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| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:49am On Oct 06, 2014 |
#3: Boredom I think that boredom is the most common cause of infidelity with women. What do women want? At the core, they want connection and they want adventure. And unfortunately, most men are not able to provide both – or even one – of these things for a sustained period of time. And when a woman gets bored, she looks for stimulation – in every sense – from some other guy. This is probably the most jarring form of infidelity out of the four because so often guys simply don’t see it coming. And to add insult to injury, the guys on the receiving end of this are usually, nice, solid, hard-working guys. So how do you spot the potential of a bored girl who might cheat on you? Like this: She will talk about how you guys are stuck in a “rut,” “routine” or “the same old things”. She will tell you about how her friends have been going salsa dancing or skydiving or traveling with their boyfriends. She will talk about how you work too much, or are always with the guys, or don’t give her enough of your attention. She will mention how you used to be so “spontaneous”, or “adventurous”, or “affectionate”. She will often use the phrases “We should just go somewhere.” or “We should get away.” She will give subtle hints about things she’s always wanted to do. She may even say she’s getting bored. She may start going to bars and clubs without you. She may start to spend time with other guys. She may then talk about how much fun she’s been having with Guy X or Guy Y and say that you should join next time. If you fail to join, she may stop inviting you to go out with her altogether. She may then become distant, always on her phone texting one guy or another. Preventing infidelity from boredom is largely reliant on your ability to be spontaneous and to set out a consistent path of growth both individually and mutually with the girl. Regardless of whether you’ve been with a girl for two years, you’re engaged to her, or you’re even married, you never stop dating your significant other. So even if you’re secure in the relationship, you should never be so secure that you stop spicing things up and you let the priority of your relationship fall by the wayside. Because there’s always a guy out there who’s smarter than you, richer than you, more handsome than you, and smoother than you. So if you don’t keep your girl always wanting to come back for more, you’ll drive her straight into his arms. Also, keep in mind that work can be the biggest obstacle to a healthy relationship. A lot of quality girls cheat on their men because the man simply isn’t around. He’s always traveling or at the office because of work and essentially forgets about his relationship. So if you have a really demanding job, keep in mind that you’ll have to try that much harder to make your girl feel appreciated. And if you have been worried about your girl getting bored: now you know how to spot the warning signs.
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| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:52am On Oct 06, 2014 |
#4: Loving Another The last variety of infidelity is the most humbling and disheartening. Sometimes a girl will leave her boyfriend, fiancé, or husband because she truly and legitimately loves another man. The hardest part about this scenario is that she rarely harbors ill will toward her current beau, and in fact often cares about him a great deal. And it’s this fact that makes this situation perhaps the most painful of all. The girl feels guilty because she cares about her current significant other and doesn’t want him to be hurt, and even wants to maintain some type of relationship with him in many cases. The significant other feels hurt because his girlfriend cheated on him, but in many cases he knows that she is a quality girl and he can’t actually be upset because he understands that she sincerely loves someone else. He’s conflicted because he wants to be with her but also wants her to be happy. He knows how terrible it would be to lose her, but how much worse it would be to make her stay and have her heart truly lie in someone else’s hands. The lover feels guilty because he understands that the other guy is a quality individual, and he sees how much the situation is paining the girl. However, he knows that he makes the girl truly happy and he’s wishing to neatly expedite the process of being with her. However, deep down he’s wondering to himself how faithful the girl would be to him if she is leaving someone she cares about to be with someone she cares about, but nevertheless cheated with. I’m honestly not sure there is a way to spot this type of infidelity. Maybe the girl will be around less and will seem generally more distant, but if she genuinely cares about both guys, she’ll keep the other lover a secret until she decides what she wants to do. But she will eventually tell you. Your best bet is to deal with the situation to the best of your ability, which I will cover in the next section. As an aside, don’t get this kind of infidelity confused with boredom. Even if a girl eventually falls in love with a guy she cheated with, if it started because of boredom, then the cause was boredom and not a legitimate love off the bat. Boredom that turns into love will make the girl much more bitter toward her original guy. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:54am On Oct 06, 2014 |
