Mindfulness:


Very true.

Thank you.

Let us say this is true. Is it not selfish to expect your partner to have only you when he, in fact, desires multiple partners?

Is it not selfish to want to keep your spouse all to yourself when others also desire him?

What do I say to this? Are you a polygamist?

Ewuro4:


Thank you.





What do I say to this? Are you a polygamist?

Not yet and I have no problem with polygamy. To each their own. I am not sure lifelong monogamy is human nature.

PresVA:
We can never level.. That's why I told mindful earlier that we are on two different paths hence can never agree but she insisted I told her why I find adultery wrong. ..... so I did...

@mindfulness, I agree with your last comment on my post...

So does this mean you can only hold down arguments with people who share the same religious convictions with you? Isn't that a tad bit limiting? But more importantly, you don't get to air your differences of opinion because there aren't any in the first place - not if you share similar opinions and think alike.

byvan03:




Hahaha, you didn't remember that? Chilis, cococandy, bukatyne, sophyrocks, one of them must remember. Is a thread about how women become unattractive with age and as usual you proved that men are even scarier to look when age sets in.

Okay, maybe I vaguely remember something along those lines...

Mindfulness , we all desire many fine and fun practices of this world.

But in as much as there's a law in order whiich has been laid out to restrict our fleshy excesses and indisciplines , the onus is on us to abide by it or you face the gavel.

There are different forms of marriage. I'm almost certain a wife in a plural marriage wouldn't have a problem with sharing her husband.

Meri Brown ( from sister wives) singlehandedly invited other 3 sister wives into her marriage. And they all living happily ever after. The end .

EfemenaXY:


No.

I think (and this is purely my opinion) that most cheats (or specifically, Nigerian men in Naija) blatently cheat because they know they can get away with it and worse still, society backs them up (i.e: it's a man's world).

You are right on this.

If the man has a lot to lose (and I mean not just his wife and kid/s), he'll either be very discreet about it, or learn some self control to curtail giving in to animalist desires.

You are also right here but I am not sure whether we can speak of "animalistic desires". It is interesting to question whether monogamy, which can be a very loooooooooong endeavor considering the life expectancy that is continuously on the rise, is as natural as we make it look like or would like it to be.

Mindfulness:


Not yet and I have no problem with polygamy. To each their own. I am not sure lifelong monogamy is human nature .

Not yet.

@bold is just another flimsy excuse to flap those balls around.

Not every marriage will end like Mellie Grant's, when Fitz still end up with a young lover in his Fifties. That's just fame, influence and money in action. Olivia will never date not to talk of falling in love with a middle class hopeless romantic. But I digress.

Have a fun filled Halloween.

Ewuro4:
Mindfulness , we all desire many fine and fun practices of this world.

But in as much as there's a law in order whiich has been laid out to restrict our fleshy excesses and indisciplines , the onus is on us to abide by it or you face the gavel.

You assume that every free person will engage in excesses and indisciplines and I don't think so. Besides, what is wrong with excesses and indisciplines?

There are different forms of marriage. I'm almost certain a wife in a plural marriage wouldn't have a problem with sharing her husband.

Meri Brown ( from sister wives) singlehandedly invited other 3 sister wives into her marriage. And they all living happily ever after. The end .

EXACTLY! There are different forms of marriage but people, even those from traditionally polygamous cultures, make it look like monogamy is the only right one and this is not true.

Ewuro4:


Not yet.

@bold is just another flimsy excuse to flap those balls around.

Not every marriage will end like Mellie Grant's, when Fitz still end up with a young lover in his Fifties. That's just fame, influence and money in action. Olivia will never date not to talk of falling in love with a middle class hopeless romantic. But I digress.

Have a fun filled Halloween.

Flimsy excuse? I don't think so. There is a reason why nature made it so that couples have a strong desire for pair-bonding for a limited period of time and there is a reason why in developed countries one in four marriages ends in divorce.

Mindfulness:


So what if one of these partners declares that he is on the market again?

How is dis question relevant to the point made?
A married person is off the marriage market, any single person should recognise that and keep off, ofcourse, no one is absolving the married man or woman of blame if he decides to break his vows, however, saying the person he sleeps with is blameless is not sensible...

njokusboy:


How is dis question relevant to the point made?
A married person is off the marriage market, any single person should recognise that and keep off, ofcourse, no one is absolving the married man or woman of blame if he decides to break his vows, however, saying the person he sleeps with is blameless is not sensible...

Says who?

Mindfulness:


You assume that every free person will engage in excesses and indisciplines and I don't think so. Besides, what is wrong with excesses and indisciplines?

Oh boy.. You're deliberately ruffling married women's weaves with this your adamant angle.

EXACTLY! There are different forms of marriage but people, even those from traditionally polygamous cultures, make it look like monogamy is the only right one and this is not true.

Then they're jokers. They know what they signed of for prior to physically signing the dotted lines no? Don't mind them jare.

