Karleb:

You spanked him for bearing pain?
Fear God now!

Was shocked to read that myself - very shocked.

HDee:

this one is serious
Take him to your pastor or imam

Lol. no religious intervention is needed. back to topic....i used to be almost exactly like him so i understand how he feels. my mum realized this and she took some steps. first i think the problem is from you and his father, the way you treat him sometimes. reduce scolding,shouting,make him laugh more,take him out more,ask his likes n dislikes,consult him before you buy a dress,toy or anything for him. let his father join you too. at first when you do all this he might not respond because he'd be wondering why the sudden change ...thus he will be wary. don't worry persist. and one other thing...as he grows let him choose his own path. just be there to assist him rightly. And he is intelligent i see. also respect his privacy.
One other thing dont be angry or scared because he endures pain...he has endurance thats all. also he isnt exactly scared of you, he is just enduring and nursing a little hatred towards you and perhaps his dad. it is good you discovered this early. i personally am still trying to overcome this. so be nice, keep on with it you are a wonderful mother with a shining star of a son. persist even though it seems as if he is not responding. i hope this helps.

MhizDeedy:


What!!!! That happened nd u even spanked im? oh dear I think m going to loose it. U re thinking he can bear pains but he is not feeling loved, he is trying not to make u see him weak, he is trying to be strong for himself.

Pls stop spanking him

OK ma. thank u

Ur child is angry at either u or ur husband.. Dats y he doesn't open up or even feel at home in his own house but he's happy wen he's out or in school or away from u guys.. U can tlk to him to know if he's offended by anything wich I'm sure he is.. And do not spank him, U need to be his best friend... He is definitely smart and a good boy

thelish:
No, for keeping quiet.

the point is its not normal for even an adult to bear that amount of pain and even keep quiet talk more of a child. For Him to keep quiet it means he's afraid of expressing his feelings because he knows you'll hit him again



You'll be a very vicious mother inlaw o

Fear is of the devil.Anywhere it occurs, there can be no doubt of its source.Hold your son close to your bosom and, holding his head, say: God hasn't given you the spirit of fear, but of power , love and a sound mind.That's taken from 2 Tim., 2 :7.
Aside that,let your love be full or perfect for your child, because perfect loves drives out fear.Fear involves punishment.1John 4:18.Once he has this Spirit of love, he'll overcome fear.

MhizDeedy:


What!!!! That happened nd u even spanked im? oh dear I think m going to loose it. U re thinking he can bear pains but he is not feeling loved, he is trying not to make u see him weak, he is trying to be strong for himself.

Pls stop spanking him

that's true....


I think there is more behind the story,
She said she don't want him to be like his father, so something is wrong somewhere

SAMBARRY:
you are a wicked mother. How can you do that to a 4year old. Just 4.you too need to be beaten. See how you have scared the boy to death that hr cannot voice out his pain and you still beat him on top.


you deserve 10 strokes of cane

I wasn't even there, when it happened. came in n saw him crying. its not about me, its his character. my anger was that, how can u keep quiet n u are in danger oya bring cane come flog me ooo. My dear am not a wicked mother n can never be. Am trying to be a better mum. I have really learnt a lot here. If am wicked, the brother should have been scared of me as well.

thelish:
Thank u ma'am. I appreciate ur write up.

U re welcome but pls pls pls am so against flogging children, u know d more u flog or beat him d more his body get used to it, he wil cry no more, if he offends u or do smtn nd talk to him, let him see that what he did is wrong and let him see reasons to stop doing them nd always let him knw u love him nd u av his back. Nobody is perfect we all make mistakes, hope ur husband do show love to him, to take him out to play football, hang out together, watch his fav cartoons with him. U don't want ur baby becoming rebellious in future, so u CATCH THEM YOUNG.

sonofananimal1:
that's true....


