How to Overcome Shyness

Does the simple thought of talking in front of people make
you want to stick your head out the window after a shower
in hopes of getting a cold? If so, you are far from alone.
Many people in the world suffer from mild to extreme
shyness and are struggling to overcome it. Remember that
breaking out from that shell doesn't magically happen
overnight. It takes time, effort, and of course, the desire to
change. You're on the right track by just being on this page...now let's keep going.

So to kick us off, I want you to think about where you put your attention...

1) Focus outwards, away from your shyness

Shyness makes us self-absorbed. This is descriptive, not judgemental. Shy people can feel they have 'nothing to say', that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and soul of the party.
But consider this:
People love you when you find them interesting. Overcoming shyness isn't about suddenly thinking you're great. It's more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward. Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions such as: "How do you know Kathy?" (if Kathy is throwing the party J) or: "I live next door. Are you one of Kathy's tennis friends?"

This:
- Gives you something to talk about.
- Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you).
- Takes your attention off yourself.

Until shyness fades more completely, the next tip
will also help you out.

2) Prepare properly

Once shyness has gone you won't need to do this;
but whilst you still feel shy, practice preparing
topics of conversation. If you have an idea of the
type of people that are going to be at a gathering,
then do a little homework.

If you feel shy at work, look out for interesting news
items over the weekend and bring them into
conversation on Monday.
Get into the habit of remembering what people
have told you and referring back to it as future
conversation starters: "Hey John, you know you
were saying you wanted to see that film? Well I saw
last night that it's now playing at The
"No More Shyness" Cinema!" or: "Jane, you were
telling me that your daughter loves the circus;
apparently there is a circus coming to town next
week..."

But overcoming shyness isn't just about talking
more.

3) Send the right signals

Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, aloof, or 'stuck up'. Shyness can make us look unapproachable.
Research has found that we find people who smile and look directly at us more attractive. And people are 86% more likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the street if they are smiling.

Another benefit is that smiling even when you don't feel like it actually makes you feel better – which can lead to real smiling. An important point here: If you smile at someone and they don't smile back, that is not your problem. We can't make anyone accept our friendliness any more that we can make someone like us through sheer force.

4) Focus on putting other people at their ease

I've seen so many people who suffered from arachnophobia – fear of spiders. The trouble was, I had a fear of spiders myself! But rather than working on myself directly, I found that working to lift other people's fear magically lifted my own. The point here is that by focusing on putting other people at their ease, you'll find that you feel much more comfortable. Notice who seems a little more diffident or anxious and work to help them feel more relaxed.

hmmmmm..