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Adjusting To Life As A Widower - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Poll: How has this thread helped you to appreciate your spouse better and positively affect your relationship?

Very Positive: 90% (9 votes)
Good: 0% (0 votes)
Fair: 10% (1 vote)
Not Really: 0% (0 votes)
Not At All: 0% (0 votes)
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Wearing Your Wedding Band As A Widow/widower / Why Do We Have More Widow Than Widower? / Getting Married To A Widower (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Nekai(f): 12:28am On Feb 28, 2011
serubawon:

I actually have an interesting story to tell and tonight actually determines where my current relationship will be heading. I'll let everyone know as soon as the verdict comes in.

Take care everyone.





Please tell!! cheesy I'm excited already!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by andromida(f): 3:11pm On Mar 01, 2011
Pls the story.eagerly waiting
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Abekeade08(f): 4:25am On Mar 08, 2011
Serubawon, Na wa ooh. This thread is about loss, life and new beginings. I too am interested in your story, I'll be stalking this thread to see your response.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by sorrytoo: 11:14am On Mar 08, 2011
infact,its more than wa, i don refresh this page tire, what time of suspense is this? ,

nna na wa,
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 12:59am On Mar 09, 2011
Sorry for the delay everyone. I wasn't trying to create artificial suspense, but I had exams and was in a Training Program at the same time. I'm just glad that it's finally over.

Ok. Back to the subject matter. The verdict is in and the answer is YES!!!

I asked her to marry me a week ago and I got the answer almost before I had asked the question ( she was a bit mad because she was wondering why it was taking me so long to pop the question). Women , if only they knew how hard it is to generate all the necessary courage needed in asking THE QUESTION. I tried to make it as romantic as possible, while also ensuring I didn't make a complete fool of myself in the process. She's beautiful, smart and most importantly, prayerful (I need someone like that).

My biggest fear has been the welfare of my kids. I would die for my kids without thinking about it and because of our circumstances, I've become extremely protective over them. I had only one condition which is not debatable: If she wasn't sure that she could love my kids like they were her own biological kids, then we had no future, period. She found it a bit difficult to understand why I was so rigid on this subject, but this is how it is to me. My kids never chose for their mom to die suddenly and I am responsible for their welfare. If a woman makes my children happy, then I am a happy man and would live in peace. Anything otherwise is completely unnacceptable. Before I popped the question, I actually had to ask for my kid's permission to get married and I was really surprised when both of them told me that she was the one they wanted and how could I even think of anyone else. So, what else was I waiting for.

So, this is a new chapter in my life. It's a bit scary, knowing that I have to do everything possible not to compare her with my late wife. That is difficult, but possible with God on my side. I intend to write a book about my experiences (but that is still in the far future). I pray that in about 5 years, I can return to nairaland and tell everyone that God guided me in making the right choice. I really want to be happy, because I had been un-happy for so many years. I pray she is THE ONE that makes it happen, as I have every intention of making her the happiest woman alive.

I need to really thank the whole gang on this thread. A lot of comments have been very inspiring and encouraging. I'm happy for the opportunity I had to express myself on this thread and for all your support. So, I thank you all and pray that every single one of you will find that one person that will bring happiness and joy into your lives.

Hope it wasn't too boring. Remain blessed.

5 Likes

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by chaircover: 7:01am On Mar 09, 2011
Congratulations Serubawon. I am really happy for you all. This is indeed a new chapter in your life and I pray that it works out for you all.

Every cloud has a silver lining & I wish you a happy married life and a wonderful new addtion in the lives of your children.

Sounds like you have a wonderful woman beside you. All the best bro.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by sorrytoo: 5:19pm On Mar 09, 2011
serubawon:

Sorry for the delay everyone. I wasn't trying to create artificial suspense, but I had exams and was in a Training Program at the same time.  I'm just glad that it's finally over.

Ok. Back to the subject matter.  The verdict is in and the answer is YES!!!

I asked her to marry me a week ago and I got the answer almost before I had asked the question ( she was a bit mad because she was wondering why it was taking me so long to pop the question).  Women , if only they knew how hard it is to generate all the necessary courage needed in asking THE QUESTION.  I tried to make it as romantic as possible, while also ensuring I didn't make a complete fool of myself in the process.  She's beautiful, smart and most importantly, prayerful (I need someone like that).

