sherina10:


Yes im okay. He came to visit me in school bought an engagement ring, gave it to me, we spent some time togheter when he was about living that same day was when he told me about his wife, i had to let go then, he came to visit me again in school with his wife, he said he was serious and our marriage will be normal and his wife is in support. he informed me that when he told his people about his intention of getting married again they gave him a condition that he must reconcile with his wife because his wife is still very much interested in the marriage and she has no problem with him getting married again at that point in time i couldnt let go because he was pratically a family to me then, who showed me so much love and support just to marry me not that i dont love him? i do love him, he is very okay and honest. i had to go ahead and marry him otherwise i will see myself as an ungrateful person, i never knew polygamy comes with stigma and sometimes unwarranted hatred from people especially as the second wife. i dont know im playing victim, i taught i was writing my story and about child rearing i only knew about that after the marriage. NOTE; I wont be fair if i dont mention that up till now i dont have a child nor pregnant but he is still supportive. thanks for the advice

I think this man and his wife has been very fair to you. Your concerns are flimsy to be honest - let it go and make attempts to blend into his family and fit into his life style.

Goodluck. Hopefully you have a kid for him now and even his 1st wife too. All the best.

NB: if you are still feeling terrible a year after you posted this story and you've got no kids yet, perhaps its time to walk.

you were still in the puppy love stage when you took this decision. i have a friend about to go into such right now.
however, my contribution is
1) since you like comfort and attention from him, convert to his religion and he and his friends will start taking you serious
2) bone like you dont care for like 5yrs, then he will ask and shift grounds for you
3) you dont have a child for him yet, so just divorce him and free yourself

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

where did the Bible teach 1 man 1 wife?

Memyselfu2009:
U re already Married.. the Bible advice 1 man one woman. To me your marriage is wrong using bible principle. But you are in it already since exactly is wrong with the wife. The man can not give u all want ur heart desire which is him.

OP I know is hard to leave someone that gave you support when you needed it most. and I belive you never expect him to reconcile with his first wife that why you went ahead with this marriage. and now it has all happen and your going through jealousy and the stigma of it.well I think I understand you very well. I want you to know that life is unpredictable. things change as we go on with life. belive me this is just the beginning soon you will die of jealousy and people must talk .My advice is ...sit your self down and think is this really What you wish for your self. is this the kind of marriage you dream of.can you cope and endure?. at your age you need love and caring but greed push you to decide otherwise. well is up to you if you really need happiness you must leave that house because is not urs from the beginning you snatch it away from the Muslim woman who can cope even if the hubby marry 6wives. your a Christian that place is not for you. hard to say but leave that house. never you compromise your love life with sympathy love it will hurt you to the last. you can still find love. think before another wife comes in because that will surely happen. if you can cope good luck if you can't find your way and live a happy life don't listen to what people will say they must talk.Am looking at your happiness not your greed I know you post this because your regretting now. Good luck in your decision is all about you not him nor people. is your happiness that matters.

Isn't this story already a year old?
Talk about flogging a dead horse

sherina10:


What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

Not convincing. You were not druged. Find your way out amicably and save us from making unnecessary statement

sherina10:


What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

U were homeless, He gave U shelter

U were helpless, He strengthened U

I see reasons with U for sticking to Him due to the comfort he offered but this marriage level na serious gbege ooooo.


polygamous marriage in this 21st century !!!!!




& this ingrate feeling will pop into Ur mind when U attempt divorce oooo

How do people know your are second wife?
Just say here is my husband (if the first wife is around) and here is my madam. Chikina!

Before you leave get a job first!
Meanwhile you need to refund the man his expenses or you are at fault!

Also, What's wrong in your husband asking you to have kids?
Dont allow fake friends to confuse you, where were your friends when u could not pay school fees?

Women wanting everything since the days of Adam and Eve.. You married him for money and he married u to bear his children... Shikena!!

[quote author=sherina10 post=28844215]

It is obvious that you traded polygamy for comfort.
One wonders what misunderstanding would have made your sister's husband to turn his back on you.

