Dyt:


He doesn't like teaching def won't like some other kind of jobs
Op pls stop making excuses for your husband
In this part if the country not everyone likes what they are doing
They are doing it cos of the pay
Excuse is a no no no

I was in this situation too
Yes we had our shouting days and very best days during this time
You gotta push him
You can't be the only one pushing while he's watching

When I saw that he doesn't like teaching, I entered silent mode for some seconds picturing what Op is going through.

Uhmmm. Not good at all.

The kids are growing. their expenses are increasing and he's having a choice? God will see her through sha.

Rukemi291:


When I saw that he doesn't like teaching, I entered silent mode for some seconds picturing what Op is going through.

Uhmmm. Not good at all.

The kids are growing. their expenses are increasing and he's having a choice? God will see her through sha.

He's having to make choices again

Maybe she should stay home too and join him praying

Dyt:



He's having to make choices again

Maybe she should stay home too and join him praying

The problem is that no woman can sit down and fold her arms when she knows the family needs her. Only men can.

Rukemi291:


The problem is that no woman can sit down and fold her arms when she knows the family needs her. Only men can.

Seem those kind of men are the types we have these days
Phew

Dyt:


He doesn't like teaching def won't like some other kind of jobs
Op pls stop making excuses for your husband
In this part if the country not everyone likes what they are doing
They are doing it cos of the pay
Excuse is a no no no

I was in this situation too
Yes we had our shouting days and very best days during this time
You gotta push him
You can't be the only one pushing while he's watching

My sister we had a heated up quarrel around 12 to 1am all because of this issue but i won't stop, this thread has made me accept the bitter truth.

Dyt:


Seem those kind of men are the types we have these days
Phew

I agree with you both. Do you know at times i think the woman suffers most in marriage. Don't know who to share it with so i keep it to myself

Wondering why men leave responsibility for their wives. Anytime i make up my mind not to support the family again, the kids are affected.

U cee come tomorrow, i will report to a man he calls father, nobody knows ve been the one covering for him.

it must b quite a hard time. I feel ur pains. Its nt easy. All u need to do is more prayers, u can search for jobs online, it may nt b so easy bt I knw there many job sites u can search nd register for jobs, God wil help u Madam.
I must commend u for standing by ur man despite d challenges.
Its well Madam!

Niceman4u:
it must b quite a hard time. I feel ur pains. Its nt easy. All u need to do is more prayers, u can search for jobs online, it may nt b so easy bt I knw there many job sites u can search nd register for jobs, God wil help u Madam.
I must commend u for standing by ur man despite d challenges.
Its well Madam!

Thank you sir.

Tundeiab:

Madam, your husband is just lazy. He doesn't need deliverance. What he needs is a job no matter how little the pay is. He shouldn't just leave all the burden to you to bear.

Thank you. I am happy this came from a fellow man

Tundeiab:

Bros! I can't bear to watch my wife take over my financial role in the home for good 4 years. Haba na!
I don't mind doing the most degrading job just to augment what ever she is providing...
I can only accept it only if he is physically challenged, which I am sure is not.

You are a REAL man. Kudos

yebo36:


I agree with you both. Do you know at times i think the woman suffers most in marriage. Don't know who to share it with so i keep it to myself

Wondering why men leave responsibility for their wives. Anytime i make up my mind not to support the family again, the kids are affected.

U cee come tomorrow, i will report to a man he calls father, nobody knows ve been the one covering for him.

If you decide to leave now
They will say cos he's broke whereas he's lazy
Sorry to say
He's not a man enough
Haba
Yes I blv in support but not for 4yrs and still choosy?
As a woman myself I don't mind cleaning sef so long it pays my bills

Please take it easy with the fights. Yes, stand your grounds. Pele sis.
Dyt... funny u.

yebo36:
Hi all, am pretty new here on this section but am impressed that matters of the heart is being addressed here.

Its been four years of marriage and I have been the only one with a monthly income of just 30k supporting the family. Truly am tried but just hanging on.

Recently, i discovered that my husband can't perform well on bed, hardly eats and losing weight. Just this evening i asked if he was sick but he said no its his finances that is affecting him.

Please to all the married men and women in the house your advice will be highly appreciated.

I tried fivver, freelancer writing articles but its not easy to write and meet deadline with kids and so much responsibility of running the home. So I had to put it on hold.

My sister I will readily offer you my sincere advice if you give answers to the questions below. How long have you been married? How many kids do you have? and what is your final take home at the end of the month?
What have your husband been doing for the past four years? Is he educated if yes what is/are his qualification (s) if no what is /are his hobby (ies) what was he doing when you met him or has he been jobless even before the marriage. Answers to the above questions will help me to give you a sincere advice from point of knowledge. Stay strong and remain Blessed.

marriagebliss:

My sister I will readily offer you my sincere advice if you give answers to the questions below. How long have you been married? How many kids do you have? and what is your final take home at the end of the month?
What have your husband been doing for the past four years? Is he educated if yes what is/are his qualification (s) if no what is /are his hobby (ies) what was he doing when you met him or has he been jobless even before the marriage. Answers to the above questions will help me to give you a sincere advice from point of knowledge. Stay strong and remain Blessed.

I made my post before reading through the thread. Most of the questions I asked was answered in pages 1 and 2. Let your husband wrap his pride and go to town in search of what to feed his family with. Complain less and prayerfully uphold him before God and allow Holy Spirit to work in him to make him the man he ought to be.
I pray that things work out well for you and your husband so that you can take proper care of your two kids. Stay strong and remain Blessed.

Rukemi291:


The problem is that no woman can sit down and fold her arms when she knows the family needs her. Only men can.

The ego in those men won't let them be seen outside of the house doing certain jobs but it's just some men.A lot of men can't bear to stay home when there's a family to feed.

Yebo36,talk to the elderly man your husband respects and get him to have a frank talk with your husband.I agree he is not doing enough and men who have their wives financing the home tend to get lazy.
He should seek opportunities that require little skills and build himself from there.

fem29:


You are a REAL man. Kudos

God bless you my sister. It's annoying, to say the least.

Rukemi291:
Please take it easy with the fights. Yes, stand your grounds. Pele sis.

Dyt... funny u.

marriagebliss:

I made my post before reading through the thread. Most of the questions I asked was answered in pages 1 and 2. Let your husband wrap his pride and go to town in search of what to feed his family with. Complain less and prayerfully uphold him before God and allow Holy Spirit to work in him to make him the man he ought to be.
I pray that things work out well for you and your husband so that you can take proper care of your two kids. Stay strong and remain Blessed.

Thank you. This is exactly what the elderly man told me this evening. I didn't know i had so much pain in me until i was narrating my ordeal.

He warned me not to complain and be careful who i share this with, he also told me something funny - he said i should start alternating the meals i cook for him. He said that way, he will start feeling uncomfortable. Trust me, started it this evening. I only made what the kids will eat.

thorpido:
The ego in those men won't let them be seen outside of the house doing certain jobs but it's just some men.A lot of men can't bear to stay home when there's a family to feed.

Yebo36,talk to the elderly man your husband respects and get him to have a frank talk with your husband.I agree he is not doing enough and men who have their wives financing the home tend to get lazy.
He should seek opportunities that require little skills and build himself from there.

Thank you my brother, did that this evening and he promised to talk to him.

yebo36:


Thank you. This is exactly what the elderly man told me this evening. I didn't know i had so much pain in me until i was narrating my ordeal.

He warned me not to complain and be careful who i share this with, he also told me something funny - he said i should start alternating the meals i cook for him. He said that way, he will start feeling uncomfortable. Trust me, started it this evening. I only made what the kids will eat.

I feel your pain, however do what you need to do, but please do not starve a man who has no other means of income.
There must be other ways to get him to get up and do something but please do not punish him with hunger
He is still your husband at the end of the day

mavany:
Lazy laid back men, and when I opened a thread on how to motivate a partner that doesn't have the drive to succeed , some akata's wan kill me.
Letting go of my ex was the best decision.
Seems laziness has become popular for men of this generation.
Just imagining myself putting up same post as OP some years down.
Chukwu aju!!!!!

Lucky you you took d right decision. I wish you gud luck in your search of an ideal partner. A man with a strong inner drive to succeed in life.

Sis, I truly understand what you are going true. Just be very careful. You know you complained earlier that he already lost some weight. Pls be careful with him, lest he breaks down.He is still your husband, you know.
You starved him of food last night, pls if you are awake now, I will suggest you wake him up now, go down on your knees and beg him. Let him see d reason why you took DT action, and the need to rise up again and provide for his family.

Let me confess to you that I am personally going through d same experience you are undergoing. It is not easy @ all. Such men tend to often make one seem wicked. I feel your pain sis!

yebo36:


Thank you. This is exactly what the elderly man told me this evening. I didn't know i had so much pain in me until i was narrating my ordeal.

He warned me not to complain and be careful who i share this with, he also told me something funny - he said i should start alternating the meals i cook for him. He said that way, he will start feeling uncomfortable. Trust me, started it this evening. I only made what the kids will eat.

Calm down woman, since you have discussed it with God, He will surely do it, everyone have where shoe pinches

I felt bad myself, i have never done it before but i need to be a bit pushy. Am just to alternate the meals, i told him i did not have enough money to cook and believe me, i felt guilty.

phemierowl:
Calm down woman, since you have discussed it with God, He will surely do it, everyone have where shoe pinches

Yes and mine has been pinching for four years and i have prayed all this while don't you think i needed more than prayers.

Even God gets pushy with us at times to pass a message across. Please correct me if am wrong that's why i came out here, can't discuss it with family over here.

yebo36:


We talked on that before, he said he does not like teaching and for the hotel, he walked as a manager in one hotel in gwarimpa but they still owe him 1 year salary so he had to stop

He does not like teaching? Continue accepting excuses from him, I only feel sad for the kids.

To the people saying he must teach even though he doesn't like teaching
Would you want your kid to be taught by a reluctant teacher?
I certainly wont
Teaching is not for everyone

OP its up to you how you deal with this
He is your husband
You chose him
There must have been something that made you choose him over anyone else
You can see it as his problem only or you can make something you both attack
According to you the man had a job when he met you, its not that he was lazy then
Nigeria is very stressful and hard and with very few jobs

Right now he needs your support
Everyone has their own shoe that is pinching and cross that they bear
His is his job
For some people its health issues and some people its extra marital issues
You are on N30K a month, which shows that good paying jobs are not that easy to get on Nigeria even for graduates. God help Nigeria.

I dont advocate laziness
Infact I dislike lazy people
However one of positives of marriage is being able to support each other in trying times.
2 heads is better than one
In his weakness lend him your strength
He needs it

Sit down and discuss the future together and direct him where you both want to go during this weak period.
If he had a medical disorder, you wont abandon him but you will stick by him
I don't think that any man wakes up in the morning and hopes and prays that his wife will cater for him, only gigolos do that and that's for plenty plenty money.

Even if you want him to hustle, tell him directly what you want him to do in a clear and concise language. I know its been very hard and I applaud all that you have done up until now.

I will not support you starving him. He is not just anybody. He is your husband.

I pray that God visits your family and all this will all be a thing of the past in Jesus Name.

Another thing to be mentioned is Nigerians quest for a degree regardless of the courses

How many job openings are there available for someone with a degree in philosophy in Nigeria?

He was at a disadvantage from the first day he put the course down on his Jamb application form.

I dunno what type of career guidance is being given in secondary schools.

HE MADE EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IN HIS(GOD) TIME, ALL WILL BE WELL, YOU HAVE DONE THE BEST THING REPORTING THE SITUATION TO HIM, WAIT AND SEE HOW HE WILL GO ABOUT IT MADAM

yebo36:


Yes and mine has been pinching for four years and i have prayed all this while don't you think i needed more than prayers.

Even God gets pushy with us at times to pass a message across. Please correct me if am wrong that's why i came out here, can't discuss it with family over here.

Wen I was single, I didn't understand the bible verse " if a man cannot provide for his family, he is worse dan an infidel", bt wen I got married, I understood it clearly; a woman is laid with so much responsibilities, taking care of d house, ensuring d kids are well dressed and fyn, ensuring the husband eats at d right time and dresses well, etc, if u come join it with providing money as d bread winner, honestly, d woman can quench, of course she must bring in some cash, bt not as d bread winner for God's sake, its not easy, any man dt can't provide for his house should be stoned abeg....sorry Op, am just talking generally, am not directing to ur husband o.