holysaint1:


ur moniker though

enen wot hapen to it?

Divorce is not the way out. Its not an option.

Two years with Two Kids?...are they twins or what?...


Hmmmmm....If the foundation has been destroyed, then what can the righteous do?

@ OP, what was the foundation of your marriage?, I hope you dnt have one of the two kids out of wedlock,...She Didnt Loves you at first instant, It maybe because of the frustration/Shame of unexpected Pregnancy which arose as a result of Premarital sex that forced her to go into Marriage with you.

Instead of going back to Marriage counsellor/Her Parent.
My advice is that you should go back to your creator(God), ask for the forgiveness of the past, look for a happy moment to discuss this problem with your wife,Beg her for the forgiveness of the past, and ask Master God to be the Leader of your Home.

Surely, You will smile again....

mk3jax:


I didn't hate her behaviour before we got married because like I said in my earlier post, she did every thing to please me during dating but as soon as we got married, she changed. I will stop having resentment against her if she stop the following:

-Stop complaining about my family all the time when your family come into my house when they like and stay as long as they want without my complaining.
-Stop complaining that my family don't call you all the time while I don't complain about your family not calling me. Adult have family problems to deal with everyday and calling people is not always the number 1 list on their priority. Besides not everyone has the free credit she has on her phone to call everybody in her family all the time because their are better things to do with money than buying call credit.
-Stop expecting me to be responsible for your grown up adult siblings because i have my own problems I am thinking about to solve. She quarrels with me when ever I refuse to give money to even her older siblings who are married.
-She doesn't consider me when she makes lot of decisions in the house and use the child as a pretence for all her decisions because the child cannot speak yet.
-Complaining about almost everything I do in the house making me to be more comfortable being at work than at home.
-She has never for once discuss with me about plans like building a house (which I am planning for), or investing for our child but is always ready to discuss demands from her family all in time.

I have told her that if I loose my job tomorrow, none of these so call family member of her will be there to come bail her up financially and they will look for somewhere else to look for this money they are always demanding for without coming to meet her but she still refuse to listen to me.

If she can stop the above, then 80% of our problems are solved but she wouldn't stop even after trying to talk things with her multiple times. Now I just don't care anymore because my observation is that she only care about her interest and not mine so I try to do things that make me happy away from her. I see myself as a utility to her and nothing more and presently make many of my plans without carrying her along because she seems not to care.

bros u ar a total man.u are marid to d wrong woman if all what u said is true.i must av died if i go tru all dis frm a woman.a woman shd worship u for takin kia of her n her family.i want to bilv she grew up d bad way.na u go for yasef.a bitchy woman like dat doesnt deserve u.you are a saint.

Guardianangel:
I've always entered this forum as a guest to but today, my spirit has been vexed through this topic to join nairaland.
Firstly at Op, do you think we woman do not bear all the abuses you take us through in marriage? For the sake of your post I'll narrate my predicament of an over 6 years marriage with 3 children. My hubby is over ten yrs older than me. I've gone thru and still going thru one of the worst relationship a woman can have with a man. He never says sorry for errors on his part, never says thank you for efforts I put in the marriage be it financially or physically, has never bought me a birthday , anniversary or even one cloth, I buy all by myself. Not that I'm bothered with material things but just a show of care will do as I know he's not so rich but just struggling.
now the big issue is that I'm going thru emotional abuse. I love sex like crazy but he's decided to pocket his "machine" . I always like him to clean up every night before bedtime but he's the type that hardly showers 2wice or even more. Sometimes I do endure the sweaty body scent during the act just for the sake of peace if not, na war. I try to turn my nose away though...what does a woman do when her man thinks he doesnt needb to be appealing towards her? .....that has resulted in great act of masturbation for me in fact, I'm considering a sweeter option... intimacy gadgets! And oh yes, I'd really still very attractive and still get advances from both single and ready men but I made a vow and do wanna keep it.
This is a man that I've spoken to several times, tried to make happy, told what pleases me but yet remains adamant to my cries....
If not because of this post, I'll never have voiced out so, you men should be careful how you behave in marriage. Simply because a woman cherishes her children and desires a happy role model of a home does not mean we cannot do the unimaginable.
@op, pls go back to your wife, thank her for her patience thus far, re strategies new methods for a happy her. Begin to do the little things she likes which you never did, do some TLC, listen to Luther Vandrose's."Buy me a rose". Most of all, be a man and not a weakling cos every woman is only attracted to a man who can at least partially fulfill her fantasy.
good luck!

