Have you always wondered why some people are quick to say "i don't want to talk about it" whenever a new person in their life asks why they broke up with an ex?

I guess most times people who are quick to waive the discussion might just have something sensitive they do not want to share because in many instances we tend to allow the feeling of initial gragra cloud our sense of reasoning and just fall in love with someone who was really a nightmare to his or her ex(es) no wonder why many companies ask for letter of reference from your past employer or someone that can really vouch for you.

My advice to ladies or guys who seem to lose their sense of reasoning due to "desperation to get married" is to calm down and do serious research on whoever they want to settle with.I believe if we all imbibe the culture of insisting that we speak one on one with an ex of our potential new partner or dig into their past,we will save ourselves unpleasant surprises and avoidable heart aches.

This is not just about believing whatever he or she tells you due to the decietful nature of people but its about making a thorough due diligence by speaking to a friend,neighbor,sibling,co-worker or even the ex of that person just to have a good picture of who you are about to commit yourself to.

I know this sounds funny but i believe its reasonable and this is the secret of long lasting marriages of our parents because in those days,they don't joke with due diligence up to the generations of the great grand parents of the potential spouse..lol!.

Many men have lost their lives indulging with married ladies who lied to them that they are single as well as many men losing all they ever worked for to a dangerous gold digger as well as evil ladies and many ladies have ended up getting deeply involved with a married man or even a notorious guy without having a clue.

No matter how seemingly innocent and responsible that guy or lady may look outwardly,trust me on this,it is always better to scrutinize the past of any new person we want to start a real affair with because when it comes to character, more often than not, humans are like leopards who never change their spots


Hope this makes sense.

Ehm no. You're hardly going to interview them on your first date together.

YourMain:
Ehm no. You're hardly going to interview them on your first date together.

Nope, first date is just for peripheral familiarity but before you allow yourself to start developing strong feelings please investigate very well and don't just fall for cheap talks.

Seriously, the best to do is to be an "Open book".I hate pretence, that's why I'm very open and outspoken. It gives me enough time to read people's character to see them really for who they are.


Sometimes it's really sexy to allow someone change some aspect of you in a loving way .Not scared one bit of discussing my past, after all I no kill person.

Wetin I won even hide? ?
I don fuccck
I don thief before but I no carry weapon. My parents are eye witnesses. Na dem still the police and judge with jailer for my stealing cases.
I don cheat
I don cry
I don fart for crowded place, lock up like say no be me.
I don drink drunk sleep vomit put for road.

Which past again person one hide? Who I kill?

Toks2008:


Nope, first date is just for peripheral familiarity but before you allow yourself to start developing strong feelings please investigate very well and don't just fall for cheap talks.

Yeah I get. But sometimes " I don't want to talk about it" doesn't mean one is a bad person. It may just be a very sensitive issue. And its much better for the person to tell you when they're sure of your love.

EggovinMma:
Seriously, the best to do is to he an "Open book".I hate pretence, that's why I'm very open and outspoken. It gives me enough time to read people's character to see them really for who they are.


Sometimes it's really sexy to allow someone change some aspect of you in a loving way .Not scared one bit of discussing my past, after all I no kill person.

We are on the same page on this.

Many people can lie...Some ladies have fallen for ritualistic man all in the name of business man and many ladies have said YES I DO to a monster.

YourMain:


Yeah I get. But sometimes " I don't want to talk about it" doesn't mean one is a bad person. It may just be a very sensitive issue. And its much better for the person to tell you when they're sure of your love.

Nothing is really too sensitive to discuss but please note... I am not saying on a first or second date but if you are noticing some form of deep affection for such person just halt it first and do some real digging and you just might than GOD you did.

Toks2008:


Nothing is really too sensitive to discuss but please note... I am not saying on a first or second date but if you are noticing some form of deep affection for such person just halt it first and do some real digging and you just might than GOD you did.

Some things really are. For example what if she/he was something she/he wasn't really proud of in the past. And he/she had completely changed their ways. Obviously if you didn't really love him/her you'd hear this and run. You'd let a good girl/guy go because you'd judge them on who they were in the past not who they are now.