Ewuro4:


Oh boy.. You're deliberately ruffling married women's weaves with this your adamant angle.

Then they're jokers. They know what they signed of for prior to physically signing the dotted lines no? Don't mind them jare.

Maybe they are, maybe they just changed their mind.

EfemenaXY:


So does this mean you can only hold down arguments with people who share the same religious convictions with you? Isn't that a tad bit limiting? But more importantly, you don't get to air your differences of opinion because there aren't any in the first place - not if you share similar opinions and think alike.

I can have arguments with anyone but when it has to do with religion, I will back out because we can never agree... We have totally different beliefs and that's ok...

Nobody can convince me as a Christian that adultery isn't sinful. ..

You can only reach an agreement when arguing with someone of diff belief if one of you isn't so rooted or convinced about his beliefs. .

Mindfulness:


You are right on this.



You are also right here but I am not sure whether we can speak of "animalistic desires". It is interesting to question whether monogamy, which can be a very loooooooooong endeavor considering the life expectancy that is continuously on the rise, is as natural as we make it look like or would like it to be.

Hmmm...okayyyy

But sex is just one tiny part of a union. There is so much more to do, things to achieve, etc. I believe if one's got a lot on their plate with so many ongoing projects on the move, sex would be the last thing on the agenda. I'm not saying it goes out the window, but for a couple who's been married for say 30+ years, it's not going to be the be-all-and-end-all compared to your average 20/30 something year old newly weds. Life & responsibilities take over.

Mindfulness:


Says who?

Stop asking silly questions woman, do you want me to spoon feed you?

Mindfulness:


Flimsy excuse? I don't think so. There is a reason why nature made it so that couples have a strong desire for pair-bonding for a limited period of time and there is a reason why in developed countries one in four marriages ends in divorce.

Please indulge me.. What reason?

Bio 101- Ecosystem

Ewuro4:
My stance on this issue was established eons ago on this forum..

Both of them will get the worst punishment there is..... No story.

And still keeping the man, only to dump him in his late sixties when he'll desperately need a companion to care for him.

Yatzhee!

Lol. At least the two of them will be punished. The one that surprises me are women who deal with mistress then go home and start begging Oga, cooking nice meals for Oga, dressing up sexy for Oga and praying for Oga.

PresVA:
I can have arguments with anyone but when it has to do with religion, I will back out because we can never agree... We have totally different beliefs and that's ok...

Nobody can convince me as a Christian that adultery isn't sinful. ..

You can only reach an agreement when arguing with someone of diff belief if one of you isn't so rooted or convinced about his beliefs. .

But this isn't a religious debate though is it? Nor is this thread a religious one. You brought in the religious angle as your form of defense / supporting argument. Hence my asking you how you handle differences of opinion for those who don't share the same religious convictions as you, or better still, for those who haven't got any religious afflictions.

EfemenaXY:


Hmmm...okayyyy

But sex is just one tiny part of a union. There is so much more to do, things to achieve, etc. I believe if one's got a lot on their plate with so many ongoing projects on the move, sex would be the last thing on the agenda. I'm not saying it goes out the window, but for a couple who's been married for say 30+ years, it's not going to be the be-all-and-end-all compared to your average 20/30 something year old newly weds. Life & responsibilities take over.

Very true but s.ex and se.xual fidelity are so important to people that they even think of killing ladies they don't know or cheat on their partners breaking the marriage vows.

Mindfulness:



We have finally found some common ground.

What you agree with is ONE of the reasons why I am against blaming someone I don't know for something my spouse did. I can't expect everyone in the world to have the same set of values and belief system as I do. I can only agree with my spouse on it and hence only blame my spouse, if at all.

Another reason why I am against blaming and fighting some stranger is the fact that it will neither help me nor my marriage. It is energy wasted.

I agree but some things are just sore to the eyes..

If we can excuse ladies that go out with married men because they do what they think is right, can we also excuse boko haram et al who are doing what they think is right?

njokusboy:



Stop asking silly questions woman, do you want me to spoon feed you?

That's not necessary na Njokusboy.

Hang on - are you getting emotional here??

Mindfulness:


Very true but s.ex and se.xual fidelity are so important to people that they even think of killing ladies they don't know or cheat on their partners breaking the marriage vows.

Crimes of passion.

EfemenaXY:


But this isn't a religious debate though is it? Nor is this thread a religious one. You brought in the religious angle as your form of defense / supporting argument. Hence my asking you how you handle differences of opinion for those who don't share the same religious convictions as you, or better still, for those who haven't got any religious afflictions.

My dear, this has a lot to do with religion. Infact, it has everything to do with it... God alone instructed us that adultery is sinful...
Most people here will judge the topic based on their beliefs. ..

Christians will find it sinful.
Whereas free thinkers/atheists may not see anything wrong with it. .....

Ewuro4:


Please indulge me.. What reason?