Dealing With Infidelity: Desperation: Know When to Call it Quit I knew in my heart of hearts that I should’ve called it quits with the girl who cheated on me (though, the second chapter was much better. Later down the line she calmed down and we became friends with benefits, as I turned her into a nympho. But, that’s a story for another day). I saw the signs and I ignored them because I was in a scarcity mentality. You have to know that you are a man of value and never forget that. If there’s a fundamental decision that you and your girl disagree on, that’s usually a telltale sign that you should go your separate ways. Don’t let things get to the point where you both need to be hurt and then forced to separate. Revenge: Have Integrity I don’t have to talk to our readers about being a man of value. If you don’t give your girl a reason to exact revenge on you, then you won’t have to worry about this category. Boredom: Be a Man of Value Boredom is all about prevention. If you keep things fresh, fun, and meaningful for the girl, then you shouldn’t have a problem. You must understand that a relationship is an evolution, and that she expects the two of you to evolve together. When that stops – when you stop inspiring her – then she’ll look for that meaning and adventure from someone else. Loving Another: Let Go This is the hardest one of them all and I’m not going to sugar coat and pretend like it isn’t. But if you know in your heart of hearts that she would be happier with someone else, then you have to let go. Do have a nice day ahead. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:44am On Oct 08, 2014 |
What is an ‘Emotional’ Affair? If you’re a man new to relationship dynamics or on the younger/more inexperience side of things, you may be asking: what is an emotional affair and why does it even matter? Well, before we answer this question we must lay out a basic tenet about women. Women are driven by their emotions above all else. And he who directs her emotions directs the girl. So with that being said, if you’re not the man in her life who is the main mover and shaker of her emotions, then you could be in for a world of hurt. So what is an emotional affair? An emotional affair happens when an attached girl starts getting her primary emotional validation and emotional investment from a man other than her boyfriend or husband. And as a result, she often starts to develop feelings – both romantic and sexual – for the second man who is not her significant other. Why do emotional affairs matter? They matter because they could be a tell tale sign of some serious issues in your relationship. Moreover, although they may not start out as physical, if a girl is giving tons and tons of investment to a guy who is not the guy she is attached to, it is very easy for this dynamic to transfer from mere talking to something physical. Even worse, if this situation does occur, because the girl is simply yielding to her emotions, she will find a way to rationalize her actions and find fault in the boyfriend/husband for forcing her to be led astray Just a Figurehead Throughout the history of various republics that started off having a monarch or emperor, the emperor was in almost all cases steadily stripped of his power by a parliament or governing body until his only influence over the people was just that of a mere figurehead. And this is exactly what happens to the boyfriend/husband when a new man comes along and monopolizes his girl’s emotions. He still gets to call himself her boyfriend, and take her out, and maybe even get physical with her, but in terms of her true desires and who has the real power in her life, the boyfriend is just a figurehead. I’ve had a couple of serious girlfriends throughout my journey of seduction. And these were very emotion-driven, growth-driven relationships where each of the girls became very attached to me and to the relationship. This combined with the fact that girls consider me to be a high-value man and a man who is a good lover (an invaluable skill) means that these girls have stayed attached even long after our relationships were said and done. Each of these girls is in a relationship in their own right, yet they constantly call me to tell me about how much they miss me, how they want to go on adventures, how I should be more invested in their lives, and how they aren’t sexually fulfilled. Sometimes they even try to sext me or have phone intimacy. And their boyfriends carry idly on, not aware of any of the background actions that their “innocent girlfriends” are taking, all the while smiling as they think that everything is moving perfectly smoothly. To be honest, it’s a bit of a strange feeling to be on the other end. It’s very validating and makes you feel like you’re doing something right, but as you might imagine, it makes you feel bad for the man on the other end. No man likes being made a fool, and I can empathize for the guys who will inevitably have their worlds crashing down on them in one way or another. Or even worse… never find out at all. But the key as a boyfriend is to recognize the signs before it even gets to that point. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:47am On Oct 08, 2014 |
