Kimoni:

if only seun will allow change of moniker

Tim is a misogynist raumdeuter is on a divorce mission

You are in neither category naa (can freecocoa and bodashee say amen!)

queenfav:
GBam!my thoughts exactly...Many people think marriage is all about the cute photos they see on bella naija.Wheras its more than that.Our mothers had to endure a lot to keep their home together.Any man can screw up,the next step should be how to fix it,not opt for divorce.People who feel marriage is "until he/she pisses me off" ,should just stay single.Or else you would end up marrying 5 men or more,and having to leave once he messes up.Except its a case of domestic violence,I don't see any situation that can't be fixed in an amicable way.

Timbuktou:


I plead guilty, your lordship. We can't all be saints. And yes, Skimoni sounds much better.

KanwuliaJara:


No originality.
No creativity.

I choose the threads I want to post on.
Many are "Mtcheeeeeeeeeew" threads!
Annoying is an understatement!

raumdeuter:


Has this knowledge stopped or even reduced cheating in the other countries not named Nigeria?

On this forum it seems Nigeria is the worst place ever on earth

KanwuliaJara:


Muchechecheche
Abeg help me sing:

"To Copy This Tune, Press WAN! You have what it takes to be BETA"!

coogar:


thanks for the vote of confidence!

Kimoni:


You are hereby sentenced to 75 years of marital labor...you shall till the ground [b]and hand the the fruits to freecocoa Mrs Tim[/v]

daretodiffer:


That is the problem. Once you ask women to look beyond it, you are indirectly saying that it is men's birthright to screw up. Women should have a choice to either stay or leave. It is their choice and choice alone. It is the highest level of hypocrisy to predict what might happen to her afterwards but fail to predict the man's future. Is he also going to keep moving from one woman to another or is he going to just stick to strings of mistresses? I forgot, it is a taboo to talk about the man because he can always take care of himself but let's talk about the woman, isn't she the helpless, hopeless and fragile one?

Kimoni:


@OP, if you are for real, pls take note of above.

You think you are unmoved by all you have seen but I dare to differ from the actions you wish to take. You are only sucking up the hurt/annoyance and it'saffecting your thinking ability.

So pls, act normal. Grieve over what happened if you have to, no shame in that cuz you loved him once and probably still do. Don't try and act tough or be a superwoman. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Then clear you head and think deep about the decisions that's really best for you having put a lot into consideration.

Like everyone has advised, before anything else, you need to have that convo with him.

daretodiffer:


No, however it is in Nigeria that a woman must put up with her man's philandering. It is his birthright afterall but if it were the other way round

pickabeau1:


Are u not aware on NL, Naija men are the only nationality that cheats?

dinachi:
A distraught person runs to God or close people to her to find succour, not come to nairaland to threaten divorce over unfounded allegations. That lady needs to grow up! I can smeel her [b]foolishness[/b]from here.

Kimoni:

Lol...Until Freecocoa and bodashee ratifies it naa that's why I called them

daretodiffer:

No, however it is in Nigeria that a woman must put up with her man's philandering. It is his birthright afterall but if it were the other way round

nevanevaland:

Thanks, had d convo with him , he couldn't / didn't deny it. He had no explanation, was just looking at me like a dumb. I left him standing, and left d house.
Oh yes, d grief kicked in eventually, cried my eyes out. It just came as a rude shock I guess, now I know better

nevanevaland:

Thanks, had d convo with him , he couldn't / didn't deny it. He had no explanation, was just looking at me like a dumb. I left him standing, and left d house.
Oh yes, d grief kicked in eventually, cried my eyes out. It just came as a rude shock I guess, now I know better

Kimoni:


It's okay to cry dear, you'll feel better and think more clearly now.

My honest opinion on him - I think he is redeemable. Pls don't give up on your marriage just yet. There is a lady on the pregnancy thread who handled this same issue the way you just went about it and the hubby was sober as hell. She confronted him gently and didn't bring up the issue again. He was confused till he couldnt handle the silence from her anymore. Cried his eyes out, asked for forgiveness and they reconciled with promises and limitations from both parties of course. I wish I could ask her to speak with you but I don't wanna embarrass her. If you can, pls tow the same line and see how things play out. I pray your hubby comes to the same realization. Like you said, he might be under the influence of some bad friends especially when you say he wasn't like this before now.

**i don't even know if I can do what I am asking of you o cuz I know my weaknesses but if you can, pls do it and I pray all ends well.

bukatyne:
Interesting thread.

OP, do What you feel is best for you.

Bellong, TV01, etc. your opinion is needed on this thread.

I have my reasons.

queenfav:
God She is right to feel angry,disapointed and all,but divorce is a big deal and shouldn't be the first solution to problems in marriage.

queenfav:
Except its a case of domestic violence,I don't see any situation that can't be fixed in an amicable way.

coogar:


they would soon be here to clear my name....



some men do put up with their wife's philandering ways too. there's a reason 50% of all firstborns in nigeria are illegitimate. i can bet many of the husbands know that some of those kids don't belong to them but they put up with the situation. stop making it sound like naija wives are saints - they are worse than their male counterparts!

cococandy:
This is a disgusting thread to say the least.

