How can a woman understand his husband after the wedding?

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chaircover:

90% of understanding ones partner should have come before the wedding. That is what courting is for.
You won’t completely find out everything about someone until you start living with them but this is where tolerance levels, love & patience come in.
After the wedding it should only really a case of fine tuning things and responding to new situations and scenarios, such as disciplining the children, dealing with in-laws etc

My thinking exactly!

@Poster;  The question of understanding after the wedding no longer has value, she has to learn to accept and tolerate.  She should have understood him before siging the dotted lines!

Why are you talking of bolting the stable doors after the horse has long escaped

Er, what was she doing before the wedding, making sure she secured her nest egg for life

its funny how some of y'all say that

there are ppl i know that they 'behave different towards a bf / gf because they are Not yet a spouse'
the minute they marry - expectations change / soar and all of a suddent the person you thought you knew is now a stranger and you have to start from scratch to understand or TOLERATE should i say (because now you aint got much choice) him

just pray that your bf/gf is showing your their true colours during dating or courtship. and if you are going to marry taht person spend as much time as possible with them in their natural habitat (their home) and see how he likes things done - 90% of behaviour / attiitude is unspoken and starts with thoughts and then actions - read inbetween the lines, ask questions and see whether the answers are just for your ears or theya re for real

How did she understand him before the marriage?

she didnt she married a FAKE husband

some ppl can pretyend during courtship just to get the cat in the bag and then start unleashing their triue colours - bythen it is too late for her and she has no choice but to understand no TOLERATE him (because she no get options)

soon they start saying ' he's not teh man i married' yes he is, he was just hiding that side of him all along

ppl make una dey shine well well and encourage your partners to be as open and as free with you as possible - even the best actors make mistakes and once you pick these up you will start having an inkling into the real person you are about to comit to

Well now. . .before the wedding he was a boyfriend/suitor. . . after he is a husband

no way about it just like a girlfriend is diff from a wife/mother, so boyfriend is also diff from a husband/father

life, i guess

if some of us could see our folks back in the days when they were carefree . . .

After wedding, no more understanding, it is now reality.

spikedcylinder:

Lets give the OP benefit of doubt na. Maybe he's asking about arranged marriages.

Oho!  Now I get the message.  If this is so, she has a lot of work to do and prayers too!

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chaircover:

Are we being 100% truthful when we say people pretend and then change after marriage.

I am not talking about the pretenders who marry for papers but I am talking about normal people who get married for love.

Most of the times the signs are there but we like to pretend that they dont exist; Women are mostly guilty of this, wrongly thinking and hoping that their bad boy boyfriend will magically evolve into a responsible husband when the ring is on the finger.

Tell them oh, how the chaircover will be removed and they will now see the real color of the chair.

wedding is a process, not a destination.

I doubt you can know everything there is to know about a person before marrying them.

Though of course you should know or find out his/her basic character at least.

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chaircover:

omo buruku ni e o Femi

I just like to keep sis.

tpiah:

wedding is a process, not a destination.

I doubt you can know everything there is to know about a person before marrying them.

Though of course you should know or find out his/her basic character at least.

exactly.

this is true if both partners haven't lived with each other before marriage.

Living with someone for 24 hrs is a different thing.

Treetop20:

this is not an excuse to cohabit
either.

Yup!!!

Human Being is the most unpredictable creature. Dont try to understand him, be tolerant ,and be prayerful.

lannre:

Human Being is the most unpredictable creature. Dont try to understand him, be tolerant ,and be prayerful.

I will hate to be tolerated, but to be loved and be appreciated.

It goes both ways, it might be fault from either husband or wife. Many girls out there don't how there true colors until you get marry to them. Majority of the things they tolerate before will become a taboo once you married them. On husband's side, he might be a tightwad or womanizer, all this stuff might be obvious to fiancée during courting; but she doesn't have choices other than lean with it.

Fhemmmy:

I will hate to be tolerated, but to be loved and be appreciated.

