1stCitizen:


James 5:16...Confess your sins to one another.

9jatatafo:


How I wish God can just open your records in the book of life and we will see how clean you are

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

MarvellousGod:
@4, are you saying you won't tell your partner you have children elsewhere? ?

We treated this topic at our marriage counselling class like two weeks ago, the counsellor concluded by saying that any past which will be detrimental to the future must be made known to your partner before tying the knot, eg fertility problems, children outside wedlock, an illness that runs in your family, Diseases you may hv currently. .. etcccc

He equally said some things are better left under the rug except when asked, like how many men/women you've slept with, eetttccc...

freecocoa:
I may not agree with all the points made by the OP, but of what use is the abortion tale to the man? This is in a situation where nothing went wrong, that is.

babyosisi:


Stop using the scripture fraudulently
There is no place the bible encourages anyone to go talking about their past
When Jesus met the prostitute the people wanted to stone,he forgave her and asked the crowd to cast a stone if they hadn't sinned
He didn't tell her to go telling the wives of all the men she had chopped to forgive her.
It wasn't necessary

The bible says let him who stole,steal no more
So let she who chopped,chop no more

Fornication is a sin one commits against one's own body
If God forgives you and you have forgiven yourself,that ends it

hopeforcharles:

What if he later founds out?
My type of Man will never use it against a woman no matter what, but if he founds out outside it might be more disastrous than ever. What do u think she should do about telling him.

Sophyrocks:
This topic reminds me of a show called BAGGAGE n Dstv. The reason people are able to spill their dirty secrets on that show and also able to accept them is because the whites are less judgemental and more accomodating. They have accepted who they are and are more open. Unlike we nigerians who know how to use peoples' past against them. The society is judgemental and hypocritical at the same time. No one is able to handle the truth no matter how much they preach openness. NO ONE! We are all humans with limitations and that will be shown on how much information we can handle.

The truth is most men and women will keep their horrible pasts to themselves which brings about the importance of investigating your partner before marriage. Some you will get to know during the course of courtship. But inspite of that, you still dnt get to know everything. So if we are to be very honest about our pasts, we ought to ask ourselves if he or she can handle them. are we truly ready for the consequences of letting he or she know about them? Is openness the watchword of your partner? Has he or she spilled his or her past to you? why are we spilling? Most peeps who spill expect automatic forgiveness and forget that things would change afterwards. Are we ready to accept the changes that would occur after the spilling? Are we ready to be victims of attack from time to time once your partner is armed with your secrets? Are you ready for your past to go beyond your partner as others apart from your partner may get to know them? Are we ready to move on should in case the relationship/marriage packs up? Lower your expectations and expect the worst because you are not dealing with jesus christ o. You are dealing with a human. There are standards each one of us hold or expect from our partners. Use the standards of your partner to decide if he or she can truly handle the openness before deciding to spill. Let your brain be a sieve and show tact when opening up. There are things to spill and there are others to be kept to yourself biko. Be selective.

As for what to spill, well, diseases such as HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis, children outside wedlock should be spilled o. Anything major that poses a threat to your partner should be spilled ON TIME.

As for cheating, to each his own biko. Just make sure before you spill you have packed your bags already ready to leave if you know fully well your partner will not accept it. Body count questions are useless. Always sieve what to say. Know when to talk and when to keep quiet. THIS IS NIGERIA NOT AMERICA. we have a culture that can't handle the truth. Be tactful. Be wise as a serpent biko.

babyosisi:


Exactly
Especially if you know he will use it against you,you don't need to tell him about every man that has poked you
Unnecessary detail
If you worked as a hooker( ashawo) and has turned a new leaf,you are free to keep that detail to yourself
It's not necessary to share all that worthless tale in order to appear honest
Old things are passed away,leave them that way
He isn't telling you all of his so you need to keep yours too
Don't show out yourself in a terrible light and destroy your reputation by blabbing about details of your past,destroying yourself with your own mouth.
If you had 5 abortions ,must you talk about them with your man?
What for?
Has he told you how many abortions he sponsored?
O ho
So why the details

Ploutos:
InZA, ronald4lif, Evina, Kinglekan

Your thoughts.

babyosisi:


Whether you will use it against her or not is not the issue
The main issue is,what purpose will those details serve in the first place?
Nothing
So why share all of those?

Evina:


Sir, all the elders have spoken.

Lol. I understand.

Krisddon:

You are a suspect!

Cutehector:
erm I dnt realy agree wit u on dat.. U see, wen it comes to issues of gettn pregnant, and the man isn't the problem, he will begin to get curios, and be like is she hiding anythn frm me? Maybe she may hav had some ugly experiences in d past dats makin her not to conceive.. In my own case, I'd rather advice she opens up to me.. Just so I knw how to tackle d problem

babyosisi:


FYI,in a study in Nigeria 42% of inability to conceive was due to male infertility
All that herbal drinks and wearing tight pants and underwear plus other abnormalities
It is barbaric to pin infertility on a woman
This is 2015
Research has given us the true picture

SisterCaro:
does your woman know all about your past?

babyosisi:


Yes
If she was doing ashawo in the same town or her ashawo runs was public knowledge then yes but if she was a student at IMSU and did her runz in Ibadan,what is she revealing that for when it's in her past
There are also women who have revealed those same details and the that was the end of a good fraudulent relationship.

bukatyne:


My thoughts

I remember someone once said be honest with style

He was relating it to Joyce Meyer who told her husband her father raped her.

I don't know about an average Nigerian guy/husband to be Anyways.

It's all Good.

Krisddon:

This ur bullets no be rubber ones oh! u kill my battery gan!
*Finds* not “founds”.

babygirlfl:


Exactly. That's the reason I said that when they remember honesty and quote the bible, they are talking to the woman only. Is it not the same nairaland men here saying women should be honest that said married men can cheat on their wife discreetly because according to them what a woman does not know will not kill her. As a Nigerian woman, you have to be very wise and do what you want to do without thinking of what people will say.

kilode100:


True.....
They resent the woman, can't touch her nor have real feelings for her anymore and yes this is a personal experience.

jmoore:
Anyway, I will marry a virgin. 100% worry-free from past

No need to worry if she aborted or fuc*** 1,000 guys.

Make una continue dey hide oh... When the truth forces itself out, be ready to bear the consequences.

Mynd44:
Until he finds out by himself of course and hell breaks loose.

The balance is between asking for people who are psychologically stable and people who are not hence we have to protect.

bukatyne:


Do you confess all your sins to the people around or your wife or partner?

Did you read anywhere Paul confessed his sins of persecution to the church? Did the woman caught in adultery confess to the wives affected or her husband?

I am not against openness in marriage, in fact, we both came out clean on everything from the beginning and within the relationship and now marriage but again, There was really not much to confess.

I believe in situations like This as with restitution, pray to God for direction.

kilode100:


Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill