Hey ClassicB - I hope im not too late to add my 2 cents to your post seeing as it seems quite heartfelt and genuine.

Girl, this nigga's playing you like a flute. Either he wants you just for sex, or he doesn't want u at all, and is telling you in a nice way, Or maybe he is just not sure, or ready yet. Either way, the conclusions are the same.

How does this work?  Well, he gives you the honest low down first  " i aint ready for a relationship", but he doesn't leave, rather, he is very ready to keep coming to you for help, or eventually, jumping in ur bed and sampling ur cookies!
What he is doing is throwing the ball back in your court , so the decision to keep seeing him is yours. That way, you bear the responsibility if it does not work out, and he can say" but i told u"!

That BS excuse about "trying to sort himself out" is as old as the hills, and also "he does not want to lose contact cos' ur a good girl " is total hogwash
If ur so good(as he says), and he does not want to lose u (as he says), then logic dictates that he commits(to keep u)- which he is not doing. This is not rocket science

Listen babe, a man will always take u for a mug (sex & no commitment) if you allow him to. This does not mean he does not care abt u, but he want you on a leash, for his pleasure and comfort, without the adjutant responsibility that goes with it.
Thats the way we are, unless forced to confront the errors of that way of thinking - Never try to be with a man who does not want to be with you. You are a Woman, beautifully made, a wonder to behold, that any sane man should appreciate. You seem like a very nice girl, so DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT - EVER!

My advice - give him an ultimatum. Let him know u are too good to waste urself on this kind of nebulous,abstract, undefined, up-in-the-air, not-going-anywhere relationship.
Tell him u love him, but if he cannot give you what you want, and define it explicitly to you, the you are OUT.
If he is busy sorting himself out, or whatever reason he cares to have, no problem. He should get in touch when he is ready, and if ur available, then you MAY consider it.
I know you love him, but i assure you, this will be inherently less painful than if you allow urself to be in a disrespectful empty(for you) relationship. This is not a bluff, mean it, and carry it out. He will respect you for this!

With regards to moving on - Relationship 101 - define what u want from a relationship before jumping into it. Ask the questions, do your due diligence. If u dont get the ans u want - walk away.

U don't get into ur car, without defining first where you want to do? Do u?

I can also see ur getting frisky with H2O or whatever his name his - no problem, just do ur home work.
And from a Nigerian man - Never go to Nigeria to meet any man's family UNTIL he has put a ring on ur finger
If he want you to meet them before he does this, then that tell u he is not a man capable of making his own decisions.

ALWAYS RESPECT URSELF AS A WOMAN, AND KNOW YOUR WORTH.

Olowojeje:

TRY TO DIFFERENCIATE BETWEEN " he doesnt need a relationship now " and " he doesnt need you" IF HE NEEDS YOU AND FOR ONE REASON OR THE OTHER DOESNT NEED A RELATIONSHIP NOW, then you can hang around because eventually he WILL have a relationship with you later BUT IF HE DOESNT NEED YOU better find your way now!! because he may never have a relationship with you. All in all, try to have a good discussion with him, tell him how you feel and let him honestly tell you his mind then you can draw your inference from there.
GOOD LUCK.

Thank you for the advice, very helpful. I never really looked at it this way.

he doesnt see you as someone he has a future with. Its as plain as day.
You're good for a fling but not for a committed relationship . . . sorry, you have to cut your loses and find someone else.

Isnt this what dudes call a booty call? He says he doesnt want to lose you? Of course who wants to lose free sex no strings attached?

@ Romeo4real

Thank you so much! Lots of good advice you gave. Lol, no I am not getting frisky with h2o! Was just kidding around with him. And oh my goodness, I would never go visit his fam unless there was a proposal behind it. I was just telling 190 that I plan to go to Africa someday, whether I'm still talking to him or not.

I love him dearly but deep down know that I deserve so much better. We have talked recently about this issue but not in depth like we need to. I plan to see him soon so I'm gonna sit him down and get everything that I need to say to him out.

Thanks again for your input!

davidylan:

he doesnt see you as someone he has a future with. Its as plain as day.
You're good for a fling but not for a committed relationship . . . sorry, you have to cut your loses and find someone else.

Isnt this what dudes call a booty call? He says he doesnt want to lose you? Of course who wants to lose free sex no strings attached?

Lol, I hear what you're saying but its not quite that cut and dry. Our relationship has not been based on sex, he doesnt just call me over for sex, bang and then I leave lol. We've spent far more time doing things together, hanging out and him taking me out with no sex involved at all, than we've spent being intimate. This is why its complicated and I'm asking for advice on leaving or staying.