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A Thread For 2016 Brides and Grooms To Be / Polygamy: Why Men Marry More Wives. / A Thread For Ladies Who Want To Get Married (2) (3) (4)
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Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 5:30pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: I can ignore but will the op do the same? Thanks,i will be glad if she can come back because i have many questions and also because she already accepted her faith,we can but try to be that support system she is looking for. Please no one should take offence. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 5:33pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
edwife: She has been answering your questions so far. I also hope, she will continue. I am very peaceful. I feel for her. She is a nice woman. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 5:37pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: Yes she is. thanks. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Lumpyy(f): 5:53pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Please people ds debates cant help d Ops case anymore,none of u is even in polygamy so u cnt talk frm experience,kindly create another thread for ur arguments abeg ! Op d lord will uphold and direct u,so sorry u are goin tru such! 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 5:58pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Pikabeau, u r vely vely stingy! Haba! There is roff in sharing o I wish I can read all. Very healthy and interesting debate. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by bellong: 6:00pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
ayinba1: My experience may not be close but it is similar to countless sour polygamous homes. As per your husband married to his mum, I still maintain it is a different ball game. You knew he was mummy's boy before marrying him unlike one springing up surprise by bringing another woman home. You cannot compare oranges with banana 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 6:11pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
What's with all this debate na? You guys should leave the OP to pour her hearts out on this thread. Dear OP, I've got a few questions for you: - Was your husband cheating with this lady, prolly got her pregnant and decided to marry her? Or he just woke up one morning and decided you are not enough for him anymore? - You said you noticed your hubby was sleeping alone? In a seperate room? What prompted that? Did you guys have a serious misunderstanding? What did you do to remedy that? - Did you in anyway or at anytime come off as being ok with ploygamy? What must have given him the effontory? Did you give such vibe? - Do you think he had all these well planned out from the beginning? Or it was just a mistake and he decided to legalise the union? - Have you two really talked about this? What did he say are his reasons? Does he still love you? Somany questions in my head as I really really cannot wrap my head around this situation. I can even understand when a Muslim man does it. Their women at some point also expect it. But for a Christian? Hmmnn. . . Must this woman be brought in to live with you? Must your husband rub it all in? Must you be reminded of her every second of the day? Please and please, let hubby get another apartment for her. Get comfy with her from afar first. If you now feel she's someone you want "in house" you can now decide to take her in. In all you do, please consider your sanity. If you are financially capable of caring for your kids single-handedly and you think you can cope alone, please consider seperation. I can only imagine the emotional turmoil you're going through. Not what anyone will wish for. It is well. . . 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 6:20pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
bellong:Let it go. This is not useful to anyone |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 6:23pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
@yeyenatu, I've been reading your posts from the beginning and wondering where you were coming from, till I read the part you said your sister is a second wife. Now, it makes sense. Defending your sister's act huh? God dey the matter. Generally speaking, I donot have any problems with polygamy, as long as the first wife consented to it before she married her husband. Any man that wants to be polygamous should make this known to his first wife from the get go. If the woman still feels she's cool with it, then no problem. My grouse is with men that pull off unpleasant surprises on their first wives. There is no deserving punishment other than hanging. And if one decides to be kind; castration. I donot know what I will do to such a man, but I'm very very sure his life will not remain thesame. 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by GodsDivinefavor(f): 6:52pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Am the owner of the thread and will always come around, all the contribution are beneficial not only to me but everybody. Let calm some nerves... I have a Msc in botany and more educated than hubby who only have a first degree. He his financially better than I do cos he owns a haulage company which is doing well. We got married legally and am empowered by law which me, hubby and both families are aware of. But my mum spoke with me, she said a lot which really is reason behind my "stupidity". Like I said ealier, law aside and education to the marine...I know myself even without those weapon, I can be brutal. I guess mum knows her daughter too well, that must have accounted for the role she played. Sincerely, I might have lost everything including job,kids,hubby and my life if I reacted the way my normal me would have. I just hope I get the grace to carry on. NB: I got everybody pm, but not now. