na wah o u were stealing fish,the owner caught u and gave u the whole    fishu say u dont want the fish again,but having said that i think u are a man with a good heart because u married  hereven though she was clearly not ur choice 4that i commend u,it shows deep down u are a responsible man, i dont care what anyone else says.
the problem here is that u dont love her the way you would have loved a woman to marry her,but then my brother what has love got to do with it?and besides she loves u why not use that her love as a starting point,if she is not educated up to ur standard get her enrolled into an adult school it is never too late,now u may never love her the way u want but lookinwards and i am sure u will find a space 4 her in ur heart,other than that my bro she has become a cross in ur life that u MUST CARRY we all have our crosses in life to carry.and besides it is better for a man to marry a woman who loves him rather than the one he loves.
i feel 4 u and i wish u all da best

touchmeder:

sometimes we make things complicated for ourselves. In all fairness you say she is a good wife and loves you. you have a kid and all but youre not happy. i laugh things like this make me wonder how some people that just marry wife after a short while or after introduction and recommendation from a friend or family are coping. i'd never go for any of them but thats the case you put yourself in and found yourself. make the best out of it this ''i dont love her is a thing of the mind''
finally if after all you still cant cope let her go and let everyone learn their lesson and find peace. dont do this when she is 40/45 years old, if you cant cope let her go now.

,,,yes-o

wow what can i say,i have time taken time to really go through all the responses to my situation and i must say i am really overwhelmed,infact i have gone through some more than five times and many of you have given me hope to go on with life(you may not understand this)you have given me a reason to hope for love in my heart for my wife and i just pray this will happen ,you people are wonderfull ,infact many of the comments i saw here has made  look at the whole thing again,please permit to reply some of the comments raised here
@chaircover i am not having an affair outside my marriage 4 now,i value the the marriage insittution and that s why despite my feelings i make sure i provide for her as i make sure she lacks nothing materially
@rasputin thank you so much,may GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFULL ADVISE
@allycat u understand perfectly what i am going through@sam milla what can i say?u are a lord sent@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her  but then i should have known better @sonye,ehie007,confilass,don paulo,gew,hackney,fphemmy,osisi and so many others thank u all so much 4 the blunt advises,u have saved a life.among the responses someone said i have a wicked heart i have been pondering over this statment i mean can one be wicked without knowing it?i dont belive i have a wicked heart ,in what sense? and one thing that  is really affecting me is her educationall level i cant hold an intelligent conversation with my wife  on topics like politics ,economics etc and this makes me really sad,i mean i have to explain to my wife what house of reps or the senate means or how to even use the internet i love to have a an intelectual relationship with my wife but i cant and this always brings tears to me   but then as some of you has said i will try and enroll her into school again if that will work.
ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL

richard10:

wow what can i say,i have time taken time to really go through all the responses to my situation and i must say i am really overwhelmed,infact i have gone through some more than five times and many of you have given me hope to go on with life(you may not understand this)you have given me a reason to hope for love in my heart for my wife and i just pray this will happen ,you people are wonderfull ,infact many of the comments i saw here has made look at the whole thing again,please permit to reply some of the comments raised here
@chaircover i am not having an affair outside my marriage 4 now,i value the the marriage insittution and that s why despite my feelings i make sure i provide for her as i make sure she lacks nothing materially
@rasputin thank you so much,may GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFULL ADVISE
@allycat u understand perfectly what i am going through@sam milla what can i say?u are a lord sent@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her but then i should have known better @sonye,ehie007,confilass,don paulo,gew,hackney,fphemmy,osisi and so many others thank u all so much 4 the blunt advises,u have saved a life.among the responses someone said i have a wicked heart i have been pondering over this statment i mean can one be wicked without knowing it?i dont belive i have a wicked heart ,in what sense? and one thing that is really affecting me is her educationall level i cant hold an intelligent conversation with my wife on topics like politics ,economics etc and this makes me really sad,i mean i have to explain to my wife what house of reps or the senate means or how to even use the internet i love to have a an intelectual relationship with my wife but i cant and this always brings tears to me but then as some of you has said i will try and enroll her into school again if that will work.
ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL

God bless you for this response. I'll remember you and your family in my prayers.