Don't you have other relatives you could have turned to for help.
Whether you are the first or second wife, you will bear children at some point.
Since you appear to be well cared for, you either stay or seek divorce.

What is bad in polygamy marriage?.

Play your card well with your man and try to understand him.

Don't follow your friends hatred coments on polygamy life many of them will not get marry dut to their irrelevant ways of life.

Get your self together and look fwd for better things with your man and stop listening to low IQ friends.

What if the guy play you into it what will u do.
Accept your faith. May almighty ALLAH protect you and him with mutual understanding.

Abioo

Gnexplore:
How do people know your are second wife?
Just say here is my husband (if the first wife is around) and here is my madam. Chikina!

Before you leave get a job first!
Meanwhile you need to refund the man his expenses or you are at fault!

Also, What's wrong in your husband asking you to having kids?
Dont allow fake friends to confuse you, where were your friends when u could not pay school fees?

Is this how to advise someone in need of it.
Abeg are you married?.
If you are you are breaking someone home oo.

Nkasiobi87:
OP I know is hard to leave someone that gave you support when you needed it most. and I belive you never expect him to reconcile with his first wife that why you went ahead with this marriage. and now it has all happen and your going through jealousy and the stigma of it.well I think I understand you very well. I want you to know that life is unpredictable. things change as we go on with life. belive me this is just the beginning soon you will die of jealousy and people must talk .My advice is ...sit your self down and think is this really What you wish for your self. is this the kind of marriage you dream of.can you cope and endure?. at your age you need love and caring but greed push you to decide otherwise. well is up to you if you really need happiness you must leave that house because is not urs from the beginning you snatch it away from the Muslim woman who can cope even if the hubby marry 6wives. your a Christian that place is not for you. hard to say but leave that house. never you compromise your love life with sympathy love it will hurt you to the last. you can still find love. think before another wife comes in because that will surely happen. if you can cope good luck if you can't find your way and live a happy life don't listen to what people will say they must talk.Am looking at your happiness not your greed I know you post this because your regretting now. Good luck in your decision is all about you not him nor people. is your happiness that matters.

Hygg h o

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

Abi weyrey leleyi

Why do Africans get married?

U ve a caring husband. U re longing for monopoly?

Comot my front b4 I swear gi' u

OP - You have a very strong and deep evil foundational challenge that is manipulating your destiny.

If you are not genuinely born again and also understand the dynamics of spiritual warfare, forget it, you'll be tossed up and down by the
evil ancestral demons of the Father's house. This is one of the results you are already seeing.

My advise
1. Surrender your life to Christ
2. Come out of that marriage because as a Christian (though, not a practising one), you are not
permitted to be in polygamy
3. Go to a Bible believing church and ask help from counsellors on what to do (Sorry to say, most comments on Nairaland won't help you)
4. Mend fences - ask for forgiveness from your sister and forgive her as well
5. Prayerfully discuss your position with your husband and trust God for help
6. Cut away from useless friends and stop watching all these useless nollywood, hollywood, bollywood, philippines romantic films,
African Magic. They are subtle ways destinies are attacked and destroyed
7. Start studying the Word of God and be frequent in church programmes
8. Sincerely ask for God's mercy - perhaps, God has a definite programme for your life that is being thwarted now because you took wrong
decisions that is costing you and causing shame
9. You'll start praying warfare prayers that borders on your foundation. Truth be told, the whole of Africa is being troubled as a result of
polluted & defiled foundation. Even Born again Christians are battling this issue how much less,someone who doesn't understand her left
from her right.
10. Deal with pride of life, lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes , covetousness.
11. You will have to go for deliverance ministration and prayers - there are so many things that have been buried inside of you right now that is
yet to manifest. Moreso, what is even the proof that you have not been spiritually emptied?

Let me stop here.

You can't escape it. God is going to drain out those things that are not HIS, which might include your finances before He starts blessing you. It will cost you something but you'll be better off and then your marital life will be restored.

I hope this helps.