Holy Moses!!! Didn't u at least court him for some months before d marriage or was it arranged marriage Too many scary comments on this thread, na wa o

pls op, i sincerely sympathise with u, but pls try and watch dis movie titled 'fireproof ' u myt learn a thing or two, from it, God preserve and bless ur union, more kids on the way.

podosci:

I am not married , so i av restrained my self to the bench,,i wont condem or praise married person here........when i am married i would be able to comment,,,,,,i suggest you show such restrains too

Yes sir.

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

/
This is why men die before women.

You are in a loveless relationship and you are still not doing the needful because of some stupid societal pressure. SMH.

People are suggesting that you talk to her because it is the most plausible thing to say to get a million likes. It is not as if you have not talked to her about these issues in two years of marriage. A bad character is a bad character and no amount of talking, counseling can change it. It can only apply a soothing feeling for awhile before the despicable trait rears its ugly head again.

Marriage should not be a life sentence. If anyone does not fulfil you, pull a stop loss and move on. Don't let her use the children as a leverage. Guess what? When you die from all the stress, she and the kids will still live.

Grow some balls and move on. Just make sure your kids are taken care of very well. In as much as we abhor it, kids growing up in a loveless family is as bad even if not worse than growing up in a single household.

/

elujah1:
Most responses I have seen here seems to be from young singles. Only someone in the battle field can tell you true war stories, only married couples who have successfully gone through similar scenerio and came out can give a concrete advice. Am not married but when I come across married couples who complain to me about their marriage, my response is always simple :seek advice from those who have gone ahead of the journey before you, they will tell you the potholes you will meet and how to overcome them. God will give you the wisdom to go through.

Truth! And one thing I have observed in ladies is this: they always place their family (parents n siblings) need above that of their husband. I have a relative and a family friend who were once in similar shoes with the op. They married ladies who are always demanding money from them to send to their parents/siblings. One even went as far as asking my relative to buy her parents a car (a specific car o), y If your husband must buy your parents car, let it be from his heart not out of persuassion pls n pls.

This seems to be the most rampant cause of fight between married couples in Nigeria now- wife demanding excessively from her husband to give to her parents/siblings.

Pls dear ladies, in as much as most men I know including myself would love to take good care of their in-laws, don't make it a priority to the detriment of your own marital success...if your husband goes broke, all those your relatives will definitely run away, leaving u and your hubby to suffer alone, so be moderate about this pls.

This is another reason many financially buoyant guys don't want to marry ladies from broke or average family again, pls stop discouraging guys the more.

@op, try and set up a business or something for your wife. Not just a street shop o, something more viable with possibilities of sustainability away from your continuous funding, I think that would go along way in ameliorating the problem of she demanding money for her family members- let her use her business profits and help them.

gistmelove:


or the op his cheating on her??

See evidence here >> https://www.nairaland.com/985034/dick-sucking

thread closed! A man that cheats on his wife has no respect for himself and doesn't deserve it either. That woman maybe giving Op all he's experiencing cause she found out he is a cheat, or worst case scenario, he is just looking for a way to send off the poor woman, so he can bring in his Cu_m drinking girl friend.

@ Op, you should listen to people like ayaomoade and co that have given you reasons to question yourself for being in such an unhappy marriage. I'm very sure that if your wife were to come to nairaland and give her own story, no one will see you as the saint you've portrayed yourself to be here. Don't listen to people here who don't respect their mothers, are not well bred to handle any woman and can't even afford just 1 room apartment. Do the needful and seek guidance from your creator and try every means to fix that marriage. Good luck.

Meeen, for how long will take u people to see that modern generation of women re no more women? They re men life eaters, they bring misery into ur home instead of support, these re end time women' men should realize and face the reality in time to save themselves from more life damage...

InvertedHammer:

/
This is why men die before women.

You are in a loveless relationship and you are still not doing the needful because of some stupid societal pressure. SMH.

People are suggesting that you talk to her because it is the most plausible thing to say to get a million likes. It is not as if you have not talked to her about these issues in two years of marriage. A bad character is a bad character and no amount of talking, counseling can change it. It can only apply a soothing feeling for awhile before the despicable trait rears its ugly head again.

Marriage should not be a life sentence. If anyone does not fulfil you, pull a stop loss and move on. Don't let her use the children as a leverage. Guess what? When you die from all the stress, she and the kids will still live.

Grow some balls and move on. Just make sure your kids are taken care of very well. In as much as we abhor it, kids growing up in a loveless family is as bad even if not worse than growing up in a single household.