You can't force Love,, hard. If it's not there, it will never never be there

Love is better nurtured b4 delving into it, but in his case he didn't and hence married on compassionate ground.

For those who ask he shld try and let it grow, mmmmmmmmmmmm seems hard

@poster

The mistake u ever made was accepting to marry her due to pressure
I honestly do not kwn what to say here as you are d one getting ur fingers burnt

It is  a choice only u can make, either living miserable in marriage for the rest of ur life or opting for the divorce (which is against God) but then we have done a lot that is against God in our lives.

Let it be an open heart talk between two of u, lay ur cards on d table (the good, bad and ugly side of living 2geda unhappily) for her to see if she wants to live the rest of her life with a man who wont show her love (am sure her happiness also matters to her) it wont be easy for her though but for me, will rather go my way (Will find love someday)

Finally if  divorce becomes the option, the upkeep of d child shld be ur sole responsibility (dont forget this)

NOTE::
Girls should pls help themselves to be helped, the reality usually sets in after the minutes of enjoyment/passion has elapsed,  insist on condom and where not, be sure u work with safe period. These things can always be avoided if we try to apply caution, better still there are other preventive measures.

And for guys, u pple can do better esp when u kwn u are not ready to put a woman in the house, insist also in d use of condom, because when the eyes starts bleeding with tears, it also affects d nose.

A stich in time they say saves Nine.

//

@poster,

A point of correction; being in tune with politics has nothing to do with a woman's educational level. Many educated people know next to nothing when it comes to political issues as well, because they simply have no interest in that field. Please love your wife no matter her level of education. For your information, most of the "educated" ladies in Nigeria hardly make good wives as they already "know too much" so please hold on to what you've got.

richard10:

wow what can i say,i have time taken time to really go through all the responses to my situation and i must say i am really overwhelmed,infact i have gone through some more than five times and many of you have given me hope to go on with life(you may not understand this)you have given me a reason to hope for love in my heart for my wife and i just pray this will happen ,you people are wonderfull ,infact many of the comments i saw here has made  look at the whole thing again,please permit to reply some of the comments raised here
@chaircover i am not having an affair outside my marriage 4 now,i value the the marriage insittution and that s why despite my feelings i make sure i provide for her as i make sure she lacks nothing materially
@rasputin thank you so much,may GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFULL ADVISE
@allycat u understand perfectly what i am going through@sam milla what can i say?u are a lord sent@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her  but then i should have known better @sonye,ehie007,confilass,don paulo,gew,hackney,fphemmy,osisi and so many others thank u all so much 4 the blunt advises,u have saved a life.among the responses someone said i have a wicked heart i have been pondering over this statment i mean can one be wicked without knowing it?i dont belive i have a wicked heart ,in what sense? and one thing that  is really affecting me is her educationall level i cant hold an intelligent conversation with my wife  on topics like politics ,economics etc and this makes me really sad,i mean i have to explain to my wife what house of reps or the senate means or how to even use the internet i love to have a an intelectual relationship with my wife but i cant and this always brings tears to me   but then as some of you has said i will try and enroll her into school again if that will work.
ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL

i thank you very much for this reply. may God have mercy on you and help you.  i understand what you mean by saying you have to teach her but that is exactly what Christ is doing for us and we are called to be like Him.  the church is slow to understand almost everything Christ is saying to her yet you see how patient He is with us.

you guys already have a child i assume is not at your level of intelligence and education yet you tolerate.  politics and internet good as they are is not the end of the world.  there are many people who can discuss politics yet you regret the day you married them. most women are educated yet monsters. they cant live with themselves let alone another man so be careful what you wish for. most relationships have people who have completely different take on life but you have to work hard to make it successfull. as my mrs says succesfull marriage is hard work. so start your work bros.

God is a present help in everytime of need.  sort this out and begin to find the favour of God in your life.

i know a christian couple back home.  the lady was a lecturer married her driver. she has educated that man the guy is a graduate today.  her parents that kicked against the relationship at first must have been shocked they made it to more than 20yrs of marriage.  there is nothing that wont work if you entrust it to our God and faithfully love against the odd. you have advantage the woman loves you so swallow your pride and love this woman so that God will find blessing you very easy.

i find that most good women will do almost anything to please you if you care and them love.  i always recommend [b]making love last forever[/b] by garry smalley as must read for every christian couple. you will enjoy so look for it.  dont worry that your wife may not be able to read it use it as a family fellowship and bonding tool.  you wont regret the time you spend doing this.

may God remember you for good.

chaircover:

I am so glad to hear that you are not having an affair and the fact that you are planning on making a go of things.

