Hi Nairalanders,

I had a qaurell with my girlfriend recently becos she stopped calling 2days after she got to the NYSC camp.We've dated for abt 2yrs.
I decided to talk to her about it bt she lied dat she hd 00naira on her fone, but i told her dat i wasn't convinced becos i just sent her some money b4 camping. Moreover, she said i insulted her by telling her that she lied.

Because, i needed to prove her wrong, i checked her call detail at my office becos i work with a communication company. Her call details prove her wrong! and i told her about it, but she flaired up saying intruded into her privacy. can u imagine that? she tried to turn the table against me, i got angry and i stopped calling her.

since then i have been checking on her calls, and i discovered that she has been calling on a new guy she met at the camp on midnite calls.

Although, she's now aware that i can check her call details, could she be calling that guy to hurt me more since she knows dat  i can check her call details ?

Please,  i nid ur advice, i love her so much, i dont want to lose her to another guy.
when i think of what she did, i feel heart-broken, bt i still want her.

(a) should i pretend about the new guy &  try to get more closer to her by playing my game?

(b) should i confront her again with this evidence to know where i stand?

(c) walkaway

pls,i nid ur advice, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee i dont her to slip away

Number 1: Do you realize that the girl can make you end up in jail? By checking her call log at your company you have violated privacy law which may cost you your job!

That said, I think you should apologize to her. Not because you are wrong but to make her calm down. If she accept your apology, then you can proceed on mending fence. If she doesn't, you must leave her alone!

Why? Because you have boxed yourself into corner by revealing to her that you check her call log. You should never have done that. You should never have told her where you get your information. If I were you, I would have said something else.

Calling the guy is useless. He would turn the table.

So what should you do next? I don't know. Until you provide more detail, advising you further is useless. Your action and lack of self control is going to cost you more than you thought unless you apply wisdom.

One of my creeds was "NEVER TO BE AFRAID OF LOSING WHAT I LOVE, for fear of losing is a CATALYST for eventual lost".

I am saddened by the fact that most relationship were wrecked because someone fear something!

chatupkay, i just posted a similar post, though in my own case my girl leaves in february. it

really scares me to know if i will lose my girl,no my fiancee to this nysc thing.in my own case

we have dated for months,but we agreed not to 'rush into' sex. in 2 months she leaves me

for a year. will i regret it for the rest of my life if i loose her because i didnt make love to

her? i just cant imagine living the rest of my life without this girl.as for you my advice is that

you do the craziest thing.yes leave your work,travel to whereever she is posted and beg

her to come back to you.i recommend this action because i think i know how you feel.at this rate, not even your job matters if you want to hold on to that love of yours.for me i just cant do without this my current girl.so guy go for it, and dont forget to tell me how it all turns out.i may need the info.all the best.

my man you are a stalker

My opinion:

Checking her call details is not right and is really an intrusion of her privacy. It shows that you don't trust her and you are insecure in the relationship.

However, I would advice that you wait until she gets back from camp then have a serious talk with her but you must first of all apologise for checking her call details (that would probably disarm her because she would come 'battle' ready)

My responses:

(a) should i pretend about the new guy &  try to get more closer to her by playing my game? Do not assume there is a new guy until you have proved beyond all reasonable doubt otherwise. if there is, speak with her about it
(b) should i confront her again with this evidence to know where i stand? confronting her with evidence that was wrongly collected might not be right besides her spending time talking to 'another' guy doesn't mean she is dating the guy.
(c) walkaway? certainly not, communication is the 'key'. talk to her about her attitude and how it is hurting you. if she truly loves you, she'll stay

Cheers

@olanajim


@olana

tanx man!
i understands the risk attached to call detail privacy,
bt i had no option than to let her know the truth becos she lied & instisted that she had no credit on her phone until i told her abt the call detail.

im also confused abt the fact that she's been calling this new guy now & then, even the guy visited her at home after the camp.
i also discovered that she started calling this guy almost day i told her abt d call detail.

was it a coincidence?
OR
could she be doing that to hurt me?
OR
is it true that im losing out?


what can i do man?


@choco

tanx

bt she lied to me at first!

you are quite wrong for intruding but I believe you should let her be. it shows the character of the woman u loved.pressure reveals who we really are. apologise for privacy intruding which is quite a right. it is still like checking a wallet of a friend but don't cry over something that is not worth it. she cannot see the big picture. stop calling her and when she has finished enjoying her moments which is just 2 weeks. she would realise the 80/20 rule. and i tell you if you really are a man,nice and ready for the responsibility of marriage, surely she would one day count her lose. u can help yourself by watching Tyler Perry'd "why did I get married?" it is a great movie. cheating or unfaithful galfriend ain't worth the sleepless nite bro.

