Relationship 101 - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Relationship 101 (2482 Views)
Relationship 101: Three Basic Social Media Rulesto Live By. / Relationship 101: 12 Kinds Of People You Must Never Marry / How To "catch" Babes On NL- 101 (2) (3) (4)
| Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:01am On Sep 30, 2014 |
I love to discuss relationships, Just as I love to be the bearer of good news  So here am I with all you need to know about Relationship/Dating/Sex/Romance et al. How to address the most intricate issues they present, how to become the man and woman you've always wanted to be, how to take hold of that you've been longing for, stamp your authority in your union etc. The views that would be expressed in most of my posts aren't solely my views. I'd drop excerpts and definitely share the views held by folks who have done considerably well in this field - more so, the views held by my buddies at Girls Chase - Chase and Alek  Please feel free to contribute your quota to this course, ask questions and be part of this bizarre enlightenment I'd update with time - So it's surely promises to be fun. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Relationship 101 by vizkiz: 9:08am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Questions loading 30%  |
| Re: Relationship 101 by MizMyColi(f): 9:09am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Meanwhile, @AirborneLacer. How do you get an emotionally distant/aloof lady to connect with you? In this case, it's not her making, she's just wired that way. 1 Like |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:09am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Our first Subject: A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership Who’s fault is it when a relationship fails? Two words for you: the man’s. Usually. Note: a relationship failure is something different than letting a relationship decline and die, or just breaking up with a girl, because you’ve lost interest or other things in your life have taken precedence or she’s let herself go and is no longer meeting your requirements for someone you’ll keep around in a relationship capacity. In that case, while a female observer would still consider it a “failed relationship”, from the standpoint of the male it probably isn’t (unless it’s a case of her letting herself go... then, maybe it is, if she was what you wanted before that but stopped being it after it). In that case, it’s just a relationship that didn’t work out. When I say “failed relationship” here, what I’m talking about is a relationship that you really wanted to work out... but it went belly up anyway. Is it ever the woman’s fault? Yes, sometimes. Rarely. In the case where the relationship is a female dominated one because the man has yielded to her the role of captain aboard the good ship Relation... in that case, he is following her lead, and the direction the relationship goes is up to her. Even then though, I’m torn... because most women who lead don’t want to do it, and resent men who make them do it as weak. If I’m the officer of a military unit and I hand over my command to one of my subordinates, who then goes on to lead us right smack into a disaster, am I absolved of all blame, or do I still take some too? The large majority of the time, across most kinds of relationships, it’s the fault of you, the man – and nearly always, it’s a failure of leadership that causes the relationship to fold. One of the most irksome kinds of comments we receive on this site come from whiny men weighing in on some of the relationship pieces to let us know that we are wrong, men shouldn’t have to do everything... it’s the WOMAN’s fault when relationships fail! These men want relationships! Which is kinda like saying well, I went to high school but failed out, therefore it’s the high school’s fault, because I wanted to get a diploma and they just wouldn’t give it to me. Or, I started a business and it failed, so it’s society’s fault, because I wanted it to succeed and for me to be a billionaire but people refused to buy my products and make that happen... therefore it’s their faults and not mine. The similarity between the high school student, the business builder, and the man in a romantic relationship is that all of them are pursuing something that reacts to them, in, yes, a sometimes difficult-to-fathom or hard-to-predict way (especially for the very inexperienced of men and/or those with bad mental models and without proper guidance in these arenas), but nevertheless, react to them it does. Because, in relationships, this is how women are: watching you, observing you, and REACTING to you based on what they see; the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by izaray(f): 9:09am On Sep 30, 2014 |
space booked |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:10am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Airbornelacer, irrespective of how silly my question may appear to be, it's capable of helping a bro. There's this girl I've secretly been admiring. She's as sexy as Fùck. My problem is that I haven't been in a relationship before so wooing a girl sounds like a whole new thing to me. How do I make this girl my girlfriend (first love)? |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:10am On Sep 30, 2014 |
