What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes - Family - Nairaland
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| What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by fabulousvera(f): 6:18pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
evenings guys. I nave been having some problems in my marital home with my husband. my husband and I have been married for years, we have 3 kids. no problem from both families, we've been happy until 6months ago when he started insisting to bring in a second wife, at first I was so mad I is noting I didn't do just to Change his mind but to no avail. so I decided to to change my mindset and let him have his way so I sat him down and gave him conditions that if he must marry again he must first get me something doing, so that when it set I know where to hide my kids and my children must not in anyway cry for what is theirs. after all it better he cooks different soup than eat outside. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Tallesty1(m): 6:28pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Continue....? 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Miami11: 6:37pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
You mean you will allow your husband to bring in another wife. My dear prepare for suffering that will follow, My advice, DO NOT BEAR ANYMORE KIDS, three is enough for you in case you are thrown out in the streets Be ready for jealousy, backstabbing, limited resources, you will suffer my dear, you and your kids. And please empower your daughters so they will never have to put up with this like you are doing. 7 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Adeoba10(m): 6:37pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Ki lon so? |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Captainswag225(m): 6:42pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
yeah, let him set up a nice business for u and even open bank accounts for your 3 kidz. Its the best since he has already made up his mind to take a second wife. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Miami11: 6:51pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
I will never stay in a polygamous marriage, never!!!!! If my husband insists this, God forbid, we will be in court the next day dividing property, finances and visitation rights, I will never let him and another beeech come eat my sweat. Then I will set him free hence forth and raise my kids, then look for another divorcee man to warm my bed, but only when kids are grown. You seem to be accepting of this situation because you are unemployed, please next time let a husband set you something before you drop babies 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by sseunth(m): 7:12pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Miami11:op is a full house wife. She got no choice oo |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Ewuro4: 7:44pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Are you Moslems? |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by uboma(m): 7:45pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
@ op, one question please, What faith does your husband practice? If he's a Muslim, then you have no choice but to accept his decision to marry a second wife. If however, he is not a Muslim, then you have business remaining in the marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by yomi007k(m): 8:11pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Captainswag225:And if he doesn't do it? |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Captainswag225(m): 8:13pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
yomi007k:thats not for me to decide. |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by yomi007k(m): 8:17pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Captainswag225:Well I think d logical thing to do is for the lady to get a lawyer n dey shud settle how he is gona support d kids becos we don't want more liabilities on the street. The next thing is for the wife to get something productive doing. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Nobody: 8:27pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Two wives in this kain economy?
Op, what does you husband do? 2 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by sisisioge: 8:39pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Wowzer! You're on the right track. Get a nice business out of him and also request that he creates a boundary in the house already. That is, two flats, yours and the new wife's. Don't plan to fight or antagonize her, boundaries just work well when clearly spelt out from the outset. Also, begin the vigorous task of teaching your kids loving boundaries for they are gonna need it. All things being equal, this isn't gonna be a piece of cake for you o. If you bear olive branch and new madam carry pepper branch then you would be forced to act up...peace abeg. BTW, your bobo is really a trouble monger for wanting another wife. Whew, try hard to give yourself and your kids a soft landing. May God take care of you and yours. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Captainswag225(m): 8:41pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
yomi007k:thats a great point too but what if the husband doesnt agree to meet any lawyer. |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by yomi007k(m): 8:46pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Captainswag225:She will stay in the marriage like that or... She may file for divorce n ask 4 d settlement in court. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Captainswag225(m): 8:50pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
yomi007k:ryt now a divorce wont help her much since her husband has all the cash, if she gets a divorce the man will jux pay for the kidz welfare monthly and that wont help much, i think she should get a person from the man's family that he will listen to, to urge him set up a business for his wife and open bank accounts for his kidz. 1 Like |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Nobody: 9:09pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
