Guys, a friend of mine is in a dilema. She went out with a guy during our service year and they had a good relationship(or so I thot). Anyway, she got pregnant along the way and he convinced her to abort it, which she did. According to him, he wasnt ready to start a family. That was two years ago. Now the same guy has been introduced as her kid sister's fiance. No one knows what happened two years ago except the three of us( my friend, the guy and myself).

My friend feels betrayed and hurt and has vowed to expose this guy, but he is begging her not to as he says he really loves the sister and she loves him too and that has put us in a fix. She asked for my opinion and I didnt know what to say. Should she keep this secret and give her little sis a chance at happiness? Pls help.

First, let me correct this idea most women often project when seeking sympathy. It's THEIR baby, not his . You don't say it's "his" baby when custody battle begins; only when you want to to whip up sentiments in your favour. Second, he convinced (not forced) her to abort and she AGREED not just because it was favorable to him but also to her. So, it's a MUTUAL thing.



Now, back to the issue at hand, did the two of them break up after the abortion saga or was he two-timing her?

They broke up and she met someone else who she is currently with. We hadnt heard anything about him since the break-up until now.

I'm no soothsayer, but i smell rat in this thing, most relationships this complicated nosedive, in any case if the story is true and both are in love,

there is little the elder sister can do however if she feels that the guy will be a threat to the happiness of her younger sister, she shd come in all in

the interest of the younger sister; emphasis, the important person here is the younger sister, that guy may hurt her.

Well, since he didn't two-time or jilt her; and since he didn't know he was dating her sister until recently, I think he deserves a fair hearing. He shouldn't allow the older sister to subject him to emotional blackmail. Since he's innocent, he should allow her to say whatever she wants if she feels she must. If the younger sister truly loves him as he claims, she'll give him a chance to explain himself, and thereafter decide what's good for her

gram:


the interest of the younger sister; emphasis, the important person here is the younger sister, that guy may hurt her.

That's our fear too. She is so young (23) and so fragile. I think a story like that may hit her really hard. That the dilema we're facing

It's really a small world!!

I think the victim here is Your friend's sister.
The solution to this problem lies on one question which only Your friend's sister can answer - Can she date her sister's Ex?
The abortion that took place years ago makes li2 or no difference.
Whatever the case. . . .I'D say, it's wiser if Your friend tells her sister she once went out with this dude.

@Missyb
I dont relish doing that. The guy in question is like a sister to me as well. I cant imagine breaking the news to her.

If that has to be done, I think her sister should do it alone.

Godmother:

@Missyb
I dont relish doing that. The guy in question is like a sister to me as well. I cant imagine breaking the news to her.

I don't quite getchu. . . .Are You saying it's better 'the victim' doesn't know 'bout it?

Godmother:

If that has to be done, I think her sister should do it alone.

Missy B:

Whatever the case. . . .I'D say, it's wiser if Your friend tells her sister she once went out with this dude.

@ poster,

the elder sister should tell the younger sister about her past relationship with the guy.

then if the younger sister chooses to go ahead it, then it is all up to her.

at least, the elder sister would know she had done her part, so that if anything happen in the future

her conscience will be clear

she needs to tell her siater about his past with her!

Ha Godmother that's a yoruba Ogbe.He cheated with the nurse when the corper lover wuz ill after the abortion then later went ahead to marry the younger sister"jennifer" but on the wedding day he went mad before the wedding he was warned by a pastor.So threads are now nigerian films oriented.Also he had no idea that they were sisters or knew each other till the wedding day how unrealistic.

That's a yoruba film i mean

for the asking, what has telling the sister about her past with the guy got to do with it?
please we should not miss out the motive here!
she is hurt about her past with this same guy, but she is a good relationship now.
is this same guy a threat to her sister or her, he wants to marry her for Christ sake!
at 23yrs,i believe she knows what she is doing and can handle it, she loves him as well and willing to marry him.

like my fellow poster said they broke up mutually, sooooooo? why killing the joy of the little sister if nothing real bad ever
happened when they were together.
lets forget sentiments and let love be. she had her chance and she didn't make good of it.

ok! after telling the kid sister then what? she is happy and they are battling to keep it together?

plssssssssssss!

she should let sleeping dog lie and if she so care about her sister she should talk it over with him to
express her fears!

its so sad.wel tink dey were not ready to habour a child and maturedly made a decsin to abort d child.well its against d christian doctrine wel u cant bring a child into d world wen u cant take car of d child
on the other hand if dis guy knew her sister wen dey were datin,,,d guy is mean and if i am d girl,he wud pay derely

My cadid advice is dt,if l were him,l will leave the family alone in peace.He mustn't marry from dt family.

Eaglebabe:

My cadid advice is dt,if l were him,l will leave the family alone in peace.He mustn't marry from dt family.

i concur!

This shouldnt be a secret. It happened in the past and for a reason that is quite understandable.

What need to be bothered about is the guy's kind of person? does he truly want to marry the sister in question? is your sister safe with the guy? these are questions that should be answered and not because the guy "convince" you to abort your baby.

apparently the r/s they had was never serious hence the sisters wud have met him priorto this time.
that said, its a case of a friendship gone sour and both went thier seperate ways.
but in al honesty, her sister shud be told and left alone to make her decision.

Nooooooo tell the sister 2 tell the guy 2 tell her sister about their past and give him an ultimatum or else the sh*t is gonna hit the fan, and if the kid sister has any decency she will reject the guy like hot rocks BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER u cant eat ur cake and have it from the same family

Eaglebabe:

My cadid advice is dt,if l were him,l will leave the family alone in peace.He mustn't marry from dt family.

That's my point of view too, but the ball is in my friend's court. My own dilema is that I dnt know if I should advice her in this line of thought.