Ujujoan:

Mere sex? The guy did it without a CD. So if he was HIV + shewould have just contacted it and you'll call it 'mere sex'.

The guy's just being selfish if you ask me. When he was doing it he was hoping to ruin her life by either making her a single mother or an abortionist. Now he's stuck with her and he's complaining. If you ask him why he dosent love her he'll prolly tell u its cos she's not pretty enof. But she was good enof to sleep with.


Please help me tell him oh.

na wa 4 u.
wat about d wife.y she no protect herself.
she just open leg without thinking.

Wake up oh Man and turn around!!!

Ask for forgiveness and convince yourself that you ''MUST'' love ur wife.

Love her and re-dedicate ur life to her.

Believe me, ur marriage can still work.

The good lord is still on the throne and will see u thru because his word ''he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing''

Cheers Man

What I do not understand is, since you do not have to love to have sex, why is the guy sleeping in another room now? If he did not have to love her to get her pregnant , he still does not need to love her to sleep with her now, nothing stopped him from sleeping with her then,so what is stopping him now?

Shinatu:

What I do not understand is, since you do not have to love to have sex, why is the guy sleeping in another room now? If he did not have to love her to get her pregnant , he still does not need to love her to sleep with her now, nothing stopped him from sleeping with her then,so what is stopping him now?

Then he hasn't been forced to marry her. I don't even think he likes her at the moment.

abilityman:

Wake up oh Man and turn around!!!

Ask for forgiveness and convince yourself that you ''MUST'' love ur wife.

Love her and re-dedicate ur life to her.

Believe me, ur marriage can still work.

The good lord is still on the throne and will see u thru because his word ''he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing''

Cheers Man

leave dat thing"he who finds a good wife,finds a good thing"this is how it should be.

.

Richard10

I understand the feeling of anger, resentment and of being short-changed you would have gone through and still be going through, for being coerced and roped into this marriage against your will by thosein authority who should know better, so would not launch into a "the grass is not always greener on the other side" tirade, like some have, nor take the higher ground by remonstrating with you for not keeping your pants on, we ain't all saints . . .



For you to come out here to seek help rather than behave like a typical man and start cheating on your wife or replace her with a concubine, speaks well of you and shows you really want to make your marriage work.



You have been given a few good advice to work on. to make your marriage more tolerable, so talk to her about what is missing in your relationship, and if all else fails, let her know how you are feeling, but if you feel you need to be honest and would rather walk out of the union, let us know, because you will be doing a lot more damage by holding on under false pretenses, sometimes it is best to let go by releasing the person, yes it would hurt, but healing will come after the pain . . .

@poster - I think the jury has been very clear here . Most intelligent poster have agreed that you have to go and work on ur marriage.
U have confirmed that ur wife has been a good wife to you, and in addition, she loves you.
It is then ur duty as a Christian Man, to love ur wife. This "love" is not based on if u find her attractive, or if she is ur type of woman. It is based on unconditional love, which is your mandate from God, and in addition, and moreover, from the way u describe her, she is deserving of ur love.
You have not given one reason here why u don't love her. U have not stated one thing that she has done to u to deserve this. So in absence of any reason, we can safely conclude that the problem lies with u. Stop being selfish, and learn to love ur wife.

.

kelewa:

I dont understand how a man will refuse to sleep with his wife for no good reason. That's very heartless.

You didnt love her but you still had sex with her, yet now when you're supposed to do the thing, you froze.

And since when did love become a requirement for sex? Love is suddenly an important precondition for you to have sex?

abi am I confusing myself here?




You're lucky your wife is a docile Naija woman sha. That six months wey you dey do shakara, someone else would have been secretly assisting your wife you, while you're busy deciding you're not turned on by her.

You got my drift!

Busy_body:

Richard10

I understand the feeling of anger, resentment and of being short-changed you would have gone through and still be going through, for being coerced and roped into this marriage against your will by thosein authority who should know better, so would not launch into a "the grass is not always greener on the other side" tirade, like some have, nor take the higher ground by remonstrating with you for not keeping your pants on, we ain't all saints . . .



