Memejem:
For you to ask a woman to disregard a cheating husband is for you to ask her to emotionally give up on the marriage. What is the point of remaining married if that's the case.

There are many things that women should be cautioned and instructed to forgive and let pass in a marriage but definetely not adultery. If a woman sincerely tries to work on the marital issues that lead to her husband to seek sex outside and he still refuses to change what is the need of staying in that marriage? So the man can now come and give her an STD? Or she shouldn't have sex again in her marriage? So she should face her children and sacrifice having a love life.

I understand what you're meaning to say and maybe it would be more likely for a woman to remain in the home and disregard her husbands promiscuity in the olden days but it's not realistic in modern nigeria. People are more exposed and educated. Woken have more options and opportunities available to them. They don't have to stay in a marriage by force anymore because they can't afford to care for themselves otherwise. I don't want to speak for all women so I shall speak for myself. I will not take it. Never. No matter what it will leave a negative impact on my way of life. I will not be able to function knowing that my husband is having extramarital affairs and is unwilling to change. It is one thing if we have a matured discussion and decide to move forward and he actually stops sleeping around. With time we will mend. But if his is UNWULLING then Biko no time to waste time. I am out. Peace of mind is free. Peace

I made a promise, a vow and a convenant with a man under God and I will keep that promise until they day I die and I expect the man to do the same. This is MARRIAGE not boyfriend/girlfriend wahala. This a scared bonding between two individuals.


If this matrimonial home is a Muslim family where men are entitled in the religion to practise polygamy and have up to 4 wives. The woman can now argue that the man should stop having sex outside and marry another wife. But I highly doubt that after 4 wives a man who has the mentality of a serial cheater will stop there. Now if this is a Christian marriage then seriously what is the point? The man will not change. The woman may stay if she is 50± and does not see herself starting life all over again. Perhaps sex is no longer as important to her as it used to be. But to ask a woman below 50 to basically live a celibate life with a cheating husband is wickedness. Because she will not want to sleep with her husband again, the love will be gone, that close relationship is broken. You are living with an enemy.

How will this shape the minds of the children who view the relationship of their parents? Unless the wife is unaware of the husbands actions there is no way they can reasonably function as a family unit and remain truly in love unless they have an agreement that the husband is free to do as he pleases and he agrees to always use protection outside.

But I don't agree to such agreements in marriage. And therefore I can not be content in such a marriage. The real question here is in a Nigerian household if a woman is a serial cheater would you ask the husband to bear within the marriage?

Truthfully, marriage is a commitment and nobody said it would be easy. But, whether man or woman ANYBODY who is not willing to commit to thier spouse security is not ready for marriage. We are human and sometimes we make mistakes and cheat on the ons we love, but if the love is there forgiveness will come. The problem is when the cheating never stops. Then there is no need to remain in my opinion.

All of this only makes sense if you married for love. If you married for money then of course you will stay in the marriage Na. When ur cheating husband does his own, you go and do your own outside and continue to collect the the money. Loooolll. Just jokes

But this is my humble opinion. It's a long epistle sha. But you don't have to agree with me. But that is how I see it.

Henrique4real:
There are too many Foolish and ungodly hegoats parading themselves as men! Jeez! May God therefore give u wives that have the same Character with you in Jesus name.easy to say but when they are at the receiving end, we wud start hearing about how all women are bitches and how they are not suitable as wives. Iranu!

mizquote:
Op must be a Yoruba man.

Toks2008:


This is a thread for men and not boys please...

If you want to comment here please do so like a matured person and not one high on liquor or oshogbo weed. Its not a must to make comments an we are not in a palm wine joint so make intelligent comments or keep mum.

Toks2008:


Proudly an educated,objective,pragmatic and down to earth guy from the Yoruba clan so any issues with that?

Anyways,lets know thye option you would settle for.

Thanks

banmee:


A thread for men? What are you doing posting topics here then?

Toks2008:


Cant believe i had to quote all these but then what option would you take?

Tolatutu:


I would divorce the cheating goat and wait till i find a decent man. That option does exist, many women have gone on to marry faithful men, i would rather be single for life than stay with a philanderer.

Tolatutu:


I would divorce the cheating goat and wait till i find a decent man. That option does exist, many women have gone on to marry faithful men, i would rather be single for life than stay with a philanderer.

Toks2008:


What a question?

Im old enough to have a graduate as a child...how i wish Seun has age sections on nairaland.

Memejem:
It's a long response I know sorry. But I wanted to make my point.

Also I would pick a mixture of option of 1,3. In a case of an unrepentant serial cheater. I would leave my husband. But who says I must remain single and celibate? I can date and find a new man who I feel will be able to respect me and the institution of marriage and we can marry. And for you to say keep changing husbands in option 3 is unrealistic. Not all men cheat and obviously the second time around I would take my time choosing a new partner and hope to find one that I am compatible with. One that would not repeat the same mistakes as the first.


You know the options you created are not the only options available and are a little unrealistic. If a woman divorces at pretty young age that doesn't mean she must remain single. Doesn't mean she must remain celibate. Option 3 insinuates that all men are cheaters so she would have to continue divorcing and we know that not all men cheat.

Toks2008:


@ Bold letterings...

You are very free to cheat back s a revenge dearie so look at this objectively and not dogmatically. [b][/b]A s long as you are ready to drag yourself in the mud cos a randy guy decides to do his thing then please go ahead..no one is forcing any lady to maintain a status quo.

Toks2008:


Proudly an educated,objective,pragmatic and down to earth guy from the Yoruba clan so any issues with that?

