Okorieikechukwu:
you sister doesn't really like what she is doing, believe me. When she was about to join a religious group that would channel her the way you would have wanted her to be, you and your family refused. Now she is into those things you hate.

She is angry because, you give her theory, what you are telling her is not in harmony with reality, and you paint yourself as the good and accepted one whereas she is the bad type.

There is a lot you are yet to know about your sister, and untill you know her, you can't solve this problem. I work with teens and I can handle them. You are yet to hear from her why does what she is doing. Get to the root first.

do you think she is going to camp for spiritual uplifting, well i doubt it. She is 14 the very age where adrenaline and hormone is hyper-active especially when they are expose to the kind of music, movies, programs flooding our society. See i believe you can't stop her but you have a ticket to join her, that way you can directly and indirectly supervise or guard her actions. Put interest in what she is interest, correct her subtly except in extreme case. Threat her like a woman not a kid, confide in her and she would in you.

Nlaand:
Hello parents and friends,

I used another user name.....I have a 14 yr old only sis who is getting out of hand. My parents are quite aged(mom - close to 60, dad - above 70 and challenged health-wise). Mom and sis are the only ones taking care of him. My brother serving while I work far from home. I go home once or twice in a month as I also do some casual jobs apart from my job during the weekends to make ends meet. P.S: I am the first girl and first born, so the need to hustle as I send money home and all. I am in mid 20s.

Each time I go home, I make sure I educate/groom my younger sis on how to behave. I educate her on sex education, composture as a woman, what and what-nots. I inquire about her academics, spiritual life, I ask about her friends and I know a few of them. I try my possible best to talk to her and obviously she tells me only what she feels I should know. I even give her pocket money every month #1000 just to encourage her and know I care about her which I belive she understands.

Last weekend when I went home, I noticed the way she spoke to my mom and I corrected her. I also noticed she painted her nails and I have corrected her on this issue for a while. I have advised her severally and given her strong reasons why she should not indulge in such yet. I understand what puberty means as I am a peer educator. My mom resorted to beating her when she goes wrong but I explained to my mom not to do that all the time cos she is in her puberty stage, she is prone to misbehaving. I advised she should talk to her which she adhered to but my sis has refused to listen. On getting home this weekend, I was infuriated when I saw her painted nails. I had to choice than to smack her. I asked her why she has refused to obey my instructions despite all advice and corrections, she didnt say anthing.

My neighbor came around and also advised her to stop such act. Just today, while at work, my mom chatted with me that she saw a diary my sister wrote confessing that she hates her parents because last year they refused to allow her go to Deeper life camp.

Give her ursef as an example of sum1 enjoying d profit of gud advice n well disciplined training, and her won't be different. Dat ur d toast of frnds, ur boss n co-workers, and every one around u.
Tell her dat nothing good comes out of such bad behaviour dat has no gud fruit. Tell where good behaviour leads wit example, lyk where good education witout distractn will lead her, n always remind her of it weekly.
Finally, tell to use her sound/hot brain to control d yearning of her hot flesh which leads to distructn.

Ok since una no want mek she paint her finger u and ur mum shud be ready to move with her when she gain admision into higher education.una go evn dey follow her go class sef.

klassykute:
if u spank her .. shez just gonna gt bad nd deb talk to her friends abt hw shz treated and trust mi she will gt d wrong advice wch she must obey.... for mi sha i feel she needs a lik freedom.. if she wanna play let her go .. but b4 u do tell her d dengers she might face .. and trynna know her friends ..... dont always act like u own her .. growing children gets sick of dat .. i remba i hated eribody in my family cos dey caged mi...tinking it was d way to train a Godfearing child .. guess wat wen i was in my 200 level i smoked nd had sex cos i was free.. like na once i taste d igbo o...
LESSON IS
give her freedom.. nd she will act well
give her a open hand nd heart.. she will tell u secrets
dont act as a lord over her/ being so authoritative and u will be her best friend

JUST TRYNNA MAKE COMMON SENSE

Each Child is different and unique, even among siblings. Some once you talk to them they get remorseful, some you just need to withdraw some privileges they quickly conform and some they need to be SPANKED seriously.

I know a lot of people whose lives are for the better now because they were seriously "caged" and what teenagers define as caging can be as simple as obeying instructions.

Freedom for some children may cost them as much as their future or even their life.