For you to come out here to seek help rather than behave like a typical man and start cheating on your wife or replace her with a concubine, speaks well of you and shows you really want to make your marriage work.



You have been given a few good advice to work on. to make your marriage more tolerable, so talk to her about what is missing in your relationship, and if all else fails, let her know how you are feeling, but if you feel you need to be honest and would rather walk out of the union, let us know, because you will be doing a lot more damage by holding on under false pretenses, sometimes it is best to let go by releasing the person, yes it would hurt, but healing will come after the pain . . .

Jesus you don become rev mother like this?  wetin happen to my sister. this is a GEM. i am going to print this out.  are you fasting today or you know this guy personally?

anyway i was expecting your usual canning but this is a first.  they say you do get calmer when the grey hair start coming not that i am wishing you grey hair o. God forbid bad thing. long may it reign.

how you dey and how is everyone?

na wa 4 u.
wat about d wife.y she no protect herself.
she just open leg without thinking.

Dont be daft, he said she loves him.

boy1:

na wa 4 u.
wat about d wife.y she no protect herself.
she just open leg without thinking.

That is not a good statement.

how do you expect a 1 year old boy to get that?

Ujujoan:

Dont be daft, he said she loves him.

otukpo:

I was unable to get Sam Milla's first post to insert on mine. His was a brilliant post, a God inspired advice for a person in ur situation.
Sam Milla, God bless u for that.

Then coming to the reality on ground, it baffles me to read many pple's post asking the OP " You did not love her and u slept with her to get her pregnant" or "did u cover ur face with a pillow while sleeping with her in the first place"
Waoooo. Very interesting to know that even girls/ladies think that every man that wants to sleep with them love them. What a world of fantasy. So even people that rape women love them?

Please, our ladies need to grow up. Even when men toast u, tell u all sorts of love stories does not mean they love u but to get ur pants down. I blame the lady that allow herslf to be impregnated by a man who was only out to explore his world of adventures and fantasy.

It is usually not easy to love somebody u dont love. Atimes, the more the person tries to make u love him/her the more u hate. So its not as easy as they are advising u.

Since u are a christian and thus ruling out divorce. U have to seriously seek the face of God to help u love her, at least the extent that will make the two of u enjoy the marriage and bring up ur children in a sound home.

I wish u luck.

I agree with you and i do blv that time do change feelings and brings about love, so if the dude really wanna love his wife, he can do it, just find all things that made you to start sleeping with her when you were dating her, rekindle all the things that made u to even give her a chance then.
Find out all the things that trips you in a woman and try to teach her, if na cloth, buy them for her, you can surely make her look like what will make u happy.

From experience man, you loved your wife, you just dont realise how much you loved her. You probably want to confuse craziness with love. When you are in a marriage set up, what you feel is quite normal. Mot times, you want to believe you dont love your wife, but truth is you are in love with her and you love her. You said it in your post too that you care for her, so much that people pray to have your type of marriage. No marriage works that way without love.
Take it from me, you love your wife. To enable you know you love her, let her travel to see her parents for a few days, and come and tell me how you feel in her absence. Or better still, visit a friend who has a wife or someone closer to you, and witness how they run their home, then you will know God has given you a wife that anyone can ask for. With these in minds, I am sure no one will tell you what to do to love her more.
That is the mistake a lot of men do, they think they dont love a woman enough to marry her, and in the end they end up marrying the one they thot they are in love with which will never give them a happy home. I insist again, YOU LOVED YOUR WIFE, YOU JUST DONT REALISE HOW MUCH.

The damage has been done, but all hope is not lost. You guys should go for marriage counselling and seminars. Good luck.

GEW:

Jesus you don become rev mother like this?  wetin happen to my sister. this is a GEM. i am going to print this out.  are you fasting today or you know this guy personally?

anyway i was expecting your usual canning but this is a first.  they say you do get calmer when the grey hair start coming not that i am wishing you grey hair o. God forbid bad thing. long may it reign.

how you dey and how is everyone?

Don't push it my hormones have stabilised and it is not yet that time of the month for me

GEW:

how do you expect a 1 year old boy to get that?