Bio 101- Ecosystem

A man and a woman NATURALLY come together for reasons of procreation. To ensure procreation nature made it so that a particular man and a particular woman will find it (almost) impossible to resist each other. In this phase the brain produces a biochemical cocktail that ensures a very strong desire for pair-bonding. The biochemical brain reactions subside with time because they become redundant with regard to procreation and the survival of the human species. The couple had enough time to procreate. Therefore, it was never natures plan for human beings to stay together with one person for like 50 years.

Mindfulness:


We can agree to disagree and yet exchange our views in a friendly way. If we all agreed all the time, it would be boring so let us continue talking if you don't mind. Why is it morally wrong to date a married man, someone enlighten me please.

@bold because it's is morally wrong to partake in something that hurts someone else. So if you know your actions are causing someone somewhere pain, you don't need any religious affiliation or even a belief in God at all to know that it's is unfair to that other person and you need to stop.

@ topic, BTW I'm of the school of thought that she owes the wife no faithfulness and that she's not the wife's main concern. It is not contradictory with my first paragraph. It simply means that wives should learn to hold their husbands responsible instead of using the other woman as a pass to vent while the problem is still there and living with them. It's like being in denial. Obviously there could be many of them. Who then will the wife fight? As many as she can find? The common factor is the man and he let the dogs in. If he is sorted out and set straight the girls will disappear. Whereas dealing with girl after girl will yield no result until the man (who's the problem) decides to change. Maybe we agree on this one.

PresVA:
I agree but some things are just sore to the eyes..

I truly understand.

If we can excuse ladies that go out with married men because they do what they think is right, can we also excuse boko haram et al who are doing what they think is right?

Killing is against the law. Adultery and polygamy are not. A lady that dates a married man, dates a person who has got a free will and can say no.

EfemenaXY:


That's not necessary na Njokusboy.

Hang on - are you getting emotional here??

Nope, not at all...

In a debate, if someone raises a point, you address the point... asking short obvious question signals the fact that your opponent is caught in the web and has no point...
Such questions are patronising as well...

I don't find them funny...

cococandy:

@bold because it's is morally wrong to partake in something that hurts someone else. So if you know your actions are causing someone somewhere pain, you don't need any religious affiliation or even a belief in God at all to know that it's is unfair to that other person and you need to stop.

This is a very good argument and I used to think the same way which resulted in a serious argument with a friend of mine. I have changed my mind because why would a lady hurt the feelings of the man she so desires by rejecting him and consider the feelings of someone she doesn't even know? And why would she hurt herself by denying her own desire? Is her desire to be with someone less important than that of the wife she doesn't know?

@ topic, BTW I'm of the school of thought that she owes the wife no faithfulness and that she's not the wife's main concern. It is not contradictory with my first paragraph. It simply means that wives should learn to hold their husbands responsible instead of using the other woman as a pass to vent while the problem is still there and living with them. It's like being in denial. Obviously there could be many of them. Who then will the wife fight? As many as she can find? The common factor is the man and he let the dogs in. If he is sorted out and set straight the girls will disappear. Whereas dealing with girl after girl will yield no result until the man (who's the problem) decides to change. Maybe we agree on this one.

I am in complete agreement with this.

PresVA:
My dear, this has a lot to do with religion. Infact, it has everything to do with it... God alone instructed us that adultery is sinful...
Most people here will judge the topic based on their beliefs. ..

Christians will find it sinful.
Whereas free thinkers/atheists may not see anything wrong with it. .....

Your last paragraph contradicts your first.

This isn't about religion but about differing perspectives. Personal opinions, some of which are based on religious beliefs.

Okay let's try this. Assuming the cheating partner here is a woman:

~ Some religions believe she should be stoned to death.

~ Some believe she should be publicly flogged / beheaded

~ Some believe she should be eviscerated prior to being burnt alive

~ Some believe she should be sacrificed to the gods

~ Some believe she should be driven out of the community / thrown into the river with a stone (or dead weight) around her neck

~ Some believe she should be left alone for Karma to deal with

So how do you reconcile these differing opinions, bearing in mind each proponent believes his / hers is superior to the others? How do you determine who's is superior without being biased?

D'you get where I'm coming from?

njokusboy:



Stop asking silly questions woman, do you want me to spoon feed you?

You are free to leave the thread if you are unable to stand your ground.

Mindfulness:


A man and a woman NATURALLY come together for reasons of procreation. To ensure procreation nature made it so that a particular man and a particular woman will find it (almost) impossible to resist each other. In this phase the brain produces a biochemical cocktail that ensures a very strong desire for pair-bonding. The biochemical brain reactions subside with time because they become redundant with regard to procreation and the survival of the human species. The couple had enough time to procreate. Therefore, it was never natures plan for human beings to stay together with one person for like 50 years.

That's it, Just for Procreation?

Biochemical wine aka Love?

So I'm guessing the solution is to find a way to improve this Bio-cocktail potency, no?

You're def on a mission here

Thank you Mindfulness , 'been great & fun chatting with you.