NLSince:
Hey Guys,

I'm in a fix right now. I created this account to seek advice about my current situation. I have seen some very good and some not-so-good advice being dished out here. I really hope I get more of the former.

So there's this lady who I'm interested in dating. infact, I was about to ask her out yesterday when one thing led to another and she told me she was SS.

Here's a little background to this:
1. I consider myself a good guy. I'm not a player and I can't date you if I don't see us heading to the aisle. I have been in relationships before which have ended but I don't date with the intention of ending it.
2. Because of Number 1, I don't just ask out anyone. I start by being friends and then if I see a future, I'll then take it forward else we mutually friendzone ourselves. I'm different, Bite me.
3. This Lady ticks most of the boxes I think is important. And I actually believe(d) that this would be my Last Bus stop. However, I don't want to get a wife who'll leave me soon.
4. I'm AA

I'll be grateful if you guys help me with answers to this:
a) Should I go on with this? or should I free her? or go against everything I believe in and break off the relationship once her next crises comes. (OMG, that's brutal. I'm cringing just writing that)
b) I know if we have kids, they'll be AS. What chances of survival does she have? at least to get up until 70. She's 25 right now.

Searching for a wife is hard. I really don't want to lose a good one (If I don't have to) and start searching again.

cc: MizmyColi, Kachisbarbie, Xiadnat, PickaBeau1, MatthewBriggs

britiko:

MR DOCTOR,Ive seen a grandma of 75 that had 5 kids. Grandma is SS.
what sort of a doctor are you? realist my foot!!!
so sicklers are not entitled to live a good life?
whats ur challenge in this? if the ops question was as stated in ur post above,i wouldnt advise him to go ahead . cos definitely they would have ss as kids
but for goodness sake, hes AA and marrying an SS does not make them liable to aving SS kids.
wake up doc!!!

Osihgen:
For her to survive till 25, she can live very long, many SS dont live upto 25

Osihgen:
For her to survive till 25, she can live very long, many SS dont live upto 25

Laredojohn:

Dats not a point, it's only God. Have a cousin who died @40 plus, only God sustains those with SS, because this cousin of mine has the. Best medical care living in the UK, age isn't a factor to survival, only God

richol:
pray to GOD....cos ive seen cases that the aa marrying ss nd all the children are ss

Namzy:

Lol maybe people get me wrong. This is exactly reasoning behind "i have seen mentality" bros visit any tertiary medical facilities and see a sickler in crisis then maybe you'd change your mind and know that you've been seeing miracles(although i highly doubt your 75 grandma story seeing that medical advances weren't available then) but lets say its possible. Its a miracle if a pastor heals one because he/she has faith but you won't inquire about the thousands of failed healings but you'd be singing that one praise. See all it takes is one crisis and you'd be a believe. I didnt say that some don't survive above their life expectancy but that life expectancy is there for a reason. But like I said some like living dangerously behind love conquers all and hope. Who am i to tell you what to do with your life. Am even sure the OP parents will advice him further. If hes up to the challenge then good luck but you people shouldn't come here and make it look like a walk in the park

Midehi:

pls dnt decive him...gettin up to 25 is ok bt d chance of survival after 25 is vry low specially time of givin birth, dats wer d problem is cos her immune cant carry full pregnancy xcept shes operated on prematurely which is alwys dficult for both mother & child.
my advice to d guy is sacrifice for her sake to know if she can av a baby b4 her time is up bt its alwys dficult,d girl mite probably need him now snc hes AA....love is abt sacrifice.

i just thank God my parent are nt carrier...i alwys av pity on sickle cell people.

Laredojohn:

Dats not a point, it's only God. Have a cousin who died @40 plus, only God sustains those with SS, because this cousin of mine has the. Best medical care living in the UK, age isn't a factor to survival, only God

britiko:

im shocked a doctor is talking like this.
failed healing accepted. we have pple that dont belive in God and they are SS and well alive.
if i may ask, whats the average life expectancy of a Nigerian?
pls its doctors like you that kills their patient with news of a disease before the said disease manifests itself.

Midehi:

pls dnt decive him...gettin up to 25 is ok bt d chance of survival after 25 is vry low specially time of givin birth, dats wer d problem is cos her immune cant carry full pregnancy xcept shes operated on prematurely which is alwys dficult for both mother & child.
my advice to d guy is sacrifice for her sake to know if she can av a baby b4 her time is up bt its alwys dficult,d girl mite probably need him now snc hes AA....love is abt sacrifice.

i just thank God my parent are nt carrier...i alwys av pity on sickle cell people.

