i enjoyed all d jokes. just about 3 were new to me. the rest were fabolous. lmao!! thinking of the Nigerian man that thought he was in a kodak moment and him no kno say na lightning. hilarious ish!!

Funny jokes

what a letter of resignaition from youth

"POOR BOYS!"

When a Girl Cries ------------The World "Consoles" her

But when a boy cries ---------- They say Come on man don't be A "Girl"


If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"

If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"


If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"

If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"


If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"

If a Boy meets with same accident -----------?- --?------ "Don't you know how to Drive"


What A World Is this

Please help me God,

tink av posted dis b4

Meaning u've got the copyright?

lai lai, i wrote, direct and publish it, so where u get ur own?

I got it from a foreign magazine where u wrote, directed and published it

yawa don gas o fotocopy no easy

ayusman16:

I got it from a foreign magazine where u wrote, directed and published it

yes u gat it, i wrote it wen i was away in a foreign land

But how come the picture in the profile of the author was white? Abi u do plastic surgery when u returned?

hmm

1. Oshaa is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure." says the assistant.
Oshaa replies "Give me a green one, please."

2. Oshaa calls Zambian Airways. "How long does it take to fly to Chipata?" "Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says Oshaa and hangs up.

3. Oshaa was filling in an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled here.
After much thought, he wrote Yes!

4. Why did Oshaa Gbemi take 17 friends with him to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

5. To lose weight the doctor told Oshaa Jessy to run 8 kms a day for 300 days.
After, 300 days, he called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

6. Oshaa Vandrose got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate. ,
Mother: Zimbabwe
Father: Zimbabwe.
Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Zimbabweans?" asks Mr Phiri.
"I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born on the Earth now is
Chinese!" Oshaa Vandrose replies.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.

Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.

They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism.

They went over and talked to him. John decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic, which made them all very happy. They took him to church, and the priest sprinkled some water over him, and said,

"You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."

The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and, just at supper time, when the neighborhood was settling down to their cold tuna fish dinner, the smell of steak cooking on a grill came wafting into their homes. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON?

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying,


"You were born a cow, you were raised a cow,
and now you are a fish."

lol

close ya mouth

LMGBO!!! @ Jokes

lmao!,
john is smart

clemcykul:

lol

who shook hand for ur yanch?

tytylayor:

close ya mouth

ololumi how u dey?

No mind my twin brother when get big teeth but him no get big lips to take cover am.

Santa: Why do you take your wife to night clubs only?
Laloo: By the time she gets ready no other place is open.

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."
Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well, yes and no.
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Nice One yet again there, LOL!!

Staying tuned for more oo!!

we are waiting ;d ;d

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish, please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"
That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.
"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive, "

An Irish priest is driving to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says,

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts:


"Wake Up! Quick! My husband is back.

Man gets up, jumps out of the window, breaks his two legs, four ribs and loses 3 front teeth, and then realizes:
"Damn, I am the husband!"

Who is guilty in this situation?

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.


One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.


Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.


On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store,


(Please scroll down)






















































































































































What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!






(Now get back to work. You baffle me sometimes!)



Now, how curious can u get??

Girl's Diary VS boy's Diary





HER DIARY


------------------





Day night, I thought he was acting
weird. We had made plans to meet at a
cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, soIely thought he was upset at the fact that I
was a bit late,
but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing so

I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but
he kept quiet and absent. I asked
him what was wrong - he said,

"Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I
decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided
that I could not take it anymore,

so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to
do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is gonna be a disaster.
_______________________________






HIS DIARY


==========






Today Super Eagles lost the match
against Ghana.

DAMN
IT.

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into

Wal-Mart

with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.






The Wal-Mart

Greeter said pleasantly 'Good

morning,

and welcome to Wal-Mart.



Nice children you have there.



Are they twins?'








The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they

ain't twins.' 'The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell

would you think they're twins?



Are you blind, or just stupid?'






I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter.



'I just couldn't believe someone had sex with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

Three men got lost in the forest and were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told them they could live if they pass a test. The first step of the test was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the test to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."



The first apple went in, but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.



The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the test to him he thought this should be easy. So in they went 1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8, and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.



The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!"

A Good day laughter - You will love this

Once there was a couple in their mid forties walking through a bush path and they came across a patch of mushrooms. The husband insisted it was the non poisonous one while the wife was adamant this was the lethal stuff. Husband carried on to pick the mushroom and consoled the wife; 'What we will do is, we will cook the stuff and feed it to the dog. If the dog dies, then we throw it away but if the dog is ok then we will also eat it.'

They got home and fed the mushroom after cooking it to the dog, it was the happiest dog in the village for a full four hours.

They then proceeded to eat the mushroom themselves.

Just as they finished, their son ran into the room and announced in a hurry the death of the dog and then ran out.

The two parents looked at each other and tears rolled down their cheeks, the husband then announced: 'My wife I should have listened to you.


Anyway seeing we are going to die I need to rest in peace and make sure I have been honest with you. You see that lady from next door has been my part-time since we moved in and we meet in the garden every Sunday.'

He continued, 'When your sister came for X-mass, and you had too much wine and passed out, I slept with her too - your mother too but only once last year on New Year's Eve.'

With tears in her eyes the wife says, 'Its ok my darling that was all weaknesses of the flesh I have forgiven you, but you must listen to me too.


Each time I go to the butchery I always bring a lot of meat. Well it's because our second son is the butcher's child. As much as you have slept with the lady next door I also sleep with the Husband on Saturday evenings when you are out with the Boys, and lastly since we got married 20 years ago I have never had an orgasm from you.'


Both had mixed emotions, hatred, regret but their consolation was they were dying without any secrets.

So their son then run into the room again and looked at the parents weeping.

He then commented: 'My God! I didn't realize the two of you loved the dog that much! Anyway the guy whose car ran over the dog says he can buy us another one!!'

Husband was rushing off to work one morning. His driver Okon had driven him half way when his Oga remembered he'd forgotten his briefcase at home.

They turn around and Husband lets himself back into the house. He notices his sexy wife is in the shower, all soaped up, unaware of his presence. Not being able to resist, he playfully flicks at his wife's breast as she showers. Still blinded by the soap, she asks gleefully: 'Ah-ah? Okon, you don drop Oga now-now?