MizMyColi: Meanwhile, @AirborneLacer. Guess I'd have to do a topic on creating bonds - Let's treat the subject at hand  |
| Re: Relationship 101 by godofwar666(m): 9:15am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Wondering, what was I doing here  Hope I'm right sha! #i_hate_relationship |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:16am On Sep 30, 2014 |
A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership Contd. A Failure of Leadership Solon, the famed poet and statesman in ancient Athens, has many memorable quotes, but one of his more interesting ones is this: “A people always minds its rulers best When it is neither humored nor oppressed.” What Solon is saying here is that the happiest subjects are those whose rulers neither: Give them everything they want and cater to their every whim, nor Give them nothing they want and cater to none of their whims To this I would also add, “Nor neglected, too,” since neglect is neither humoring nor oppression, but leads to people coming to despise their rulers (or simply just drift away from them) just the same. And in a relationship, the subject-ruler dynamic is in fact alive and well. But wait! you say. I am a modern, sensitive, equality-minded man! I thought women wanted to be treated as equals! Or, perhaps, you say, Women are so vocal about wanting their equality; let’s just give it to them! I will treat them the same as I’d treat any one of my friends, and expect that they want and need and require nothing more from me than any of my male friends would, either. Both of these are out-of-touch with reality and seek to give women “equality” when this isn’t what they want. The man who considers himself equality-minded and not wanting to lead his woman inadvertently ends up being led by her. Meantime, the man who throws his hands up in frustration at women and proclaims that he will treat them just like men doesn’t end up in many meaningful long-term relationships anyway, because he’s too bitter or defiant to figure out what women want and give it to them (and from what I’ve seen, he usually ends up, ironically enough, committed to a woman who ends up leading him just like the first equality-minded guy does). No woman wants to be with a man who is subservient to her... or even “equal” to her! She wants to be seen as equal in the workforce, in academia, and other places where she seeks to make it unrelated to romantic or sexual pursuits... but when it comes to those latter two, you’d better bet her bottom dollar that what she wants from a coworker is not the same thing she wants from YOU. Many men do not realize this, or are unable to, and thus they don’t lead.
|
| Re: Relationship 101 by godofwar666(m): 9:20am On Sep 30, 2014 |
@op is she dancing shoki or what Hope I was right sha |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:22am On Sep 30, 2014 |
SmellMyFart: Airbornelacer, irrespective of how silly my question may appear to be, it's capable of helping a bro. It all depends on your skill level. My opinion is that you should not. Basically, until you are good with women, you shouldn’t attempt to enter a relationship with any particular woman. There are multiple reasons for this. The first one being that you will not manage to get her and will just become needy and chase her more and more (which simply increases the chances you don’t get her). As you are maybe not yet good with women, the chances that you manage to attract her and make her your girlfriend are very low. In an ideal world, women who aren’t attracted to us would ALWAYS tell us to go away. Sadly, in our world, if you have a good tone with a girl whom you are attracted to but who isn’t attracted to you, she will usually continue to be nice and put you in the friend zone. The friend zone is a terrible place to be. Basically, you become a woman’s slave. A guy who is in the friend zone is basically the worst type of provider… a man who is there for the girl whenever SHE needs him. But besides being a provider, i.e., a man who trades social value and social and emotional support for sex, the friend zoned man trades all this for nothing other than a little bit of positive female attention from a girl he is attracted to. A woman manages to keep a man in the friend zone by constantly giving him (false) hope that she will maybe one day become his. Basically, she will give small (very small) subtle signs of interests to the attracted man in order to give him false hope and make him feel just a little closer to the deal... but once he makes a move he gets shot down right away with “we are just friends”. As the woman keeps giving him small signs of interest and the man keeps chasing, the girl just keeps shutting him down with the same stupid excuses all over again. The man keeps chasing and being abused in return, until at last he finally wakes up and moves on. The sad truth is that this can take everything from a week to up till many years. Either way, this friend zoned man would be better off going out meeting new women every week and having fun; getting laid and becoming overall better with women. He would also save himself from a lot of psychological harm. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by vizkiz: 9:25am On Sep 30, 2014 |
