byvan:



What are you on about? Her husband asked for divorce, why won't she grant it or is marriage by force where you come from? If I am a marriage counselor, yes no worthless marriage will survive my tutelage. They are not even wedded! Dragging someone kicking and thrashing to the altar will always end in regret. This man is already fed up, you can't force a man to remain a husband when he has checked out already, the better people get this, the easier for everyone.

Are you married?

When people say courtship doesn't help in getting to know each other, this is what they mean. People pretend and sometimes some things make them change.
If you think you are doing something bad, change your ways, try and talk to him and you guys should see a marriage counsellor, or tell HIS pparents And the most important things arr that you need prayers and lots of patience.

Rosarie:
lol.i laugh cos ur post took me dwn three years ago wen i said i do.ma dear first of marriage is not easy no mtr how long u dated.ma dear tk it easy.is frustrating n no communication.in marriage one partner has to bear befre d other comes dwn n deir is mutual understandin.dis first year to communicate is like to say comes lets quarrel.one thing u should know dat marriage is made of two forgivers.no matter what he tells u or u say to him.nd no mtr wat nrver tell your people expect it escalates to mayb life threatening .nva pack out of ur house.trust me with time u wil c it is a bliss.in all u do learn to read ur bible daily.pray for ur home.i ve been dre sis.trust me it will not get not better but great.ur hubby loves u no matter what.the only solution keep telling GOD.keep tryin to communicate.one thing u must kno.the way u re complaing dat is same way he is wishing for peacetrust me.

@OP, Listen to this advice.

Rosarie:
my dear ur preg has nothing to do in d issue.infact wen u bth feel like nothin to discuss d baby somehw brings a talk.i took in ma weddin nite n went tru all u re sayin.marriage is patience.n above all prayers cos trust me satan is api wen couples quarrel or fight cos den u bth re vulnerable.ma dear hold GOD NOW dan ever.wen u feel tired tink of ur baby.due to so so quarrel i almost had ma bby tru operation cos i was always tinking n ma huby was alwys depressed.u both find it hard to agree on one thing.so now cast yr burden at GODS feet n jst tink of d bundle of joy.forgive n keep prayin dat where GOD needs to work on ur both characters he should.forget d divorce na mouth ur hubby dey.i n ma hubby said worse dan dose back then.i ve friends who also experienced same.we all look back n laugh.i showed ma hubby ur post n he said tell her we ve been dre n made it tru n same will b for her.but hold GOD in dat six years u had not been joined so d bth parties re been careful.plsssss dnt tell ur issues to friends if u want to njoy ur home.wen dat baby comes dts d sec u c first changes but like i said one party has to come down for d other no matter d hurts dat does not mean doing it to stipudity level.jst try n avoid some issues then wen d other party is calm evn if it takes weeks politely talk tins tru n as a woman b patient in d walk of marriage n life

@OP, Listen and learn from this.

life is always like that after marriage because the future of your marriage is bright,the devil is not happy so he wants to destroy it.but all you can do is pray with partner always, that is the only tool to fight the devil.A couple that prays together stays together.And also read bible together

Its likely that something must have changed

You need to ask yourself some serious and truthful questions
What could have triggered this . .
it could it be anything eg the pregnancy (was it planned), the traditional wedding (families are very good at flexing during weddings), an attitude of yours he has constantly complained about, that you said you would work on, his financial situation after spending on the wedding, it could even be something as simple as his things being moved from where he put them now that there are 2 of you living in the house. . . .

After taking a deep look at what could have casued this, then you have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him what you have done/doing/did and take it from there. If its just new weddng blues, then explain to him how unhappy his attitide makes you feel

Yes!! if there were issues or you had done something wrong, then he should have called you first and he shouldnt use harsh words on you and the divorce word shouldnt be used anyhow, but sometimes one of you has to be the "bigger" person if you indeed truly want it to work and marriage is indeed a school of its own where both partners are contonously learning.
There will be times when he too will be the "bigger" person . . . . . .It goes round in roundabouts.