Sir no one is perfect and although you are rightly concerned about her educational & intellectual skills I want to assure you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You can help her in many ways;

For a start you can get her to watch the 9 clock Network news every evening.
Invest in a satellite dish/package and get her to watch educational programs such as documentaries & mature talk shows, I am not talking jerry Springer or Ricky Lake.

Buy her current affairs magazines such as Newswatch etc

Take her out to posh restaurants & shops.

Take her out of her comfort zone. She will be forced to learn.

You have to be very careful though because in your quest to get a very intelligent wife you may end up with a monster.

I want to assure you that grass is not greener on the other side and even those of us who read book well well and can sit and make decisions in boardrooms sometimes are fazed by the most simple of things. I for example cannot play chess or understand cricket or even football and 1 year on from purchase, I still cant identify which remote controls switches which system on and I have to call the help of one of my kids.

I use my mother as an example. She did not step foot in secondary school and went from primary school in Nigeria to school of nursing in the UK. She retired at a very senior level and her grammar even pass our own self.

I note you have mentioned severally that you provide for her financially. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that is the only thing you wife desires from you. You say she cries every night so it means all the money you are spending is not enough to make her happy.  It is your love and affection that she craves. Please do not deny her that.

There is hope and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

God blesses good Husbands. God bless you.

this woman, osisi, amebo/ busy body and a few good others are worth your taking whatever they say on board.  the advice may seem hard and harsh but it is for your good.  try it and you will laugh all the days of your life.  there is nothing like a blessed happy wife.  it will rub off on you and your kids plus bank account.

kalmebad:

You can't force Love,, hard. If it's not there, it will never never be there

Love is better nurtured b4 delving into it, but in his case he didn't and hence married on compassionate ground.

For those who ask he shld try and let it grow, mmmmmmmmmmmm seems hard

@poster

The mistake u ever made was accepting to marry her due to pressure
I honestly do not kwn what to say here as you are d one getting ur fingers burnt

It is  a choice only u can make, either living miserable in marriage for the rest of ur life or opting for the divorce (which is against God) but then we have done a lot that is against God in our lives. [size=16pt]so he might just add this to his disobedience account mmmmmmm God help us.[/size]

Let it be an open heart talk between two of u, lay ur cards on d table (the good, bad and ugly side of living 2geda unhappily) for her to see if she wants to live the rest of her life with a man who wont show her love (am sure her happiness also matters to her) it wont be easy for her though but for me, will rather go my way (Will find love someday)

Finally if  divorce becomes the option, the upkeep of d child shld be ur sole responsibility (dont forget this)

NOTE::
Girls should pls help themselves to be helped, the reality usually sets in after the minutes of enjoyment/passion has elapsed,  insist on condom and where not, be sure u work with safe period. These things can always be avoided if we try to apply caution, better still there are other preventive measures.

And for guys, u pple can do better esp when u kwn u are not ready to put a woman in the house, insist also in d use of condom, because when the eyes starts bleeding with tears, it also affects d nose.

A stich in time they say saves Nine.

iwish condom was a cure for life's ailments. someone should develop a condom for the heart too. i think i should patent that

prittigrrr:

I believe love is a choice. Pray that God touch your heart and give you love for your wife. I believe if you want to love her, God will do the rest. Don't focus on why you married but thank God for the blessing of a wife who loves you so deeply. Fast and pray. God honors marriage and if you repent for your feelings and submit your will to the Father, love will grow. Be not deceived. I wish you, your wife and child all the best.

prittigrrr:

I believe love is a choice. Pray that God touch your heart and give you love for your wife. I believe if you want to love her, God will do the rest. Don't focus on why you married but thank God for the blessing of a wife who loves you so deeply. Fast and pray. God honors marriage and if you repent for your feelings and submit your will to the Father, love will grow. Be not deceived. I wish you, your wife and child all the best.