uboma: Being a muslim does not permit you to marry more than one wife. I didnt see any part in the Quran where it is compulsory to marry more than one wife. Religion is not an excuse for people's choices. You either accept or discard it. I'm a muslim myself and i believe most of these people are using religion to hide their covetousness. 6 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by uboma(m): 9:26pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Harbioollah: My bro/sis, Let's not delve into an argument about this please. I am not a Muslim but I admire Muslim men who keep only one wife. Men like our President MB and others (some friends and colleagues of mine). However, for those who choose to marry more than one wife, Islam allows this practice. That's the reason I asked the op what faith does her hubby belong to? If the op's hubby is a Muslim, she has very little or nothing at all to do to dissuade him from marrying another woman. But if he isn't one, then I see no reason why she should continue in the union. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Onegai(f): 9:28pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Harbioollah: This. It is not compulsory to marry more than one wife but people have forced it down everyone's throats coveting what it not for them. OP, get that man to set up accounts for his children, settle you in a business and preferably get 2 flats before he buys asoebi for he and his new "darling". Ask his family to see which side they will take and help coerce him into settling you and your kids. You will suffer because his lust and ego cannot see the damage and danger he's about to inflict on his family. If he does not gree, politely tell him that you are heading back to your father's house. Do not let anyone tell you to "endure, be prayerful, pet him" etc it will not work and ignore those who tell you "you can manage the situation", they will not live in the same home as you and will only tell you "pele". And that 2nd wife will act up. Trust me, even if she doesn't want to make trouble, there will be someone on her side (or hubby's side looking to settle a score with you) that will encourage her madness. And there is no such thing as a happy polygamous home. Anyone who comes and tells you they grew up in a big happy polygamous home is only playing one side of the cassette tape for you. Be strong. 4 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Ewuro4: 9:43pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
uboma: You've got too much time in your hands... |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by fabulousvera(f): 9:49pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
Adaobi12:he is a business man |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by fabulousvera(f): 9:50pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
sisisioge:thanks |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by fabulousvera(f): 10:00pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
sseunth:sir In life we all have choices am not in a hurry to make rash decisions. am not the type that let my words take over my actions |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by Kayoski(m): 6:09am On Oct 19, 2015 |
Op if am in ur shoes,I will remove it and wear own shoes but if I don't find my own shoes, I will wear slippers....shikena... |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by KanwuliaJara: 7:15am On Oct 19, 2015 |
Hmmmmm OP, you gave conditions for what?  A man has decided to abandon you and your children and you are giving conditions?  On what grounds? I can NEVER be in your situation because I am ALWAYS gainfully employed. Where I come from, WOMEN are bread and butter winners and can NEVER depend on ANY MAN for ANYTHING. . . . Husbands included!  All the best to you! 5 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by SAMBARRY: 7:34am On Oct 19, 2015 |
 Miami11: |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by SAMBARRY: 7:34am On Oct 19, 2015 |
KanwuliaJara: |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by babythug(f): 12:32pm On Oct 19, 2015 |
KanwuliaJara: Let's be easy on the OP dear! Sometimes we(speaking generally here) find ourselves in situations that we didn't imagine we would ever be in. Even when gainfully employed the mere thought of a man wanting a 2nd wife can be crushing to some women. She's just trying to cope/manage the situation as best as she possibly can without being erratic and i guess she's considering the fact that there are young children in the equation as well. This life can be tricky sometimes and hand us *ish* we are completely not equipped to handle. |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by uboma(m): 4:21pm On Oct 19, 2015 |
Ewuro4: And how is that any of your business? 3 Likes |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by fabulousvera(f): 4:32pm On Oct 19, 2015 |
Kayoski:lol u no well |
| Re: What Would U Do If U Were In My Shoes by KanwuliaJara: 5:11pm On Oct 19, 2015 |
babythug: Life can only be "tricky" when something new happens UNEXPECTEDLY. A man wanting to take a second wife is not strange in any CULTURE. African or not. ANY MARRIED WOMAN should be 10 steps ahead of ANY GAME ON A MATRIMONIAL CHESSBOARD! What is the OP trying to tell us? That if the husband is out of the picture, she is A SOCIO-ECONOMIC nuisance to herself and children? What else does she do in the marriage other than BREED? This is 2015 my dear. A man or woman is FREE to say "I DON'T" any day, any time. Advice? Deal with it! Na woman dey open NYANSH carry belle and "BORN"! A man may just be a sperm-donor after all. So, please tell me why the OP has a problem? Because SHE FAILED TO COVER ALL BASES! Whose fault is that? HOW MANY AFRICAN MEN ARE MONOGAMISTS? Including the so-called CHRISTO-SHARIA ONES? 1 Like |
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