That girl in the picture up there looks like she's dancing shoki doing "asskoh"  |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Mzmycoli: 9:28am On Sep 30, 2014 |
   I've been imprisoned |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:34am On Sep 30, 2014 |
A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership Contd. The Leader Usually Gets Crucified One other ugly caveat, before we jump in: it’s always the leader who gets the blame. If you’re a student of history, one of the things you will consistently be amazed by is how often great men who do great things for their societies are cast out by those same societies (e.g., Themistocles saved all of Greece from the powerful, invading Persian Empire with a legendary maritime battle... then later was falsely accused of being in cahoots with the Persian Empire, and forced to flee for his life), frequently assassinated and having their families murdered as well. It’s not that bad when a relationship doesn’t work out, but the man pretty much always gets the blame. This is because the leader is the one who accepts full responsibility. He’s the one who says, “Put this thing on my back; and if it works out, give me the glory and the rewards, and if it doesn’t, the ignominy and the deserts.” If you’re risk averse, that probably doesn’t sound all that enticing, but it just goes with the territory, and it’s something you must make peace with. Unless your woman was a saint, you will nearly always face scorn on the failure of a relationship, whether it fails after 3 weeks or 4 decades. And while truthfully there will be all manner of seemingly random things that intervene in your relationship, the fact remains that your guidance and leadership is the #1 thing that determines how it all plays out. Would she have cheated if she was both completely satisfied with your relationship AND had tremendous attraction and respect for you as a man? Probably not... and in the rare case she still would have anyway, you need to pick better. Now these would help: #1: Give Her Enough Breathing Room - Invite her to some things, but never pressure her to come - See her slightly less than she’d like - Don’t go crazy texting / calling / messaging her #2: Provide Enough of Her Relationship Needs [b]#3: Disallow Her Overstepping the Bounds:[/b]The gist here is that you are not controlling a girl... but neither are you letting her run slipshod over you. Instead, you are fine and happy with her while she is fine and happy with you, but the moment she starts acting up, you communicate your indifference. Your Relationship, Your Charge A relationship is a project that you control, command, and steer. A well-run relationship is a partnership, where you’re the captain and your girl is your first mate. You’re in charge; she provides valuable support, suggestions, and counterpoints that help you lead better. But you call the shots. If you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who makes a crummy first mate, then either you did a poor job picking her out, or you did a poor job keeping her happy enough to want to continue doing a good job after. Inexperience relieves you of the blame in either case, but it doesn’t leave you any better off. So – get your experience up, and learn this. Thank You.
|
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:42am On Sep 30, 2014 |
AirborneLacer:Wow.  But I usually have this feeling that she would not turn me down if I decide to approach her for a relationship. Just that I seem to lack the temerity to do this. imma fuckinng novice. Trust me when I say I haven't been in a relationship before. Besides,,,,, the way she sometimes stare at me makes me think she's so into me but you no it's the man's job to woo. Thanks for your response BTW. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Exjoker(m): 9:43am On Sep 30, 2014 |
I hope to be of help to this thread also ... |
| Re: Relationship 101 by onstelly(f): 9:47am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Following joor |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 9:52am On Sep 30, 2014 |
Exjoker: I hope to be of help to this thread also ... I would be looking forward to that. SmellMyFart: Wow. You're welcome. Just take your time. There are more fun to catch being a single, believe me |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nihilist: 12:34pm On Sep 30, 2014 |
smellmyfart |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Missmossy(f): 12:51pm On Sep 30, 2014 |
This is quite insightful AirborneLacer,some relationship reveal signs from the very beginning that they won't last long but such indications are usually ignored by both partners. Nevertheless,a broken courtship or relationship is better than a failed marriage. 2 Likes |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 1:07pm On Sep 30, 2014 |
Missmossy: This is quite insightful AirborneLacer,some relationship reveal signs from the very beginning that they won't last long but such indications are usually ignored by both partners. True that. More like prior to preparing a soup and you failed to have the essential ingredients ready. We all know how that broth is gonna taste. Nihilist: smellmyfart Bizarre moniker |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 3:46pm On Sep 30, 2014 |