/

my own blood brother was a victim too! He was blessed financially, married this his long-time swthrt out of love...she was so awesome b4 marriage...was my best friend...everyone family member cherished n welcomed her. Just after marriage n 2 kids, she changed from good to bad...gradually to worst...God in heaven knows that every member of my family did all we could to savage d marriage...to please her...my mum went to virtually all prayer houses n churches praying for her...her own parents did n got tired of her...she started acting insane with strange behaviours showing someone possessed of evil spirit. Even got to d extent of not taking care of her kids...my brother changed cars n cars for her to please her to no avail...opened a big business for her to please her more to no avail.

So he decided to marry a second wife n maybe divorce n settle her, me, my siblings n parents refused that no divorce in our family...we stopped him from re-marrying n divorcing...2yrs later, my brother died mysteriously, *tears*

Life is just useless! In fact, op, whatever ur instinct tells you to do about this marriage, do it and don't listen to anyone b4 sth bad happens...cos some women are heavily possessed of demonic spirits that usually wake up after they marry an awesome husband. Be wise and also talk to God on your own.

No one else can advice u best, talk to your God and follow your inner voice.

Goodluck

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

Man!! D only way divorce is allowed in d bible is due 2 adultery nd dat is if u r a xtian duo, well due 2 hr bhvr u earlier mentioned she may be under d influence of d devil because i blv she waz nt lk dis wen u were courting. Plz my advice 4u is 2 take hr 2 a deliverance church whr she can b delivered.

[quote author=mk3jax post=27195060]

Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
my bro ,no be joke o!na d same thing ur guy dey face 4here,to born d second child na fear i dey so!god will see us tru

DailyNews:
my own blood brother was a victim too! He was blessed financially, married this his long-time swthrt out of love...she was so awesome b4 marriage...was my best friend...everyone family member cherished n welcomed her. Just after marriage n 2 kids, she changed from good to bad...gradually to worst...God in heaven knows that every member of my family did all we could to savage d marriage...to please her...my mum went to virtually all prayer houses n churches praying for her...her own parents did n got tired of her...she started acting insane with strange behaviours showing someone possessed of evil spirit. Even got to d extent of not taking care of her kids...my brother changed cars n cars for her to please her to no avail...opened a big business for her to please her more to no avail.

So he decided to marry a second wife n maybe divorce n settle her, me, my siblings n parents refused that no divorce in our family...we stopped him from re-marrying n divorcing...2yrs later, my brother died mysteriously, *tears*

Life is just useless! In fact, op, whatever ur instinct tells you to do about this marriage, do it and don't listen to anyone b4 sth bad happens...cos some women are heavily possessed of demonic spirits that usually wake up after they marry an awesome husband. Be wise and also talk to God on your own.

No one else can advice u best, talk to your God and follow your inner voice.

Goodluck

[size=20pt]You have said it all, and thanks for sharing this terrible event with us GOD will give you the courage to overcome it.

@ OP a word is enough for the wise.[/size]

gistmelove:


or the op his cheating on her??

See evidence here >> https://www.nairaland.com/985034/dick-sucking

Can you imagine? I think the op has already made up his mind. Infact, since he is proving that his is a real african traditionalist,he would be doing his wife a favor by divorcing his decent wife in peace and wrecking what is left of his miserable life. Let him go for the 'akamu' drinkers or those women that are african traditionalists who like visiting shrines. Confused people.

Man!! D only way divorce is allowed in d bible is due 2 adultery nd dat is if u r a xtian duo, well due 2 hr bhvr u earlier mentioned she may be under d influence of d devil because i blv she waz nt lk dis wen u were courting. Plz my advice 4u is 2 take hr 2 a deliverance church whr she can b delivered.

coogar:


•she doesn't respect you
•she doesn't appreciate you
•she is a moaner
•she compares you to her father all the time.

divorce isn't even needed now. man up & give her father a call. break it down to him how he has failed as a father to bring up her daughter the proper way.

tell him how disappointed you are to have been scammed to marry a damaged good(his daughter). tell him you are few inches away from driving a dagger into his daughter's heart & if care is not taken, he would be burying his daughter instead of celebrating christmas....

trust me, things would change......

what kind of advice is this for crying out loud!! do you really have to say something?

Febup:


[size=20pt]You have said it all, and thanks for sharing this terrible event with us GOD will give you the courage to overcome it.