welll said

tpia.:

Many a man claims to have unfailing love,


but a faithful man who can find?



prov 20:6

lady T are u also amongst the woli's? right on time word tho. NASB said but [list]
[li]a trustworthy man[/li]
[li][/li]
[/list] who can find?

you are in a very sorry condition. but all hope is not lost at least your wife still loves you and you believe divorce is not an option. You know what you can do? Try and get close to her and be her friend first. Whatever made you make love to her can be ignited again.  Stay close to her all the time and try talking to her  as often as possible, on fone etc.  Broda do not worry over what you cannot change for your own health too! she has come to stay. Love you kid too, cause hatered for her may extend to your child too, which will spoil things. Lastly seek expert advice from councelors like pastors and pray well am sure God will see u through. Pls don't make you wife depressed it will finish her and her ego as a woman.

Best regard

chaircover:


Buy her current affairs magazines such as Newswatch etc

Take her out to posh restaurants & shops.

Take her out of her comfort zone. She will be forced to learn.

You have to be very careful though because in your quest to get a very intelligent wife you may end up with a monster.

I use my mother as an example. She did not step foot in secondary school and went from primary school in Nigeria to school of nursing in the UK. She retired at a very senior level and her grammar even pass our own self.

I note you have mentioned severally that you provide for her financially. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that is the only thing you wife desires from you. You say she cries every night so it means all the money you are spending is not enough to make her happy. It is your love and affection that she craves. Please do not deny her that.

true word

JustGood:

true word

you are not supposed to say that.

Also remember "love" is an action word. It is not about what you "say" but rather it is what you DO. They have a saying here in the US, "Fake it 'til you make it," meaning fake the feeling until it becomes real. Start by doing loving things with your wife. It can be as small as kissing her before u leave in the morning and calling during the day. Buy small gifts like sweets or jewelry. Enjoy the look on her face and the gratitude she feels. Endeavor to really make love tenderly to her. Focus on pleasing her in bed. I believe God will touch your heart and love will grow. Ask God to remove the heart of stone and He will give you a heart of flesh toward her.

richard10:

@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her  but then i should have known better

Anyways I think at this point you know what to do and I wish you the best.

We can't really say more but hope you and your wife find a way out of this situation.

Stay cool.

if u dont love the woman, pack ur bags and f**ck d ahell ouuta her life, and stop causing the woman pains.

marriage na by force??

prittigrrr:

Also remember "love" is an action word. It is not about what you "say" but rather it is what you DO. They have a saying here in the US, "Fake it 'til you make it," meaning fake the feeling until it becomes real. Start by doing loving things with your wife. It can be as small as kissing her before u leave in the morning and calling during the day. Buy small gifts like sweets or jewelry. Enjoy the look on her face and the gratitude she feels. Endeavor to really make love tenderly to her. Focus on pleasing her in bed. I believe God will touch your heart and love will grow. Ask God to remove the heart of stone and He will give you a heart of flesh toward her.

i beg o there are small pickins on this thread. wetin?  

people are trying to live right and una wan corrupt dem.   nawao

prittigrrr:

Also remember "love" is an action word. It is not about what you "say" but rather it is what you DO. They have a saying here in the US, "Fake it 'til you make it," meaning fake the feeling until it becomes real. Start by doing loving things with your wife. It can be as small as kissing her before u leave in the morning and calling during the day. Buy small gifts like sweets or jewelry. Enjoy the look on her face and the gratitude she feels. Endeavor to really make love tenderly to her. Focus on pleasing her in bed. I believe God will touch your heart and love will grow. Ask God to remove the heart of stone and He will give you a heart of flesh toward her.

How could I possibly force myself to be lovely towards someone I don't love? Do you really think I can influence myself, lie to myself and convince myself that person is special? *just some questions*

GEW:

you are not supposed to say that.

why not?

JustGood:

why not?

thisis NL we dont like anyone ackonowledging things like that. i cant remember the word for it immediately

Fake it till it becomes real? i have heard another one, so that means the wives should stop nagging husbands that he is only faking, cos maybe he is only faking it, till it become real.
Chaircover, i wont deny that Sex might strengthen the bond btw a man and his wife, however, i dont think a man and a wife should remain together if they have no love for each other, or if one doesnt love the other, it is better for both of them to be real and walk out and look for someone better out there that will love the other for who she/he is.

