamous men who marry younger single ladies?
If it was all for charity,why don't they marry up all the old hags in town?
All single older ladies should be lined up and picked off the streets by these very generous and benevolent men. Not so?
But newer wives are almost always younger than the first wife
We are not decieved.

Many black men are in jail.

Polygamy is much better than having baby-mamas all over the place whom you have no obligation to.

as above. In addition,there's no difference. A woman in polygamy isn't better than a baby mama. How so?
Baby mams get the same benefit they do. Occasional attention from the baby papa,then he's off to see his other women.
Tsk tsk. Too bad.
At least a baby mama has some peace. No wife to compete with or fear of diabolical manipulations to get favor from the man more.
The two are wrong.
But
If I'm to chose,I'll be a baby mama

yeyenatu: Which is? You'd have to pinpoint it. So I can really get it.

yeyenatu:
issues are abound in every marriage, oga Ade.

yeyenatu:
equality is in the mind oooo. If she doesn't fee equal to him, he'd walk all over her regardless of the kind of marriage they are in.

yeyenatu:
There are children of monogamous homes that are way twisted than the kids from polygamous homes. Depends on how they are brought up by their parents. #parents# not the marriage per se.

yeyenatu:
So a father can't give love to his child because he has two wives? Or a father showers TLC on his wife and child only because he is in a monogamous marriage.

yeyenatu:
Fa fa foul!!!! I'm the love of my father's life ooo! In fact, we all are!!! I'm from a polygamous home, I don't have any regret having a step mum. She is awesome, to us and to her 'iyale'. Why? Upbringing! There brats brought up in some monogamous homes that shouldn't even be married sef. Jst saying#

yeyenatu:
none is superior. Superiority shouldn't even come into play here ni. Se finis!!

yeyenatu:
hmmmmm... now back to gender equality again. Religion allows it, so he has a choice to do it. She can leave the religion if it doesn't suit her life choices. And admiring other people? That's why I mentioned that 'people' are the one with the issh.

yeyenatu:
I'm not going to go into gender equality issh here. There is a religion that's allows more than one wife and there is one that doesn't. If you want to choose your faith because of your view on marital isshs, go for it!!!

yeyenatu:
Niqqa pls!!!!! That's just you saying women are inferior, got nothing to do with the issue of marriage or its types.

yeyenatu:
I say what I wanna say. If it's agreeable to people? Jolly good. It can also be frowned at by others. But it's my opinion. Not saying it to dîkk ride. Are you?

tatiana009: It's very easy to paint a rosy picture of something when you're not the one living it. Please let's hear from first wives because usually they are the ones who receive the short end of the stick

carefreewannabe:

It doesn't really matter how many wives and concubines he had as the New Testament states that it should be one wife and wife husband.



Just saying.