babygirlfl:

So should we then let them go free?

No, have them tied to the stake and shot dead. See question.

babygirlfl:


So should we then let them go free?

Go free? No I said she should divorce him immediately. No need to even wait to hear anything from him or let any elder convince her otherwise

She is already having murderous thoughts. Its better she divorces. And I would support ANY woman who wants to divorce to "just do it" and not continue insulting Nigerian men, elders or culture that they are the ones stopping her from her dream of getting a divorce

Or what punishment do you suggest? Death by Boko Haram?

raumdeuter:


Go free? No I said she should divorce him immediately. No need to even wait to hear anything from him or let any elder convince her otherwise

She is already having murderous thoughts. Its better she divorces. And I would support ANY woman who wants to divorce to "just do it" and not continue insulting Nigerian men, elders or culture that they are the ones stopping her from her dream of getting a divorce

Or what punishment do you suggest? Death by Boko Haram?

I was actually asking you if we should let the armed robbers go free?

coogar:


she does....
however, she made the mistake of putting the cart before the horse. the first step is to discuss the matter with her partner & see what he has to say to defend the accusation.

24 hours after discovering her hubby is seeing other chics, she ran to NL for advice after making up her mind to seek divorce without even letting her other half know what's up. is that how it's done in our village, madam cocoa?

You do have to understand that this is a very difficult thing to deal with, she's clearly not thinking straight(which is very understandable) cheating is a very big deal for some people, especially the type described by the OP, and you should know that before a lady decides to divorce a man so early in marriage, she must really be broken. It's not nice to talk about her in the manner you are because she seems to want revenge, you just made it sound like cheating(when done by a man) is no big deal.

coogar:


of course, women get hurt when they find out their partners are flirting with other girls, never mind shtupping them. my point is the consequences of such liaisons are graver for women than men especially in marriage.



it depends!
every case should be assessed based on its merits. in most cases, divorce could be deemed selfish especially when there are kids involved. why should the kids suffer just because the so called adults can't sort themselves out?

Now, the kids won't have to suffer if he kept his thang in his pants rii?

It's the kids talk that has led to women staying in homes where they're basically trampled on, they are advised to put their family first before their own sanity which of course is not my problem if she's cool with that. Now, what does the so called "head" of the home sacrifice? A couple bucks??

Now, the way I see things, marriage is meant to be for the benefit of man and woman. Sure, compromise will be made occasionally but that's up to the two people in the marriage not you, me or society.

"Your legs are not in the shoes so don't try to suggest what toe to bend to make it feel better"

babygirlfl:
I was actually asking you if we should let the armed robbers go free?

No. But the current lynching has not even made it reduce one bit.

Nigeria probably has one of the harshest punishment for robbery yet it does nothing to deter people

Use the same analogy for divorce

raumdeuter:

Or what punishment do you suggest? Death by Boko Haram?

Nna, I doesn't know again o.

freecocoa:
You do have to understand that this is a very difficult thing to deal with, she's clearly not thinking straight(which is very understandable) cheating is a very big deal for some people, especially the type described by the OP, and you should know that before a lady decides to divorce a man so early in marriage, she must really be broken.

i still don't understand why you succumb so easily for these pity-party threads. i am starting to think the best method to woo you is to claim i was once a victim of infidelity. i can guarantee your heart will melt in milliseconds.

It's not nice to talk about her in the manner you are because she seems to want revenge, you just made it sound like cheating(when done by a man) is no big deal.

who said cheating by a man is no big deal? if a man cheats on a woman, she should make up her mind & follow her heart. there's nothing really to politick about. all these divorce threats we see every now & then is becoming tedious.

and permit me if i may.....
what's so shocking about marital infidelity? you mean to tell me this woman has never heard of such before? unless she's one of those chics that have come here to brag about their angelic husbands, i just don't see how this kind of stories can send shockwaves to my system.

raumdeuter:


No. But the current lynching has not even made it reduce one bit.

Nigeria probably has one of the harshest punishment for robbery yet it does nothing to deter people

Use the same analogy for divorce

You can't say that. There must be people who would have been armed robbers today but decided not to become one as they know they will die if caught.

Adaeze003:

Now, the kids won't have to suffer if he kept his thang in his pants rii?

but there must be a reason the guy strayed in the first place. there's always a reason behind every action. have you even heard from the other party before laying bare your prognosis?

It's the kids talk that has led to women staying in homes where they're basically trampled on, they are advised to put their family first before their own sanity which of course is not my problem if she's cool with that. Now, what does the so called "head" of the home sacrifice? A couple bucks??

men have had to stay for the kids too.
see eh....at the end of the day, husband & wife must have found themselves worthy to enter into a marriage contract. none of us was there when they met or made sacred vows to each other. let them deal with their issue, abeg!