Timbuktou:


The Nigerian marriage situation is not like most others. How many countries have three wedding ceremonies minus introduction and miscellaneous money-consuming activities. Nigerian men have earned the right to be eternal diicks.

daretodiffer:

I don't think anyone would tell him that it is in his best interests to put up with a philander.. Therefore you cannot compare at all, at least you have a choice and you do not have stupi.d peieple me breathing down your neck that you must continue to live with her.

I am going to ignore that statistics

TV01:

...the title of the thread is "Divorce Lawyers In D House, Pls I need Some Advice" - pray tell what advice would a "divorce lawyer" give?


kudos and well said. This sentence could be a banner in this section Only spoilt somewhat by the the post that preceded it - otherwise great !

Those who would tarnish marriage, make DV something "men do to women" and sell a dialectic of divorce or death are obviously making headway


TV

nevanevaland:

Thanks, had d convo with him , he couldn't / didn't deny it. He had no explanation, was just looking at me like a dumb. I left him standing, and left d house.
Oh yes, d grief kicked in eventually, cried my eyes out. It just came as a rude shock I guess, now I know better

nevanevaland:

Bros, no be everybody dey wash thr dirty linen outside o. I for one have no friend I can discuss such with, my sis is my closest friend but I don't discuss my marriage with her.
Yes u can say am foolish n immature, maybe I am.
Tx

bellong:


Is there anything to contribute to her quest?

The opening sentence is a give away of a deep underlying problems between them "hubby has been acting funny of late".. Meaning, he wasn't like that prior to acting funny of late.

I do not encourage divorce as the first point of call in a marital crisis. Yes, she could be distraught at her finding but it doesn't give her the right to bring the case to a court of public opinion without letting the accused know his offence. In law, her case would be thrown out for not following due process. I could wager my pension that she can't win this case if she goes straight to divorce proceedings. The presiding judge will ask efforts they have made at resolution before arriving at divorce.

She needs to discuss with her husband. Her subsequent post shows that the husband is not totally irresponsible except for this new found hobby in drilling different artesian wells..

Onegai:


Pele.

I wanted the grief to come out, I knew it was shock and anger and pain that made you open his thread.

You know better. You now see how weak he is. But you cannot change him, he has to change and work on himself (he should use his hands to send away the friends that were encouraging his lousy behaviour). He has to earn your trust. He has to wake up every day and earn your love. Because forgetting will not be easy and neither is forgiving. And anyone who tells you to cry to God and instantly God will heal, is expecting a lot from you. Because that is not reality, it takes years for people to truly heal. So don't force it, take as long as you want to be angry and upset.

Now, watch him. He has to fix this. HE HAS TO FIX THIS. If he doesn't give a damn about fixing the mistakes he made in jeopardizing his marriage, then he's an arse. If he dares try to turn the tables and make this all your fault, know that is not. Because he had several choices and he chose to cheat and be led astray. Tell him that he was willing to throw away a woman dedicated to his happiness forever and the unconditional love of his wife and child for a few minutes of pleasure that was very cheap (N2000 right? ) and he should decide what is important to him because this is not a mistake that should ever be repeated. And there must be consequences: no more late nights, total honesty and openness, true remorse, better communication and telling you about everything (had you two been good communicators, he would have shared with you that he had hopeless friends encouraging him to cheat).

And for you, guard your heart. Focus on loving your son.

coogar:


it's for better for worse.....
don't be naive to think the consequences of divorce carries the same weight for both genders in nigeria. one is weightier than the other.

besides, no one has expressively said she should continue to put up with a philanderer. all they are saying is she shouldn't put the cart before the horse. how can a wife file for a divorce without even letting her partner know what he has done?

what's the logic in that?



i was expecting you to ignore it.
after all, the truth hurts

daretodiffer:


Nigerian men have earned the right of eternal stupidi.ty if they can perfectly agree to inconvenient themselves so as to degrade another human. You are not Godbor gods, you are human and you have no right to treat another like a subhuman. I might consider the eternal diick part if and if you are immune to poisons, heartbreak, torture etc however if I can get back at you for any wrongdoing legally or illegally, it will be great if you are forward-thinking with the way you treat me. Everyone has the monopoly to be an eternal diick:DD

Also, the only thing I know that man is responsible for is the bride price and so far that it is going out of practice. The woman's family is the one responsible for the food, entertainment etc. So what is your point?

daretodiffer:

Of couse it shouldn't because it is one gender birthright to behave as he wishes disregarding his vows, God and his partner, and the other gender should merely look the other way. Sounds really logical

Well, that part must have been lost on me with all the mockery going on. I have gone through the thread and so far, no one suggested divorce ay first instance.

l will be a .... to rely on Nigerian statistics

bukatyne:
Thanks for the response.

bukatyne:
I was also asking for your opinion of the thread; not OP alone.

bukatyne:
I know you brand yourself as someone passionate about marriage; I was wondering if the picture painted on this thread is what your vision is about.

bukatyne:
And @ second bolded, who are they? I guess you are referring to coco's thread

bukatyne:
A pity that's all you picked out of a fine thread.