Poster, I don’t think you handled it smartly. You checked her call log and even went ahead to tell her? How stupid can you be?

Besides why are you accusing her of not calling you? If you want to talk to her, you call her!! If you want her to call you, send her credit. Do you know if the guy she was calling sent her the credit she was using?

And the fact that she calls the guy regularly doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you and sleeping with him. If I were you I’ll be careful with these accusations, or you might end up pushing her right into the guys’ hands. I mean you even admitted that she might be calling him just to spite you.

Why the heck are guys soo jealous?

You are a stalker.

All you need now is a pair of googles, decent parking space opposite her house, chips, lube and you've got yourself a very merry Christmas.

@poster,
you will called names for what you did. You will insulted. But don't let it get over you.

You are right to check her call log, but you are very wrong to tell her or anybody for that matter. If I were in the same mess, I will check the log if that is the only mean to catch her. But I won't tell her.

No matter how much she love you, it is inevitable that she will meet a male friend. That she get closer to a man does not mean she is fucking the man. To get the fact, you have to be smart.

But in your own case, it is happening. Unlike d obama case. You have to handle it with extreme care. If a lady want to dump you, she will. Just take it as that.

Call her and act as if what happened was nothing. Tell her you were just joking about the call log (if you have told her). The apologize. That will set in motion a confidence rebuilding. If you can't do that, you won't ever get to the root of the whole matter. Just remove this feeling of insecurity first.

Next, I want to ask you why you think you can't afford to lose her. (this question also goes to D OBAMA) does it mean if she die during the service you will also follow her? I asked to outline the futility of man dying for another man in the name of lust.

Lo behold, I tell you verily verily, you must never fear to lose what you love. For that fear in it self would hasten the lost! Be wise. Man is a creature of emotion. Be in control of your emotion. Don't let your emotion control you. I have noticed that women hate men that are weak and insecured. They tend to capitalize on such weaknesses to unsettle the man, consciously or unconsciously. If you find that your woman is unfaithful and is out of control, why beg her to change? Exert your authority and call it quit. Let her do the begging. You have good job and don't feed on her, why die for her when millions out there(better than her) are single and searching?

By the way how did you know the number was that of a man when numbers don't carry gender tag?

olanajim:

@poster,
you will called names for what you did. You will insulted. But don't let it get over you.

You are right to check her call log

Like minds.

@d obama,
you girl want to travel and you feel fucking her would help prevent her from cheating on you? Isn't that absurd?

Let me tell you, sex is like car battery. Once you charge it, you will have to service it once a while to keep it alive. Are you telling me you will follow her to her camp, so you can be there when she has the urge for sex?

Did she follow you to camp when you were doing yours?

When it come to issue like these, men need to be careful. If your partner want to cheat, she will. There is this law in philosophy which state that: WHEN ANYTHING WILL GO WRONG, IT WILL.

So there nothing you can do unless you either follow her to camp or stop her from going.

I have done my NYSC, I didn't touch a woman till end. I knew a lot of people who didn't even think of sex. I just wonder why some people think NYSC camp is a red light district. Admittedly people have sex there. That is because they hit it off.

If you partner is not worthy of your trust, why did you sustain the relationship? Why don't you look for someone else who have your absolute confidence?

Man, IF ANYTHING WILL GO WRONG, IT WILL. Don't give yourself heart attack,

@Spikedcylinder,

well, you are also right!

I maintained that in such instance where there is a clear case of unfaithfulness, he was right to verify.

How many of us male and female, long to know who their partner is talking to? Maybe with the exception of those who don't have a heart.

Jealousy has it virture just as anger has it merrit.

I once told a lady I don't care who she was talking to. And guess what? She said I was heartless! And when you care to find who they are talking to, you hear words like : "what is your business?!" WOMEN!

@ olanajim


Tanx man! i dey feel u to much, tanx man!

Here's my line of action for this evenning.

(a)I intend to apologise for the intrusion on her privacy

(b)I also want her to apologise for lying too.

(c)When issues come up like this, relationship is either stregthened or broken, so will b out of place to ask her if she is still interested in d relationship.

(d)Is it wrong to ask her about the new guy? or should just keep mute & watch as the event unfolds?


As per telling her that call detail thing was a joke, hymmm, that will be a big joke u know. i feel it's better i accept it & promise her neva to intrude.



please i await your reply guys

If this girl in question has a good head on her shoulders, be prepared for the worst.

guy put some super glue on your palm and try holding her again

i bet she wont ''slip away '' this time.

@poster

Guy!