My biggest fear has been the welfare of my kids.  I would die for my kids without thinking about it and because of our circumstances, I've become extremely protective over them.  I had only one condition which is not debatable: If she wasn't sure that she could love my kids like they were her own biological kids, then we had no future, period.  She found it a bit difficult to understand why I was so rigid on this subject, but this is how it is to me.  My kids never chose for their mom to die suddenly and I am responsible for their welfare.  If a woman makes my children happy, then I am a happy man and would live in peace.  Anything otherwise is completely unnacceptable.  Before I popped the question, I actually had to ask for my kid's permission to get married and I was really surprised when both of them told me that she was the one they wanted and how could I even think of anyone else.  So, what else was I waiting for.

So, this is a new chapter in my life.  It's a bit scary, knowing that I have to do everything possible not to compare her with my late wife.  That is difficult, but possible with God on my side.  I intend to write a book about my experiences (but that is still in the far future).  I pray that in about 5 years, I can return to nairaland and tell everyone that God guided me in making the right choice.  I really want to be happy, because I had been un-happy for so many years.  I pray she is THE ONE that makes it happen, as I have every intention of making her the happiest woman alive.


I need to really thank the whole gang on this thread.  A lot of comments have been very inspiring and encouraging.  I'm happy for the opportunity I had to express myself on this thread and for all your support.  So, I thank you all and pray that every single one of you will find that one person that will bring happiness and joy into your lives.

Hope it wasn't too boring.  Remain blessed.

that line brought tears to my eyes, (touching)

congratulations , n i wish u all the best,
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Abekeade08(f): 6:03pm On Mar 09, 2011
Awww Serubawon. Congratulations dear. I wish you all the very best. wink
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Kilode1: 7:46pm On Mar 09, 2011
serubawon:

Sorry for the delay everyone. I wasn't trying to create artificial suspense, but I had exams and was in a Training Program at the same time. I'm just glad that it's finally over.

Ok. Back to the subject matter. The verdict is in and the answer is YES!!!

I asked her to marry me a week ago and I got the answer almost before I had asked the question ( she was a bit mad because she was wondering why it was taking me so long to pop the question). Women , if only they knew how hard it is to generate all the necessary courage needed in asking THE QUESTION. I tried to make it as romantic as possible, while also ensuring I didn't make a complete fool of myself in the process. She's beautiful, smart and most importantly, prayerful (I need someone like that).

My biggest fear has been the welfare of my kids. I would die for my kids without thinking about it and because of our circumstances, I've become extremely protective over them. I had only one condition which is not debatable: If she wasn't sure that she could love my kids like they were her own biological kids, then we had no future, period. She found it a bit difficult to understand why I was so rigid on this subject, but this is how it is to me. My kids never chose for their mom to die suddenly and I am responsible for their welfare. If a woman makes my children happy, then I am a happy man and would live in peace. Anything otherwise is completely unnacceptable. Before I popped the question, I actually had to ask for my kid's permission to get married and I was really surprised when both of them told me that she was the one they wanted and how could I even think of anyone else. So, what else was I waiting for.

So, this is a new chapter in my life. It's a bit scary, knowing that I have to do everything possible not to compare her with my late wife. That is difficult, but possible with God on my side. I intend to write a book about my experiences (but that is still in the far future). I pray that in about 5 years, I can return to nairaland and tell everyone that God guided me in making the right choice. I really want to be happy, because I had been un-happy for so many years. I pray she is THE ONE that makes it happen, as I have every intention of making her the happiest woman alive.

I need to really thank the whole gang on this thread. A lot of comments have been very inspiring and encouraging. I'm happy for the opportunity I had to express myself on this thread and for all your support. So, I thank you all and pray that every single one of you will find that one person that will bring happiness and joy into your lives.

Hope it wasn't too boring. Remain blessed.

Congratulations bro! I Just saw this thread. What a story! what a journey!

I rarely visit this section. Your story since 2006 with all the actors on this thread, the twists, the turns and suspense was just amazing to read. I guess it's another testament to the wisdom and strength that comes with time and experience.

I wish you and your family a great life!