Anyways,lets know thye option you would settle for.

Thanks

Memejem:
It's a long response I know sorry. But I wanted to make my point.

Also I would pick a mixture of option of 1,3. In a case of an unrepentant serial cheater. I would leave my husband. But who says I must remain single and celibate? I can date and find a new man who I feel will be able to respect me and the institution of marriage and we can marry. And for you to say keep changing husbands in option 3 is unrealistic. Not all men cheat and obviously the second time around I would take my time choosing a new partner and hope to find one that I am compatible with. One that would not repeat the same mistakes as the first.


You know the options you created are not the only options available and are a little unrealistic. If a woman divorces at pretty young age that doesn't mean she must remain single. Doesn't mean she must remain celibate. Option 3 insinuates that all men are cheaters so she would have to continue divorcing and we know that not all men cheat.

banmee:


You know what I think? I think you have a potency problem. You can't function unless you can dominate a woman. I bet if you meet a confident woman it shrinks up. What's with you and male dominance? You need help. Every article you post is always about the subjugation of the female species. I will pray for you. Now close your eyes.

Toks2008:

What is this rubbish you are vomiting?it's better a woman care less about her philandering hubby and maybe even buy condom for his away match sef? If he can't satisfy his wife somebody else would do it for him. Nonsense.
Im sorry i have edited and number 4 is now number five and i muust say you are likely not to have issues in your marriage with this reasonable mindset.

I have conseled many married ladies and 8 out of 10 issues bothers on the sexual infidelity of the man and after i finish talking to them they tend to realize the truth.

No man is worth your stress and while we know there are men who will not cheat on their wives,there is usually no stamp on their heads that they will be faithful.

My write ups are usually deep and very hard for the immature at heart to decipher. I believe if every lady can care less as difficult as it may sound and ignore a philandering hubby,the happier they will be.

My advice for the guy who have decided to tow this lane is to respect the wife n do it far far away and also use a protection to reduce the chance of bringing home sti to the woman at home.

Most men are not nterested in having you leave for another lady but they just want to have a taste of any emotionally vulnulrable lady who brings herself so cheaply to share another lady hubby but wen you start making trouble wiith him and trying to prevent him from unleashing his passion,that is when trouble starts.

A good guy can turn bad and a faithful man can bcome a reckless philanderer so these questions are very vital only for a lady who is faced with the situation.

gemale:
op no try @ all. 2 dey advise women 2 tolerate cheating husbands no good @ all. Both partners r supposed 2 b mutually faithful 2 each oda. A cheating partner has already eroded d foundation of trust dt marriage is supposed 2 b built on so y shld a woman cheated on stay in a marriage dt makes her sad? If d partner cheated on decides 2 4gv & move on, ok bt if dey decide 2 end d marriage, u cant blame dem. Its nt everybody dt can tolerate a cheating spouse & being a man or woman is no license 4 1 2 cheat on ones spouse. If op isnt a hypocrite, let him give men d same advice when their wives cheat.

Toks2008:


i no talk sey all men cheat and the third option is clear.....WILL U CONTINUE TO CHANGWE HUBBY IF THE BEW ONE also CHEATS?

Toks2008:


You really think i have time for your juvenline deliquencies?

I think i should stop responding to your vague comments.

mizquote:


I'm not surprised you re yoruba.

you see, the world isn't as it use to be where women were treated as foot mat and slaves the world has evolved and its still doing.


women re now self independent, educated and have dignity. marriage is not the ultimate, apostle paul said marriage wasn't meant for everyone.


marriage is a fusion of two brings that is why the bible said the two shall be one, as the man and woman body belongs not to themselves but to each other.


I will never ever stay with an unrepentant philander. marriage is not for cheating and no cheating for in the bible marriage can be dissolved on the basis of sexual infidelity.


I better divorce him because I can never pretend to ignore him if hes a bloody cheat.

I may re-marry to a man I'm sure won't cheat if he repeat same I will do same.


with the kind of women I see now I am proud of how our future daughters will be, strong, intelligent and confident.

Toks2008:

The comments are not going the way you expected? Is it not single women that will eventually become married women? Why discriminate?

Why not use words liike tough? sounds more intellectually decent but i guess you are far from understanding the marital institution so its ok to feel they are crazy.

Only marrried ladies will identify with the relevance.

Maybe only married ladies should make comments...so that the thread can serve its purpose except maybe you are married.

Toks2008:


You really think i have time for your juvenline deliquencies?

I think i should stop responding to your vague comments.

Toks2008:


ok then

Please are there married ladies reading this? i need to see comments from them.

doveda:


I am laughing like a mad woman at bolded


Biko it should we lead while they follow

Toks2008:


ok ma so what would you do?

You have various options to pick from.

banmee:


Here we go again. Another chauvinistic article from a chauvinistic prick. You can never end up with an assured and confident woman. I pity the slave you end up with. I strongly believe you should emigrate to Afghanistan or Iraq. You'll fit perfectly over there. At least they think exactly the way you do in matters relating to women. This muthafucker is justifying staying with a philandering husband. Really? Come and say this same shiit in an organized society and see if they'll not throw you out head first. There is something seriously wrong with you. I wonder what kind of environment you grew up in. I really wonder. I will keep bugging you till you receive sense.

Toks2008:


This is a thread for men and not boys please...

If you want to comment here please do so like a matured person and not one high on liquor or oshogbo weed. Its not a must to make comments an we are not in a palm wine joint so make intelligent comments or keep mum.

cococandy:
So you know tok2008?
Lol I think say na only me.
I've given up on the dude long time ago.