True love really tolerates,when there is no true love little thing becomes irritating. God tolerates us,if not every little sin committed would have been meted out with unbearable sanctions.

Well there's no end in understanding your spouse

tpiah:

wedding is a process, not a destination.

I doubt you can know everything there is to know about a person before marrying them.

Though of course you should know or find out his/her basic character at least.

So true.
@OP,know the basic Xters,learn to Tolerate his excesses and be ready to handle the once-in-a-while suprises.

I believe b4 knoting the nuptical tie, SHE would have understand him perfectly before saying the 2nd YES.

Be that as it may, a woman can only understand her husband more after wedding. This is possible by:
studying him vividly on how he handles situations in the family as events unfold, ,
how he reacts to emergency matters,, etc
she can now say "I know what my husband can do". She can even act on his behalf knowing him fully well.

Again for the benefits of doubt in first paragraph above, you need to take a personal course (study) on how to study human being and their reactions towards events.

Pls lay your hand on this book (Why are we so different by TIM Lahaye). It helps a lot in understanding human beings.

guys, no matter how much you stay with a person(in this case, a man) you can only know what they allow you or what they mistakingly give away. i know of a woman who discovered that her loving hussy for over 13 yrs was into drugs even before they got married. they are still married but they haven't been same ever since. learn about you b/f, but pls be prepared to unravel both good and not so good things abt him/her after the wedding. in your personal time do a 'shock drill'. then pray it doesn't come to pass and keep the love torch on. by this you will be doing your self a lot of good. be filled with prayers, and be good yourself. it helps.

Understanding ur partner, starts 4rm d first day of the relationship.Anytin u condone in dating continues after weding.so 4 the d attitude dat wil com up after mariage,u both try 2 iron it out or learn to live wit it because marriage is mearnt to be ENJOYED AND NOT ENDURED.So wateva u dnt understnd during dating and courship, accept it 4 life nd not hope it wil get beta after weding.

Yup. its possible. but what the hell where they doing before the wedding. except na arrangee wedding

remoranger:

Yup. its possible. but what the hell where they doing before the wedding. except na arrangee wedding

I am not sure it is possible anymore.
Even if possible, too late to change anything, so make dem just enjoy

Look at it this way:

During courtship or when you guys are in a 'relationship', if a girl tells her bf she doesn't like a thing for example, say she doesn't like him using a certain type of perfume, truth is, the guy will stop using it immediately! After their wedding, if she says such a thing again, the guy will probably not even care. It is now down to the woman to begin to accept such changes. Most marriages in Nigeria are down to this leel of tolerance and its a big problem.

For me, I can only say that the responsibility here is in the hands of the woman. Women have got so much power but one should be careful on how she uses the power. When you don't like a thing your bf does for instance, instead of asking him to stop it, a better approach will be to understand why he does it in the first place. If you can do this and if you eventually understand why, and you still think he needs to stop it, then talk to him about it and don't just let him get away with 'ok, Il stop it', rather, let him also understand why you want him to stop it. It can be hard work for some but thisprocess of learning and unlearning will help you a lot in a relationship. In my case for instance, Im a bit of an introvert (surprising? considering my lengthy posts in NL, lwkm), so I don't like getting into arguements. If miss X tells me she doesn't like a thing, I tell her the truth on why I do it and if its something I can stop, Il tell her Il try, if its something I don't want to stop, Il tell her same. Whichever way, she knows I won't hurt her. Now, when we eventually get married, she wont find it difficult in understanding some of my actions or inactions.

A man once told me that the first arguement he had with his wife was about toothpastes. She didnt like him pressing the thing from the middle. lol, Marriage WILL bring such squables, it boils down to communication and this aspect should have been well oiled during courtship.

For ladies in a relationship now looking to marriage, don't try to accept all he does or enforce on him all you want (both extremes), rather, develop some level of communication, to understand each other and more importantly, love each other.