Every child is free to play but there are some degrees of freedom you should not give a teenager, giving a child freedom does not equate her having good character.

I do agree with you about the open heart and open hand but sometimes parents need to be firm.

Even those in University still listen to instructions. How much more a child in secondary school.

Being caged doesn't mean one will misbehave when set free, sometimes it does depend on the child in person.
It is the discipline instilled in the child during those formative years that will help sustain that child when she goes out to the real world.

I got to UNI as a teenager 16-17 I went to school from home because it was close by.
My first taste of the "freedom" was NYSC but my mum was confident enough that her daughter wont misbehave, she knows that it is where I say I am that I am that was the training she instilled.
When I go with NCCF for the rugged. I just say mum we are going for NCCF stuff you may not be able to reach me for some days because there may not be network. I will call you as soon as I can and that ends it. I am an only child so you can imagine the level of close marking I got. I was never really spanked but I did listen to instructions as a teenager.

I am still accountable to them till they give my hand. I had to get an apartment sometime in 2014 in the other side of town and I still let my mum know my movement till I packed out of that house.


Sometimes we feel they will learn on their own or outgrow their behaviour what if they don't or what if they do but at a higher price. Some children have learnt the very hard way.

We complain that there are bad people in the society, this is where it starts from but then there are some children that parents have tried all possible means but still they wont change.

God will help parents.

have u already beat her before.
try to do that I have a sister like her if u talk to them in within 2 or 3 days they will go back to what they are doing before. that's y they call them teenagers,but something I will tell you is to beat her and always go to ur home well well let her be seeing u. that fear will be affecting her whenever she is seeing you trust me na true ooo don't think am joking na true experience am talking to u.

yetseyi:
I don't think a 14year old is too old to be spanked although I m not an advocate of beating but sometimes it does reset the brain to default, ejecting all that stuff that is making her disobey her parents.

She should be able to listen to simple instructions, its not too much to ask her not to paint her nails, its not too much to ask her to help your mum.

Continue talking to her and she should please discard that boyfriend before something happens. A lot of times when these small girls begin to have boyfriends they lose respect for those in authority. She should not give her elderly parents HBP.

Times have changed sha. I have noticed this trend, a lot of children born 2000 upward seem to be quite disobedient, some parents are having a tough time with these kids, listen to simple instructions they wont.

I agree with you.my niece went as far as fighting my mother being her grandmother and when I wanted to correct her,she challenged me so I have no other option than to send her back

pointblank247:
things are easier when farmily pray togather. use the sctipture togather and show examples.

Yes I totally agree with you; things are easier when farmily pray together . use the sctipture together and show examples, but if you cannot do any of these because of any constraints, encourage her to get closer to her deeper life friends or even allow her to start attending their services since that is the main bone of contention. And stand by and watch how they turn her into the girl/woman you want her to be. The Lord is still in the business of turning sinners into saints if only you can let Him.

I think your sister’s behaviour is pretty common for a 14 year old. You may be blowing it out of proportion a little bit. The only serious issue you have raised is that she has a boyfriend. That is a cause for concern and should be dealt with decisively. But first off all you and your mother need to get some things right.
Firstly, your mother should not have read her diary. It is very wrong. I’m sure if your sister finds out she will be furious and will not trust you or your mother anymore. Advise your mother to respect the girl’s privacy and not to do that again. It’s very important for teenagers to have their own space. The teenage years is a period for self-determination and self-discovery. So give her some space but within reason.
Secondly, you said in your post that you talk to her and encourage her to be of good behaviour but it doesn’t seem to be working. This suggests that it is a one sided talk. Perhaps it’s time to change tact. Change the objective of your conversation. Let your objective be to build a relationship with her. Talk to her about your life and the challenges you face in your life. It will take a while but you will get to know her better. She may even begin to confide in you. It’s also important that you do not judge her as she opens up. You may condemn her actions but don’t make her feel that you condemn her too. Teenagers are very sensitive to criticism. Make sure that your criticism is constructive. This is the formative period of her life. Build up her self-esteem.
Lastly, don’t sweat the small stuff! What she wrote in her diary about hating your parents because Mumsie disciplined her or won’t let her do what she wants is no big deal. Am sure everyone at that age from time to time felt the same way about their parents. Your mother is being paranoid about it. Also you have to realise that your sister is under a lot of pressure. Being a teenage girl is hard enough. At such a tender age she is saddled with care of your father. I have been in the same situation (still am) and I am older than her. Since you do not live at home you may not appreciate how difficult it is for her. She’s too young to face that kind of responsibility but that is her lot in life as the last child of elderly parents. The fear of losing her parents is always at the back of her mind. So please cut her some slack.
Sorry for the long story. God bless!

Why is no one asking about the boyfriend? He could be a northerner.

Okorieikechukwu:
you sister doesn't really like what she is doing, believe me. When she was about to join a religious group that would channel her the way you would have wanted her to be, you and your family refused. Now she is into those things you hate.

She is angry because, you give her theory, what you are telling her is not in harmony with reality, and you paint yourself as the good and accepted one whereas she is the bad type.

There is a lot you are yet to know about your sister, and untill you know her, you can't solve this problem. I work with teens and I can handle them. You are yet to hear from her why does what she is doing. Get to the root first.

And how would you be sure she goes to the youth camp to get closer to God? What makes you sure that's not the meeting point for her and other kids whose hormones are raging as well? Albeit she was only stopped for that once, with a promise that she would be allowed to go next time. Getting to know her better is a part solution to the problem, but that she was stopped from getting spiritual is out of the mix.

Op, I think a mix of coercion, reasoning with her, understanding and of course pampering, in the right proportion until she outgrows this stage would be the answer to your problem. She doesn't have to receive beating for every single thing she does, but I totally disagree with she being left to do what she wants. Total freedom at this point means you've lost her, and whatever happens to her eventually blows black on the family.

My mom resorted to beating her when she goes wrong but I explained to my mom not to do that all the time cos[b] she is in her puberty stage, she is prone to misbehaving[/b]. I advised she should talk to her which she adhered to but my sis has refused to listen. On getting home this weekend, I was infuriated when I saw her painted nails. I had to choice than to smack her. I asked her why she has refused to obey my instructions despite all advice and corrections, she didnt say anthing.

@ Nlaand, Herein lies your problem.
. Your mom beat u and yet you turned out to be a responsible well adjusted individual and you understand now that she did it out of love.

Yet you are following oyibo method and don't want to do same to your sister cos oyibo says it's wrong.

Now you have the raw results in your hands.

Why should she obey you? Does she fear and respect you? You think fear is a bad thing, that is talk talk that will solve this matter?

Wait when she brings home Belle then you will know why there is so much teenage pregnancy abroad. Then u can counsel her like they do abroad too

Or you can teach her the fear of God now. Tell your father let him deal with her and bring her back to her senses, adolescent or not. Later when she is older she will realise what you do now. That he was strict to you out of LOVE.

My 5 dollars worth.

There is no doubt that u re too young for what u shouldered. But den, it's ur cross Dear, u must bear it. our cross is not always easy for us to carry, but there is wht we called "patient in difficulty." Little will I add. Embrace prayers for more wisdom for urself & obedience for ur sis. I hv come to realize that nothing on earth shall we not achieve thru prayers. U must hv been praying, that I knw. Pray more fervent & unrelentlessly, sooner than later, u will see things change in ur family. The Lord is ur strength Dear. SOAR

Please let's us provide solution to the problems step by step; first she was refused attending a youth camp programme in Deeper life Bible Church I am so please to inform you that the Deeper life Easter Retreat is here again at any of the Deeper life camp ground around you on the 24th-27th of March , pls give her everything she needs and surprise her as well that if she goes you will go too. and keep your promise when you get there obey and listen to the word of God together you might not sit in the same hall but make sure you meet during break time. my sister it will amaze you of how the solution to all problems will gradually manifest.

ugonna1054:
Lmao....ODE!

supo

sparkleRed:


U re d most senseless and stupid person, wat bullcrap? And na pple like u their children dey end up being olosho and ritualist stupid fellow

dat one concern ur gentals oooo. Supo!

Tell your mum to stop beating her. You should also stop beating her.
How can she love you if you won't stop beating her.

lilmax:
She‘s a kid and doesnt know what fire is until she touches it,a single mother in training is what she is

All i see here is bad friends,also bad tv shows and the worst of all no protection.....

Go to the root of the mara,HER FRIENDS,make her discard them and stop giving her money

jus like dat,she should discard them like rags.mega counsellor.

josite:


jus like dat,she should discard them like rags.mega counsellor.

no she should look at them until she gets pregnant.....minor counsellor

Iranu

yetseyi:



Each Child is different and unique, even among siblings. Some once you talk to them they get remorseful, some you just need to withdraw some privileges they quickly conform and some they need to be SPANKED seriously.

I know a lot of people whose lives are for the better now because they were seriously "caged" and what teenagers define as caging can be as simple as obeying instructions.

Freedom for some children may cost them as much as their future or even their life.

Every child is free to play but there are some degrees of freedom you should not give a teenager, giving a child freedom does not equate her having good character.

I do agree with you about the open heart and open hand but sometimes parents need to be firm.

Even those in University still listen to instructions. How much more a child in secondary school.

Being caged doesn't mean one will misbehave when set free, sometimes it does depend on the child in person.
It is the discipline instilled in the child during those formative years that will help sustain that child when she goes out to the real world.

I got to UNI as a teenager 16-17 I went to school from home because it was close by.
My first taste of the "freedom" was NYSC but my mum was confident enough that her daughter wont misbehave, she knows that it is where I say I am that I am that was the training she instilled.
When I go with NCCF for the rugged. I just say mum we are going for NCCF stuff you may not be able to reach me for some days because there may not be network. I will call you as soon as I can and that ends it. I am an only child so you can imagine the level of close marking I got. I was never really spanked but I did listen to instructions as a teenager.

I am still accountable to them till they give my hand. I had to get an apartment sometime in 2014 in the other side of town and I still let my mum know my movement till I packed out of that house.


Sometimes we feel they will learn on their own or outgrow their behaviour what if they don't or what if they do but at a higher price. Some children have learnt the very hard way.

We complain that there are bad people in the society, this is where it starts from but then there are some children that parents have tried all possible means but still they wont change.

God will help parents.

i will ask you two questions .. maybe yoh should answer number 2 first dear

1. are u married or do you have kids?

2. what really made you obey your mum.. was it because you was scared of being flogged?

klassykute:

i will ask you two questions .. maybe yoh should answer number 2 first dear

1. are u married or do you have kids?

2. what really made you obey your mum.. was it because you was scared of being flogged?

2. Honestly I was not really flogged as a teenager, It was just the right thing to obey your parents not that I didn't get out of line at times but not the kind of rebellion we see now. Simply it was the fear of her talks looooollll

My mum did more of talking/shouting and it worked for my kind of person as I was easy going and not troublesome/stubborn, Anytime I get out of line and once she talked I will see reason, apologise and we continue our lives so the talking system worked basically because of my nature.

Some children don't listen to talk they are very very stubborn, the only language they seem to understand is the hard way they need serious strong hand and serious spanking too conform.

I have seen siblings of the same parents with these two personalities and you just wonder if they passed through the same womb one is easy going and obedient the other one is basically WILD. I doubt if the parents will use the same correction methods for both of them.


Personally I don't believe in beating children but if it will make them conform I will gladly bring the rod.

yetseyi:



2. Honestly I was not really flogged as a teenager, It was just the right thing to obey your parents not that I didn't get out of line at times but not the kind of rebellion we see now. Simply it was the fear of her talks looooollll

My mum did more of talking/shouting and it worked for my kind of person as I was easy going and not troublesome/stubborn, Anytime I get out of line and once she talked I will see reason, apologise and we continue our lives so the talking system worked basically because of my nature.

Some children don't listen to talk they are very very stubborn, the only language they seem to understand is the hard way they need serious strong hand and serious spanking too conform.

I have seen siblings of the same parents with these two personalities and you just wonder if they passed through the same womb one is easy going and obedient the other one is basically WILD. I doubt if the parents will use the same correction methods for both of them.


Personally I don't believe in beating children but if it will make them conform I will gladly bring the rod.

mine was f*cked up .. dad abroad .. just seen him 3times .. mum alwayz shouts .. i was kinda traumatized ... but my life is if u feel am nt gonna do d right tin wen u shout at me or spank me.. it makes me lose the fear factor i gat for u .. nd d love nd open mindedness.. .. i had times when i hate my mum .. dont blame me.. cos nobody was there .. no parental presence doz kinda life .. too many stories .. m just sayin some pple prefer the low voice correction to the wailing .. lol.. kids will always b kids .. ur work is to study dem nd knw hw to relate to dem.. grew up wit white kids .. and am like when you shout at me .. i shout back and say I HATE YOU