I got married because my girlfriend got pregnant. What do you think?

I sometimes ask myself, "did I get into this wedding for the right reasons?" But sometimes I feel it was a right decision to take especially because I was my wife's first sexual contact and we actually have some memorable times together.

I don't understand, donone. Do you believe in your marriage or not? Memorable times and being your wife's first are not valid reasons to get married. Impregnating her is also not a valid reason to get married. All of these factors can lead to the demise of the union. You may come to resent her at some point.

It's important to discuss these feelings with her and/or with a marriage counselor before it gets to late. A doubting spouse can become both an unhappy and a cheating spouse. It's better to deal with these feelings now than later.

I hope it works out no matter the course taken.

V

I think it's good that your marriage has turned out ok despite the shaky start. 'Normal' courtship leading to marriage is over-rated, because no matter how long you date your partner will not show her true colors until you get married, anyway.

(It has been reported that some groups of people who got their husbands/wives picked by their parents seem to have happier marriages than those who choose their partners through 'love' and long trial period ...)

Now that you are married, I think the important thing is to make up your mind to make it work. That's all. Whether you are married by pregnancy or parents or love or God, the important thing is your will to make it an enjoyable ride for yourself and your wife.

Lucky husband! If it was not working you wouldn't have posted the way you did!

Decide to make it work, good, Seun!

Be sure to take the appropriate steps to ensure a happy healthy marriage.

too late for questions, You got her pregnant, you stay with her. Period

The only problem with that line of thought is he could grow to resent her feeling forced to marry. You should marry because both parties are willing, not because of obligation. It's never to late to put your thoughts on the table and deal with them.

Yeah, u don't sound pretty sure of yourself. well since u r already married, there is no need to cry over spilled milk, permit the use of my adage, just make the best of it. i'm sure u guys would grow to love each other that is if u don't already. Think positive!

I agree with lady vexy on this one

thanks guys all of a sudden i cant wait to See my unborn kids running around me watching TV with my angel drinking milk shake and telling her how lucky i became to marry her i guess my feeling are probably cos i feel i got married a lil early for a guy. thanks anyway

Aww, I'm happy to hear that. Don't worry about the age factor. Many people get married young or old, it doesn't matter. What matters is how much you want to make it work and what you're willing to do to keep it afloat.

Congratulations to you and your wife. I hope it all works out for the best.

I think guys should behave to women as they would like guys to behave to their mothers/sisters/daughters.

I also think you married your wife because she said yes. She didn't have to marry you, so stop thinking about yourself and appreciate her decision. Or do you not respect her?

Well Donone I don't know how old you are but I want to believe you just becoming a man(sometimes ages doesn't matter). I want you to get this two things about becoming a man 1. Becoming a man is hard 2. Becoming a man is easy it depends on how you see it. You made the decision already all you wanted is confirmation but the only one who can confirm it is God. So MAN I wish you all the best.

@ donone .You didn't mention you were having marital problems so i'd guess things are going well and that's a good thing. you're just having doubts which is normal for any human who did what u did but if you truly love your wife(which you didn't say you didn't, so i'd take it you do) you would have still married her anyways, regardless of whether she got pregnant or not.

So enjoy your marriage and look forward to raising the child with so much love! Best of luck!

Well thatz um not too cool but i believe
u love her dont u?
she's ur girlfriend
but men marriage is a lifetime commitment
this is no longer a situation where u can just leave the girl
u have to be there for her always
so man u better make that marriage work out for u

I was just wondering....

Were you forced by her parents or anybody to marry her, i.e., was it a shotgun wedding?
Also, Did u marry her because you felt guilty?...Maybe you felt that it was ur fault that u got pregnant, we all know you have half the blame, but did u feel that because you were her first u'd ruined her and that nobody would marry her after u were done with it?...
Did u ever think about abortion? Did you ever think, in your WILDEST dreams, that MAYBE you would marry her, i.e. before at all you found out that she was pregnant?

I just ask these questions because if you say yes to any of the above,excluding the last one, u hve SOME issues to resolve. You married her for the wrong reasons and it CAN work, its just that u have to TRY...

One more thing, HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN U GOT MARRIED?...

I am just happy that you didn't let your girl down when it mattered most. I think she loves you so much to agree to be your wife no matter the situation.