Nihilist: smellmyfarthey. Why laughing at my handle? |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 12:28pm On Oct 03, 2014 |
I've been MIA huh? Well, shall we roll? |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 12:43pm On Oct 03, 2014 |
Getting Over Your Ex We are all familiar with people who have gone through a break up in which persistent thoughts about the ex seem to linger. The relationship is over, hopes of reconciliation have been exhausted, all communication has ceased…and yet the ex retains a special place in the stricken one’s heart. Could this be a good thing? In my opinion, it's not a good thing at all. Here's your escape route: #1: Get Together with New Girls I’m putting this one at the head of the list because it is the best, fastest and most efficient strategy for getting over your ex. HOOK UP WITH NEW GIRLS! I know, it sounds immature, people call it rebounding, and many will even tell you that it doesn’t even help because you will only be thinking about your ex anyway, and that you need time alone to digest the breakup. Listen to me here. I’ve been in that situation many times… and so have many of my students and fellow dating coaches alike. As I explained, the very reason why your brain is going haywire over this one girl is because it doesn’t know that there are 3 billion women out there! You have to prove that to your brain, and it WILL relax. And it’s true – if you hook up with one new girl, and you’re not really into her, it will only serve to make you more depressed. You will compare the new girl to your ex, who now suddenly seems like the perfect angel and completely unattainable. We always want what we can’t have, and we always idealize the past. HOWEVER, and this is the real key. If you hook up with TEN new girls. Wait, hear me out. If you hook up with ten new girls, one of them will be AMAZING. Especially if you follow all the advice we’ve been giving you here – we’ve got a whole program catalog dedicated to teaching you how to pull this off with gusto. And if you can show your reptilian brain that there are other girls out there that are truly amazing… and really into you… it will let go of the attachment and you’ll be able to get over your ex a million times faster. #2: Out of Sight, Out of Mind The second piece of advice I have for you to get over your ex is the old “out of sight, out of mind.” This is absolutely crucial. Your emotions are triggered by so-called anchors; that means that anything that reminds you of your ex will trigger the emotion you used to feel around her. And that emotion that was once pleasurable is now pure agony… so remove anything that could remind you of her from your life completely. Need some examples? Stop talking to her. Delete her number, email, Facebook and instant messenger. Don’t go to the places where she hangs out. Don’t meet mutual friends. The long and short of it: cut her out of your life completely. As always – you don’t need to be a diick about this. Talk to her about it. Tell her it’s probably best to have some distance for a while so that you can both digest the relationship and then be friends later. This absolutely works – as I mentioned, I’m very good friends with most of the girls I used to date. Where there was a painful breakup involved, we took some time apart and finally got back in touch after a few months. No pain, no hard feelings. #3: Remove Reminders Since we’re talking about anchors already, also get rid of everything that reminds you of her in your environment. Can’t get over your ex if she pops back into your head every time you turn around in your room, apartment, or cubicle. Pictures of the two of you together? You don’t need to burn them (though it might help, psychologically), but definitely take them down. Change the ring tone for your calls and messages – as you’ll realize the instant you find yourself expectedly (and disappointedly) checking your phone everytime you hear it go off post-breakup, the sound of your old ring tone is anchored to calls and messages from HER. Changing it gets rid of the reminder, and frees your mind to focus on other things than the past. #4: Let Some Time Pass Time… time does heal all wounds. Not much you can do to accelerate the passage of time, but you CAN hook up with as many girls as possible to teach your reptilian brain to have an abundance mentality and that there is indeed no scarcity when it comes to women. It might still take a few weeks though – in bad cases, even months. So relax, and realize… it does get better, I promise. But do what you can to speed up your healing process. #5: Grab a Box of Kleenex and Have a Good Cry Be a man and cry. Seriously. If you’ve never cried over a girl, you’ve never been in love… period. It’s simply a physiological response that comes with a pair bond (which is also physiological, as we know). I’ve read that scientists have injected rats with human tears, and the rats actually died. This only happens with tears of grief… not with tears from cutting onions, for example. The lesson is that crying is a process that gets toxic biochemical substances out of your system. Remember how emotions are nothing but chemical processes happening in your body… well, the same is true for negative emotions, and you need to get those OUT as fast as possible. That’s why people often feel better after they cry… so don’t feel like you’re being a wuss. Get it out of your system, then move on and go sleep with girls you meet and like… that helps to get your biochemistry in balance as well. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 12:50pm On Oct 03, 2014 |
