missjenna:
First of all, I would say that I made that comment as a result of the nature of the thread with which it was commented on.


Coming to the concept of independence,
I don't think there is any thing like total independence. No human, man or woman can be totally independent of the other.

When you term a lady or when a lady terms herself as independent, all she is trying to say is that she does not totally rely on any man for her upkeep and her day to day survival.
She believes that she has the right to tell which direction her life should go.

Having said that, let me also say this
I believe every human being has a innate tepid narcissistic trait that is masked by their outward characters
This trait is also accompanied by a fragile ego and sense of importance above the opposite gender.
This mellow trait however expresses it self more in the masculine gender.

Asides this, humanity have for long been bombarded with tales from legend and religion that glorifies the male gender above the female.
This has so far created a kind of belief that a man should be the one in charge, the one in control, the one at the top.

When you look at the power structures of the world, not excluding our Nigerian traditions, you would find out that women are most times relegated to the post of follower instead of leader.

When a man sees a woman that is "independent", it kinds of threatens that mild narcissistic trait
At first he feels a complex mixture of fear,annoyance, insecurity and surprise
Then depending on his personality, his subconscious tries to see if it can conjure up a mechanism to counter this threat.

Either he decides to hate her and stay away
Or
He becomes intrigued by her, creating a sense of respect which makes him want to get close to her.

But most times, most men tend to go in the way of the former.
Most men just don't feel women should be above them in any way. They have this feeling that every woman should want them. That we can't cope without them.
The fact that a woman can be "independent" is in a way alien to them and when they see this, they are caught aback.

Actually, no man wants a woman they can't control. They don't want any woman that threatens their supremacy, hence their reaction.

One mistake most "independent" women make is to let pride get in the way.
They feel a grandiose sense of achievement and importance which makes them see themselves as not on equal par with most men that might try to approach them or get to know them
I think this also makes men stay away from them

Op, you also said that most feminist women hate men that are insecure about them.
Well I don't think we hate them. We are just irritated by the fact that they would feel insecure about us.
I myself like men who are not intimidated by me.

Op, I hope I helped
Thanks

Misogynist2014:
Some brainless threads, flying around Nl, it gets more distasteful when you actually see the junk was written by a man, someone you expect to have common sense. If I'm threatened, what's the business of your mother about it?

Pamcrest:
Op that's a no- brainier. The fear of an independent woman scares some Naija men silly.....it shrinks their joysticks.
And their response is to attack everything about her.......her upbringing and background are denigrated, her source of wealth becomes suspect, her prospects as a good wife becomes suspect. Most men can't even approach her. The bold ones would want to hit her and run.....no longterm intentions.

But it's not entirely their fault. Our society ingrains that air of superiority in our men that some have forgotten that the world is changing fast. Women are now recording more exploits than they are thought capable of. So men, loosen up and wisen up!
My humble submission

babyosisi:


I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care of,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

postmann:


You definitely must live long for your wisdom is rare and uncorrupted by time. Most 21st century male have lost the true sense of being a man. That they're born to lead. I see a bunch of weak men falling for laziness and been deceived that it is okay for your woman to be richer. Its not except she inherit her fortunes. Statistics is clear: marriages where the woman earns more have a 70% divorce rate compare to about 30% when the man earns more according to research in the US. I heard so many compromised minds say "especially the nigerian man". Rubbish! So wen my wife goes through 9 months of pregnancy, and still breastfeed and nurse the baby, coupled with her monthliness and wobbling emotions, she would still put more money on the table? Then what is the man alive for? Doing exactly what with his bigger brain? I see a bunch of new breed 21st century lazy men who are finding too comfortable eating from women. To them its okay for a woman to pick the bill on a first date, live in her house and drive her car. I've never seen any man with these traits end up well
Being a MAN means being the LEADER, PROVIDER and PROTECTOR.

babyosisi:


I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care of,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

booket:
u re right sha.bug sum men prefer their wife to stay nd raise the children so dt they cn grow up with a good home training.and i dont see anythng wrng with dt.

booket:
jst be honest can u quit ur job if he says so inorder to raise the children to an extent.

ireneidiva:

What is wrong with working and raising children? What if she quits her job and the man loses his job as well? The family will suffer because of his ego right? Smh. I dunno what it is about a successful woman that threatens you men. A real man will push his wife to be the best she can be and support her all the way.

blublahd:

your reasoning is so shallow and biased.
Have you bothered to ask why men stay away from women who are more successful than the men?
How familiar are you with such women and their attitude?

booket:
i tink dt only lazy men crave for independent ladies.

Pamcrest:


By their words u shall know them. Your reasoning is beyond shallow, it's nauseating. U are asking me how familiar I am with such women...so I must be a man to know, kwo? If u must know, I am a trained experienced n successful psychologist n counsellor. Don't ask stupid questions on social media....u can't be sure who u are talking to. And next time, mind your language!
My humble submission

booket:
u re right sha.bug sum men prefer their wife to stay nd raise the children so dt they cn grow up with a good home training.and i dont see anythng wrng with dt.

AgapeCharis:
Dude you're trying to help yourself

babyosisi:


The writing style alone tells you many of the responders are kids still receiving pocket money.They have a lot of maturing to do

Purehuman:

Lol...
I already have 1