Taking Another Wife Is Punishment - Romance - Nairaland
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| Taking Another Wife Is Punishment by Recognise: 10:28am On Jun 21, 2009 |
[size=16pt]Taking Another Wife Is Punishment - Leke[/size] Prince Adeleke Adedoyin Gbadebo, who hails from the Laa run ruling house of Egbaland in Ogun State is the MD/CEO of Lexican Investment Ltd, Ile-Ife in Osun State, while his wife, Latifat is the Director of Finance. In this discourse with Azeezat Abdulrasheed, they speak on how they’ve been able to manage their business and, at the same time, keep the home front intact, years after their marriage. Excerpts: How did you get into the business? Leke: We started as students in Obafemi Awolowo University(O.A.U). We were running the student union bar in O.A.U. We were retailing, as students and that was what I used to finance myschooling. After graduation, we came together. She took a loan from Babangida as a graduate on employment scheme, so we combined it with the money we had made from the retailing we did as students. We used it to found a place called the Lexis Place a resturant on Ondo road in 1986, and it lasted till around 1996 before we changed it. Along the line, as supplies became more difficult for running our bars and resturants, we started shifting into distribution. Eventually it became so big that we had little or no time for other things. We grew stage by stage, and we became what we call attache, we attach to distributors like Mayfair who will buy their own products from Breweries and add our own little qualtity to theirs; that is what we call attaches in the 80s. Later, we became distributors and started with Trophy; later Standard Breweries and then Nigerian Breweries. We are what you can call ‘super key distributors’ of Nigerian Breweries. We rose to the level of partner of Guiness and in every other wise, we are a major distributor of all that is around us; Consolidated, International Breweries, Solar Brewries and the others. We also handle diary products from Fan Milk and Samco when it was still alive. [center][img width=450 height=345]http://www.tribune.com.ng/sat/20062009/images/Family%20Life%201.jpg[/img][/center] How did you meet? Leke: We met in Ife as students of Oyo State College of Arts and Science in 1978, now Osun state School of Science. Latifat: It was then A levels, now it’s a secondary school. Leke: We were in the same clan, studying Economics, Mathematics, Government, as HSC students. After a year, we were able to gain admission to university and we were in the same class for four years. We were in Department of Economics at the Obafemi Awolowo University between 1982 and 1984. In actual fact, our teacher in the HSC class, Mrs. Ogunba, of blessed memory, played a lot of role in linking the two of us. When she asked questions in the class and nobody could answer it, she would say “it’s either the husband or the wife that would answer it” in reference to us. And that was how she started predicting us as husband and wife. The two of us were always answering questions, especially when the questions were difficult. It was a joke then but it became reality. Did you eventually propose to her? Well, yes. But it’s not like the usual proposal. You know proposals take different forms. What was in me at that time was that, she wasn’t a sociable person. She was a complete introvert, staying by herself. Her only hubby was ‘book’. So I was the one that pulled her out. I knew then that she was different from all my girlfriends. I knew she wasn’t into parties; I was the one that brought her out of her shell. I had that respect for her and I knew she was a wife material. So, we maintained the friendship till we got married on August 9, 1984. What was your response when he proposed? You know we were friends for a very long time. We courted for six years, so I knew it was a friendship meant to end in marriage. What was your courtship like? Leke: Our courtship was interesting. It was natural, the type that led to marriage, because we lived like husband and wife, though friends. I went to her for my dinner; I never missed the time, and she came to my house to do some cooking when necessary. We rarely played in class, and then ,we did the business together. What was the early years of your marriage like? Latifat: It was a fulfillment. I enjoyed it, if I didn’t I wouldn’t still be here. Leke: It was a romantic period where what we dreamt eventually came to be. We started thinking together, there was no suspicion, no fear and I had a companion to talk to, to decide whatever plans I had for the future. It was a change from the stage we were before; it was a peaceful change, more relaxing. Luckily, the first year we had a son and about 14 months after, we had another. It was a time we spent nursing children and trying to settle down in life. Who decided the number of children you have Leke: I wanted one or two children, but then, I realised that when my children play ed with my shoes and things, my wife will complain. But one day, she was able to speak out her mind that when the boys take my shoes, who will take hers? So, I knew there’s a struggle which I had to continue. And that is why there is six years between our second and third child, though the third child came as a boy. But God eventually answered her prayers. Being in the same business, you must spend from the same purse. Who decides what you spend? Leke: Yes, we have a joint account. We spend as the needs warrant. The most important thing in life is to have someone who shares your thoughts. Hearing what is being said is an assistance, and she is an assistant to me. I decide what I want to spend, but I still ask her. She gives me her opinion, we disagree, dialogue, compromise. We both give pieces of advice to one another; she does not always have to accept my advice just as I don’t always have to accept hers. What is absent in our marriage is ego. As long as you remove the ego and you address issues, you achieve your goal. When you argue, it should be for the benefit of what you want to achieve, not because you think she is a woman and, as such, cannot influence you. God wanted two people to come together as one so that our thoughts and thinking will be one. What would be your reaction if he decides to marry another wife, knowing that you run the same business and you have a joint account? Latifat: I’ve never even thought of it, and I won’t think of it because I’m not going to stress myself. If a woman starts thinking of things like that, there won’t be much progress in the family. I see him as an extention of myself and since I cannot hurt myself, I just leave everything to God. These things are unnecessary diversions, so you should put your hope in God and just go on with your business. As long as you trust God and you don’t misbehave, the man won’t think of it. Leke: Having another wife, historically, has to do with problems in marriage, the worst of which is childlessness. And most of us in this side of the world are from polygamous backgrounds. I always pray to God not to have a reason to marry another wife; because I see it as a punishment for those who do. Most of them could not choose right from the beginning, so they needed to search again to see if they would get what they needed in a relationship. And in most cases, we know there is no difference. We’ll, probably, get into worse situations. As economists, we take calculated risks. If the cost of a risk is more than the profit, why take the risk? So, by the grace of God, and with our own efforts to discipline each other, I do not look forward to such a situation. What advice would you give to younger couples? Leke: Tolerance. Most couples do not meet their expectations in marriage. Wedding is another school entirely, where two people with different tastes and ways of life come together to form a new way of life, and everybody is rigid towards dropping that which he has earlier learnt where he comes from. And so, there is bound to be crisis. And the wedding is crisis-solving. They have to design a method of resolving every crisis that comes on the way of forming that new person. The two of you are forming a new person, you cannot be the same person after marriage, because there is difference in opinion and life style. And as much as possible, sleep light; even if you fight very late. Never go to sleep without solving the problem. Resolve your problems between the two of you. Latifat: The most important things are tolerance and perseverance. You should have the mind of remaing with your pouse, no matter what happens, even before getting married. Marriage is all about give and take. Both parties should learn to give. And as a woman, you should reduce the number of friends you have and don’t discuss your affairs with your friends. for SOURCE:Click here |
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