Dont forget that you are pregnant, so you really dont want anything stressing you, so the earluer you can both resolve whatever the issue is and settle into a peaceful union, the better. Dont also forget to pray for your marriage, you and him . . . Very important.

Story for the gods...............


And NO, the first year of marriage is no civil/domestic war... I do not subscribe to problems in the first year or any year.

For those yet to marry, Tolerance and Patience are two important virtues you all must learn and have before thinking of marriage. It will help you overcome too many challenges in your marriage.

What is this one again now? It's like you people are on a mission to dissuade others from getting married, just 2 months and y'all haven't been wedded in a church sef.

Abeg make una leave us alone o.

babygirlfl:


It's their first year of marriage. They are still getting to know themselves.

What do you mean by this? You dated someone for 6 years and start getting to know the person only when you are married? How doe that make any sense?

dinachi:
[s]All these feminists and lesbians here spewing thrash please shut up![/s]How can a man change suddenly after six years courtship? @OP you never talk true! Come out plainly and tell us why you changed and what you changed to so we will also know why he changed. It takes two to tango.

Your post will still make sense without the stricken out part.

freecocoa:
What do you mean by this? You dated someone for 6 years and start getting to know the person only when you are married? How doe that make any sense?

I believe they're some traits that are never discovered in a partner till marriage is sealed.

That being said, 6 years is a pretty long time to date/court and 2 months after marriage a very short time to consider divorce.

I don't think its possible for someone to pretend for 6 years and talk of divorce in 2 months.

This personality and character of yours perhaps you can work on it and be a better woman for yourself and your marriage.
Which marriage did you do because if you are not married no need to force yourself on a man.

@OP very sorry for what you are going through. They say marriage is very different from courtship. Now you have entered the blending stage. Its not time to relax now is the time for you to listen to him more do what he likes. When he is talking harsh don't talk back. Be quiet. Do your duties as a wife. Even when he goes out angry still make sure to keep his food when he gets back home. Now you are pregnant shouldn't be an excuse to deny him sex. Give it to him the way you used to. Also still dress appealing make the home neat. Above all never ever bring your parents or his into it. Solve your problems by yourself. Good luck.

I would like to read what TV01 has to say about this story.

An0nimus:


I believe they're some traits that are never discovered in a partner till marriage is sealed.

That being said, 6 years is a pretty long time to date/court and 2 months after marriage a very short time to consider divorce.

I refuse to believe that, who pretends perfectly for 6 years? Duh!

If I date a man for 6 years and he starts doing something he never did 2 months into marriage, then something must have gone wrong somewhere, why did he have to wait 2 months to manifest since marriage brings out new traits in people? Why not show his true self immediately after marriage?

freecocoa:
I refuse to believe that, who pretends perfectly for 6 years? Duh!

If I date a man for 6 years and he starts doing something he never did 2 months into marriage, then something must have gone wrong somewhere, why did he have to wait 2 months to manifest since marriage brings out new traits in people? Why not show his true self immediately after marriage?

It is not about pretence,dating someone for 6 years is very different from marrying them.You do not live in the same house when you date neither do you see even when you don't need to.Some people are so comfortable dating than being married,marriage is different bargain altogether-having to share ur space,no more me time,change of routine,and even when annoyed there is no "I don't wanna pick his call or see him",there is a lot dear....

No matter how much you think you know your partner,there is always something you discover because people grow,change,explore,learn and so on.

I do not advocate long term relationship,2 years is enough to know if it is the right choice,by the end of the day we still learn everyday.

freecocoa:
I refuse to believe that, who pretends perfectly for 6 years? Duh!

If I date a man for 6 years and he starts doing something he never did 2 months into marriage, then something must have gone wrong somewhere, why did he have to wait 2 months to manifest since marriage brings out new traits in people? Why not show his true self immediately after marriage?