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Nekai(f): 6:06am On Mar 10, 2011
Congrats! I'm so glad your children approved, and I'm glad you found someone that will truly love them. I wish you all happiness!
When you write that book be sure to let us all know! It sounds like you went through alot, and you didn't rush the process. I admire you patience.
Congrats again to you, your children, and your new fiancee!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by andromida(f): 12:36pm On Mar 15, 2011
Reads like one of those bestsellers only this one is real life.I am delighted for all of you (your kids, the woman and of course yourself).
May the journey ahead alwys have joy, peace, smiles, laughter and everyother thing your heart desires.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ikamefa(f): 6:15pm On Mar 15, 2011
@ serubawon when is the happy day oh

i wan dance alanta

lemm jollof rice

and shack pammy like n0 mans bixnix

just submit the date, time and venue instanta grin grin grin

congratulobias are in order!!! grin grin grin
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 5:55am On Mar 16, 2011
Amen and thank you everyone.

Funny enough, I started reading the thread all over from the beginning and I couldn't believe that so much had happened over this period of time. I intend to show my fiancee the thread (for whatever reason, I'm still trying to fathom).

Still discussing the traditional stuff that is supposed to be held in naija (it's driving me nuts too). The wedding, by God's grace, will be here in Houston and I will definitely post the date when it has finally been determined. I guess I'll place an open invitation here on Nairaland, 'cause you guys on this thread have become like family. Maybe (only maybe), I might post a pic of both of us. However, that is really sketchy. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. It's spring break and I'm taking a rest from school and books (only for a week sha).

Cheers people.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by keyne(f): 6:01am On Mar 16, 2011
aww, i hope you have a great happy ending, *and they lived happily ever after* ,
(p.s.dont forget to ask your kids how they reallly feel abt the new lady)
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by OneSide: 3:10pm On Mar 16, 2011
.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by spoilt(f): 6:32pm On Mar 17, 2011
A lot has happened. Geez I've been on sabbbatical from NL. Anyway serubawon I'm glad you,ve found your love. I wish you guys great happiness and I'm glad the kids approve. One thing though I.ll say is that with the way you. Love your kids and want their happiness to be priority you also have to remember that your woman is a bride first and should ot be smothered with the great commission of mothering your kids. God bles. Put up that pic quickly.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Ujujoan(f): 2:44pm On Mar 21, 2011
keyne:

aww, i hope you have a great happy ending, *and they lived happily ever after* ,
(p.s.dont forget to ask your kids how they reallly feel abt the new lady)

He's already done that!

serubawon:

Sorry for the delay everyone. I wasn't trying to create artificial suspense, but I had exams and was in a Training Program at the same time. I'm just glad that it's finally over.

Ok. Back to the subject matter. The verdict is in and the answer is YES!!!

I asked her to marry me a week ago and I got the answer almost before I had asked the question ( she was a bit mad because she was wondering why it was taking me so long to pop the question). Women , if only they knew how hard it is to generate all the necessary courage needed in asking THE QUESTION. I tried to make it as romantic as possible, while also ensuring I didn't make a complete fool of myself in the process. She's beautiful, smart and most importantly, prayerful (I need someone like that).

My biggest fear has been the welfare of my kids. I would die for my kids without thinking about it and because of our circumstances, I've become extremely protective over them. I had only one condition which is not debatable: If she wasn't sure that she could love my kids like they were her own biological kids, then we had no future, period. She found it a bit difficult to understand why I was so rigid on this subject, but this is how it is to me. My kids never chose for their mom to die suddenly and I am responsible for their welfare. If a woman makes my children happy, then I am a happy man and would live in peace. Anything otherwise is completely unnacceptable. Before I popped the question, I actually had to ask for my kid's permission to get married and I was really surprised when both of them told me that she was the one they wanted and how could I even think of anyone else. So, what else was I waiting for.

So, this is a new chapter in my life. It's a bit scary, knowing that I have to do everything possible not to compare her with my late wife. That is difficult, but possible with God on my side. I intend to write a book about my experiences (but that is still in the far future). I pray that in about 5 years, I can return to nairaland and tell everyone that God guided me in making the right choice. I really want to be happy, because I had been un-happy for so many years. I pray she is THE ONE that makes it happen, as I have every intention of making her the happiest woman alive.

I need to really thank the whole gang on this thread. A lot of comments have been very inspiring and encouraging. I'm happy for the opportunity I had to express myself on this thread and for all your support. So, I thank you all and pray that every single one of you will find that one person that will bring happiness and joy into your lives.