Yeah I understand but somethings are so big you'd really have to love them to be okay with it

well d tin is Dat U CANT SEE WATS AHEAD OF YOU WITH YOUR EYES FIXD ON WAT IS BEHIND YOU...
Yes its Guud to do a check up on ur partner BUT IT SHOULDNT FORM THE BASIS FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXCEPT IF YOU FINDOUT SOMTIN FISHY...........

YourMain:


Some things really are. For example what if she/he was something she/he wasn't really proud of in the past. And he/she had completely changed their ways. Obviously if you didn't really love him/her you'd hear this and run. You'd let a good girl/guy go because you'd judge them on who they were in the past not who they are now.

Yeah I understand but somethings are so big you'd really have to love them to be okay with it

There is nothing too hideous to hide.As long as you want a sincere affair just spill it out.

Toks2008:
Have you always wondered why some people are quick to say "i don't want to talk about it" whenever a new person in their life asks them to tell them why they broke up with an ex?

I guess most times people who are quick to waive the discussion might just have something sensitive they do not want to share because in many instances we tend to allow the feeling of initial gragra cloud our sense of reasoning and just fall in love with someone who was really a nightmare to his or her ex(es) no wonder why many companies ask for letter of reference from your past employer or someone that can really vouch for you.

I believe if we all imbibe the culture of insisting that we speak one on one with an ex of our potential new partner or dig into their past,we will save ourselves unpleasant surprises and avoidable heart aches.

Before you allow yourself fall in love please do a due diligence and you will likely get some ample facts that will give you a glimpse of who that potential partner truly is.Sounds funny but reasonable.

Many men have lost their lives indulging with married ladies who lied to them that they are single as well as many men losing all they ever worked for to a dangerous gold digger as well as evil ladies and many ladies have ended up getting deeply involved with a married man or even a notorious guy without having a clue.

Trust me on this,it is always better to scrutinize the past of any new person we want to start a real affair with because when it comes to character, more often than not, humans are like leopards who never change their spots


Hope this makes sense.

the thread i just saw on front-page makes it necessary for people to read this.

Both of u investigate urselves..lobatan!

dachaste:


Speak with one's ex? Omo see gobe





And what exactly are u expecting to hear? Praises?





E don be for u be dat ooh






shey u Neva hia say wan man kunu na anoda man alomo abi

That is the beauty..A wise person will know the facts to gather from whatever the ex says about that person..no matter how that ex tries to spoil the image of that person,there will still be some facts about that person that wil surface.

I once had a casual female friend who asked me to ghive her the number of my ex that she would like to know me from her perspective..

Without wasting time i gave her and she called her and said some stuffs about really wanting to know me from her point of view.

After several minutes of chatting this my friend looked at me and said toks..your ex needs help and i just smiled.

How many ladies or guys can allow their present bae chat up an ex?

Food 4 thoughts! I agree

Toks2008:


That is the beauty..A wise person will know the facts to gather from whatever the ex says about that person..no matter how that ex tries to spoil the image of that person,there will still be some facts about that person that wil surface.

I once had a casual female friend who asked me to ghive her the number of my ex that she would like to know me from her perspective..

Without wasting time i gave her and she called her and said some stuffs about really wanting to know me from her point of view.

After several minutes of chatting this my friend looked at me and said toks..your ex needs help and i just smiled.

How many ladies or guys can allow their present bae chat up an ex?

My dear I can do dat without fear


Tin is wot if dat person changed since d last relationship?




Wot if d person became good or turned bad?






Hw will ur investigation enable u to prevent anything?

tellwisdom:
No Gurl has a good past..Spits

And why is that so? How true?

I consider your statement fallacious

No matter how reasonable it sounds getting to knw ur potential partner bfor falling hard, I think der is a reason for d statement..

Let the Past be in the Past.


Sum pples past re filled with nightmares. Bringing it up floods their head wit painful memories.

U dnt ve to force it outta ur potential partner. Let em tell u if dey re cool with it and if not....wel... u can still create a future together.

dachaste:






My dear I can do dat without fear


Tin is wot if dat person changed since d last relationship?




Wot if d person became good or turned bad?






Hw will ur investigation enable u to prevent anything?

Its not about changing anything but about having the awarenes of the past/present nature of that person...

Look at the thread that is on front-page now..https://www.nairaland.com/2823242/upside-down-marriage...