One can pretend for 6 years. It doesn't have to be perfect, just convincing enough. Besides, both parties didn't stay under one roof all through that time.

Immediately after a marriage or 2 months later, the bottom line is there was a change in behaviour. 2 months is too early for the man to act this way. Something doesn't add up.

edwife:


It is not about pretence,dating someone for 6 years is very different from marrying them.You do not live in the same house when you date neither do you see even when you don't need to.Some people are so comfortable dating than being married,marriage is different bargain altogether-having to share ur space,no more me time,change of routine,and even when annoyed there is no "I don't wanna pick his call or see him",there is a lot dear....

No matter how much you think you know your partner,there is always something you discover because people grow,change,explore,learn and so on.

I do not advocate long term relationship,2 years is enough to know if it is the right choice,by the end of the day we still learn everyday.

I don't think you and the guy I quoted are saying the same thing.

Ofcourse we learn everyday,still I don't believe someone whom you've dated for 6 years can just bring up an attitude they've been suppressing successfully during the time of courtship, that's what I'm saying.

It's one thing to say you just discovered, the man you married, won't watch chick flicks with you anymore(something he did during courtship),and another to say, you are just discovering that the man married after dating for 6 years is verbally abusive but showed no signs of it during courtship.

Have you changed as well?
Less sex? more nagging? spending more money? bossing him around?
I am not accusing you of these things, i dont know you, i am only listing possibilities..
There is some outside cause, pressure, change, misconception that is resulting in a personality change for him. After you determine that you have not made a personality change that he is rebelling against, then look at outside influences. Try to understand the cause and you`ll understand the effect. Then change, modify, remove or compromise and communicate.
If you cant communicate with each other. If he cant explain to you what's wrong or why he`s unhappy, then the relationship will fail. Something is bothering him, and instead of trying to work it out with you, he is taking it out on you. Find out what it is.

An0nimus:

One can pretend for 6 years. It doesn't have to be perfect, just convincing enough. Besides, both parties didn't stay under one roof all through that time.

Immediately after a marriage or 2 months later, the bottom line is there was a change in behaviour. 2 months is too early for the man to act this way. Something doesn't add up.

Read my post to edwife to get a better understanding of what I'm trying to pass across, there are somethings one can't pretend about and that's character, people do try to pretend ofcourse but they often don't succeed unless they are dealing with a complete 1idiot, anyone with common sense can tell when they see an act, more so,when it's been on for a long time.

If the OP didn't overlook things and her husband was never truly like she made him out to be, then something must have triggered his attitude.

Idonbelieveit till Oga hops on here to say his side of the story, if you were searching for sympathies, accept my Sor... I leave it there till Oga narrates his ordeal with you.

carefreewannabe:
I would like to read what TV01 has to say about this story.

I smell "entitlement princess". Probably feels she's all that and a bag of chips - any man that gets her is lucky and probably not really deserving.

Oga may well have pandered to this a little during courtship, but no more - he don put a ring on it ! Madam is still forming princess - she's really only a grade II administative assistant for Ikorodu LGA - and doesn't like the fact that reality has bitten. No probs, she'll be fine by the time bambino arrives - she'd better be

He hasn't changed a bit - she woke up !


TV

chaircover:
Its likely that something must have changed

You need to ask yourself some serious and truthful questions
What could have triggered this . .
it could it be anything eg the pregnancy (was it planned), the traditional wedding (families are very good at flexing during weddings), an attitude of yours he has constantly complained about, that you said you would work on, his financial situation after spending on the wedding, it could even be something as simple as his things being moved from where he put them now that there are 2 of you living in the house. . . .

After taking a deep look at what could have casued this, then you have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him what you have done/doing/did and take it from there. If its just new weddng blues, then explain to him how unhappy his attitide makes you feel

Yes!! if there were issues or you had done something wrong, then he should have called you first and he shouldnt use harsh words on you and the divorce word shouldnt be used anyhow, but sometimes one of you has to be the "bigger" person if you indeed truly want it to work and marriage is indeed a school of its own where both partners are contonously learning.
There will be times when he too will be the "bigger" person . . . . . .It goes round in roundabouts.