@ OP a word is enough for the wise.[/size]

God bless u too Febup. You know, that comment I quoted brought tears to my eyes and I had to open up. I still remember with tears, how my brother used to cry to us for help- always calling my parents, elderly aunts, siblings & even d wife's parents/siblings just to restore love/peace in his marriage but d wife never cared- instead she waged war against everyone- her parents, mine (except my dad/mum), pastors, aunts, cousins, n even her fellow sister-in-laws. Everyone kept advising my brother to hold on n keep praying that she would come back to her senses. He cried n cired...pray he isn't angry with us wherever he is now, *tears*....but we pressured him to pls endure for a change.

Finally he died...his death isn't far fetched from d wife...can't talk abt it here, *tears*....his kids we were concerned abt are all faring very well now he's gone! Life is just useless!!!! It hurts to remember this, sighs

Ladies pls its not a laughing matter, go to God and ask for forgiveness of all ur crucade n evil ways while single before u go into marriage cos some underlying spirits always wake up once u ladies marry an awesome man...I am sure its not always ordinary like we all see it n feel marriage counsellors n advisers can solve.

Bootybuttchic:
and its the man who gets all the blame,this man just said something thats bothering his marital life,and everyone is leashing on him like hes a woman hater,too many hypocrites on nairaland,so u tink a woman cant do all he listed up there smh....its why i avoid female freinds.....why cant u just advice or ignore......,..,nairalanders and their super perfect life..mstweeew



mk3jax and @op God will help ur marriage just be praying,remember God can do everything....and try communicating with her.....i pray she is the type that can understand sha..,.cos when u talk to some people,what they understand iswhat they are thinking from their own mind.....they just go all anticlockwise on u.....it is well

exactly,the hypocrisy on this platform is just too much...many of them are single.......

gbadexy:

Its funny that most of those commenting and suggesting that the op and other man with similar experience weren't doing enough are males and probably singles too without authority to counsel. They just want likes from the females.
I know that even in business, hostel etc where people relate together, there are some easy to get along people and some are just trouble so I don't doubt it would be so in marriage too.

. True sha. Som pple are naturally difficult. I pity men dat aint mature/ strong enof o, cos I know d solution to a stubborn woman is a tougher/more mature man dat can handle her. Once a 'troubl som' woman is in d hands of d 'right' man, all dose her trouble go melt

palma:
@op let me come in as a married woman with 2 kids and over 4yrs of marriage. Trust me i am not perfect and to be candid strong headed. Kudos to my hubby for ever managing me. Do you believe that there are no perfect marriages out there? Do you know what you count has issues are not even some people will consider a problem. As much as i dont support some of the characters you listed especially the not cooking aspect, i will still implore you to be patient and just a little bit understanding. She might be stressed and frustrated. Is she working? Does she have any help? Do you help? In what aspect does she compare you to her dad? Are you caring enough? Are you the type of man that just laze about expecting the wife to do everything? Do you compliment her? Do you notice her? Do you ask after her well being from time time? Do you take her out? Are you proud of her? Do you discuss with her or see her as someone who cannot be your match intelligence wise? How do you talk to her? Any endearment words for her? Do you love her? Did you cheat on her?

Your wife might be unhappy and she will lash out when she cant take it anymore. Don't even call 3rd party into your issues it will make things worse, talk to her ask her why the change. If you can sleep with her to bring forth 2kids without external intervention, then get your acts together and solve without any intervention. Sometimes take the kids off her hands to give her a break. Dint ever reply her in an abusive manner. Hold her close, if you love her tell her. She needs to know you have her back.

See a real man will look for a way to put his life together, asking for help on a social network such as this might worsen an already bad situation because most people giving you advice are not married thus might not understand your situation. Please keep your marital troubles away from people because they will add more issues. If the situation is very bad and all else has failed after several attempts, then you can involve basically your wife's family, your family must be the last to know and before you wonder why its because when everything is settled it might not be settled in their own mind and your wife might forever not find favour in their sight.

