$$osisi:

some people here talk like kids.
[size=16pt]sex to a man has absolutely nothing to do with love[/size]
a man can sleep with anyone around who presents their sumtin to him when he feels the urge
she could be as ugly as a chimpanzee but as far as sex is concerned, the woman's down below is the same whether it is Beyonce's or Missy Elliots
so asking why he slept with a woman he didn't love is an ignorant question
men do it all the time
Maybe that's why women keep being deceived by some men and give in to sex thinking that it means the man loves them.
It doesn't
ladies,close your legs.
The same thing he's telling you,he's probably told to 25 women before and after you.

@ the poster,since you're a Christian,kneel down and ask God to help you see the goodness in this girl and love her as your wife.
Confide in your pastor or an elder in the church and unburden your heart so you don't bear this burden alone
I'll pray for you tonight.
Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side (till you get there)

That's why I like you. All these idealists.

i say it to whoever that never marry out of pity! & always say in your mind that any lady that you can play bump-bump should be good enough to be a wife. if guys take this into consideration then there'd be minimal issues to contend with.

now that this has happened, u have to live with it. so make a conscious effort to learn to love her as this is the first step in resolving the psychological stalemate! never forget to say your prayers too.
it's easier said than done but try & see if things won't get better!

The poster simply has to admit that he is having an affair. If he was so randy with a lady he did "not love" before marriage, only God knows what he has been doing for the past 6 months that he has not slept with his wife. You know it's ironic that many men will give anything for a woman that truly loves them, but this one treats his own like shit.

//

chaircover:

The poster didnt have to marry this woman.

Marriage changes the theme of things.

It would have been better for all involved if he had stood up and been a man at the time and not given into pressure.

I[b] personally think that he is having an affair and just looking for an excuse to explain his actions.

[/b]

Gbam!
Thank God he didn't accuse her of witchcraft

.

@poster, this is simple, you dont av to remain in bondage, bondage u caused for urself, u ask for divorce, and promise to tkia of the woman and the child, make her understand thats its the best option,

this one has nofin to do wiv christianity, u cant be deceiving urself by staying in a mariage thats not working,

but nawa for we guys oh, its sweet to shag, but when the woman get belle na another story we go hear, what happend to condoms,

all the best man in the trouble u caused for urself, God help us all,

the good thing is that, ur case aint the first and wont be the last, and there are worst cases,

.

chaircover:

The poster didnt have to marry this woman.

Marriage changes the theme of things.

It would have been better for all involved if he had stood up and been a man at the time and not given into pressure.

I personally think that he is having an affair and just looking for an excuse to explain his actions.

He didn't have to but he did and now he is trapped because of his personal beliefs. Whether he is having an affair or not, which I can't really say, he has two options: back out or stay put.

If he stays he can choose to try and love her or leave things like this. Of course i don't expect him to live without sex for he rest of his life.

I advise he backed out for good and set the woman free, who in my opinion knew very well what she was getting herself into.

michelin89:

He didn't have to but he did and now he is trapped because of his personal beliefs. Whether he is having an affair or not, which I can't really say, he has two options: back out or stay put.

If he stays he can choose to try and love her or leave things like this. Of course i don't expect him to live without sex for he rest of his life.

I advise he backed out for good and set the woman free, who in my opinion knew very well what she was getting herself into.

That is very true, those are the choices that he has, however, since he is ruling out divorce, meaning he is not willing to let go of the woman, i will advice the guy to chose to love the woman, cos sometimes, i think we have the will power to chose to love someone or not to.
This guy can love the wife and save his marriage.
Else, better for him to damn the consequencies and bow out of the marriage honorably.

I am still waiting for him to tell us how they were before the marriage thing.

@ Poster

I really don't understand what you mean. lets talk pre-marriage. you guys did not have sex just once. you guys must have done it over and over again (with protection) and then decided to do it without simply because, u were regular in her. This means only one thing, you guys were in a relationship. so why will you have sex with someone (without protection) and still have a relationship with her if you knew you did not love her. and now, you sleep in separate rooms. I just don't belive you   

on the other hand, that is if you are telling the truth and not looking for a way to kill boredom by making me post this, i will suggest you keep sleeping with her. (afterall you were regular with that in the first place). you will be surprised by the magic sex does. just keep doing it and after a while, you will realize a difference in your marriage. you don't want to bring  child into a family of no love in the air

good luck

thank God you are a christian; God commands you love your wife, you dont have a choice my brother, the deed's been done!
the sooner you learn and condition your mind to, the better for you.
there's this Pastor Kingsley that has this love, dating and marriage programs every month and is on tv every sunday, guess you need to listen and maybe see him for counseling.
the fact that your wife loves you, guy, thats a good thing, its hard getting a woman that would love you unconditionally. its well eh, i feel you.

Sonye:

@ Poster

I really don't understand what you mean. lets talk pre-marriage. you guys did not have sex just once. you guys must have done it over and over again (with protection) and then decided to do it without simply because, u were regular in her. This means only one thing, you guys were in a relationship. so why will you have sex with someone (without protection) and still have a relationship with her if you knew you did not love her. and now, you sleep in separate rooms. I just don't belive you   

on the other hand, that is if you are telling the truth and not looking for a way to kill boredom by making me post this, i will suggest you keep sleeping with her. (afterall you were regular with that in the first place). you will be surprised by the magic sex does. just keep doing it and after a while, you will realize a difference in your marriage. you don't want to bring  child into a family of no love in the air

good luck

This is a very funny one.
The sex could be just a one time now.
You mean sex can heal a marriage?

It seems that a lot of posters think that love is like a switch.
It's not something that can be turned on and off because of situations and pressure.
Also like i said earlier, the fact that the man deemed her fit to have sex with by no means implies that she is what he wants for a wife.
If that man was going to ever love the girl, i think he would have done so.