Emotional affairs don’t happen instantaneously. Like anything insidious, there are some clear signs in the beginning that build up over a period of time. So as the main man in her life, you’ll have to learn to look for these signs in your relationship. 1. She Talks About One Man Way Too Much It’s completely normal for a girl to have other men in her life. However, if your girl starts talking constantly about some guy, saying: How great he is How he has a great perspective on life How any woman would be lucky to have him How he is handsome How he dresses so well Now, any of these things by themselves shouldn’t be a point of concern. But when you start to hear two or three of them, and you start to hear them constantly, you should take note and pay attention. 2. She Spends Too Much Time on/with One Guy Having your girl constantly talk about another guy should definitely be a point of concern. But if she starts spending boatloads of time with him, that should definitely raise a red flag. Even if you’re certain that she would never cheat on you, the fact that she’s spending large amounts of time with another guy could be an indicator of the weakness in your relationship, and her desire to get fulfillment – in one way or another – from another man. And keep in mind: she doesn’t have to spend a lot of time with him in person to potentially be having an emotional affair. In fact, I’d say that in this digital age, a lot of emotional affairs happen when a girl starts spending a lot of her time on calls, texts, and messages with one guy. What she needs, i.e., emotional validation, does not need to happen in person. As a man in a relationship, it’s always tricky to deal with your girl spending time with other guys. In fact, I am of the belief that the way a girl handles the other men in her life is a huge indicator of the quality of girlfriend or wife she’ll make. 3. She Starts Being Cold or Unavailable Women are certainly masters of deception, but if you’ve spent a good amount of intimate time with a girl, it’ll be pretty easy to notice if she starts treating you differently. And even if you don’t notice it on a conscious level, it’ll still give you a “weird feeling” that you won’t be able to articulate but know that you should pay attention to. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:52am On Oct 08, 2014 |
Emotional Affairs: Prevention and Coping As the old saying goes: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And this could not be more true for preventing emotional affairs. If you set clear expectations in the beginning, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of fire fighting in the long run. 1. Set Relationship Goals and Expectations It may sound weird or overly business-like to do this, but setting relationship expectations at the outset of a journey with a girl is an important aspect of finding success and happiness. Every relationship I’ve been in that I reflect on positively had an element of setting clear goals in the beginning. This is especially important for casual hookups in the West. That’s not to say that you have to tell her you’re planning on sleeping with other girls, but if you like being single, make that clear so that she doesn’t get the wrong idea. That way, no one has to be surprised when one person acts this way or that, and no one has to wonder where the lines are drawn and what does or doesn’t fly. Also, when you set expectations in the beginning, it gives you the ability to have a pretty clear idea as to when the relationship has run its course. So if you want to cure an emotional affair – start by preventing it. This way, each party will get everything they need out of the relationship, and you won’t have to sit there with a dumbfounded look and hands on your head wondering what went wrong. 2. Keep Improving as a Man It’s an unfortunate fact of relationships that a lot of girls engage in emotional affairs with other guys simply because they get bored with their boyfriend or husband. Maybe their sex life gets stagnant and repetitive. Maybe the interactions become mundane and uninspired. Maybe her view of her man changes to disappointment or indifference. The only way to combat any of these feelings in a girl is to not only be a man of value, but to keep increasing your value as time goes on. The good news is that as a man, this feat really isn’t that hard to accomplish. As long as you keep setting goals for your life, keep exercising, keep reading, and keep acting, you should continue to be on an upward trajectory. If you had to remember three things, just remember to stay: Driven Dominant Sexy 3. Communicate and Stay Invested in Her “You’re not the guy you were at the beginning of our relationship!” is the constant tune I hear many women espousing to their men. That’s because guys place themselves in a really tricky situation. Because they’re compelled by infatuation, new experiences, and the desire for sex, many men put a lot of effort into being with a girl when they first enter a relationship with her. And without constant effort, it’s really easy for a girl to feel neglected or tossed by the wayside. And when girls feel this way, they look for a different man who will make them feel desired and put in the extra effort. So make sure you stay invested in her well-being. That doesn’t mean that you have to do something over the top every day, but it does mean to do little things to show her that you do still care. And if your feelings about her or the relationship change in any way, it means that you have a responsibility to communicate with her and vice versa so that you can build bridges with one another. Bottom Line: Dealing with the prospect of an emotional affair can be confusing and maddening, but if you take the time to set up a good relationship foundation in the beginning, and understand what your girl needs, you won’t have to find yourself in this situation. But if you do, keep your frame as a man and know that it will all work out in the end.  |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:23am On Oct 20, 2014 |