#6: Pros and Cons… with a Twist Write one of those famous pros and cons lists. But, I want you to cheat a bit. Rather than writing down all the pros and cons of being with her, make a list of all the CONS of the relationships… write down everything that sucked about her and about your time together. Next, write a list of all the PROS of being SINGLE… write down everything that is awesome about being free again. #7: Find Something Else to Think On Get busy! Work is the best therapy known to man. You absolutely need to distract yourself with as many things as possible. You don’t want to have idle time to sit around thinking about her and the relationship… those thoughts will quickly spiral into depressing ideas about how much you miss her. You’ll never get over your ex THAT way. You will only remember the good times and the memory will hurt… so keep your mind busy with other things. Busty with what? Well, first and foremost, other girls, of course… but second, anything that you can do to create an amazing future for yourself. Cutting the lawn might not help a whole lot with getting over her… but starting a new business might! #8: Emotion Control – Get Some Control your state. You have a great deal of control over your own emotions, if you simply take charge of your physiology and your mental focus. Music helps too… and so does comedy. In fact, you want to do anything that is going to trigger positive emotions in you at this point. Setting goals is one of those things… as I mentioned, creating a compelling future and then going after that goal with fire in your eyes is one thing that will help you feel better. Helping other people out with their problems will have the same effect as well. #9: A Little Perspective on Things For those who are into such things – spiritual practice will give you a great deal of perspective. Be it meditation, reading spiritual literature or simply reflecting on the insignificance of the situation in the grand scheme of things is going to help tremendously. For the sake of putting things into perspective, it also helps to think about how much worse things could be. If you still have your health, if you still have your family, if you still have your job… you’re in a great place to rebuild and find new girls. #10: Pushing the Red Button (by Ricardus Domino) The Nuke… the Red Button. I’m leaving the best for last here and it's coming from an expert - Ricardo Domino. This technique is THE most powerful way to eject your addiction to a person in a heartbeat. A friend of mine taught me this technique many years ago… and he was the one who coined the term. He said, and I quote: “There is a way to get over a girl fast… there is a red button. But every time you push it, a part of your soul dies.” Now, I wouldn’t put it quite so dramatically – but the red button is a rather drastic step to take. Not everybody will be ready for it. If you do it, however, you can be sure that you will get over your ex extremely fast. Alright, enough build-up already, what is this red button? The red button consists of essentially erasing your entire life: Move to a different city Take on a new job Build a new circle of friends Of course you can still stay friends with everybody else – but for really bad cases of breakup depression, this is a VERY effective cure. It’s a drastic measure, to be sure, but in reality it’s nothing more than “out of sight, out of mind” – taken to an extreme. You essentially remove yourself from the environment that is laden with anchors that remind you of your girl. If nothing reminds you of her, nothing will trigger the memories… And they will soon begin to fade. Careful – this won’t do a bit of good if she still has your phone number and keeps texting you! Cheers! |
| Re: Relationship 101 by dre11(m): 1:42pm On Oct 03, 2014 |
Let me book a space here..... |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:36am On Oct 06, 2014 |
