coogar:


so don't complain...
you knew he was married, you knew you would have problems with his married status but you still went ahead to marry him. comfort or no comfort, you should never compromise your standards because of little perks here & there.

have u ever been alone? Like, had no one to go to, no one to talk to? Just ALONE.





My question to the op tho, where was ur family when u were getting married to a muslim man who was already maRried? Sherina10

U re already Married.. the Bible advice 1 man one woman. To me your marriage is wrong using bible principle. But you are in it already since exactly is wrong with the wife. The man can not give u all want ur heart desire which is him.

You seems not have studied the storyline yourself... he did all those for u without any personal interest and you still claim you don't want to be a second wife.. and some people are still telling you to be religious. No religion stop u from being a second wife. u know that! Or do you have any evidence for sticking to one wife or that says marry but one wife in the bible because he Jesus said he came to establish and Abraham, jacob, moses had more than one. And most youths would have had sex some couple of times before even getting married.. now he sponsored u without personal interest which many of the young guys u're looking for wouldn't do and his wife still accepted you.. omo! Ur luck choke sef.. many women dey find husband dem no see ooo... widows choke.. those with rape experience choke.and even men dey die more.. . na until u leave ur husband house u go know wetin b koko.. i hope then u go come write part 2 for us.. then say... I've learnt my lesson.... please advice me on how to go back..

You married for money, he married for children...equation is balanced.

Seriously, its up to you to decide whether you want to stay or leave. Think and decide before kids come your way.

Seems you are not really ready to leave the comfortable life right now sha.

pls dear there something more here, 1) he make u understand that you are not presentable cos u are a Christian, one day u will b force to change to Islam, 2) the first wife has health issue how are u sure dat u not been use for spiritual cleanse, cos is not possible for the first wife to just accept another woman into her home, dear, this is well planned n well executed by the two of them cos they do not have issue nor reconciled they plan it cos they know u wouldn't want to be second wife, so pls get out immediately. My advice. Tnx

Sorry you are an usurper! Please check out of that marriage.

Olorun a bayin yanju e ooooo
God wl help you to settle it

Welcome to your new religion

sherina10:
Hello
he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring

If this is the case, then what's the problem. Is it an issue that in addition to being very caring and loving to you, that he also wants children? At least he didn't just want to have a side chick, but he wanted to make you wifey.

If anybody should be feeling bad, it's the first wife, for you will come to take her place in his heart. If you love him as you've said, then stay in the marriage, since there's no talk of abuse.

I really doubt that he see's you only as a second fiddle, baby making machine, so take it easy before you go and do something you'd later regret

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

Look at the bright side.
You're married
You're not some random side chic but a respectable woman

you better stay with this man,you can talk things out, sit him down nd let him understand how you feel.do not see yourself as a baby factory,they ar nice to you what else do you want,just make sure you have your own bussines and finacial dependent,what i believe is that the man will still give u the all attention needed,just be nice

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

My dear take my advice, for heaven sake, pls quit the marriage. You're sharing another woman's husband and that is adultery before God.

hope they not gonna use u for rituals

The word "Women" should be used instead of "Confusion"....

Why all the duck tales, were you blind to know you were going into a polygamos marriage ?

Just listen to yourself. You agreed to marry him because of the comfort now you can't cope with sharing him with his real wife. Isn't that stupid. Don't you know you are actually a second fiddle to them. Now you claimed to be christian but I just discovered that you don't know anything about true Christianity. True christianity does not allow you to marry a non-believer not to talk of being a second wife of an unbeliever. In fact to Bible guidelines, you are an adulterer as you marry him I will advice that you break free from that immoral relationship and study the Bible with Jehovah's witnesses to know what God expect of you.

I think u got urself into this because of ur situation then not really because of love. I will advice show more love to him and present ur case. From what u said, he did a lot for u so u too should show appreciation by sacrificing. Handle the situation with a lioness heart u will smile at last.

After reading your story, felt sober for you. i understand totally what u went thru and why u took d decisions u took. i am a man of reality and logic, i believe in what is real and what can be deduced. having said that, u are 23 now right, serving and LUCKILY for u, u have no children yet for him. my advice, quit d marriage, take it that ur mistake has paid for your the "comfort" and surport u got thru school. get a divorce now before its too late and start a new life, thank God age is still on your side and you hv a degree and probably some savings now. face the real life and struggle ur way now, u'll definately find d right man for u and d dream family u'v always wanted. he will always get someone else that will bring him children, even a muslim for that matter that understands and is happy to b a second wife. my dear b smart.

Why would MODS bring up a thread that is 2 years old.

Oga Bello

The problem u hv exists only in ur mind cos u r loved n provided for. It is ur thought and perception of the marriage situation that has brought this abstract problem upon u. U soon forgot that there are many woman like u who are even third or fourth wives bt happy in their marriage. Just make adjustment n work on ur mind lest u harm urself d more. Ur happines is prime.

So? Now wey you done born JESUS, make we celebrate Christmas and BLACK FRIDAY efry yia abi?