God, Father, Lover, Crush The fact is, EVERY woman you meet is going to have SOME guy in her life, in SOME capacity. There is some man who is important to her who is “limiting” her choices in men in some way. The thing about approaching though is this: you’ve got to learn to disregard these men as abstractions and approach away, anyway. Just because you don’t see him, doesn’t mean he isn’t there. From the start of my seduction career, I made it a point to come across as completely open, accepting, and non-judgmental as I possibly could with girls. Especially after sleeping together. What I wanted was to learn as much about women’s true natures as I possibly could... because most of what I knew was from books and television shows, and I knew that every one of those carried the slant of the writer. I quickly found out that human relationships are a very messy thing. What I expected going in as a novice was that the women I would meet and sleep with would be: - Completely single, and - All looking for relationships My assumption was, if a woman sleeps with you, it’s either because she’s totally single and thinks you might make a good boyfriend, or because she’s totally single and you seem like you might make a good fling. Instead, what I learned was that there are always men of moderate to significant importance in the life of every woman you meet. Sometimes, women will tell you directly about these men, if you help them to feel comfortable enough. Other times though, these men are invisible. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:30am On Oct 20, 2014 |
Every woman you meet has a man influencing her, guiding her choices, and making her more inclined or less inclined to date and sleep with other men: Her boyfriend Her husband Her lover Her crush Her father Her brother Her god This can be an alien thing to realize when you’re a man starting out. It may be the case that you have no woman in your life at all who is affecting your mating choices and activities. And, especially when we’re inexperienced in a thing, we tend to fill in all the blank holes of our (lack of) understanding of that thing by projection of our own selves... in this case, sexually and romantically inexperienced men usually assume that women are just like them. When you are as I was starting out, and you have no women influencing your day-to-day life, and you don’t otherwise have a highly developed mental model of the opposite sex, you will find yourself assuming that girls are like you: totally single, uninfluenced by anyone else, every decision they make completely of their own volition without having to take into consideration any complicating variables. But in fact, there’s probably not a woman on Earth who is uninfluenced by some at least moderately important relationship with a man in her life. There’s just no getting away from it. It might be that a girl has a boyfriend (though just because she says she has a boyfriend doesn’t mean she absolutely does); it might be that she has a secret lover she’s told no one about. It might be that there’s some guy from her school, work, or social circle that she’s crushing on in a major way, and dreaming about getting married to and having babies with (or just having him come scoop her up and give her a night of passionate, sheet-drenching love making). It might be that she talks to her brother almost every day, or that she has lunch with her father every week and talks about life with him. It might be that she’s a religious girl, and her relationship with her god is one of the most important relationships in her life. You might find such things out, either on a date or after you first sleep with a girl, if you both make her comfortable and have a girl who likes to talk about herself openly and dislikes secrets. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:34am On Oct 20, 2014 |
The men who are close to a woman have an assortment of different effects on her: They can alleviate some of her needs They can drive her to meet men like them They can drive her to meet men unlike them Aside from the limited emulating of preferred character traits mentioned above that you can do after eliciting values from a girl about the men in her past, not that much. You have no control over who the other men in the lives of women you haven’t even met yet are, or what sorts of relationships they have. You have no way to know that that woman walking down the street has a father she’s close to, or a good male friend, or a supportive brother, or a boyfriend, or a husband, or some fellow she’s crushing on hard. The only thing you can know is that every woman you meet has another man in her life. Period. End of story. You won’t