Now, the way I see things, marriage is meant to be for the benefit of man and woman. Sure, compromise will be made occasionally but that's up to the two people in the marriage not you, me or society.

exactly....

"Your legs are not in the shoes so don't try to suggest what toe to bend to make it feel better"

since my legs isn't in her shoes, shouldn't logic dictate that she should not cry near my ears since i cannot exactly tell which toe to bend to make it feel better?

let the person wearing the shoes do the needful. i didn't buy the shoes for her neither do i own her feet. why is she complaining on a public forum to the people who know zilch about her shoe-size?

coogar:

who said cheating by a man is no big deal? if a man cheats on a woman, she should make up her mind & follow her heart. there's nothing really to politick about. all these divorce threats we see every now & then is becoming tedious..

Lol dont you know that already? its probably just attention seeking or just to gather a pity party and an avenue to get people to insult the man, Nigerian men or Nigeria in general

Thats why I have shown her/them that its not peculiar to nigeria

Imagine someone coming to ask where to get a divorce lawyer. its almost like coming on NL to ask where can I get cold Lacasera or Ewa agonyin

Wetin dem dey use charge and bail do for naija? Go Ikeja under bridge before you walk 50meters you would see 500 Lawyers asking you "You get case?"

On this section alone hardly any week passes without seeing some funny divorce case from mostly illiterates in divorce court yet an educated woman is askign where to get Lawyer?

Maybe she should write the Senate to ask through Saraki at the next senate session

babygirlfl:


You can't say that. There must be people who would have been armed robbers today but decided not to become one as they know they will die if caught.

Yet there are probably more robberies in Nigeria than in the US.

You see that your theory falls flat

raumdeuter:


Yet there are probably more robberies in Nigeria than in the US.

You see that your theory falls flat

I think we are beginning to go in circles now. Let's just leave it there. Goodnight.

P

coogar:


i still don't understand why you succumb so easily for these pity-party threads. i am starting to think the best method to woo you is to claim i was once a victim of infidelity. i can guarantee your heart will melt in milliseconds.



who said cheating by a man is no big deal? if a man cheats on a woman, she should make up her mind & follow her heart. there's nothing really to politick about. all these divorce threats we see every now & then is becoming tedious.

and permit me if i may.....
what's so shocking about marital infidelity? you mean to tell me this woman has never heard of such before? unless she's one of those chics that have come here to brag about their angelic husbands, i just don't see how this kind of stories can send shockwaves to my system.

Its not about these threads per se, it's more about the fact that you men seem to always find a way to make light of cheating by men and that's just not right, plus it's kinda annoying/insulting.

How do you know it's just threats? She could really be needing genuine advice on how to go about it.

Ofcourse she must have heard of infidelity in marriages but that doesn't mean one should expect that from their spouse, especially if the persons involved never made their intentions to cheat known, or are there no longer honest people on planet earth? It's not about shockwaves being sent to your system, it's about realizing that infidelity is a huge deal and treating it as such, not mocking a woman who finds herself in such a situation, where's your empathy?

coogar:


but there must be a reason the guy strayed in the first place. there's always a reason behind every action. have you even heard from the other party before laying bare your prognosis?



men have had to stay for the kids too.
see eh....at the end of the day, husband & wife must have found themselves worthy to enter into a marriage contract. none of us was there when they met or made sacred vows to each other. let them deal with their issue, abeg!


since my legs isn't in her shoes, shouldn't logic dictate that she should not cry near my ears since i cannot exactly tell which toe to bend to make it feel better?

let the person wearing the shoes do the needful. i didn't buy the shoes for her neither do i own her feet. why is she complaining on a public forum to the people who know zilch about her shoe-size?

Point noted...

M

raumdeuter:


Lol dont you know that already? its probably just attention seeking or just to gather a pity party and an avenue to get people to insult the man, Nigerian men or Nigeria in general

Thats why I have shown her/them that its not peculiar to nigeria

Imagine someone coming to ask where to get a divorce lawyer. its almost like coming on NL to ask where can I get cold Lacasera or Ewa agonyin

Wetin dem dey use charge and bail do for naija? Go Ikeja under bridge before you walk 50meters you would see 500 Lawyers asking you "You get case?"

On this section alone hardly any week passes without seeing some funny divorce case from mostly illiterates in divorce court yet an educated woman is askign where to get Lawyer?

Maybe she should write the Senate to ask through Saraki at the next senate session

And we don't see threads with men complaining about the women in their life, seeking advice on what to do?