Now Big Boy, make the best out of this marriage by being a good husband and daddy to-be.

TO BE A MAN NO DEY EASY O! A big CONGRATS to you.

nop wasn't forced at all i felt why would i wanna abort my own child when am not in school and its not someoneelse that's pregnant for me i also felt i could support a family and took my decision that all but i love her a lot am a 22yrs old chartered account working in one of the biggest financial institutions in the country so i felt that was the best decision to take at that time i.e. to grow old together with my hubby.

so i dint forget my love for her has geometrically increased in the last 2 days thank to you guys wish you guys all the best

I got married at age 22 also and it has been five years now. We were in love (and still in love).
She got pregnant for me and I was happy that am going to be a father (millions cannot). the pregnancy made the wedding ceremony to be done at the time it was.
But you see, even if she was not pregnant at the time she was, She will definately be the one I will marry. Am happy with her and bless with two lovely kids. I will forever be grateful to God for marrying at the time I did.

Am happy to hear your love grows geometrically.

good one man!

marraige works and it is very good but you have to work at it very well. marraige is like a farm. you are likely to get out of it what you sowed into it.

i wish you God's blessings dear brother but please help yourself and do the act of loving as you are supposed to do. not just as the society and people requires. you have a long way to live, support and enjoy yourselves

if u can please read a lovely book " the joy of a commited relationship" by gary smalley i bet it will bless you greatly

seun, what do you mean by, "no matter how long you date your partner will not show her true colors until you get married, anyway"
Please explain biko!

i think u're a man of principle n dats very nice cuz we don't always get what we want sometimes

Seun I am waiting.............

@fab. my sista, infact dont mind this our seun sometimes........................
@seun. we go impeach u oh! u better answer.

True, maybe we should overthrow him!

It is a well known fact that courting couples do not reveal their true characters to each other until the dotted line is signed, or the woman gets pregnant. When you are dating someone, the fear of rejection causes you to be on edge and project your best image lest he/she leaves you. Once you are married, you feel secure and you become your normal, more obnoxious self.

I think that is why some people find it impossible to get attracted to their close friends of the opposite sex. Because they know the truth about the friend and this makes him/her unexciting. Meanwhile, the boy/girl you hardly know causes butterflies to fly in your stomach and you are ready to climb seven mountains for him/her. Talk about self-deception!

seun link=topic=2912.msg100876#msg100876]
seun, what do you mean by, "no matter how long you date your partner will not show her true colors until you get married, anyway"
Please explain biko!
[/quote]

[quote author=Seun:

It is a well known fact that courting couples do not reveal their true characters to each other until the dotted line is signed, or the woman gets pregnant.Meanwhile, the boy/girl you hardly know causes butterflies to fly in your stomach and you are ready to climb seven mountains for him/her. Talk about self-deception!

But your truth holds true for both parties, male and female, yet you make it seem like women are the queens of deception and men are the saints
Mind you not everyone pretends. nobody's perfect, but its not plausible for one to show only his/her good side through out the courtship. that seems lame to me.
infact I would not go with a 'seemingly perfect' man!

DANONE

Utter rubbish you just allowed yourself to be hoodwinked into slavery. so what if she was pregnant, na she go be the first? How can you marry at the age of 22, what were you thinking. It is highly unfortunate but you just lost your precious youth and freedom, now you are in serious boundage.

Imagine you did not even enjoy your youth, have fun and be adventurous. At that tender young age, your life is already over. I know they (the congregation) will call me names but am the only one saying the truth. You made a very big mistake marrying that girl, believe me you will always regret it, no matter what anybody here say to console you.

Ondogi: Of course, if he listens to people like you, he will always regret it. People who think that youth is all about jumping from one bosom to another instead of settling down. Either he stops associating with people like you, or he goes for a divorce with no assurance of finding one later on. I think the option of choosing friends wisely is more prudent.

SEUN
its people like you, he should beware of. people who will never say the truth, you push othr folks into trouble meanwhile you avoid it. tell me are you married, if not why? and if you are @ what age? let us hear what you got to say

SEUN
I am still awaiting your reply to the questions i asked. Kindly reply as soon as possible.

@Donone,you are truly a noble man.You did the honourable thing though late,but well,you did it.I wish you happiness.