meet a blank slate... they aren’t out there. If you’ve been using the “Yeah, but what if she has X male figure in her life?” as an excuse to not approach, you’ve got to drop it, because every woman around you has some kind of important male figure in her life. Every girlfriend I’ve had had a close male friend, men she was going on dates with, or a family member she was close with when I first met her. Plenty of other girls I’ve slept with and didn’t get to know nearly as well as those I’ve had relationships I never the less heard about from them or found out about later having lovers, boyfriends, or husbands at the time we got together, as well as men who were chasing after them, guys they had crushes on, and the like. Every woman has men in her life in some close capacity at all times. There just aren’t women that go live reclusive lives without important male figures in them just because. Even the strongest, most independent women you’ll meet have men in their lives. There’s always another man in her life. Don’t stress it – just put soles to pavement and go say “Hi” regardless. 3 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:47am On Oct 20, 2014 |
And I bumped into this article that stole away my reading hours  What Do Men Want? (For Ladies) I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want. What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration. The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this. I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship. Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity. Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up. A tip for women Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively. 2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women. Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests. On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away. A tip for women Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment. 3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship. Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing. Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism. A tip for women Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise. 4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership. Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience. Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving. A tip for women Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression. 5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship. Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough. Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run. A tip for women: Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient. 6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated. Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated. Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment. A tip for women: Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you. http://powertochange.com/sex-love/menwant/ 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Relationship 101 by BuddhaPalm(m): 6:11pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
MizMyColi: Oxytocin. No girl is really emotionally distant. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by MizMyColi(f): 6:18pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
| Re: Relationship 101 by BuddhaPalm(m): 11:28pm On Oct 20, 2014 |
MizMyColi: Human babies are very high-maintenance. And are 100% dependent on their mothers, their primary care-giver, for almost an eternity - compared to other species. And in the harsh pre-historic environment, in which all our basic motivations, drives and inclinations were forged, a human baby wouldn't survive 5 minutes without it's mother. It needed her 24/7, and probably up to 10 years. So to make this boring, resource-intensive, heavily-tasking responsibility stick, nature/God/evolution conjured a powerful, potent elixir - oxytocin. Oxytocin is the pair bonding hormone. It is the chemical single-handedly responsible for the powerful bonds between mothers and their babies. And it also released in generous quantities during intercourse. So when you poke a woman repeatedly with your man-bat, attachment inevitably follows. And with attachment, aloofness takes a long, long hike. Then there's dopamine. That's right, DÓPE. Think cocaine and addiction. Doesn't matter if she's a runs-girl, a prim sweet-sixteen church-girl, or someone else's wife. When you bend any woman over, you are essentially eliciting the support of very powerful drugs to get her hooked. You don't need to stress ya sef. Just keep poking her with your midas-cóck and she will turn to gold before your very eyes... |
| Re: Relationship 101 by MizMyColi(f): 7:52am On Oct 21, 2014 |
BuddhaPalm:   |
| Re: Relationship 101 by owcheychey(f): 10:09pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
AirborneLacer: Why does your thread seem to be for just guys? |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:15pm On Nov 16, 2014 |
owcheychey: Good observation Guess I've been devoting hell lot of time to address issues that concerns me Just being a tad selfish. But then again, this is a good observation from you. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by iebanehita(m): 6:05pm On Nov 17, 2014 |
Nice topic...*following* |
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