Op, do not bother us o.
U knew what you were going into and you said you love him
Sort the matter yourself. U are in a mess.
U knew he was married
U knew your religion disallows polygamy
Yet U married him out of LUST, not love
Your marriage is illegal as far as God and His Word says
God recognizes the first wife, not U as the second
God sees U as an adulterer and your eternity is at risk on this account.
U married without parental consent? It is a taboo o
U are too young at 23 for this rotten mess U landed yourself

Now your conscience troubles you and want to quit
U married for the wrong reasons
See a marriage counselor,that is my advice
Restitution must be done if you value your eternity.

You entered BH one chance.Your greed will destroy you,better remain there.U made the choice,ewu 2nd fiddle.

As a muslim he is entitles to maryy up to 4 wives, there's nothing to be ashamed of being a second wife, after all the wives our muslim leaders and even some xtian leaders term as first ladies used to be second third or even tenth wives, if the man loves u that's enuf.

I know of men who marry only one wife and treat. Their wives as slaves with no rights or personality, is nt it strange that ur bible believing born again xtians inlaws parents and uncles abandoned u up till now and its a stranger who look after u in skool.

Don't be an ingrate, u have finished ur skoolin and have a home now, u want to dump the man that made u for what?

To go and sleep with a gold digger who will use u and dump u.

Be wise.

xtianity or Islam , one thing you cannot take away from our culture is that of appreciation. The man has appreciated you and believed that you will make a good wife from the start of the relationship. You never objected to being his second wife in the first place because his religion accepts polygamy so does our culture. You took it headlong. From what I understand you did not consult your pastor or an imam on the issue of your religious compatibility or even your marriage.

Since he has been consistent in keeping you happy and making you comfortable as a husband there is no reason to kept out based on any convictions. However you need to be very prayerful for the following reasons.

You will not make a good decision if you listen to people generally because most of your friends will like to be in your shoes right now. Although, one might not wish my own daughter what you are going through, our journey paths in life has been designed and Sanctioned before we were born. we have no control over it.

Your husband is your best friend. Discuss your fears with him and find a common ground on such issues.

Prayers are important to your case. Your sole prayer point now is May God keep you in that house. I have heard of cases where a second wife gave birth and the first wife took in after eight years of marriage. So count yourself lucky you are married. You have become the source of envy of your friends.

Get a job right away to cater for yourself and any unforseen circumstances. Even the wife of Dangote works.

Inter religious and inter tribal marriage is good but it is also responsible for the ostracism of many a couple by their immediate families. You should play a role in making your relations understand your marriage as an act sanctioned by our Creator,God Almighty. Christians and Muslim worship and tolerate each other despite the violent attitude of some few Muslims. Make them understand that if you married a pagan it will be a different story entirely.

Is your husband a true Muslim? does he tolerate your family being around you from time to time? If he does, thank God because he is a good man.

Finally, beware of friends. Most are cynics. Your marriage or issues within it should not be a subject of discussion among your friends. Stand up to any criticism of and protect your husband and your senior wife. Go close to the senior wife as often as possible. Treat her like a queen and don't let her feel ostracized.

May the Almighty God be with you and protect your marriage.

Amen.



fa

veave:
Ojukokoro...
You are not wise as coogar said. Your mates know when it is time to run away but you did not. Aristo girls do not want the whole package they know when to bail, but alas you were too greedy, thinking he will leave madam so you can get everything. Babe, i have no advice for you. Deal with your problems and PLEASE remember to be kind to the third wife when she comes just as the first wife was kind to you.

Sips kunu.... Clear throat...