Dear anguished op thats all i can say. May God be with you and your family,

. Nice one! I must say

LOTS of men die in marriage b4 their time ,can some one in d house tel me y its always in that like?,i hav to b believin god for my bp over my wife's case else,,some of d men would not want to hit ,they begin to bottle up emotions until sudden death come for him,i am a pastor and military man,all my breas of service forbids me from hittin so d only thing i do now is to struggle to pray and hope to find a divorce verse in my bible,gbam!straigt i go for that last one,for now,i wish i could use my video remote to do abackward rewind on my marriage!but so far,so right!THE last time they went for summer was about d best time of my life.(no messsin up),i had fun bin alone could think well but as she came back,status quo returned

dancok:
u like him abi tell me don't let them hear..*lower ur voice*

. Lol, smh. His line of thought, not him k?

mk3jax:


I didn't hate her behaviour before we got married because like I said in my earlier post, she did every thing to please me during dating but as soon as we got married, she changed. I will stop having resentment against her if she stop the following:

-Stop complaining about my family all the time when your family come into my house when they like and stay as long as they want without my complaining.
-Stop complaining that my family don't call you all the time while I don't complain about your family not calling me. Adult have family problems to deal with everyday and calling people is not always the number 1 list on their priority. Besides not everyone has the free credit she has on her phone to call everybody in her family all the time because their are better things to do with money than buying call credit.
-Stop expecting me to be responsible for your grown up adult siblings because i have my own problems I am thinking about to solve. She quarrels with me when ever I refuse to give money to even her older siblings who are married.
-She doesn't consider me when she makes lot of decisions in the house and use the child as a pretence for all her decisions because the child cannot speak yet.
-Complaining about almost everything I do in the house making me to be more comfortable being at work than at home.
-She has never for once discuss with me about plans like building a house (which I am planning for), or investing for our child but is always ready to discuss demands from her family all in time.

I have told her that if I loose my job tomorrow, none of these so call family member of her will be there to come bail her up financially and they will look for somewhere else to look for this money they are always demanding for without coming to meet her but she still refuse to listen to me.

If she can stop the above, then 80% of our problems are solved but she wouldn't stop even after trying to talk things with her multiple times. Now I just don't care anymore because my observation is that she only care about her interest and not mine so I try to do things that make me happy away from her. I see myself as a utility to her and nothing more and presently make many of my plans without carrying her along because she seems not to care.

I would suggest you show her your original post and this one and see how it goes. I personally don't believe in suffering in marriage (I'm not married btw). They say there are 2 places you should be at peace - your grave and your home - so if you're more comfortable at work than at home, I don't think it's worth it. I think you should let her know without tempers flaring.

podosci:

I am not married , so i av restrained my self to the bench,,i wont condem or praise married person here........when i am married i would be able to comment,,,,,,i suggest you show such restrains too

GOOD JOB YOUNG MAN,i hav always gave that kind of advice too,once u r not married pls keep away from funny comment and listen to what experience has for u ,pls stop bin in fantasy island and wake up to reality,all this holywood movies aint it,they will never work in your home,they are not real.MARRIAGE DON change me big time

gidjah:
LOTS of men die in marriage b4 their time ,can some one in d house tel me y its always in that like?,i hav to b believin god for my bp over my wife's case else,,some of d men would not want to hit ,they begin to bottle up emotions until sudden death come for him,i am a pastor and military man,all my breas of service forbids me from hittin so d only thing i do now is to struggle to pray and hope to find a divorce verse in my bible,gbam!straigt i go for that last one,for now,i wish i could use my video remote to do abackward rewind on my marriage!but so far,so right!THE last time they went for summer was about d best time of my life.(no messsin up),i had fun bin alone could think well but as she came back,status quo returned

hahaha....one have to look inward before stepping into the other side of life...it is really scary when one sees things like this in marriage

Laparicoo:
Watch a movie called fireproof.

THIS IS D 2ND recommendation,can some one in d house help me wit how to get this movie pls,some one give me a brief download

babeface3:
Thinking of a score card for periodic review in marriage, yearly or quarterly. It will look like this:

Se.x................??

Care................??

General Character..........??

Respect................??


Marriage counselor could help make this more elaborate and comprehensive.

How would this work?

Every quarter or every spouse birthday, give the scorecard to your partner and ask him or her (depending on whose birthday it is) to score you.

The mark on each head should generate a healthy discussion, that would give room to improvement.

Marriage counselor/ graphic artist should undertake this novel initiative.

Flesh and blood has not revealed this!!

WILL SURE WORK ON THIS DEAR,IT WILL WORK FOR THE MARRIED JARE!

One area that many men ignore in their wives is their mental health. Once you as a husband begin to notice a behaviour that your wife never put up before, especially after birth it is important to seek professional help...fast.
Nigerians are very spiritual in these areas and the stigma attached to it makes it even.worse.
But believe me by the time it deteriorates it could be a nightmare (speaking from experience).
Kindly consider this area for your wife/family's sake.

alutacontinua:

like it or not, the most important thing to a woman from a man is not money

Yeah right