Hope it wasn't too boring. Remain blessed.
CONGRATULATIONS

I'm truly happy for you! cool cool cool
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by SisiKill1: 6:14pm On Mar 21, 2011
serubawon:

Sorry for the delay everyone. I wasn't trying to create artificial suspense, but I had exams and was in a Training Program at the same time. I'm just glad that it's finally over.

Ok. Back to the subject matter. The verdict is in and the answer is YES!!!

I asked her to marry me a week ago and I got the answer almost before I had asked the question ( she was a bit mad because she was wondering why it was taking me so long to pop the question). Women , if only they knew how hard it is to generate all the necessary courage needed in asking THE QUESTION. I tried to make it as romantic as possible, while also ensuring I didn't make a complete fool of myself in the process. She's beautiful, smart and most importantly, prayerful (I need someone like that).

My biggest fear has been the welfare of my kids. I would die for my kids without thinking about it and because of our circumstances, I've become extremely protective over them. I had only one condition which is not debatable: If she wasn't sure that she could love my kids like they were her own biological kids, then we had no future, period. She found it a bit difficult to understand why I was so rigid on this subject, but this is how it is to me. My kids never chose for their mom to die suddenly and I am responsible for their welfare. If a woman makes my children happy, then I am a happy man and would live in peace. Anything otherwise is completely unnacceptable. Before I popped the question, I actually had to ask for my kid's permission to get married and I was really surprised when both of them told me that she was the one they wanted and how could I even think of anyone else. So, what else was I waiting for.

So, this is a new chapter in my life. It's a bit scary, knowing that I have to do everything possible not to compare her with my late wife. That is difficult, but possible with God on my side. I intend to write a book about my experiences (but that is still in the far future). I pray that in about 5 years, I can return to nairaland and tell everyone that God guided me in making the right choice. I really want to be happy, because I had been un-happy for so many years. I pray she is THE ONE that makes it happen, as I have every intention of making her the happiest woman alive.

I need to really thank the whole gang on this thread. A lot of comments have been very inspiring and encouraging. I'm happy for the opportunity I had to express myself on this thread and for all your support. So, I thank you all and pray that every single one of you will find that one person that will bring happiness and joy into your lives.

Hope it wasn't too boring. Remain blessed.

Congratulations! Wish you all the Happiness in the world.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by oYaTo(m): 9:59am On Mar 22, 2011
Busy_body:

Ehn you wan reveal something tonight shocked Makojami Olugbala, make I find one corner or seat tanda before all Nairaland's aprokos and busybodies and amebos overtake the whole place with their big heads cheesy


Abeg, can you do me a favour and commot Ikamefa from that list of people you have listed up here that would be gracing the high table, er . . . dunno how to say this . . . er . . . I am usually shy . . . er, thing is her er . . . idi-araba go take the place of 3 people and you would not be able to manage to squeeze in everyone grin At least if I replace her on the table with my own moderate size 0 chinko yansh, 10 people can comfortably sit in that vantage position tongue I mean I can always sit on my e-sugarplum Romeo4real's laps but I just want to . . . er, only one person with that yansh angry, er . . . well its just a matter of principles, yeah thats it grin


Oya everybody, fall in, order, silence in the house tongue

This has got me crackin' grin


@serubawon Congrats! Really happy 4 ya! cool smiley
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ikamefa(f): 7:04pm On Mar 22, 2011
oYaTo:

Ehn you wan reveal something tonight Shocked Makojami Olugbala, make I find one corner or seat tanda before all Nairaland's aprokos and busybodies and amebos overtake the whole place with their big heads Cheesy


Abeg, can you do me a favour and commot Ikamefa from that list of people you have listed up here that would be gracing the high table, er . . . dunno how to say this . . . er . . . I am usually shy . . . er, thing is her er . . .  idi-araba go take the place of 3 people and you would not be able to manage to squeeze in everyone Grin At least if I replace her on the table with my own moderate size 0 chinko yansh, 10 people can comfortably sit in that vantage position Tongue I mean I can always sit on my e-sugarplum Romeo4real's laps but I just want to . . .  er, only one person with that yansh  Angry, er . . .  well its just a matter of principles, yeah thats  it Grin


