lmao. . . .that was good

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story,

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just fix the wall!"

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents.

When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered.

“I'd like to talk to your mother or father,” she said.

“Sorry, but they ain't here.”

“Little Johnny!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?”

“Beats me,” he replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!”

JOHN was teaching a GIRL named Michelle arithmetic, he said it was his mission.

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

And both together smiled and said, "That's
multiplication."

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that boy ten metres away and said, "That's long division!"

Two Hausa girls are waiting on a bus stop, they were going to Awolowo street .When a bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the girls leans inside and asks the driver: "Will this bus take me to Awolowo st?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."

At this the other girl leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will it take ME?"

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to get up and change the channel manually.

3. People who say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. People who say "it's always the last place you look". Yeah, I tend to stop looking once I've found it.

5. When people watching a film say "did you see that?" Do they think I paid $12 to look at the floor?

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Did they give you a choice?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?

8. When people say "life is short". Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

;d ;d ;d ;d

I guess, d "start new topic" icon has stopped working. Innit?

Migines:

I guess, d "start new topic" icon has stopped working. Innit?

thats the problem with this particular thread, doesnt give us d chance to react to each joke as they come.

@ sam,
i have always wondered where u get these jokes from, they are tight.
"the clinic" got me rolling in laughter.

Actually, my post waz @holythug, not sam.

Actually, my post waz @holythug, not sam. Sory

Neverdless, ure right. But, it also cool sometimes wen u can just open a thread and laff till eternity. Av u seen mine? "roflmao by migines"

Man this is hilarious

@kanugab do u want to get banned. . . .

@ migines,
i havent seen it. but i'll look for it now. or better still provide me the link here, pls.
i'm in d mood for some serious laughs

Aiight. Holla

Aiight. I'll bring it up 4 u now.

still waiting,

Wat? U'll c it on d ist page(jokes), d 7th topic or so.

oh i have seen it,
and i'm laughing already.
i wanted u to post the link here and that was what i was waiting for.

to post a link all u do is copy the address on the address bar of d page then u come to reply page and paste it.
the link is provided.

your jokes are tight.
laughing my head off.

by the way what does Rof stand for. i know what lmao means,

"ROFLMAO":ROLLING ON FLOOR, LAUGHING MY ASS OFF.

And, lol. Not lyk i cudnt post d link, i had bookmarked it, so i just replied d topic. Dats way faster.

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test

@poster
that eng. translation thing was cool

An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off the intercom. He said to the co-pilot, "I think I'll go take a dump and then put the make on that new blonde stewardess."

The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. She trips and falls in her haste.

A little old lady looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad's car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.

Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

hello everybody

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one jacket short."

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.''What''s up?'' he says.''I''m having a heart attack,'' cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he''s dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted''s hiding in your wardrobe and he''s got no clothes on!''The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door.Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.''You jerk,'' yells the husband, ''my wife''s having a heart attack and you''re running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!''