Kill her, put her in your car truck (if you own one), take the body far away from home and dump it in the refuse. Dnt forget to clean up every trace of blood at home. Let me know if it works.

Then u love kitten

zPixel:

Kill her, put her in your car truck (if you own one), take the body far away from home and dump it in the refuse. Dnt forget to clean up every trace of blood at home. Let me know if it works.

That is some sick joke.

sley4life:

Then u love kitten

nice question

All I am saying is it is hard not to love someone when you are acting in conformity with loving feelings. Also I was paraphrasing the word of God regarding removing the heart of stone. I believe with God all things are possible. It will not be easy all the times but it can happen. I think the OP has 2 major drawbacks to his loving his wife: 1. He felt coerced into marrying her and there exists some latent resentment; and 2. His wife is not the 'ideal' of what he felt his wife would be in that she may not be as educated and exposed as he would desire in a life mate. I still say if he submits these things to God, frees himself from sadness over what was not and embraces with gratitude what IS, he can come to love his wife and be happy in marriage. He holds the key to his own happiness and fulfillment.

U dont Love her but u sleep and have sex with her? Men u are a big fool. I wish is somebody i know.

Pray bro , this is a velly situation , God make a way in sitution like this. when it has gone beyond the human understandin , take it to God, an am sure ther is somthing u saw in her b4 u got pregnant, am sur that thing is still ther, develop ur love from ther,

@ poster

for as much as I want to feel sorry I can't just cus you know alrdy dat dis chick doesn't knw nothing bout economics, politics and internet b4 u started sleeping with her so technically you deceive her she didn't deceive you the way it is important to you now I am sure you must have have that conversation with her once and she probably didn't knw wht to say but since you jus wnt to hit and run u didn't care now u r stuck with her and u r afraid pple will come to the hse and she will mess up,

Well educate her yourself if its that important be her friend, husband brother , uncle and everything try to help her to your level

Poster,

God knows your heart, He knows your innermost thinking.

I have seen your reply. You did well by replying and most of the people that gave you advice were right. You know, some of them suspected that may be your wife is not quite educated to your standard, but do you know the good news, you can make it happen.

If you can help your wife to be educated (Social wise) she will see you as her role model.

You stand to gain alot from her, I am happy that already she loves you. Remember he that finds a wife finds a good thing. Again a good wife is costlier than rubby.

On this note I rest my case.

[His thought for you is thought of good, to bring you to an expected end]

@poster

Listen young man, you are missing the great point here. When you say ''I DO'' in marriage, it actually means more that it says. It also means responsibility and this becomes a covenant you make to be committed to one person. Marriage is a vacuum and love in that context has got nothing to do with your feelings, neither has it got anything to do with emotional excitement, physical chemistry or sloppy permissiveness rather true love accommodates, forgives, encourages, add value and inspire the best in others as you ascent the ladders of life. Love becomes a choice you make to be committed to an imperfect person and love him/her unconditionally for the rest of your entire life, hence quality is determined of the parties involved.

So my broda, better get your acts together, you have gotten to a point of no return, apply wisdom in dealing with it, because its a delicate issue.

I wish you all the best.

wow, guess u must find the love for her down deep of u cuz u married her for watsoeva&she with ur child,firstly,yall get to have a single room.takia dude.

@ topic,

its pretty too late to cry over spilled milk, you just have to learn to love her, you became a man by impregnating a woman, you can become a responsible man by loving her as well, look at the good sides of her rather than focusing on her negatives, make her look like ur dream woman , its not impossible but i must confess to you, you have an UPHILL task to perform, but it can be done, believe u can do it, afterall you slept with her unprotected.

all the best brofer!!!!

why are are some people blaming this guy for sleeping with the woman,look it takes two to tango,if the woman didnt want she could have closed her legs but she wanted it as well,u can force a horse to the stream but u cannot force it to drink water,so what are we talking about here,i hate it when women try to blame everything on men,why didnt the woman refuse him or was she raped abeg nake we dey talk true ,guy that babe had studied and knew u have a soft heart and wanted to marry at u at cost.end of story.