A cousin of mine is in some serious dilema and is trying to decide whether or not to stay married to her guy. She claims he's cheating because he has been chatting online with some babe for sometime. Plus she says he's fond of telling her lies and she doesn't trust him. The way she sees it, she needs to get out now before things get worse. What do you all think?

moneybags:

Recently this man has been chatting online with one lady who he claims he just a "big brother" to.

Yep, "Big Brother" .

hEY Lady, You havent talked to him, have a nice romantic time with him then pop up the question whats going on between you and the internet girl? just let him know that you have brains and you know whats going on, do this gently without quarelling and calmly, he'll let you know whats going on so you two could set your paths straight, are you a christian? If you are then you should seek God's help too because man's wisdom leads no where.ok?

GUYS WOULD DEF. BE GUYS!!!!

Gurl, u need to confront him first so u don't take an action u'll forever regret. At least let him know that u know wats going on and to wat extent is their "big brother, little sister" relationship?

moneybags, after going through your post, I didnt see any basis for divorce if you truly love you hubby. if i get you right all your evidence now is a chatting documents you stumbled on. Lets praise your husband for opening up when you confronted him. Most men wont do that. See if you plan divorce you may be on the losing end, there are many ladies out there who are looking for someone caring, I tell you the next week you pack out, the lady packs in. In my own opinion forget about divorce. Show more love and affection to your hubby than before, try and understand what he needs, don't give room for intruders ofcourse you don't do that by fighting him. Above all pray always about your home, forces of darkness are numerous against homes these days.

you need to know also that you don't conclude based on chatting, some of us men do chat to while away time, some in d presence of their wives, so I don't think it is enough basis, don't forget hes an african man have u seen a lady thats married to two husbands at a time, but men do.

woh, u will need special grace to do that.

Moneybags,have no worry or fear,all these internet love things do not last,you still have your man.

i was married for 7 yrs and sweetie the same thing happen and he said the same thing, when i left him he moved in with is "little sister" the woman he claimed he was being a big brother to.
i will not tell you to leave your husband, however i believe that a marriage should be happy, there should be trust and understanding,if your husband loves you he would not want to see you hurt, and from what you have said his relationship with this lady is inappropriate behavior for a married man,you should tell him how you feel and ask him to stop because it will end your marrage more-to-the-point if this is the first time he is doing this and you say you are in love, why are you so quick to end it? could it be that other issues in the marriage coupled with his relationship with this lady is all to much for u?.

This is in response to your comment, omofineboy. I don't know how you see life o, but I don't live my life based on fear and/or lies. When one does wrong, the fact that they open up does not in any way absolve them from the infraction. Besides, what's there not to open up to when the evidence abounds?? Why should any woman settle for a man who is dishonest and untrustworthy in a relationship?? Losing such a man can certainly NOT place her on the losing end in any way. She shouldn't even begin to count that as a loss, it's good riddance. A man like that is not worth the trouble. Life's much too short (and much too interesting) to be living with someone deceitful. Truthful men abound, and contrary to your opinion of men being free to marry two wives and deal in falsehood and all that what not, I know a lot of decent men who live decent lives and are sincere and open with their spouses or partners. Let's not go about giving people thumbs-up for not being as bad as everyone else,  What is wrong is wrong.

I think you should talk about it without any quarrels or accusations. You might just find out why he had to go chatting with someone else in the first place. Hope you sort things out. Good luck!!

moneybag, u might find ur self corfortable wt some guy who is not ur husband someday, just dont cheat against him. flirting is human nature , married or unmarried.

ur matter is too small, , its not like he is sleeping wt her.
divorce should not even be the talk of the day, cuz the next man u are hoping to find or the so call honest guys u were talking about are not

I think u are looking for a way to leave that guy, else there are 10,000 ways to solve dat prob. its either u are too proud to express to him how jealouse u are, or how his flirtings hurt ur feelings,

I really empathize with you dear,the truth is he's cheating.I say this because he's hidding a part of himself away from you ,if the situation was the other way around,may'be the story would have been different, I mean , he may have left you .Anyway it's possible he's just innocently doing this ,but there's a thin line beyond which when crossed there's no going back and that line needs to be defined ,and I think he needs your help in definning that line,an honest intense talk with him could help.However if that line has been crossed and the situation irreedemmable ,never be afriad to walk out ,don't let your fears imprison you ,courage is your best defence, i'll be roooting for you .

I would not think of divorce.he is defenitely hiding something ,other that that he would have YOU involved to this little sister/big brother chat.you need to tell him to stop this online flirting,because it hurts your feelings , and see how he behaves then.

if he continues - just pull the damn computer out of the wall

if that doesn't work ,put some "stuff "in his food so he can't leave the toilette - you just tell him that causes from being online too long and it's not healthy for him

I do feel for u, but most importantly i agree ur hub is not being fair
to u as spelt out in the thread.Also i feel u should be able to handle the situation
better than thinking of living him,feeling theres nothing to loose or probably goog radiance to bad rubbish would not help out.I feel theres more to it probably their is a
communication breakdown btw both of u,so he migth just be doing this to get back to u.
Marriage is all about crisis management so i believe you u play kool,build up the affection again like wooing him back.He is all urs so sit up to the challenge and don,t give up the figth for any
m**f**k**r.

