~Sauron~:

In AFRICA, that is how it works. . . . .
It's a tad folly when people say in America reh reh reh or blah blah blah woulda happened.
This is AFRICA. Live with it.

no rephrase, among ignorant, intolerant, uncouth brutes that is how it works. No matter what the provocation, you dont beat a woman. Have people no hearts at all? How can you slap a woman twice and then ignore her for days? Dont these people hurt deep down? Have they no remorse?

No, so because this is africa we shld live with ignorance, poverty, illiteracy and domestic violence? Why shld a woman live in fear in her husband's home? why shld she tiptoe around him and tremble anytime he comes home? that isnt a home, its a house!

ferdimako:

I noticed this woman (the poster) is this kind of women that want a man to bring and bring. He brings about the relationship (she mentioned that she was always down with handsome men) and  I guess  when none popped the question, she went for this not-so-good-looking man (her current husband). This man works his ass out every day, comes home to say honey here honey there, no much strength to fukc her like she wants it (may be a sex freak though) and he starts to smell, hence she reminded/reminds him to take a bath. If the man has changed, so does the woman or she never improved at all.You know people who do not do much, always complain of others doing little.Experience from my younger brother!

Marriage and child birth are never a necessity.She can abort and leave this poor man in peace and go for fine-faced guys.

what part of pregnant women are highly influenced by their hormones dont you understand? Her sense of smell may be hyperactive due to the pregnancy hence the reason for her getting so upset over the husband's refusal to take a shower.

And see the litany of complaints you just spilled as if you've been rehearsing them for months!!!! na wa oh!!!!

It was wrong for the man to react with violence even though he felt he was provoked. He shouldnt wait for plice to tell him that. sheesh.

@ poster,

You're definitely going to get mixed opinions and mixed advice from here to confuse you the more.

Follow your heart cos you know what's best for you plus it's your bed, only you know how you want to lie on it,

davidylan:

no rephrase, among ignorant, intolerant, uncouth brutes that is how it works. No matter what the provocation, you dont beat a woman. Have people no hearts at all? How can you slap a woman twice and then ignore her for days? Dont these people hurt deep down? Have they no remorse?

No, so because this is africa we shld live with ignorance, poverty, illiteracy and domestic violence? Why shld a woman live in fear in her husband's home? why shld she tiptoe around him and tremble anytime he comes home? that isnt a home, its a house!

Thanks.

@david, its not about the violence. That's unacceptable

Its about the "if it was in America, bla bla bla. . ."

accept my sympathy. i will give you this advice from a man's propective.
first telling your husband that he stinks was absolutely wrong on your part. there are ways to tell your huaband to take a shower. it's not what you said, but how you said it.
My friends girl friend once told him one day that they won't eat  dinner until he honor her by joining her in the shower. they both went and took shower together and ended up having a w i l d time at the bathroom. it might have turned into a fiansco had she used your approach.
also when you are pregnant, your sense of smell heightened as well as other sensory perception.
Your Pride does not justiy killing an innocent child, a blessing from God to solve your marriage problem.
My dear lady. apologise to your husband. forget the modernism and ill advised philosophy of our decaying era of so called sexual equallity. Your ability to resolve personal differences determine the kind of family you will eventually have.
Your pride and dignity comes from your husband. the day you married him was the day you lay down your pride and dignity on his feet. remember this;

"When you think to take determination of your fate into your own hands, that is the moment you can be crushed. Be cautious. Allow for surprises. When we create, there are always other forces at work".

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

he was wrong in slapping you on the other hand. please freedom from marriage to him will only lead you into the wrong hands. Be well adviced.

JustGod, tell them and make them hear. I am 99.99% sure that all those waggling their tongues, and encouraging her to leave the man are all SINGLES!!! reason they stay in their "America" and remain spouseless. Pride and haughtiness coupled with sharp tongues will not let them know that there are times you turn the other cheek to make peace.

davidylan:

some of the posts here are shocking . . .