Oya everybody, fall in, order, silence in the house


kai! cheesy see as BB just dey jollos the initial work  of God and my own added efforts from eating 8- pound burgers for this post   cheesy cheesy

i nor kuku see de post, my cataracts are getting worse, the sugar-solution my ajepako ophthalmologist gave me is not working ohhhhh chei

come BB , na wetin? why u dey jollos my ikebe? ok i know nah

your sugar-boy sagamite has been eyeing my attack and defense  via satellite all the way from Rondon?  grin grin

hence the initial scud missile attack?  "  grin "
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:08pm On Mar 22, 2011
Feels good to see the gang back and going at each others throats wink. You guys crack me up sometimes.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 9:21pm On Mar 25, 2011
How did I miss all of this? Congratulations Serubawon! You deserve all the love and happiness God can give!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 11:32pm On Mar 25, 2011
prittigrrr:

How did I miss all of this? Congratulations Serubawon! You deserve all the love and happiness God can give!

@ prittigrrr. Hmmmmmm. She finally shows up. Where have you been? Should we know?
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 6:42pm On Mar 26, 2011
serubawon:

@ prittigrrr. Hmmmmmm. She finally shows up. Where have you been? Should we know?

Indeed, much has happened. My ex came to be of support during the burial of my grandmother. He wants to marry me and apologized for the misunderstandings we suffered. I accepted the apology and consented to consider reconciliation. However, I'm still hurt. I found he held things against me that I hadn't done. How can I respond when someone fails to admit what has really hurt them? I do still have feelings for him. I'm praying God will show me what to do.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 11:35pm On Mar 26, 2011
prittigrrr:

Indeed, much has happened. My ex came to be of support during the burial of my grandmother. He wants to marry me and apologized for the misunderstandings we suffered. I accepted the apology and consented to consider reconciliation. However, I'm still hurt. I found he held things against me that I hadn't done. How can I respond when someone fails to admit what has really hurt them? I do still have feelings for him. I'm praying God will show me what to do.

I once heard a saying "If two friends have not had a disagreement, fought and made up, then they aren't true friends yet". Nobody is perfect and we all disagree to agree. There is no fairytale relationship. You get whatever you put in. The problem is that 2 people don't put in the same amount of effort and the commitment to the relationship is always disproportionate (hope that word is actually in the English dictionary).

You like him, he likes you. He hurt you (I apologize on his behalf). If you believe he is truly sorry for what he has done, give him a chance. There is no perfect man or woman out there. We all look for mirror images of ourselves and make do with what we can find.

Back in Nigeria, I attended The Fountain of Life Church and I was a member of Pst Bimbo's Singles Fellowship. It was real and down to earth. I remember her telling us to write down the 10 most important things we wanted in a mate. Also, she warned, don't pretend to yourself and write what other people think is proper. Write what you truly want. A lot of people wrote things like "A God fearing man/woman"; "A firebrand in the army of God" and all kinds of things like that. They actually wanted other things, but were to ashamed to admit it even to themselves. If you like someone who dances, look for that person. Maybe it might be crazy and wild sex; pray for it and stop pretending.

I believe you have a good thing going. Why don't BOTH of you pray together and you might be surprised how you'll work it out. Wish you the best, you deserve it.

Cheers
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 2:43am On Apr 10, 2011
Unfortunately, there will be no happily ever after for us.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jennykadry(f): 3:58am On Apr 10, 2011
^^^^Going through this thread from page 1 to last, You seem to be in a hurry to find a good man and it all just comes crashing down your feet. Why not forget about men for a while and focus on yourself,what do you really want out of a relationship? what do you expect from a man e.t.c .Yes I might be speaking in parables but if you read in between the line you'll understand better.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 11:20pm On Apr 10, 2011
prittigrrr:

Unfortunately, there will be no happily ever after for us.

Explain.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Wislet(f): 8:45am On Apr 11, 2011
WOW. Just WOW
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Wislet(f): 8:48am On Apr 11, 2011
Praying to meet a man worth having. I know God will grant my heart desire smiley . Nothing like having a successful relationship, Wish u all the best @serubawon
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 1:55pm On Apr 11, 2011
@ Serubawon

Communication remains a real problem. He is not open with me any more. He no longer opens his heart to me. I can not take a man seriously who wont talk to me. I feel like he is a stranger now. I don't want that for my life.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ajigglin: 4:54pm On Apr 11, 2011
what a great thread! congrats to Serubawon! i hope this marriage is everything you want it to be and more.
@prittigrrr-best of luck to you. i hope you find what you are looking for.

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