Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

You knew what you were getting yourself into from the beginning.

Deal with it or find your way out

Okay.....next post pls

Adebayo salami will buy this

next

you want a divorce after telling us this much?

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian

When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

sherina10 or fückever name you call yourself, you must be an extremely foolish woman!

Nollywood tins. Shekina, I can connect you with a movie industry veteran. Let's see where this script goes. Let me know if you're interested, on this thread o.

coogar:
you want a divorce after telling us this much?



sherina10 or fückever name you call yourself, you must be an extremely foolish woman!

What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

sherina10:


What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

so don't complain...
you knew he was married, you knew you would have problems with his married status but you still went ahead to marry him. comfort or no comfort, you should never compromise your standards because of little perks here & there.

Sit him down. Discuss your fears & your decision, and seek a mutual understanding and agreement. He is not likely to force you to hang on if you don't wish to. And make up your mind quickly before another pregnancy comes. Be more careful and diligent about the choices you make.

I try to only give advice on Nairaland but sometimes, I just want to vent!

You are 23yrs. You met a guy in 2012. That's 2 years ago. You were 21yrs.
You are currently serving. Which means you were seeing the fella while in school. You either married him in school or while serving. Either way, you met, dated, married as the second wife and are contemplating divorce all within a 2 year period! Dang!! Na only you waka come?


Ok. Now my advice.
If you are telling the truth, then your major problem is being impulsive, never thinking through any decision. As such, whatever decision you take will in all likelihood be wrong and will further force you into more impulsive decisions which will only make matters worse.

I don't believe in divorce for any reason. (Seperation is as far as I can go). I don't believe in polygamy either. So all I can say is sit still and think properly. Reason this out. Don't act based on your feelings. They got you here in the first place. Use logic. Not emotions. See what results you end up with.


This is only if you have told us the truth in the first place.

And you just registered today on nairaland
I wish you the attention you seek for
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

rolled:
And you just registered today on nairaland
I wish you the attention you seek for
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

What do I need a faceless attention for? That's my life story. It took me a lot of courage to post this here because I really need advice from others who wouldn't compromise in doing so.

sherina10:


What do I need a faceless attention for? That's my life story. It took me a lot of courage to post this here because I really need advice from others who wouldn't compromise in doing so.

so you would rather be a divorcee of a polygamist man than be in a polygamous marriage?

[quote author=LewsTherin post=28845564]I try to only give advice on Nairaland but sometimes, I just want to vent!

You are 23yrs. You met a guy in 2012. That's 2 years ago. You were 21yrs.
You are currently serving. Which means you were seeing the fella while in school. You either married him in school or while serving. Either way, you met, dated, married as the second wife and are contemplating divorce all within a 2 year period! Dang!! Na only you waka come?


FUNNY but TRUE.
Thx for the advice.

coogar:


so you would rather be a divorcee of a polygamist man than be in a polygamous marriage?

I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

sherina10:


I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

wait till you see the stigma attached to you being a divorcee. you are between the devil & the deep blue sea. there's no lesser evil here - embrace your marriage & start producing kids while you can.

desperate woman

Sorry, what has changed?
You knew you would be second wife all along and accepted, so why the sudden turn?

stinggy:
Sorry, what has changed?
You knew you would be second wife all along and accepted, so why the sudden turn?

Yes I knew I was going to be a second wife, what's wrong is what I wrote above. Thx

This one get as e be oo
I'm gonna try not to criticize, so, here goes:
If you still want a chance at true Christianity, I doubt that's your major concern though, you need to leave that man. He was and is not and will never be your husband.

This man is one of the best polygamists you'll ever find (from the little you've said about him), so, leaving him will mean wickedness and ungratefulness on your part but you're still very young and staying in this marriage cos you don't wanna hurt him will mean fruatration for a very long time, therefore, woman-up and tell him you're done. He might not handle it well but you gotta do what you gotta do.

The suffering that you ran away from, I hope you know it's still waiting for you! Cos all the money is gonna cease, so, woman-up, cos your 'comfortable' life is about to end.



Just ao I get it out of my mind, you're one hell of a manipulative, callous, mean and foolish woman. I mean, read your story again and tell me if you have any atom of sense and dignity

Btw, do you have a child yet?

and please, stop trying to make this gentleman look bad with all these married me for kids talk . You're the bad one here, not the man.

My dear, you should be happy they both accepted you. Though u made a mistake by agreeing to marry a married man. You knew wat u were getting involved in. Just ask God for forgiveness and remain there, God will uphold u. Just be nice since u re welcomed. I also hope u know ur hubby is still entitled to two more wives. Have ur kids and safe up on cash. Some ladies have never have it so good. Good luck.

sherina10:


Yes I knew I was going to be a second wife, what's wrong is what I wrote above. Thx

Seriously you're asking too much of life.
There you were, rejected by your family, this guy stood by you and paid all your bills, saw to your education and rewarded you again with marriage. You didn't at any stage suffer financially. Not as if you got wedded to a hustling guy where the early stages of marriage could be hard.
Moreover, the senior wife accepted you like a sister. You weren't forced to change faith even as your husby as described here is a religious man.
Pray, tell what else do you want??

He married you for kids? Why else would a married man marry you before?

Ojukokoro...
You are not wise as coogar said. Your mates know when it is time to run away but you did not. Aristo girls do not want the whole package they know when to bail, but alas you were too greedy, thinking he will leave madam so you can get everything. Babe, i have no advice for you. Deal with your problems and PLEASE remember to be kind to the third wife when she comes just as the first wife was kind to you.

Before I continue reading, see as you absolve yourself of all blame!

Back to reading...

The op is [size=18pt]STUPID![/size]

Hollywood, bollywood & Nollywood story,next.......

You say he married you for kids but you married him for comfort which makes the two of you or would you rather he married you for love when you didnt either, you see you cant eat your cake and have it. I am not blaming you though cos of your age but i want you to know and work on your SELFISHNESS to better yourself and avoid future problems. The reason you want to leave this man is not that you have realise your mistake but cos of what people are saying. I advice you leave this man and take time to know and go for what you want, more importantly work on yourself or you forever be jealous, miserable and possibly become evil in that marriage. Make peace with atleast your sister if not her hubby, what about other family members?

Pray for wisdom.

shinejackie:
Hollywood, bollywood & Nollywood story,next.......

U got it rung. It should be bollywood, Hollywood & Nollywood, in that order.
We are expecting part 3 with the third wife.

Is it only people that are registered on nairaland that encounter problems in this world? If so, then nairalanders must be filled with frustrated people.

So, a regular visitor who is not registered on nairaland, but visits nairaland regularly, cant decide one day to also register and seek solutions to his own issues?

@ OP, You have arrived, you are now comfortable, have your own apartment, graduated from school, it then dawned on you that you are just a 2nd fiddle. okay ooooooo.

rolled:
And you just registered today on nairaland
I wish you the attention you seek for
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

SAMBARRY:
Adebayo salami will buy this

next

Who d hell is 'Adebayo Salami' n. How does he relate to the story?

@OP.. Its wat u signed up for. By d way,dunt be too smart. I put it to u dat, u went into d marriage for ur own selfish reasons(u needed help to finish school and u were broke after ur sis threw u out) n now u wanna leave cos u achieved ur aim.

He didn't use or lie to u @ OP, U lied to and used Him.