I think there is more behind the story,
She said she don't want him to be like his father, so something is wrong somewhere

Yeah maybe, I just can't take it wen children re flogged, tz like torture to me. My dad never laid his hand on me to beat or anytin he believes in talking to me, with that i respect him more than anytin. Not every1 has to pass tthru torture.

thelish:
I wasn't even there, when it happened. came in n saw him crying. its not about me, its his character. my anger was that, how can u keep quiet n u are in danger oya bring cane come flog me ooo. My dear am not a wicked mother n can never be. Am trying to be a better mum. I have really learnt a lot here. If am wicked, the brother should have been scared of me as well.

then something is obviously not right. Do you disgrace him in the presence of his brother or compare him to his brother or buy things for only his brother and leave him out instead of buying for him to. Like do you show favouritism to his brother and leave him out .Please draw him closer and apologise for all the WICKEDNESS you have metted out on him because trust me kids can carry such memory for years and resent you meanwhile you won't know. The day one thing leads to the other and you ask why did you do this he will say did you remember what you did to me when I was a kid

henryvirus:

Lol. no religous intervention is needed. back to topic....i used to be almost exactly like him so i understand how he feels. my mum realised this and she took some steps. first i think the problem is from you and his father, the way you treat him sometimes. reduce scolding,shouting,make him laugh more,take him out more,ask his likes n dislikes,consult him before you buy a dress,toy or anything for him. let his father join you too. at first when you do all this he might not respond cuz he'ld be wondering why the sudden change ...thus he will be wary. dont worry persist. and one other thing...as he grows let him choose his own path. just be there to assist him rightly. And he is intelligent i see. also respect his privacy. i hope this helps.

this should be for the OP

Son: Mummy, Where is my Dad?




@ OP, Have you given an answer to that question for him, before I'l continue with what I'm about to say.

vickerz:


u look kissable.

# i might be wrong tho

U re right I can kiss u with a slap on ur face

HDee:


this should be for the OP

my apologies

The kid's mum deserve a slap. Something is definitely wrong. Seeing a kid swings mood on changing environment shows that he/she doEs not like the Setup or someone is abusing him. The abuse may physically, mentally or sexually.



........Parents should stop comparing their wards percieved bad habits to their father/mother/older siblings

thelish:
Please, how can I help my 4 year old son overcome fear?

He seems to be very free outside, but keep to himself at home.

Before his holiday, I went to his school to confront them, because
he couldn't answer a question from his book, but my son fall my hand
right there. He was reading all what he refused to read at home.

Please I need help. He seems to lack self confidence.

I tried to reduce my shouting at him in order to draw him close to myself,
but there is still no improvement yet.

Thanks

afternoon ma, the fear u said is in ur son could b due to an event u ain't aware sat he nos abt. Am deeply hurt cos he is a 4yr. He might b psychological affected at home. Kindly sit and think, study him properly. Observe d way he react to somethings at home. Normally would Av cast blames on u Bt no man is an island of knowledge. Experience is d best tch. Am sure u will learn frm it. U cn also talk to d boy. His brain is developed enof to make little decisions.

Thanks for all the criticisms and advice. I appreciate. I have learnt new things today. I use to scold him often, but when I asked few people, they told me what to do, which am applying this days. I will still do more. I play ball with him most times, I hate cartoon but force mysef to watch with him, I give him my fone to play games, whatever he wants, we try our best to provide, we take him to children fun park to play, nor be say we too get ooo. but just to make him happy n associate with other kids. God will help us to be better parents. Amen.

eby001:
The kid's mum deserve a slap. Something is definitely wrong. Seeing a kid swings mood on changing environment shows that he/she doEs not like the Setup or someone is abusing him. The abuse may physically, mentally or sexually.



........Parents should stop comparing their wards percieved bad habits to their father/mother/older siblings

oya come n slap ooo. lol

thelish:
Thanks for all the criticisms and advice. I appreciate. I have learnt new things today. I use to scold him often, but when I asked few people, they told me what to do, which am applying this days. I will still do more. I play ball with him most times, I hate cartoon but force mysef to watch with him, I give him my fone to play games, whatever he wants, we try our best to provide, we take him to children fun park to play, nor be say we too get ooo. but just to make him happy n associate with other kids. God will help us to be better parents. Amen.

u ain't psychologically prepared to b a parent.
we are all born with natural instinct to care for our young ones
no one teaches a hen/baboon ow to care or bring up its child. Yea u seek advice frm pple, Bt individual differences wat works for me won't work for u.
just take it to God in prayers.

thelish:
I wasn't even there, when it happened. came in n saw him crying. its not about me, its his character. my anger was that, how can u keep quiet n u are in danger oya bring cane come flog me ooo. My dear am not a wicked mother n can never be. Am trying to be a better mum. I have really learnt a lot here. If am wicked, the brother should have been scared of me as well.