Make me understand this, yes the guy is to be blamed, but surely, the girl too was at fault, was it the love she felt for him that did not make her reason with the Pastors and the Elders that the dude does not have to marry her by force because she was pregnant


Was it because it was Richard10 that disvirgined her that made the Pastors force him to marry her I am confuzzled

otukpo:


Please, our ladies need to grow up. Even when men toast u, tell u all sorts of love stories does not mean they love u but to get ur pants down. I blame the lady that allow herslf to be impregnated by a man who was only out to explore his world of adventures and fantasy.

It is usually not easy to love somebody u dont love. Atimes, the more the person tries to make u love him/her the more u hate. So its not as easy as they are advising u.

Since u are a christian and thus ruling out divorce. U have to seriously seek the face of God to help u love her, at least the extent that will make the two of u enjoy the marriage and bring up ur children in a sound home.

I wish u luck.

Preach it Sisthren

Fhemmmy:

I agree with you and i do blv that time do change feelings and brings about love, so if the dude really wanna love his wife, he can do it, just find all things that made you to start sleeping with her when you were dating her, rekindle all the things that made u to even give her a chance then.
Find out all the things that trips you in a woman and try to teach her, if na cloth, buy them for her, you can surely make her look like what will make u happy.

Bros e no go easy at all, at all, na real hard work gba

If the girl had taken time out to look at the bigger picture, she would have been able to gleen that this would happen. She did what she did then because of shame and disgrace of having a child out of wedlock and to avert the perceived stigma being a single mum, now she is not happy with the marriage and is crying everyday, begging the guy to love her by force and cover her shame by not seeking divorce . . .

twinstaiye:

From experience man, you loved your wife, you just dont realise how much you loved her. You probably want to confuse craziness with love. When you are in a marriage set up, what you feel is quite normal. Mot times, you want to believe you dont love your wife, but truth is you are in love with her and you love her. You said it in your post too that you care for her, so much that people pray to have your type of marriage. No marriage works that way without love.
Take it from me, you love your wife. To enable you know you love her, let her travel to see her parents for a few days, and come and tell me how you feel in her absence. Or better still, visit a friend who has a wife or someone closer to you, and witness how they run their home, then you will know God has given you a wife that anyone can ask for. With these in minds, I am sure no one will tell you what to do to love her more.
That is the mistake a lot of men do, they think they dont love a woman enough to marry her, and in the end they end up marrying the one they thot they are in love with which will never give them a happy home. I insist again, YOU LOVED YOUR WIFE, YOU JUST DONT REALISE HOW MUCH.

Words of wisdom.

Busy_body:

Bros e no go easy at all, at all, na real hard work gba

If the girl had taken time out to look at the bigger picture, she would have been able to gleen that this would happen. She did what she did then because of shame and disgrace of having a child out of wedlock and to avert the perceived stigma being a single mum, now she is not happy with the marriage and is crying everyday, begging the guy to love her by force and cover her shame by not seeking divorce . . .

I am sure this guy can do it, if he really wanna do it, except there is another babe somewhere that he has been keeping for the dooms day

@ Poster you love her but the problem with you is you don't value her until another man will take her away from you and brush/polish her then you will regret her for the rest of your life.

Now that thing you love and cherish in other woman when you see them reverse it on her.

If she is not dressing good shop for her
If it is education it is not too late to enroll back to school all over

You said she loves you and you should thank your God for that part
When you where pregnanting her it was love now it is no longer love

You can bring out the best in someone although it might take time but be patience Good luck

@POSTER!

I feel sorry for you (I understand the pain you justify in your heart), we are not all saints (we all fall into one temptation or another sometime), though BUT! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM HERE.

I no go join to take hand rob your head here.

IF YOUR WIFE WASN'T PRETTY IN YOUR EYES HOW COME YOU WENT TO BED WITH HER TILL SHE BECAME PREGNANT (sure you are not "na only wans" person)?

DESTROY THE WICKEDNESS IN YOUR HEART (COS YOU ARE BEING PLAIN WICKED! tho you may not know) AND KILL THE HATRED YOU HAVE FOR THE WOMAN!!!