Dont put your mind into the relationship again. This is how it starts. It has happened to me before and your crosing the same path but this time be wiser and dont put your eggs in one basket.

She has already made up her mind to expereince another relationship but since the deal hasnt been finalized, she is hanging unto you to eat her cake and have it. Now that she knows that you are crazy over her, she holds all the aces and would continue to make life a little bit unbearable for you and toy with your emotions. She knows you would do anything to retain the relationship because you are afraid of rejection not because you love her.

Gradually, she will end up making secret meetings with the new guy at your back while she is fronting and pretending that all is well between both of you.

Your suspicions will be doused and you will see her in a better light since you have apparently made up for the mean time. The moment the new guy has been given the greenlight, the nearest quarrel or irritating thing you do to her, no matter how silly and mundane will lead to world war 4 between you guys and that's her excuse for backing out and jumping to the next guy ASAP!

You would be heart broken and depressed and more especially filled with self pity, rejection and regret that you lost her to another man who you wee suspecting all along that she had a thing for!

She will live her life with the new guy and be happy and because of her ego and pride will not take a look at you or sympathize with you and even if she breaks up with guy number 2, she will jump to guy number 3 but never guy number 1.

So now that you know the movie plot in advance and i have given you a spoiler, all you need to do is re-write this script to your favour now and kick her out before she kicks your entire world and emotions out!

P:S: Your sneaky James bond moves of monitoring her call logs is definately a future call to you to work for the SSS

@Chatupkay,
Don't start mending fence by creating tension. Forget the new guy. By the way, you have not tell me how you know that the number belongs to a man.

Forget the new man and show you lady why you are the best for her. One line of recommendation I will make is for you ask her what are the things she dislike in you. Women don't just lose interest in their men, overnight. They must either have found someone better or they find something they hate in you.

Money can't buy true love, just know that. Don't talk of the new guy. At least not now.

You may however find time to pay her visit if she stay near enough. I know some guys that visited their ladies during NYSC. It is no offense if you can afford it.

Once again, I strongly advise you not to invest 100% in a shaky relationship. Love with care!

@adam brody,
I read your story. It is unfortunate you see it that way. I don't agree with the manner you view every woman as potential heartbreaker. If you truly want a happy relationship devoid of deciet, you have got to change first. Believe me, you are hurting yourself.

@spikedcylinder,
I don't know why you made that comment. But could you identify 3 reasons why you think the guy is at fault. Please do!

spikedcylinder:

You are a stalker.

All you need now is a pair of googles, decent parking space opposite her house, chips, lube and you've got yourself a very merry Christmas.

Lmao!


Jeeez, guy your really let it go, as in, let it goooo

Freaky

Adam Brody:

@poster

Guy!

don't put your mind into the relationship again. This is how it starts. It has happened to me before and your crosing the same path but this time be wiser and don't put your eggs in one basket.

She has already made up her mind to expereince another relationship but since the deal hasnt been finalized, she is hanging unto you to eat her cake and have it. Now that she knows that you are crazy over her, she holds all the aces and would continue to make life a little bit unbearable for you and toy with your emotions. She knows you would do anything to retain the relationship because you are afraid of rejection not because you love her.

Gradually, she will end up making secret meetings with the new guy at your back while she is fronting and pretending that all is well between both of you.

Your suspicions will be doused and you will see her in a better light since you have apparently made up for the mean time. The moment the new guy has been given the greenlight, the nearest quarrel or irritating thing you do to her, no matter how silly and mundane will lead to world war 4 between you guys and that's her excuse for backing out and jumping to the next guy ASAP!

You would be heart broken and depressed and more especially filled with self pity, rejection and regret that you lost her to another man who you wee suspecting all along that she had a thing for!

She will live her life with the new guy and be happy and because of her ego and pride will not take a look at you or sympathize with you and even if she breaks up with guy number 2, she will jump to guy number 3 but never guy number 1.
So now that you know the movie plot in advance and i have given you a spoiler, all you need to do is re-write this script to your favour now and kick her out before she kicks your entire world and emotions out!

P:S: Your sneaky James bond moves of monitoring her call logs is definately a future call to you to work for the SSS

Oh please! Not everybody's a sore loser. Whatever happened to 'love like you'll never get hurt'.

As far as I'm concerned, the guy's accustions are baseless, and I've come to realize that people dont often tell it the way it happened.

He said what he wants us to beleive and its obvouis that the guy is consumed by jealousy!

Ujujoan:

Oh please! Not everybody's a sore loser. Whatever happened to 'love like you'll never get hurt'.

As far as I'm concerned, the guy's accustions are baseless, and I've come to realize that people don't often tell it the way it happened.

He said what he wants us to beleive and its obvouis that the guy is consumed by jealousy!