Lady I'm seeing my neighbour your in quote.
1)You get angry easily
2)Your husband is quiet type that keep to himself and he is the only 1 that can put up with your attitude
3)You can sometimes get violent(tendency to pick up a fight)
4)You may have come from a family where you fight for everything eg polygamous family
5)You rarely overlook people's mistake
6)You rarely admit to your mistakes


All these might not 100% correct, but going by your posts 50% will be true.
Madam it's time for you to reflect on your life.

Dear thelish,
Please I beg you in the name of God. Take your son to a psychiatric clinic. I beg you again. Please take him to clinic.
I which my parents knew this in the past. I wouldn't have suffered all the mess.
Your son is not free with you, he is not feeling comfortable in the mist of those who close to him. It is a psychological problem. Please forget about all this people saying everything is ok. Talk to them at the clinic, they will ask so many questions that will make you know that your son is having hormonal problem.
The earlier the better.

I am exactly victim of same condition as your son.
My Dad finally killed me because he scolded me 24/7 because of my attitude. This is an in born and your son is at 80 percent risk of depression.
Take your son to a psychiatric clinic. I beg you again. Please take him to clinic.
cc:thelish

libertyfather:


.....anyway my own problem is my 3years old girl always don't want to go to sch not that she do cry on her way to sch but says that when she get up from bed, I don't know if that's an issue anyway

Liberty pls make a good inquiry about ur daughter, the friend she roams about with in school,the teacher, ask her, check her to know if she has been assulted/molested sexually in anyway..

kinah:



u ain't psychologically prepared to b a parent.
we are all born with natural instinct to care for our young ones
no one teaches a hen/baboon ow to care or bring up its child. Yea u seek advice frm pple, Bt individual differences wat works for me won't work for u.
just take it to God in prayers.

hmmmm. love ur ideology. I know how to care for my child OK?? we learn new thing s every day. I might be handling him d way I was raised, which may not be perfect for new generational kids. My dear u don't know it all. when u need help, keep pride aside and ask questions. Thanks

MhizDeedy:


U re right I can kiss u with a slap on ur face

for your mind ! are u yoruba? if yes, bawo ni?

thelish:
hmmmm. love ur ideology. I know how to care for my child OK?? we learn new thing s every day. I might be handling him d way I was raised, which may not be perfect for new generational kids. My dear u don't know it all. when u need help, keep pride aside and ask questions. Thanks

hands off
God help us all.
didn't say I no it all sis.
we are all learners!

vickerz:


for your mind ! are u yoruba? if yes, bawo ni?

Yeah ayam nd ayam fyn

[quote author=eby001 post=36224690]


Lady I'm seeing my neighbour your in quote.
1)You get angry easily
2)Your husband is quiet type that keep to himself and he is the only 1 that can put up with your attitude
3)You can sometimes get violent(tendency to pick up a fight)
4)You may have come from a family where you fight for everything eg polygamous family
5)You rarely overlook people's mistake
6)You rarely admit to your mistakes


All these might not 100% correct, but going by your posts 50% will be true.
Madam it's time for you to reflect on your life.[/quote

nice one bro.
u hit the nail on d head wella

Try n also make hime ur friend

thelish:
Please, how can I help my 4 year old son overcome fear?

He seems to be very free outside, but keep to himself at home.

Before his holiday, I went to his school to confront them, because
he couldn't answer a question from his book, but my son fall my hand
right there. He was reading all what he refused to read at home.

Please I need help. He seems to lack self confidence.

I tried to reduce my shouting at him in order to draw him close to myself,
but there is still no improvement yet.

Thanks

Teach him like u are discussing with a friend... u can aswell get a clue from his school teacher, and make sure u add some spice/jokes while teaching him....u can both watch some lecture cds together, ensure u engage conversation.. spend more time with him... education starts from home not sch...goodluck

kinah:

hands off God help us all. didn't say I no it all sis. we are all learners!

Thanks sis.

MhizDeedy:

Yeah ayam nd ayam fyn

ok, is u based in lasgidi ?