This is a legendary comment

if the marriage is no longer making you happy, gather as much money as you can in your savings and leave. From The way I see it, he might even marry a 3rd wife. Then u will be left to share with two other women. He's a Muslim, it's not a taboo for them, you knew it and still went ahead... There's nothing more you can do than to endure or move on. Good luck!

sherina10:


What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

dz is tale by moon light.
a story for the mariners

sherina10:


In terms of happiness, we are good, we are like every other married couple with polygamy as the difference. im happy in the marriage, i dont have a single problem with him in person, i only have problem with polygamy and myself for accepting it because ive been taged unwarranted names.
come to think of it, if he married me because his first wife couldnt give him his number of desired children then im not the only one he married for children.

oh yes, u weren't the only1 he married for children. Funny thing is that, I was once in ur shoes. I got hooked up with a kanuri/arab muslim guy some months ago. We're both from the north but I'm a christian.Very young aged 26 and I'm 22 about to serve. All he wanted was marriage and I was so inlove too. He isn't married tho. When I told my parents about the marriage proposal, they saw it like I was under a spell. Like it's a taboo to marry a muslim because of their polygamy ish. My father begged me never to mention him again and he enlightened me on how I will never ever be accepted by his people because of my faith and it's true. See babe, they see u as ARNA, if u know what that means! I just mellowed down and rejected the marriage offer. It's kinda painful but I've been saved from polygamy. A pastor was invited over the issue and he bluntly told me that he's not my husband and he sees me in a polygamous home. Even if my fiancee wouldn't want to marry again, he'll be forced by his friends and family to marry as many wives as he wants. So my dear, it isn't too late to back out. U've had no kids yet which will be easier, just save up and move on! He's never ur husband and he'll never be! Except u'll accept polygamy.

U can simply convert to islam

onegig:


Wrong notion please. When people repeat lies continually it becomes the truth.

No muslim has a right to call another person an infidel or Khafir. Because only God can judge you and know who belongs to him. No one holds the moral high ground to look down on another and call them names because no one is even sure of making it to Paradise.

So Stop repeating this false assertion.

God Bless You..

My take on this issue is that you were too womanish and childish the way you handled the
relationship. Agreed you needed a helper after your sister and hubby abandoned you but marrying already married and
family man was a great mistake you made that you may not be able to correct in your lifetime . I don't think you 're a serious and committed Christian,sorry not trying to judge you but no good Christian girl will sleep and date a married man. Spiritually you are still single my dear and committing fornication!. If you loves your children unborn you wouldn't have done this. Going to produce children of the bondwoman. Sorry!,your kids are going to be Muslims.

All these people asking u to quit ur marriage are not sincere in their lives. They are all fraud. Where do they think they are? in belgium or france? When did it become a taboo to be a second or third wife in nigeria? If they claim they are christians do they read the bible? How many of the friends of God in the bible married only one wife. how many of those stigmatising you will give an arm and a leg to be fifth wife to Goodluck Jonathan, Rotimi Amechi or kwankwaso. You have made ur decision, live with it & make the best use of ur life. How many of us have monogamous parent to the third generation in nigeria?
Most of those condemning u have multiple se.x partners but come out to pretend to be saints.

God bless you too

rolled:
And you just registered today on nairaland I wish you the attention you seek for Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

Pls what's the criteria for posting on NL. If you were Seun .......

rolled:
And you just registered today on nairaland I wish you the attention you seek for Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

Pls what's the criteria for posting on NL. If you were Seun .......

All I can read from your post is a lady that married a man because of worldly things. After she had achieve her goals, she comes to nairaland to get support for devilish thought before she carried out her planned actions.

Please I will advice you not to harm the man and the other wife. If you are not interested in him again, discuss with him and leave him in peace. I am sure I will understand. Since you said he is a religious muslim.

The only mistake I will say he made is marrying you still been of another faith. This is because he ignored the advice of the prophet that says we should married for the sake of religion 1st before any other thing both the party coming together in marriage. By so doing, both will have proper understanding of what they are doing and not being suspicious of any wrong doing. He should have lectured you more about his religion even if you are not ready to be a muslim.

To me, the man have been exhibiting the true teachings of Islam by letting you know everything about his 1st wife and bringing the two of you together to know each other.

If you allow jealousy and bad thought to ruin your life, please exempt the man and the other wife from your bad thought and probably you evil plans.

A true and religious muslim woman would have known that this thought are front shaytan and would have taken measures and seek refuge in Allah from the handy work of shaytan and his promise of destroying marriages.

Please, I will advice you not to harm the man and his other wife if you cannot control your thoughts and stop listening to bad advices from friends. It doesn't pay at all.