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:02pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Phema: @yeyenatu, I've been reading your posts from the beginning and wondering where you were coming from, till I read the part you said your sister is a second wife. Now, it makes sense. Defending your sister's act huh? God dey the matter.act? You made it sound like it's a vice. when did marrying someone you love become a vice? Polygamy is better than marrying 5 times to different persons, and siblings won't even know who is who. Labeled according to the duration. "Which one is your own mum? 1988 to 1990? Isn't that Bisi?" Naaaa! And it's not that horrible thing that you now blame the new 'lady' for. That's where most first wives miss it. That kind of mindset has already sowed something in you towards the lady. Even if she is the sweetest, you would always find fault in your heart towards her. Thus frustrating her effort, unconsciously. Which is wrong. @OP: please, just expect a new person come to spend time with you in your home. And if you are muslim, you already know that the religion allows it. "Mati ara eniyan mi se Olorun." it is what It is. It happens. There are testimonies of people living as peaceful as their individualities can allow, that's the kind you should look out for. After all, she IS coming in. Create a space in your heart to allow yourself be open-minded and still be your normal self. Don't judge yourself wrongly because he decided to have a second wife. Don't start looking for what is not lost, you may find what you don't want to find. All the best dear. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by ayinba1(f): 7:11pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
GodsDivinefavor: Am the owner of the thread and will always come around, all the contribution are beneficial not only to me but everybody. Please do not sell yourself short. I have not met you but "stupiditty" is not a word that applies to you. You have displayed a lot of wisdom in your posts May God strengthen you. I want to point out some areas where you may feel some effects When outsiders (some married women) learn of your situation, they might view you differently They might behave to you differently Some might want to cut off ties Some will stay with you but their advice may be very contrary to what your mother advised. But you will find friends that will respect you (regardless of their own marriage) and admire your strength. They will provide you with tips on how to make things work Don't lose sight of communication And please stay with him if you still love each other and he treats you and your kids well. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by BlackBaron: 7:14pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Hmmn... Polygamy. Not my cup of tea. The cracks if there was never any, suddenly sprouts up on the demise of the father. Not a legacy I'm prepared to bequeath to my unborn children! I'm not from one but great grandfather and grand father practised it or a loose form of it. Not conducive, the aftereffects... It only took a couple of speech/speeches/exchanges from someone after my grandpa's passing on to send faultlines wider than the Grand Canyon in between. 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia: 7:14pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Was the op previously married? Not getting the your kids part, I didn't read all the write ups. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:15pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Not when one of them is sane and knows what family is about. Not Al fights should turn into claw sharpening theatricals. It's immature and such a wife should be divorced. But, if he has enough money. Two flats in the same compound so the kids can hand out together and relate. Then that's good enough. Build what up? You mean the furniture? Interior decor? Or his career? How you helped him make his money? And spend it wisely? If Al those were done for anything other than because you are being a good wife, then that is Very selfish of you as a wife. Oh, maybe you mean the TLC from him is now half. Well, compliment it with the one from your kids. It's undiluted and pure. Try not to spoil it with rivalry and selfish reasons of 'she coming to enjoy what you built.' What if her coming even make things better? You never can tell. Fate is a funny woman with plenty tricks. @...I don forget what your nick is. YYN pickabeau1: 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia: 7:15pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
BlackBaron: Hmmn... Polygamy. Its cultural, its very difficult to practice in some cultures but easier in others. 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:22pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
God bless you!!!! This is more like it!!! Define yourself as the one who is in charge of the house, including her. Take that stand and be firm. Be more than a wife now, be THE wife. ayinba1: 1 Like |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by rezzy: 7:25pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
@Op, i just pray the new lady coming in is not diabolic. That's my worst fear. 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:26pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
@Yeyenatu, I've stated the only way polygamy can be accepted. So if, your sister's husband had an agreement with his first wife that he will, along the line, marry more wives, then your sister is "cleared" of the "act". If not. . . Oh well, that is my personal opinion. Did I read you say "love"? Lol. Again, God dey the matter. Like I said, I only just wanted to understand where you were coming from. I do now. 6 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:36pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Phema: @Yeyenatu, I've stated the only way polygamy can be accepted. So if, your sister's husband had an agreement with his first wife that he will, along the line, marry more wives, then your sister is "cleared" of the "act". If not. . . Oh well, that is my personal opinion.yes love. My father loves his wives. My sister's Hussy loves his wives. Whether or not, there was a discussion isn't my business. I don't put my nose in affairs that's not my business. Or judge same. Unless you know them personally, then I see no reason for the 'tinge of sarcasm' I kind of sensed in your response. Even if they are twenty, there is still love in play. Living with one wife all through your life doesn't mean that 'love' is the sole pedestal keeping the marriage steady. You don't know what else he is doing out there, while he is saying 'I love you' to you every day. YYN 5 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by touchmeder: 7:38pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Yeyenatu perhaps it is a lot easier 4u 2 stomach n digest cos of ur religious belief (I see ur signature n so I infer). However op stated quite clearly her husband is a christian (I didn't c wer she is not but I stand 2b corrected). Op can u insist dis lady stays outside ur home? Can u go ahead with dis agreement but insist on that? 4 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by BlackBaron: 7:41pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