Moneybags,

Thanks for your comments I can understand how you feel, but that do not change the truth, I view things objectively while facing the reality. I gave a very kind and honest advice. Taking to consideration the following premises

1. You still love your husband

2. You need happiness and joy in your home

3. You want peace

4. You want your husband to change his bad ways

5. You want a more committed and lovely partner.

The above were some premises I considered before giving you my opinion, Its painful to have a dishonest partner, but that doesnt remove from him all the good qualities you saw in him before u married him, except if that has been his ways? I believe we should be able to forgive our spouses whenever they go wrong, we should correct them with love and in love, I am convinced that if you do if not all of my advice you will get a better result and response from your spouse. Its not a joking matter, this is what affects you as you said pls I gave you a candid advice. God help us all

Do have a heart 2 heart talk with him.
If he still insists that there is nothing between them
then let him involve you in the chat, this way
you will get to see both his reaction and that of the lady
in question.

hhhmmm i smell a cat in the bag,why would he restrict their conversation to when you are not around.i would advice you not to divorce your husband cause its not the solution.the fault might be from your husband,the girl might not even be aware that he is married.cause men lie a lot. .the solution is to sit your husband and talk things over with him,

hey girl,wateva d case,u must knw dis-u cant jst walk out of marriage evrytime there is a problem! u married him abi? so, u obviously luvd him at some point.wateva happened to d word 'dialogue'? hey,talk 2 him! all d best.

maybe you husband is doing YAHOO YAHOO cos na that kind format dem dey throw give their maga, just relax and see if dollars go soon dey flow

my dear take it easy if u still love him. Its not a good reason yet to think of divorce.

It baffles me that someone could come and pour her heart out and some one out there will be giving her a stupid advice.




@ poster.

I understand how you feel. Your love really stirred up that jealousy in you.It is quite natural for someone you love. I cant withstand something much less from my patner let alone something of that magnitude.

One thing is clear. A guy that is very much contented with his girl will not do that unless he is a chronic womaniser or flirt

Just have a heart to heart talk with him and let him understand how you feel. If he is reasonable, he will change.

If he does not change, God knows how to make a way for us when there seems to be no way.HIS DECISION IS FINAL AND IS ALWAYS POSITIVE

Trust in God and believe all will be fine.

I feel this is one way men use to cheat, and they dont actually see it as cheating - they just feel its being 'social'. I feel that prayers work miracles but u have gotta be practical too. God will answer ur prayers as long as u believe and u have got to put some actions to it.

Address the issue with your man - tell him if the foot was on the other foot, how would he feel with someone mailing you, ringing u and refering to you as 'baby'.

Tell himm he needs to put an end to all that nonsence - its all good, if he doesnt want to - then people do say keep your enemies closest - just make sure u get to know her too cause if u mandate u man to leave her alone, he will only do so outside - so get her phone number and offer to speak to her when she rings him and they are talking.

Talk to your husband. Let him know categorically that you are not
comfortable with this on-line relationship and that you feel it may affect
your marriage to him, possible ask him to delink himself from that lady. Let
her look for another big brother.

@poster

I know you love your husband

If not, you will not get this jealous.

However, to divorce just because you smell a rat will be too eratic _{and I think you might regret later}

I think you would still need to talk things over with your husband.

He seems attracted to this new lady _{all of us are attracted to someone new once in a while}

But he has not yet committed any crime with her worth crucifying for.

Allow him to go through it _{whatever it is} and see whether it makes him a better or worse man.

_{I MUST CONFESS THAT IT TAKES COURAGE TO DO SO}

Any lady who wants a man like that can have him, I'll gladly let him loose 'because he's not worth the trouble. Life's much too short (and much too interesting) to be living with someone deceitful. Truthful men abound, and contrary to your opinion of men being free to marry two wives and deal in falsehood and all that what not, I know a lot of decent men who live decent lives and are sincere and open with their spouses or partners.

With this ur statement it seems u didnt like ur hubby in the first place.

Anyway divorce is always an option, but if u truly love him divorce wont be an option.
Get him into a romantic mood, make sweet love to him, then ask him eye to eye what his relationship is with the internet babe and let him know ur hurt.
That should work accompanied with prayers.
If it doesnt work then ur on ur own.

hi moneybags, its ok for pple who are not married to say things. am married and have being in ur situation. the lies never stop even with prayers. the society we find our selves in does not accept divorced women. theres always a stigma attached even when its the man that guffed. my advice to you?, empower ur self look for creative things to do channel ur energy else where if ur have kid already concentrate on them. get a degree if u have one get another one. fortunately for me am married less than 5 years myself and no kids, (thankfully) i got tied of the lies and praying so i have decided to ignore and do more creative things with my time and enegry, all the best.

divorcin him will be too drastic, talk it out with him,

Talk to your church leader to talk to him otherwise a pig remains a pig wether you bath them or not. Remember if you live with a sinful husband, you are commiting sin your self. He is satisfying his devilish desires. Do what is right for you not what this forum think.

seems he is in an emotional relationship which is just as bad and harmful. why confide in a random woman when your wife is right there ejo?

Player from himalayer !!!!