Numerouuuno:
It is very nice to see you are planning your future at this present time, Since you are AA, your children's health can never be worse than AS.
I believe your fear is regarding your wife, let me tell you this, She will live long even more than 70 , all she has to do is use her drugs like proguanil and folic acid judiciously, eat vegetables and fruits, and finally drink lots of water. if she can adhere to that, there is no problem. She, you and your kids will live a good life.
I have a family member that is SS, she's married with a kid, she rarely falls sick and she's doing fine in all aspects, to cap it all, she lives in an area where the winter temperature is -35 degrees. Our family doctor is an SS too,aged 50. I have seen and i know lots of people that are SS and they are okay.I can say very little here since its a public forum.
sincerely, go ahead and marry her since she meet all your pre-requisites, you guys will be fine. she just has to do the things listed above.
And finally, pray!!
SS is just an health condition not a death sentence.

Midehi:

can you marry an ss lady...be sncere

Laredojohn:

Dats not a point, it's only God. Have a cousin who died @40 plus, only God sustains those with SS, because this cousin of mine has the. Best medical care living in the UK, age isn't a factor to survival, only God

Namzy:


Where were you guys when peeps were busing chewing me up for saying the hard truth

Midehi:

it is the main truth dear....everybody saying go ahead,can they marry an SS girl.

Numerouuuno:

Madam, she can very well give birth to an health child. The main problem is Nigeria health system, with a good health care as obtainable in western nations, there is nothing to fear. Even in Nigeria, its possible, but we all know how bad the country's health system is.

britiko:


Tell me who wouldnt die? who is it on earth that is not sustained by God?
dont you have people who are not up to 40 and are nomal and die?
every man, young or old, an or woman will die at one time or another whether SS or not.
ops wife to be can live beyond 25 even with child delivery.
The problem is the fear pple inhabit about the disease.

Noloss:
Hum, it's a hard decision to take but ponder on dis

1. What if u were d one in her shoes
2. What if she is ur sister?
3. We are not d determinat of so manything in life e.g where to be born, to whom to be born, when to die etc
4. She is d consequence of a decision made by her parents, which u must also learn from

I have seen a woman @ kabba in Kogi state that was married as ss, she has 3kids and she is till alive do she do have crisis but her husband stood by her.

Recently,(Dec 2014) a colleaque dat av been married since 2009 discovered dat their 2nd child was an SS. Ofcourse both parents did test b4 marriage hubby was AA and wife AS. Hubby did his own at UBTH but when d result of d baby came there was confusion and hubby had to go for another test and lo and behold it was AS. What will be d faith of dat child?

Finally, u'll bear d consequences of whatever decision u make so let God guide u and u'll not regret in Jesus name.

Simplefaithy:
. bro how's that possible

Namzy:

We are not saying its not possible sickle cell is a morbidity and the risk of pregnancy related incident is high plus other relating acute or chronic complications. But like i said earlier its ok to hope and believe. You always say ve seen. Lemme tell you I've had many cases of sicklers die who were apparently well and apparently maintained a healthy life style. Now to call a spade a spade if you were to Hazard a guess what the proportion of living vs dead sicklers above 45 in nigeria. A research conducted (America) places that around 50%.

Midehi:

Guy av u ever seen wer a sickler is sick, if u had seen,vry close...u wil know wat we are talkin abt here...forget all this talks here ooo..der sicknes is terrible,sometimes u see them bending specially der legs....
let me jus stop cos am jus rememberin those i know dat av died cos of sickle cell

britiko:


my sister is married to an SS guy.
because hes SS does not make him less of a human being.
God forbid, if you had an SS as family member, would you wish he/she does not live a normal life or get married?
its all about choices, the OP is left to follow his heart.

britiko:


Tell me who wouldnt die? who is it on earth that is not sustained by God?
dont you have people who are not up to 40 and are nomal and die?
every man, young or old, an or woman will die at one time or another whether SS or not.
ops wife to be can live beyond 25 even with child delivery.
The problem is the fear pple inhabit about the disease.

Midehi:

Guy av u ever seen wer a sickler is sick, if u had seen,vry close...u wil know wat we are talkin abt here...forget all this talks here ooo..der sicknes is terrible,sometimes u see them bending specially der legs....
let me jus stop cos am jus rememberin those i know dat av died cos of sickle cell

Numerouuuno:

I am AS so I can't , its called foolishness.
If I am AA, I would gladly do so, in addition to my experience of the health condition, she has the best life in stock with me.
PS: if your sister is SS, would you advise her boy friend to marry her? please answer me honestly.

Numerouuuno:

People die everyday, is it because your cousin died at 40 as an SS that makes his case special?
Only God know who would see tomorrow.