LOL. Why is it though. Let me give you an example of two NIgerian pastors. One is my sister's fiance's pastor in Nigeria that sent her a letter telling her that her soon to be husband is everything and she is nothing, she is a fraction and he is a whole number. She has no wisdom and he is her wisdom. Another one is a very good friend of mine who is now here in teh states but she told me that her pastor in Nigeria is such a man of faith that he believes that even if a man is abusive it is better for the woman to stay there and die that to leave her marriage. These are people that call themselves men of God. I feel so sorry for all those women in those churches. They will have sons that will carry on that culture of agberoism and they would have heard the message from a "man of god".

davidylan:

no rephrase, among ignorant, intolerant, uncouth brutes that is how it works. No matter what the provocation, you dont beat a woman. Have people no hearts at all? How can you slap a woman twice and then ignore her for days? Dont these people hurt deep down? Have they no remorse?

I am by no means cheering what the husband did but in a country where there's no law. . . . .what can one do??
You guys are advising her to remain stubborn or move back to her parents house and then what??
Another broken home, another child raised from a broken home all because of 2 slaps??
Are u guys serious?? Only a self-centred woman would leave her husband because of a coupla slaps.

No, so because this is africa we shld live with ignorance, poverty, illiteracy and domestic violence? Why shld a woman live in fear in her husband's home? why shld she tiptoe around him and tremble anytime he comes home? that isnt a home, its a house!

Unfortunately, Africans are still living in ignorance, poverty, illiteracy and domestic violence. That will not change for millennia to come.
Besides, a woman has so much to lose in AFRICA without a husband. It's not the same in America where child support and 50% of the husband's wealth becomes hers. Stop mixing 2 different worlds together. This woman is on the brink of losing her husband and raising a child outta wedlock.

Isn't most people here have accepted that the man is a brute simply becos the wife said something to us. If the man is a brute, why should she stay with him? She should move out fast!

The fact that the woman is still trying to find some advise is enough to tell me that the man was not a brute and something must have happened that the woman has not spilled yet.

tiffcisco:

I totally agree with davidylan!! You have a right to be happy!! Dint feel obligated to this man if he does not respect you!! Def feel obligated to your child though. No matter what that baby is a gift from God. And God will use whomever to accomplish his purpose! Dint feel that because of the baby u should stay either. Many women raise their children without a trifling man around. You can do it!! I would recommend getting a job though. He feels that he can control you with money. That should NEVER be the case

May God help future families.  

This is so silly!!! Would you men tell your daughters to stay with an abusive man to avoid a divorce!!! COME ON!!! Honey u need to pray and seek God. He allows for divorce in extreme cases, and abuse is about as extreme as it gets. You are this mans equal and he needs to realize that. This is Africa, Give me a break!!! I am marrying an African and we will live in Africa, but he better belive that if he EVER lays his hand on me, Its OVER (not that he's ever given me any reason to believe he would in the 6 years I've known him, but neither did this womans husband)

viclee009 - You are a man of wisdom. You are indeed blessed. I wish the poster will just heed to the advise and let us move on to the next topic. As for the diaporan women, I wish you well.

Most of the guys yarning dust are being predictable as usual.

Guess they think people still find their "devil's advocate" comments entertaining.

OP, I suggest you apologize so at least when he kills you, on your tombstone it will say "Ever the Respectful Wife Even Til Death"

Good luck

viclee009:

accept my sympathy. i will give you this advice from a man's propective.
first telling your husband that he stinks was absolutely wrong on your part. there are ways to tell your huaband to take a shower. it's not what you said, but how you said it.
My friends girl friend once told him one day that they won't eat  dinner until he honor her by joining her in the shower. they both went and took shower together and ended up having a w i l d time at the bathroom. it might have turned into a fiansco had she used your approach.
also when you are pregnant, your sense of smell heightened as well as other sensory perception.
Your Pride does not justiy killing an innocent child, a blessing from God to solve your marriage problem.
My dear lady. apologise to your husband. forget the modernism and ill advised philosophy of our decaying era of so called sexual equallity. Your ability to resolve personal differences determine the kind of family you will eventually have.
Your pride and dignity comes from your husband. the day you married him was the day you lay down your pride and dignity on his feet. remember this;

"When you think to take determination of your fate into your own hands, that is the moment you can be crushed. Be cautious. Allow for surprises. When we create, there are always other forces at work".

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

he was wrong in slapping you on the other hand. please freedom from marriage to him will only lead you into the wrong hands. Be well adviced.

MINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are the most sensible poster on this thread.

I advise that in isues like this, married people should reply more because of their experiences, while all these b/f & g/f relationship makers that full nairaland should reply less and read more. YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND MARRIAGE UNTILL YOU GET MARRIED. Forget your 20yrs relationships, it's not mariage.

@ Poster
I have a lot to tell you about this your husband-slapping you issue but am too lazy now to type. Just an advice, one minute romantic apology to your husband would have solved this problem as easy as abc. Yes he's very wrong to have slapped you, but I've already guessed how bad the wordings you puked out of your mouth to him. If you've talked to him politely; 'honey, you've not taken your bath, have you forgotten' even if he's the first born from Lucifer, he wouldn't have slapped you. Your husband must be regretting his action for slapping you but he just want you to initiate the apology move, then he too will apologise. That is men, you can't contest that. Moreover you initiated the problem, so you should initiate the apology. Don't mind all these girls here that will tell you otherwise.

Good luck

viclee009:

My dear lady. apologise to your husband. forget the modernism and ill advised philosophy of our decaying era of so called sexual equallity. Your ability to resolve personal differences determine the kind of family you will eventually have.
Your pride and dignity comes from your husband. the day you married him was the day you lay down your pride and dignity on his feet. remember this;
"

How DARE you!!!!  

viclee009:

accept my sympathy. i will give you this advice from a man's propective.
first telling your husband that he stinks was absolutely wrong on your part. there are ways to tell your huaband to take a shower. it's not what you said, but how you said it.
My friends girl friend once told him one day that they won't eat  dinner until he honor her by joining her in the shower. they both went and took shower together and ended up having a w i l d time at the bathroom. it might have turned into a fiansco had she used your approach.
also when you are pregnant, your sense of smell heightened as well as other sensory perception.
Your Pride does not justiy killing an innocent child, a blessing from God to solve your marriage problem.
My dear lady. apologise to your husband. forget the modernism and ill advised philosophy of our decaying era of so called sexual equallity. Your ability to resolve personal differences determine the kind of family you will eventually have.
Your pride and dignity comes from your husband. the day you married him was the day you lay down your pride and dignity on his feet. remember this;

"When you think to take determination of your fate into your own hands, that is the moment you can be crushed. Be cautious. Allow for surprises. When we create, there are always other forces at work".

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

he was wrong in slapping you on the other hand. please freedom from marriage to him will only lead you into the wrong hands. Be well adviced.

well said.

They both need to apologize to each other though. The man should swallow his pride and do so first and also learn about anger management. I cant believe some men are still battering women after seeing Rihanna's face!!!!


If he makes it a habit to react like that everytime he's provoked, then he'll get himself in big trouble one day.


and I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones that made the wife get so upset over her husband's shower or lack of it. Assuming she was married to an oyibo nko- most of them dont shower as much as Africans do. Maybe coming from the tropics makes us sweat more, I dont know.

In any case, the husband and wife need to calm down first. The fight cant be resolved while they're still angry.

Your pride and dignity comes from your husband. the day you married him was the day you lay down your pride and dignity on his feet

works both ways though!!!!!


_{what happened to the modify button?}

Ohhh, I'm so angry I can't reply the issues of the thread

How dare he!! Esp when you're pregnant?

Ebony-Silk:

Ohhh, I'm so angry I can't reply the issues of the thread

How dare he!! Esp when you're pregnant?

a girl

gentlegg:

a girl

your point?

I pray that those who are unmarried here dont get the wrong things from the wrong people and turn their future family lives into miseries.

Some would rather have every woman single and every man playing around with them than to have stable family units  

So is this stable?

@tiffcisco, I take it when you said you are going to live in Afriaca, you were refering to South Africa.

With your attitude, you're better off away from Nigeria because you will leave in disappointment and go away slandering us.