Btw, there are like a zillion people on here, should it really be surprising seeing many of these threads? Afterall, issues like this, is part of what's keeping this forum alive.

freecocoa:
Please answer me this one thing if you will, does this woman not have a right to feel the way she's feeling?

Not until she had caught him red handed in the 'act' , text messages and other leads are inconsequential except she has decided to enact her nairaland orientation of gender struggle and emancipation.

freecocoa:
Its not about these threads per se, it's more about the fact that you men seem to always find a way to make light of cheating by men and that's just not right, plus it's kinda annoying/insulting.

oh puuhleeease!
what are we supposed to do? go into the mourning mode for something copied & pasted from hints magazine?

How do you know it's just threats? She could really be needing genuine advice on how to go about it.

and she has no family member or a bosom friend she can confide in?

Ofcourse she must have heard of infidelity in marriages but that doesn't mean one should expect that from their spouse, especially if the persons involved never made their intentions to cheat known, or are there no longer honest people on planet earth?

when she said "i do", she ought to have surrendered to whatever consequences the union throws at her. it's part & parcel of the whole deal. no one ever said marriage is easy.

It's not about shockwaves being sent to your system, it's about realizing that infidelity is a huge deal and treating it as such, not mocking a woman who finds herself in such a situation, where's your empathy?

then it begs the question.....
why marry at all if infidelity is such a huge deal to you?

coogar:


oh puuhleeease!
what are we supposed to do? go into the mourning mode for something copied & pasted from hints magazine?



and she has no family member or a bosom friend she can confide in?



when she said "i do", she ought to have surrendered to whatever consequences the union throws at her. it's part & parcel of the whole deal. no one ever said marriage is easy.



then it begs the question.....
why marry at all if infidelity is such a huge deal to you?

Now it's copied, anyways I said nothing about mourning or whatnot, I'm only saying mocking isn't the way to go either but what do I know? Rock on.

Is it a must to confide in family members? What if she already did and wants to augment with NL?

Really? I guess one should also stay if they married a murderer because it's part and parcel of the deal, get real jor.

Wait o, I have trouble understanding the question, are you saying one should expect infidelity or what? Is that normal behavior?

freshvine:


Not until she had caught him red handed in the 'act' , text messages and other leads are inconsequential except she has decided to enact her nairaland orientation of gender struggle and emancipation.

I see.

freecocoa:
Now it's copied, anyways I said nothing about mourning or whatnot, I'm only saying mocking isn't the way to go either but what do I know? Rock on.

Is it a must to confide in family members? What if she already did and wants to augment with NL?

Really? I guess one should also stay if they married a murderer because it's part and parcel of the deal, get real jor.

Wait o, I have trouble understanding the question, are you saying one should expect infidelity or what? Is that normal behavior?

My point exactly...

freecocoa:
I see.

Making unsubstantiated claims is rather just irrational. She should have conclusive evidence before approaching hubby.

Nursing Murderous tendencies and divorce in a short time over unconfirmed allegations can be summed to be a predetermined decision to bail out of her matrimonial responsibilities.

Divorce should be the very last option she could nurse in a matrimonial conflict resolution except she want to prove a point to nairaland ladies that she walks the talk. Have you even consider if it's a male behind the moniker trying to stir and Guage the waters on females perspectives?

freshvine:


Making unsubstantiated claims is rather just irrational. She should have conclusive evidence before approaching hubby.

Nursing Murderous tendencies and divorce in a short time over unconfirmed allegations can be summed to be a predetermined decision to bail out of her matrimonial responsibilities.

Divorce should be the very last option she could nurse in a matrimonial conflict resolution except she want to prove a point to nairaland ladies that she walks the talk. Have you even consider if it's a male behind the moniker trying to stir and Guage the waters on females perspectives?

I don't need to consider who's behind the moniker because these things happen everyday, if you don't know that, I do.

You know for some weird reason,I actually thought for a second, the other post or yours was some kind of joke and now I wonder why.

So seeing series of flirtatious sms where conversations of how much was given to the other ladies and refusing to sleep with his wife, is not enough proof? Are you really being serious? How many people who knew their partners were /is cheating, caught them in the act? I am sorry but I find this line of thought seriously insane.

You can't tell someone what to do in a situation like this, divorce might be the best option for her as decided by her, you don't know the deal between her and her man.

freecocoa:
Now it's copied, anyways I said nothing about mourning or whatnot, I'm only saying mocking isn't the way to go either but what do I know? Rock on.

pardon my insensitivity....

Is it a must to confide in family members? What if she already did and wants to augment with NL?

and it's on NL she would find a divorce lawyer?