APPRECIATE HER AS A (PRETTY) HUMAN BEING (WOMAN). GIVE ROOM FOR THE ATTRACTION THAT FIRST MADE YOU FALL INTO THE INITIAL TEMPTATION. If you can't do it for her do it because of your God.

I've read things like make yourself love her. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!. You cannot make yourself love (you will die trying that and still fail). Love comes naturally as a result of exposure. SO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO HER "INFLUENCE" EMOTIONALLY!

But if you are  not ready to do these and become happy with her (and make her happy), then please go ahead and divorce her. BUT I KNOW YOU WILL BY NO MEANS BECOME HAPPY THEREBY _{I figure you have a good heart}.

You see, my man, there are many marriages that started with "I love her/him" and are today depressing to both partners (even in christiandom). Do take note of that


oh! please forget about the someone-else you wished to marry. _{YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. MAKE YOURSELF by making the other person}

.

Love, what is LOVE?

There are three factors that influence the love or feelings that we have in our relationships. No matter how you look at it, to a man, APPEARANCE is very important. When a woman’s natural endowment is the right proportion…oh gooooush!…it is magnetic. It pulls the man close enough to see the handwork of God; often times it is what we refer to as LOVE. After appearance comes her CLASS; it could be education, fashion, carriage or her charisma. CLASS creates the esteem the man needs to present her to his peers as well his family members. It is her CLASS cum APPEARNCE that spark the fire that may even drive the relationship to the point of saying ‘I do’. The last but very important factor is ATTITUDE; it is the inner beauty that sustains and builds on the CLASS and APPERANCE to make a great relationship.
Relationships tagged as ‘made in heaven’ are those that have the three in right proportion. However, we hardly get all right and therefore we manage.

@Poster

Majority of divorcees end up finding them selves in a worse relationship. So, you have got to manage and be proud of what you have got; we all manage. You would be making mistakes if you compare her to you friends’ wives; they also may be managing. If you don’t like her fashion, change it. If she acts and behaves locally, help her grow. If she hasn’t got adequate education, do something about it. Get her to improve on appearance, class and attitude and see the love surge.

One love

I am sorry to say this , you can never love her cause he is not  your heart desire and pls everyone stop criticizing this guy, we have all had unprotected sex at one point or the other in our lives, for my advice ooo, talk to her and let her know that it wont work and then move on .

Having read the responses, I'm quite sure that Mr Poster can look forward to a happy marriage , no matter how difficult the path to it may be.

My guy wake up to ur responsibilities/senses, am very sure she did not get pregnant the 1st day u slept with her, u guys did it over and over again, so hw did u feel abt her then?? Besides ur church and evrybody else knew u guys togeda thats y dey advised u marry her,

It wont be easy, but i think u guys still have a great chance togeda, start making it easier for her to live with u instead judging her ways, u have to open urself and make urself available to her, as she gets closer to u, u will get drawn to her, move back to same room, eat togeda, watch tv togeda and do things that will bring u guys in close contact,

Also it will help if u start thinking of her the way u did the 1st time u were tryn to get her pants down, and convincing urself u want her again,

Warn: no let her naked swear for u o!!! Change ur way fast,

@POSTER, NEXT TIME WETIN U NO DEY CHOP NO USE UR TEETH BITE AM

@topic

Did she rape you in the 1st place? you better stop deceiving us here with your cork and bull story. By now she most have deliver her baby, abi na india film, 6 mths later

some people here talk like kids.
[size=16pt]sex to a man has absolutely nothing to do with love[/size]
a man can sleep with anyone around who presents their sumtin to him when he feels the urge
she could be as ugly as a chimpanzee but as far as sex is concerned, the woman's down below is the same whether it is Beyonce's or Missy Elliots
so asking why he slept with a woman he didn't love is an ignorant question
men do it all the time
Maybe that's why women keep being deceived by some men and give in to sex thinking that it means the man loves them.
It doesn't
ladies,close your legs.
The same thing he's telling you,he's probably told to 25 women before and after you.

@ the poster,since you're a Christian,kneel down and ask God to help you see the goodness in this girl and love her as your wife.
Confide in your pastor or an elder in the church and unburden your heart so you don't bear this burden alone
I'll pray for you tonight.
Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side (till you get there)