tpia:Indeed it may be cultural, but alas our people sort of damn the consequences of which they were once carrying. My great F was a very wealthy man, had quite a bit andmmuch more. Once he died, others were shut off. My grand was from the first wife and also the first son. Connivance rubbed him of his inheritance. The eventual benefactor's generation still enjoys the proceeds till this day. They can all choose to sit at home and still be comfortable...talking about inheritance since 1930-40! |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by TV01(m): 7:44pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
yeyenatu: Define yourself as the one who is in charge of the house, including her.Really? The one who had any semblance of authority in the home or equity in the relationship grasped from her - cruelly and against her will -should now form "Lady at the Top"? And the new wife - who everything suggests will at least for now be more favoured - will just accede to that? yeyenatu: Take that stand and be firm. Be more than a wife now, be THE wife.You can only be "the wife", if you are the only wife. Neither they or anyone following - which is still a possibility se? - have any stand. The battle is for favour, not authority. Talking up situations and chest thumping does not change reality. Don't glorify what is wrong, aspire to what right. TV 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 7:44pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
crackhaus: |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:46pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
yeyenatu: yes love. My father loves his wives. I think what she's trying to say is try and see things from the eyes of the first wife. When a man brings in another women when his wife always thought it would be just the 2 of them forever then it is a betrayal and yes the new wife has contributed in making another woman unhappy. That she is managing the situation doesn't mean she is happy about it. Read the OPs posts and see the kind of feelings she has, those are feelings of many first wives. They manage the situation but I'm sure they feel sadness from time to time since for most of those women that was not the life they wanted.Any man who wants to be polygamous should discuss it with the wife during courting so she can decide if that's a life she wants. By the way people should stop talking like some polygamous men don't cheat. How do most of them find the new wives if not that they were already cheating with the woman a lot of 2nd wives are even brought in because of pregnancy. 10 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:51pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
I so much feel for this @op. Gosh! Just imagine the emotional trauma. That is all I can deduct from all her posts. She felt betrayed and used. @op, u r a good woman(observing from ur posts). I really don't know what to tell u. May u have grace to carry on. And to my good friends defending polygamy, I hope u all can see the true feelings of the first wife as it is clearly shown in this thread. This is d one we saw, what about millions of them? Suffering and smiling all in d name of religion and culture. Rnt some things supposed to be outdated for real now? Its just so sad. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:54pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Phema: @Yeyenatu, I've stated the only way polygamy can be accepted. So if, your sister's husband had an agreement with his first wife that he will, along the line, marry more wives, then your sister is "cleared" of the "act". If not. . . Oh well, that is my personal opinion.Preach sister! Preach! Man's inhumanity to man. Yet we blame govt always. 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by cococandy(f): 7:57pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
She speaks like it would be easy to assert authority over a full grown woman coming in to live with one as the newly found favorite who's giving what the first wife lacked in the first place to warrant such occurence. The best she can pray for is that the new woman is peaceful and willing to accommodate. TV01: 3 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by Nobody: 7:58pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
TV01:I'm happy some men here outrightly condem this injustice to fellow human. Kudos. Where r those men that carry polygamy for head? Come and argue ur case with fellow men. Again, man's inhumanity to fellow human all because of culture and religion. And by d way, I was told we used to go naked in d olden days, so how come we r covering up now? Yeyebrity at its peak. 2 Likes |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by edwife(f): 8:04pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
Yawn.... Godsdivinefavor please if it is possible for you to open a diary as suggested by pickabeau earlier,where you can talk about what you are going through,pour your heart. Where there is need of advices or questions we will figure out how to reach you. Be strong and don't forget that you are the one living it,don't allow anyone who does not understand your stand makes you feel different or bad. It is well with you and your children. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tpia: 8:22pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
BlackBaron: Inheritance wars in africa are usually deadly, wise people are careful when confronted with such. Imo, polygamy is simply a very effective means of population and lineage control, its quite common for polygamous families to knock each other off by various ways and means over the years without too many eyebrows being raised. |
Re: A Thread For "Everything Polygamy"! by tintingz(m): 8:36pm On Sep 23, 2014 |
bukatyne:where in the bible did God frowns at polygamous men? @topic I grew up in a well good polygamous home, there are challenges tho(ofcos every family face challenges). My father did his best to keep us united, i never experience any conflict. 3 Likes |
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