Really? I guess one should also stay if they married a murderer because it's part and parcel of the deal, get real jor.

why did you choose to marry a murderer out of the 30 suitors you had? you dotted the is crossed the ts. you came up with a guy that you believed was the best out of the lot. so how did you come up with a murderer? why harangue us here for the bad choices you made?

Wait o, I have trouble understanding the question, are you saying one should expect infidelity or what? Is that normal behavior?

when you consent to any activity such as marriage, you consent to yield to all the accidental outcomes that might flow from that activity......

when you board a plane, you are quickly tutored on how to use a life jacket or the exit plans should an accident happen. anyone going into a marriage in the 21st century without a back up plan for infidelity is on a long thing!

freecocoa:
I don't need to consider who's behind the moniker because these things happen everyday, if you don't know that, I do.

You know for some weird reason,I actually thought for a second, the other post or yours was some kind of joke and now I wonder why.

So seeing series of flirtatious sms where conversations of how much was given to the other ladies and refusing to sleep with his wife, is not enough proof? Are you really being serious? How many people who knew their partners were /is cheating, caught them in the act? I am sorry but I find this line of thought seriously insane.

You can't tell someone what to do in a situation like this, divorce might be the best option for her as decided by her, you don't know the deal between her and her man.

You are insanely clever by half. It's people like you that get married in the worst condition but will pretend on nairaland that your hubby is the best since Christ yet will advise other women to divorce on the silliest excuse.

Not making light of the situation, the choice is her to make. Either to investigate or divorce what's my own. Being gender protective is not desirable in this sensitive issue.

coogar:


pardon my insensitivity....



and it's on NL she would find a divorce lawyer?



why did you choose to marry a murderer out of the 30 suitors you had? you dotted the is crossed the ts. you came up with a guy that you believed was the best out of the lot. so how did you come up with a murderer? why harangue us here for the bad choices you made?



when you consent to any activity such as marriage, you consent to yield to all the accidental outcomes that might flow from that activity......

when you board a plane, you are quickly tutored on how to use a life jacket or the exit plans should an accident happen. anyone going into a marriage in the 0812002767621st century without a back up plan for infidelity is on a long thing!

You are pardoned.

Ehen na, there are great divorce lawyers on NL, like kandikoboko.

People change oga sir, he could become a murderer after marriage, what then?

Cheating isn't an accident(talk more of the serial kind) and you know it, so the analogy doesn't fit.

freshvine:


You are insanely clever by half. It's people like you that get married in the worst condition but will pretend on nairaland that your hubby is the best since Christ yet will advise other women to divorce on the silliest excuse.

Not making light of the situation, the choice is her to make. Either to investigate or divorce what's my own. Being gender protective is not desirable in this sensitive issue.

Please I don't have time for rubbish, quote me whenever you intend to make sense, thank you.

freecocoa:
Please I don't have time for rubbish, quote me whenever you intend to make sense, thank you.

I regret quoting a frustrated single lady who doesn't know what it feels to be married and stay married.

Smh for a single lady asking a married woman to divorce and join her in the nairaland single club.

freshvine:


I regret quoting a frustrated single lady who doesn't know what it feels to be married and stay married.

Smh for a single lady asking a married woman to divorce and join her in the nairaland single club.

What else is new? You can now go live happily ever after with your husband and leave me to my frustration/singleness.

Make una chill o.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig97XJv8iRQ

freecocoa:
What else is new? You can now go live happily ever after with your husband and leave me to my frustration/singleness.

Next time choose your fight.

You want to devour me because I sounded logical rather than being sentimental.

Let her approach the court.

The marriage must be 2 years before she approaches the court.

The learn jurist will give her another two years to work on the marriage.

Then another 6 months to sort the marriage before divorce can be entertained because

1. No witness.
2. No concrete evidence.

Unless the husband Plead guilty and enter plea bargain.

bukatyne:
Interesting thread.

OP, do What you feel is best for you.

Bellong, TV01, etc. your opinion is needed on this thread.

I have my reasons.

Is there anything to contribute to her quest?

The opening sentence is a give away of a deep underlying problems between them "hubby has been acting funny of late".. Meaning, he wasn't like that prior to acting funny of late.

I do not encourage divorce as the first point of call in a marital crisis. Yes, she could be distraught at her finding but it doesn't give her the right to bring the case to a court of public opinion without letting the accused know his offence. In law, her case would be thrown out for not following due process. I could wager my pension that she can't win this case if she goes straight to divorce proceedings. The presiding judge will ask efforts they have made at resolution before arriving at divorce.

She needs to discuss with her husband. Her subsequent post shows that the husband is not totally irresponsible except for this new found hobby in drilling different artesian wells..