I wish them the best anyway.

Fhemmmy:

This is a very funny one.
The sex could be just a one time now.
You mean sex can heal a marriage?

Funny indeed. She even described how things went like she knew him personally. I don't like when people make up stories to fill holes just to prove a point.

@sonye
You can't hazard anything concerning their relationship because you were not there. Just for the fact that everything you wrote there has not be proved, your posts sounds funny for real.

//

My advice to you is to love her in faith, not on feelings. Faith is not a feeling, but an act. Do what you are supposed to do as a husband in faith and trust god. Both of you go to church and be serious. You are already in this position and you are to stick with it. Ask God to forgive you and to help you.

Sorry God capital G

I guess you're suffering from a bit of unforgiveness.Since you did not want to marry her in the first place but you were more or less stampeded into doing so.Therefore you feelhurt that the decision was not entirely yours that some other people made the decision for you.
You know what,your wife is a very loveable person,as you have not told us that she is sleeping around or any of those things that could really break up a marriage.She cries because she realises that despite what she too must have passed through (I can imagine all the snide emarks that may have been made to/of her since the matter of her pregnancy was in the domain of the public and your church) you're still acting as if it was her fault that she got pregnant.
Find a place in your heart to forgive your pastor and every other person you feel forced you to get married the way you did,and you'll discover how easy it'llbe for you to love this your wife,and I'm sure she'll notice it and will be eternally grateful for your change of heart(only then will she feel she owes you one,and God knows what happens to a man's life and his family when his wife feels she owes him a BIG ONE)

Now GO LOVE YOUR WIFE

Michelin68 and Osisi, I agree with you there are many idealist on nairaland. The truth is there are soo many unhappy marriages amongst Nigerians. So many people are putting on smiling happy faces in public and crying inside. I have a similar situation in a relations home right now. Everyone knew the guy didn't love the wife when they got married but did it to please people and not disgrace the wife who was pregnant. The wife is one of the most misrable people I know in this world! They have been married for over 15 years and have 4 children. Nobody I know has ever accused either of them of having affairs, they live in the same house, go to church together, go out together, carry out all the motions but all you need to do is spend ten minutes in their company and you will know something isnt right. Even the children are social misfits, they dont have any friends, the two daughters who are teengers always tell us their aunts that they dont want to ever get married. I have known the lady all my life and God forgive me but I believe she would have been happier as a single mum. What she has now is hell with a wedding band. As for the poster I can only pray for him and for the wife. I won't wish this situation on my worst enemy. And to all those making judgements, he who is without sin go ahead and cast the first stone.

@ michelin89

I only analyzed it from a woman's perspective.  u r a woman. i believe you will understand when i say you cannot (and will not) just have unproected sex with guy for the first time. not even second and third. so i don't see the joke in what i wrote.its just very logical that this should have been what happened

@ chaircover
thanks for elaborating the essence of sex in marriage. it is just very pragmatic

Sonye:

@ michelin89

I only analyzed it from a woman's perspective.  u r a woman. i believe you will understand when i say[b] you cannot (and will not) just have unproected sex with guy for the first time. not even second and third[/b]. so i don't see the joke in what i wrote.its just very logical that this should have been what happened

Yeah right - so there are no cases of women sleeping with men simply to get pregnant for them?

Have all the easily deceived women been taken off the earth? If a man knows what he is saying and targets the right woman, he can get her to do almost anything, even if he doesn't feel a thing for her.

Millions of men are right now shagging millions of women without protection that they never intend to marry. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Yes you 'just' won't do it, but let him give a few sweet lines, a few words, a few gifts/dinners and some women will do ANYTHING. Besides, some women like to have unprotected sex.

You have to love her,she is your wife,at least try to consider the fact that she loves you

@ debosky

I will never jeopardise my health for sweet talk from a guy. i mean, with all the diseases we hear about these days? and i believe every learned woman will think outside the sweet talks and gifts. except the case study is an illiterate

@poster, u dont love ur wife but u love the kitten before u married her. U wont have married her because u pregnated her. U could at least accept and train the child without getting married

I believe love is a choice. Pray that God touch your heart and give you love for your wife. I believe if you want to love her, God will do the rest. Don't focus on why you married but thank God for the blessing of a wife who loves you so deeply. Fast and pray. God honors marriage and if you repent for your feelings and submit your will to the Father, love will grow. Be not deceived. I wish you, your wife and child all the best.

Wait, let me get this straight.

You opened her legs when you weren't supposed to, but now when you have all the right in the world to open her legs, you don't want to anymore?

I'm thinking either crabs found new harbor or . . . .I can't find another reason why you shouldn't give her pleasure. Considering the fact that she's now in hell, being married to you.

May God help us all from these kinda men. Always keep your zipper zipped up and your legs closed while in the rollercoaster plz.

Many a man claims to have unfailing love,


but a faithful man who can find?



prov 20:6

@tpia, you have said it all!

sometimes we make things complicated for ourselves. In all fairness you say she is a good wife and loves you. you have a kid and all but youre not happy. i laugh things like this make me wonder how some people that just marry wife after a short while or after introduction and recommendation from a friend or family are coping. i'd never go for any of them but thats the case you put yourself in and found yourself. make the best out of it this ''i dont love her is a thing of the mind''
finally if after all you still cant cope let her go and let everyone learn their lesson and find peace. dont do this when she is 40/45 years old, if you cant cope let her go now.

@ Poster

Hmmm, but for the sake of your _my child, try to activate that love you had for your WIFE the first time you met her. Or do you

want your child to be ridiculed that he has no father or that he was born out of wedluck.