What Causes Infidelity – And How to Handle It by Colt Williams Infidelity can be one of the most difficult things that can happen to you as a man. Sometimes you feel it coming but try not to admit it to yourself; other times, it seems to come completely out of left field. Women are such largely emotional creatures, and if you don’t know how to manage those emotions, you could very well find yourself in a world of hurt. But what causes infidelity in the first place? Today I’m going to talk about the root causes of infidelity, share a painfully valuable story from my past, and talk about how to spot infidelity before it happens as well as how to handle it if it does happen to you. There are principle reasons why females cheat on their significant others. They are: Desperation Revenge Boredom Love for Another This is a story that is not only true, but one that I have not shared outside of my inner circle. But I do believe that it will set a valuable frame for the rest of the ideas that I will cover in this post. These events transpired a couple of years ago, and were some of the early precursors to me discovering game and ascertaining how to prevent myself from learning lessons the hard way. I had been dating a girl for about 10 months, and met her around her birthday, which was the 15th, or on the Roman calendar, the Ides of March. We had spent the last couple of months apart because of school, work, and other life obligations that the world throws at you. The relationship was pretty good for the most part. She was a kind, loyal Filipina girl, and she cared about me quite a bit. However, she was also very emotionally unstable at times. She would go into fits of sadness or anger that would make even the most stout of men emotionally drained and somewhat vacant. And I could tell that the long distance relationship was exacerbating this problem even more. She was getting desperate and clingy, and even though I had not been formally introduced to the seduction community at the time, she knew that I was socially savvy enough to be getting attention from other women. And that’s when she really began to go crazy. One day she would threaten to sleep with so-and-so, the next day she would be professing her love for me and telling me that she would never leave. In retrospect, I probably should have cut the cord here. Or at least I should have told her that we would reassess the situation the next time we were in person. But I did care about her, and even though she was emotional, I had never seen her get this manic, so I just chalked it up to the difficulty of distance. But things only got worse from this point. This girl was causing my life to unravel from the very core. I was struggling with my job, I was nearly failing out of school, and I was spending all of my time and mental resources trying to constantly reassure her and put out fires in our relationship. Finally, winter came, and we were thrust back into the same physical location for the first time in those long, long months. The day was December 29th. We had both been back in town for a couple of weeks, and our being in person together seemed to bring things to some semblance of normalcy. She had also been talking about wanting to move cities so that we could actually be together. On December 29th things were getting hot and heavy. Since this girl was devoutly religious we had not had sex at that point; in fact, she was still a virgin. But on this night, she told me that she was ready to cross the threshold. My response was one of ambivalence. What man doesn’t want to have sex with an attractive girl? But I also kept in mind all that had happened until that point, and knew that the introduction of sex could push things over the edge. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:40am On Oct 06, 2014 |
What Causes Infidelity – And How to Handle It Contd With a calm voice, I stopped everything we were doing and told her that sex wouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip. I told her that sex wouldn’t make me okay with having her completely change her life and living arrangements because of me. I told her that sex wouldn’t mean that I would put up with her fits of craziness. I told her that if she still wanted to have sex despite these facts, then I would happily oblige. She acknowledged my terms and we enjoyed a great night. Then December 31st came. One of my good friends was having a New Year’s Eve party, which he invited me to. There would also be friends from out of town who were going to be in attendance as well, so I was very excited. I decided to invite my girlfriend as well, who hadn’t made any plans for the night yet. She asked if she could bring one of her guy friends as well, which I said was fine. But she lived outside of the city, so I told her that her friend would be on his own in terms of getting back at the end of the night. It was a crazy, fun party. Or at least that’s what I’m told. I spent the entire night taking care of her after she got heinously drunk within the first 30 minutes of the party. At the end of an exhausting night, my friend/the host told me that we couldn’t stay the night because there were simply too many people. So I called one of my other good friends and asked him if she, her friend, and I could all stay at his place that night. My friend not only agreed, but also offered to come pick us up from where we were (That is a true friend. And that is someone who understands the code). A little while later he arrived and we all piled into his car and went back to his house. Upon reaching his house, he offered the guy friend his guest room and put me and the drunkard down in the basement. Down in the basement, she began telling me that she wanted us to live in the same city. And simultaneously she started trying to have sex again. Not only did I tell her that completely changing our lives was a bad idea, I told her that I would absolutely not be having sex with her drunk asss. She then got up in her drunken stupor and said that she was going to go get some air. Twenty or thirty minutes had passed, and I felt bad for the way the conversation had gone. So I went upstairs to find her and apologize for being overly blunt. I looked all around the kitchen, living room, and outside, but I couldn’t find her. And then I heard moaning coming from the guest room. And I walked in and saw her screwing the guy she brought with her in my best friend’s guest room. And that is the story of the worst New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had and the months that led up to it. Beware the Ides of March. And that was when I decided to definitively close that chapter. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:43am On Oct 06, 2014 |