Dont forget that you are pregnant, so you really dont want anything stressing you, so the earluer you can both resolve whatever the issue is and settle into a peaceful union, the better. Dont also forget to pray for your marriage, you and him . . . Very important.

@OP, another good advice for you to work with.

freecocoa:
What do you mean by this? You dated someone for 6 years and start getting to know the person only when you are married? How doe that make any sense?

Edwife's post says it all.

babygirlfl:


Edwife's post says it all.

Did you read my reply to her?

Dating is when you know the most important and basic things about someone, not after saying 'I do'

Anoda wan don come o!

freecocoa:
Read my post to edwife to get a better understanding of what I'm trying to pass across, there are somethings one can't pretend about and that's character, people do try to pretend ofcourse but they often don't succeed unless they are dealing with a complete 1idiot, anyone with common sense can tell when they see an act, more so,when it's been on for a long time.

If the OP didn't overlook things and her husband was never truly like she made him out to be, then something must have triggered his attitude.

The OP profiles says it all...............Someone was pretending for 6 years and it look like it was the OP.

Sometimes/Most times, men are not the guilty party when marriage hit the rock.

What did the husband discovered within 2 months after getting married to his wife? Something is amiss somewhere

TV01:


I smell "entitlement princess". Probably feels she's all that and a bag of chips - any man that gets her is lucky and probably not really deserving.

Oga may well have pandered to this a little during courtship, but no more - he don put a ring on it ! Madam is still forming princess - she's really only a grade II administative assistant for Ikorodu LGA - and doesn't like the fact that reality has bitten. No probs, she'll be fine by the time bambino arrives - she'd better be

He hasn't changed a bit - she woke up !


TV

he hasn't changed and you know that because you the one leaving with him.

Someone who is alredy threating divorce 2months into marriage.

Please fear God oh
Stop being biased.If you are a christian,give christianly advice.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding.

Are you caring? Selfless? A good listener? Very understanding?

The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly.

Sounds like you have a bad character/personality for you to make this statement. Well, marriage and boyfriend-girlfriend are not the same. Since you already know what you are doing wrong then try and change it.

You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

How does being pregnant make divorce out of the question for you? You seem to be trying to paint yourself a victim here.

He dated you for 6yrs and went through the trouble of marrying you then all of a sudden he is a monster that has been planning everything perfectly for his own benefit? So much so that after 2months of marriage he can no longer stand you? He suddenly stopped loving you for no reason at all??













In fact I don't believe this your story. I smell a troll.

byvan:
If he asks for divorce give it to him now or do it years down the line, your choice. You have not wedded, yet you feel so trapped, nawaoooh!!!

You hit the nail on the head! I've been married for 8 years now, and I can hardly believe it!!! Mainly because the first 6 months were unbelievable!! Quarrels everywhere, and it seemed I married a monster!! Today? I'm glad I persevered!!! Marriage is like wine, it's gets better with age and curing! You aren't going through what others haven't experienced, but you need to throw away your ego (your post reeks of it!!) and focus in the reality of two different people from different backgrounds (who love themselves) living together. Yes, it hurts, but good things don't come easy! That guy is being very real with you! Show maturity and deal with it! God help you two!!

freecocoa:
Did you read my reply to her?

Dating is when you know the most important and basic things about someone, not after saying 'I do'

Is it really that difficult to look at things from someone else's perspective, especially if they're more experienced than one is?

TV01:

Oga may well have pandered to this a little during courtship, but no more - he don put a ring on it ! Madam is still forming princess

Which is where I think the problem may lie. Perhaps, she may not have gone on with the marriage knowing his true opinion on her personality. She's not the only one he coulda married, that's not wise of him in my opinion. Divorce-whispering after only two months of marriage is ridiculous.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

do explain this part...