If the guy had done a serious due diligence,all he is knowing after marriage would have been revealed before marrying her and even if he decides to go ahead,he would have been prepared to a certain degree and will not come to him as a shock..thats the point.

If you find out a lady was an olosho before marrying her,you won't be surprised if you start hearing some funny tales about her after marriage unlike when you don't even have a clue.

DharmyYinks:
No matter how reasonable it sounds getting to knw ur potential partner bfor falling hard, I think der is a reason for d statement..

Let the Past be in the Past.


Sum pples past re filled with nightmares. Bringing it up floods their head wit painful memories.

U dnt ve to force it outta ur potential partner. Let em tell u if dey re cool with it and if not....wel... u can still create a future together.

At least know the past and be the one to decide you want it to be in the past.

There are somethings that always hunt the future like complicated abortions that may cost the lady child birth and many more dangerous past that refuses to be in the past.

Toks2008:

At least know the past and be the one to decide you want it to be in the past.

There are somethings that always hunt the future like complicated abortions that may cost the lady child birth and many more dangerous past that refuses to be in the past.

Bfor I date a lady, I know who she is n wat shez capable of. U dnt ve to keep asking her bout it esp if shez uncomfortable wit d past. She may just opt out of d relatnship cos of fear of rejection or watevs.


Earn her trust, show her u re reliable n watch her spill it all as if its a normal conversation wich it should be.

EggovinMma:
Seriously, the best to do is to he an "Open book".I hate pretence, that's why I'm very open and outspoken. It gives me enough time to read people's character to see them really for who they are.


Sometimes it's really sexy to allow someone change some aspect of you in a loving way .Not scared one bit of discussing my past, after all I no kill person.

openness and realness trips me alot.. I dislike pretenders and liars.
I don't see anything wrong in discussing My past though.


It's Atimes good to discuss the past together. Idon't believe on the past is gone and should be forgotten totally.. I think talking about the past will give you an insight On what the future holds, the kind of person you will be dealing with and how to solve some problems incase of difference in the relationship etc etc

Toks2008:

At least know the past and be the one to decide you want it to be in the past.

There are somethings that always hunt the future like complicated abortions that may cost the lady child birth and many more dangerous past that refuses to be in the past.

there's a saying that says "he who control the past can control the future "

Talking about the past atimes makes us understand people.. We can't know why people change from bad to good and good to bad except we discuss the past .

*If we don't look back and evaluate ourselves , we can't truly know and understand ourselves.

Toks2008:


We are on the same page on this.

Many people can lie...Some ladies have fallen for ritualistic man all in the name of business man and many ladies have said YES I DO to a monster.

very true... only those with dirty past or secrets are scared of discussing such

tellwisdom:
No Gurl has a good past..Spits

Really clap for urslf



Anybody dt will walk me down the isle must tell me his past oooo no dulling bc most threads frm married folks here is scary sometimes. how i wish i ws born a catholic na to bcme a Rev sister sure pass ooo


Infact even after marriage self we will b swapping phones and laptops two times in a week strting frm Friday...hehehehe vikky the dreamer

Odunharry:

openness and realness trips me alot.. I dislike pretenders and liars.
I don't see anything wrong in discussing My past though.


It's Atimes good to discuss the past together. Idon't believe on the past is gone and should be forgotten totally.. I think talking about the past will give you an insight On what the future holds, the kind of person you will be dealing with and how to solve some problems incase of difference in the relationship etc etc

Nice one. Merry Christmas

Toks2008 your threads have been making frontpage for sometime now,even the ones you created since june..

Hmmmmm mouth sealed sha.

Hmm

tellwisdom:
No Gurl has a good past..Spits

what a mentality!!

Jolllyjoy:
Toks2008 your threads have been making frontpage for sometime now,even the ones you created since june..

Hmmmmm mouth sealed sha.

lol..this front page thing seems like a gold medal for many but to me i see it as an opporrtunity to share my insight with a bigger audience.

I just realized that no matter how excellent your writeup may be,it is very important to point the mods to it if you want it considered for front page and unfortunately i dont do that when i write until now and that is why you see the threads i created months ago now getting shared on front page.

So the trruth is that there is no favouritism on the side of the mods and as long as you point them to your threads,they will check it and take it to the main page if they dim it fit.