Goodluck

when the man was spending for u...u didn't tell us oo did u invite me for ur wedding ni abeg that ur own cross, carry it with joy and gladness without regrets and laments.. got my own shit too

lawalakib:
You seems not have studied the storyline yourself... he did all those for u without any personal interest and you still claim you don't want to be a second wife.. and some people are still telling you to be religious. No religion stop u from being a second wife. u know that! Or do you have any evidence for sticking to one wife or that says marry but one wife in the bible because he Jesus said he came to establish and Abraham, jacob, moses had more than one. And most youths would have had sex some couple of times before even getting married.. now he sponsored u without personal interest which many of the young guys u're looking for wouldn't do and his wife still accepted you.. omo! Ur luck choke sef.. many women dey find husband dem no see ooo... widows choke.. those with rape experience choke.and even men dey die more.. . na until u leave ur husband house u go know wetin b koko.. i hope then u go come write part 2 for us.. then say... I've learnt my lesson.... please advice me on how to go back..

What are you even saying? BTW, this topic was created 1 year ago so save yourself some strength. OP may not even be on NL again.

sherina10:


I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

Why do you real care about how\what people look or think about you (concerning a decision you made for yourself), when your way is good. Are those people your creator? And Its the same set of people that you want to satisfy that will still mock you when you take the step you are contemplating on and it does not work out well.
Or it may be that you yourself are fed up due to some reasons and now trying to make points from what does not really matter.

ziddy:
It seems like the man truly loves you. The one thing standing in the way of true intimacy between you guys is your christianity, and you sound as if you're taking steps to remedy that already.

If you become a muslim, you wouldn see polygamy as awkward anymore, and he would treat your house more like his other home. Voila, all your problems solved in a flash

leave your religion because of man/woman, never

sherina10:


I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

I don't advice women either online or offline cos they make you look stupid in the end with their eventual decision which would be very different(actually not bad) and very illogical(but very annoying).

But let me make an exception to it with you. At least I will care less or know whatever you decided on.

Now to the advise.

You simply have no business in the marriage for the following reasons.

1. You're not ready for marriage cos you're not prepared mentally. It was only a way out of the financial mess you were

2. Your complaint about the stigma and him not keeping things at your place are typical of polygamous family. He will always see his first wife's place as his main house. He will even prefer to share more secrets with his first wife so no way out.

3. You also complained of him not bringing his friends because you don't cover your head. Its obvious you never discussed religion before you got married. I would've advised you start using scarf at the least(which some christians too do) but the fact is that he will still come up with another thing. Except you're ready to change your religion which I don't think you want.

4. You want his attention to a larger extent than he is giving but he can't help it cos he has another wife.

All the above are the problems I could read into your write up.


The simplest solution I think that is available to you is to get out of the marriage now that you're still very young and can still attract suitors. I hate to see anyone get divorced but there seem to be no way out for you. It is even better for you now that you're yet to have a baby for him.

You have to accept that the marriage was a mistake you made of which you were too young to understand the things involved.

If you choose to go ahead with it, its your decision but remember the moment you give birth, you're never getting out again

The fact is that the guy has tried, really really tried to be fair to you from the very first day. So it is absolutely no fault of his because you were the unprepared participant. Even at that, there are some things in polygamy that no human being can solve. No matter how religious that man his, he can never satisfy two women at the same time. He might satisfy their material and physical needs but the emotional needs can never balance and this is where most people go wrong against God's preaching.

The basic requirement for any man to marry more than one wife is ability to provide absolute equity in everything amongst the wives but which man born of a woman can provide ordinary equity in everything let alone absolute equity.


I'm a muslim so I understand what marrying a second, third or fourth wife means but I will never advocate for it cos I know the caveat that is after 6 is far beyond 7.


Salam.

sherina10:


What do I need a faceless attention for? That's my life story. It took me a lot of courage to post this here because I really need advice from others who wouldn't compromise in doing so.

ok...
your story sounds like nollywood script i watched recently...

oya fastfoward to my advise...

but before then rewind to your story summary...

did you consider somethings

1.that the comfort he was giving you was temporary?

2. that the said guy was even a STAUNCH MUSLIM and you Christian and according to this story you had a way u were raised and because polygamy is a taboo to ur
Christian faith yet you ventured into it... this summaries how DAFT u are.

3. you feel ashamed of being a second wife seriously were you pushed? did you find out late?? no, @21 I made d choice of hubby am married to and you knew the man u were abt to marry was married and u jumped into it... it was fun, right? enjoy it. AND PLEASE WEAR AN HIJAB STEADILY next time when you are in Rome you behave like the Romans....

4. to think you said you had no family again except for ur sis n hubby is the height of exaggeration. as a Christian did you report to a clergy man... don't you have friends or IS YOU AN ISLAND

5. Summarily you said d marriage is doing fine as there's peace at home. You better hang in there darling for d same of those kids you hurriedly brought to this world.


ALL I'LL ADVISE YOU IS TO BE A SCRIPT WRITER AND ABOVE ALL LIE RESPONSIBLY

Is against the bible pls u are not His wife because u can't be,go and look for ur husband, because if u die along the line u will go to hail