The worst part about being cheated on was that I knew that it was my own fault to let it reach that point. As painful as it was, somewhere deep down it stung even more because I wasn’t that surprised. Earlier I mentioned that there are four principle roots of infidelity. So I’m going to talk about each root and how to spot the various signs that are associated with each one. #1: Desperation The first cause of infidelity is desperation. I am most familiar with this one because this was the cause of the infidelity in my story. The interesting thing about infidelity via desperation is that the girl actually still cares about you; it’s just that she has no other way of trying to convince you to give her something that she wants. In my case it was moving to the same city. Although that may have been a good thing in certain cases, I could already see our paths diverging and our relationship heading south, and I didn’t want to have the guilt or responsibility of someone completely changing their lifescapes on my behalf. And when she saw that I would be unyielding on this point, she saw no other way but to have sex with someone else in order to “compel” me to change my mind about the matter. In a way, the act of cheating out of desperation reminds me of the Japanese practice of seppuku. Whenever there was a warrior or court officer who couldn’t convince an emperor to follow a certain path or make a certain decision, they would commit suicide by slicing their stomachs open. But just like seppuku, if you think about it outside of the heat of the moment, cheating out of desperation is not guaranteed to work and it just ends up hurting everyone involved. But the difference is one of these practices is rooted in honor and was actually effective; the other is rooted in irrationality and makes things worse. I’ll let you decide which is which. So how do you spot the signs of your girl thinking about cheating out of desperation? First, look for her constantly bringing up a big life decision – moving states, moving in together, getting married, changing jobs, etc. – and getting more adamant about it. Then, look for: Her giving you ultimatums. Maybe with them getting more extreme with time. Her bringing up how you’re lucky to be with her and how guys hit on her all of the time. She may even bring up specific names. Her talking about how something almost happened with a guy or even outright threatening to cheat on you. Her insulting you and/or your manhood and more frequently blowing up at you at random times. Her becoming overly emotional over small matters. Her professing her love for your in increasingly outlandish ways. As you can see, you’ll get both ends of an extreme emotional spectrum in this situation. She’ll try throwing everything at you to get her way. I think desperation is the most predictable out of all four cases, so you should be able to spot it and act accordingly from a mile away. |
| Re: Relationship 101 by Nobody: 10:46am On Oct 06, 2014 |
#2: Revenge Girls will often cheat on a guy to get back at him for some emotional pain he caused. Maybe he cheated on her first and they got back together. Maybe he had an emotional affair. Maybe he hit her. I think revenge cheating is the hardest to deal with because the guy often brings it upon himself. And this makes the situation tricky for the other guy. I find that the first choice for a girl to exact revenge is someone in her man’s close sphere – maybe a teammate, coworker, best friend, or even brother. If she can’t get her retribution via any of these individuals, it’s often an orbiter or white knight that the girl ends up sleeping with if she wants revenge sex. This then makes the orbiter think that he has a chance with her. Revenge infidelity is incredibly messy. I know that there are a lot inconsiderate guys out there. I also know that there are some downright bastards as well. My best advice is to just not be that guy. Be a lover of women. Don’t hurt a girl for no reason – especially physically. This one is most in the hands of the man. But it is a cause of infidelity nevertheless that’s important to be aware of. And if you find yourself on the other end of such a situation: proceed with caution. |
No More Loneliness ( The Last Post You Will Need In 2014) / Nairaland Members Who Probably have a crush Each other / Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Say ‘I Love You’ Too Soon
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 96 |