No I have lived in South Africa before, but my fiance will never live there. He only goes occationally for business. I dont think I will have a problem living in Nigeria. I love west African and of all my friends there i have never heard such nonsense of women staying with an abusive husband. All my friends (who are west african and married) have wonderful husband who love them and treat them with respect. I had one friend (who is like a sister to me) who did marry and later found that it was a mistake this man abused her, and while it is shameful in Ghana to divorce she did! I (and her family) totally support her and I'd rather have my sister be alive and divorced than miserable and later dead for trying to stick it out with a man who doesnt love her. And no, any man who would beat his wife doesnt love her. She is not his child, and he should not be slapping her. I have had wonderful examples of marriage in my family, but I have friends who were not so lucky. My best friend had a horrible father who beat her mother and her sisters all the time. She has told me the sadest stories. Being 13 years old and holding her mother in her arms as she was bleeding from her ears and worse. Finally the lady got the stregth to leave, but it wasnt easy. Shis is now doing better, but i wouldnt want to see this happen to this woman or anyone else,

I'm amazed by some of the posts I read on this topic.

Everyone seems to be edging this lady on to be the "Good wife" and apologise, but it seems you are forgetting something. What man would hit his pregnant wife and go on for days pretending that nothing happened? Or would deprive his pregnant wife of something like food?? No matter how angry or proud a man is he would never do such a thing. Even if she apologises do you know there is a possibility that this could happen again. If he could hit her for just asking him to take a bath, what would happen if she makes another mistake

@ poster, go and discuss what happened with your family. At least have someone around when you want to discuss this problem with your husband.

tiffcisco:

. My best friend had a horrible father who beat her mother and her sisters all the time. She has told me the sadest stories. Being 13 years old and holding her mother in her arms as she was bleeding from her ears and worse.

OMG!!!!!!!!!

lord have mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all i think is, wen a guy reacts like dat den he probably has alot on his mind he needs 2 confess. there is more 2 dis story dan just d slap and d silence.

Badriyyah:

I'm amazed by some of the posts I read on this topic.

Everyone seems to be edging this lady on to be the "Good wife" and apologise, but it seems you are forgetting something. What man would hit his pregnant wife and go on for days pretending that nothing happened? Or would deprive his pregnant wife of something like food?? No matter how angry or proud a man is he would never do such a thing. Even if she apologises do you know there is a possibility that this could happen again. If he could hit her for just asking him to take a bath, what would happen if she makes another mistake

Just like i said. . . . .TIA(This is Africa). . . . .

Nigerian women are raised to lay their lives to save the marriage institution.
Single mothers are not socially acceptable. . . . . .A 3rd wife in a Polygamous setting has more dignity and honour than a single unmarried woman.
A single mother in USA/UK and most of the developed nations is a heroine. . . . .A single mother in Nigeria is an arrogant, pest-natured, misguided slut.

tiffcisco:

No I have lived in South Africa before, but my fiance will never live there. He only goes occationally for business. I dont think I will have a problem living in Nigeria. I love west African and of all my friends there i have never heard such nonsense of women staying with an abusive husband. All my friends (who are west african and married) have wonderful husband who love them and treat them with respect. I had one friend (who is like a sister to me) who did marry and later found that it was a mistake this man abused her, and while it is shameful in Ghana to divorce she did! I (and her family) totally support her and I'd rather have my sister be alive and divorced than miserable and later dead for trying to stick it out with a man who doesnt love her. And no, any man who would beat his wife doesnt love her. She is not his child, and he should not be slapping her. I have had wonderful examples of marriage in my family, but I have friends who were not so lucky. My best friend had a horrible father who beat her mother and her sisters all the time. She has told me the sadest stories. Being 13 years old and holding her mother in her arms as she was bleeding from her ears and worse. Finally the lady got the stregth to leave, but it wasnt easy. Shis is now doing better, but i wouldnt want to see this happen to this woman or anyone else,

Now I understand why you are that way. Many girls who have seen such violence or experienced traumatic upbringings have that same way of thinking. . .I cant blame you

I still would prefer the woman to come and tell it ALL. The husband who has never been violent just suddenly became a beast Please spare me!

~Sauron~:

Just like i said. . . . .TIA(This is Africa). . . . .

Nigerian women are raised to lay their lives to save the marriage institution.
Single mothers are not socially acceptable. . . . . .A 3rd wife in a Polygamous setting has more dignity and honour than a single unmarried woman.
A single mother in USA/UK and most of the developed nations is a heroine. . . . .A single mother in Nigeria is an arrogant, pest-natured, misguided slut.

i concur you