What happened to get hurt while trying to love?

@poster

No mind all these people jare! When the girl fashi u finish because you de still love up and hope e go better, na them go still yab you for NL come de advise you make you take Heart because she wasnt meant to be for you and you go find another person wey go love you!, psssff!

Abeg free am fast and tell her to waka or better still, play tom and jerry with her, find another cute chick codedly so in case she break up with you, aluta continua and even if she no break up with you, your having 2 for the price of one!

All these chicks fit make you go astray if you no wise up now, na decieve them de decieve you!

Obviously, she is no longer into you.
When you are tired of monitoring her life and her calls, you will pack your stalking kit and go home.

@Chatupkay,
Don't start mending fence by creating tension. Forget the new guy. By the way, you have not tell me how you know that the number belongs to a man.

Forget the new man and show you lady why you are the best for her. One line of recommendation I will make is for you ask her what are the things she dislike in you. Women don't just lose interest in their men, overnight. They must either have found someone better or they find something they hate in you.

Money can't buy true love, just know that. Don't talk of the new guy. At least not now.

You may however find time to pay her visit if she stay near enough. I know some guys that visited their ladies during NYSC. It is no offense if you can afford it.


Once again, I strongly advise you not to invest 100% in a shaky relationship. Love with care!

@olanajim

tanx very much
i appreciate all u av said.
i will keep u posted


@adam body

i feel you too
nothin dey happen.
afterall na my money i dey spend.

Adam Brody:

What happened to get hurt while trying to love?

@poster

No mind all these people jare! When the girl fashi u finish because you de still love up and hope e go better, na them go still yab you for NL come de advise you make you take Heart because she wasnt meant to be for you and you go find another person wey go love you!, psssff!

Abeg free am fast and tell her to waka or better still, play tom and jerry with her, find another cute chick codedly so in case she break up with you, aluta continua and even if she no break up with you, your having 2 for the price of one!
All these chicks fit make you go astray if you no wise up now, na decieve them de decieve you!

seconded

tytylayor:

seconded

hey tyty darling
hope you know go do wetin the poster babe do am

well i guess you found out what you had suspected all the while, though it was stalkerish but i think it's better that you know now than later. You also need to know that just because you have access to resources like peoples call logs doesn't mean that you should abuse that power. That said, if she is already calling some guy and she knows you can see her call logs, that should tell you that she doesn't give a f*%k about your feelings or you.  She is not doing it to try to hurt you, infact she is moving on from you. This is the problem with love someone always loves more in a relationship. My advice to you would be to stop the stalker act and start mending your heart so you could find someone else who would actually care.

Deshannel:

hey tyty darling
hope you know go do wetin the poster babe do am

me? olohun maje, i dnt do two

tanx girl!

that's ur personal opinion bt i appreciate it.
bt im sure if u have opportunity of stalking too, im sure u will

beside if ur guy does that to u, u will kick his ass out?, wonderful!!!!  
bt the question is: are u hiding something away from him in the first place?


anyway, it's my opinion.

tanx

Who was that directed at?

spikedcylinder:

Who was that directed at?

You na

No be you wey don dey call am staker since?

Neways poster stop being paranoid jare and enjoy your r/ship!

A woman is not going to just cheat or look outside for no reason.

Here is the problem as I see it. She arrived at camp and in the excitement of being there she did not call you. She was making new friends, finding her way about, taking in this new experience and just did not call because it may have been very late at night when she thought to call or was very very tired and wanted to sleep.

In the meantime there is this chap at camp that is chatting her up, she is probably not paying him much attention at all and talking about you all the while to him. Then you call with your accusations and unforgiving attitude and now her back is arched and she is on the defensive. Instead of telling you that time got away from her and she forgot to call, she lied to spare your feelings. But no you could not just accept it and let the relationship go on you got all insecure and started snooping.

Now her conversations with the new guy have moved from how much she loves you and cant wait to spend the rest of her life with you after camp, to "i cant believe he does not trust me" " i cant believe he went behind my back to check my calls".

You have just given the new guy his way in.

Stop this madness right now, apologize to her and dont expect an apology in return. You have to be the bigger person and end this now. Dont give this new guy anymore of a footing into your womans world.

If you make up with her, go visit her, send her gifts and remind her of your love and all that you have shared. Act as if nothing is going on, the calls with this guy will slow down then stop. Please swallow your pride for one moment and dont give your girl away to another man.

Another man will snatch a girl from her man at the time that her and her man are fighting, by being understanding and siding with her and trash talking you.

GROW UP or loose her forever.

@sista,
that made sense.

@tytylayor,
I heard you don't do two, is that good? How about a handsome el godo?