I am a Nigerian girl of 17 years, will be 18 in 5 months. Last year i met this Ghanaian boy and fell in love with him. The only problem is that he is pretty older than me (8 years difference). Well we started to phone each other and our relationship went farther than I expected. When my mum came to know we were phoning each other she got very upset. She said he is too old for me and most especially he is Ghanaian. She threatened to sue him for corruption of minor and so he stopped contacting me. During the period we were far from each other I felt the world crumbling and falling on me. I was always sad and depressed. Now he has come back to me but there is still always that problem with my mother. How can I make her understand that him being a Ghanaian is not a big deal and that he is much better than other Nigerian boys?

michelin89:

. How can I make her understand that him being a Ghanaian is not a big deal and that he is much better than other Nigerian boys?

from what i think girl about this issue, if your mom is a typical nigerian woman, its wont be about the guy being ghanaian or not, you're still quite young and your mom will definitely have her expectations and plans for where your life is heading, and relationship would not be one of them,

you still have your whole life ahead of you, so don't despair,

did she tell you what she has against Ghanian guys?

ThiefOfHearts:

did she tell you what she has against Ghanian guys?

she said Ghanaians are people of low ranks and are not up to the Nigerians level.

emmagined:

from what i think girl about this issue, if your mom is a typical nigerian woman, its wont be about the guy being ghanaian or not, you're still quite young and your mom will definitely have her expectations and plans for where your life is heading, and relationship would not be one of them,

you still have your whole life ahead of you, so don't despair,

She explicitly said I can have a boy friend but not a Ghanaian and if I ever mate with one then she will dishome me.

michelin89:


she said Ghanaians are people of low ranks and are not up to the Nigerians level.

She explicitly said I can have a boy friend but not a Ghanaian and if I ever mate with one then she will dishome me.

methinks you need to ask your mum what shs has against ghanians
and no humanbeing is above the other no matter who they are . . .thats a very bad thing to say

Is that why Ghana is doing better in the world than Nigeria now?

As shameful as it is, it's absolutely true. You should let your mom in on that.

mukina2:

methinks you need to ask your mum what shs has against ghanians
and no humanbeing is above the other no matter who they are . . .thats a very bad thing to say

then ask her what she means about low rank, is it intellectually or educational or economically or what,

from what u say, it appears you & your mom have a good talking relationship, so try n talk to her more and find out the root of her beef

mukina2:

methinks you need to ask your mum what shs has against ghanians
and no humanbeing is above the other no matter who they are . . .thats a very bad thing to say

emmagined:


then ask her what she means about low rank, is it intellectually or educational or economically or what,

She has the mentality of those Nigerians who see Ghanaians as the people that were thrown out of Nigeria with Ghana-must-go. She sees them as immigrant that don't reach the same status of the Nigerians. Also anytime she wants to talk to them she is always referring to them as shoe-makers. I think hers is just ignorant. I have told her that she is very wrong to judge an entire population poor just because few ones are involved in a humble activity such as shoe-making in Nigeria. After all she is also an immigrant who is now an Italian citizen thanks to her marriage with a white man. She is always complaining of the racism in Italy when she is the first to discriminate her African comrades. Unfortunately she is not the only one who thinks this of the Ghanaians. All the Nigerians i have met are always discriminating them. What disgusts me most is that she attended a Ghanaian church for almost a year. She dined with them on Xmas day but still came home and screw them at their back. My guy is very hardworking. He has been able to raise enough money to go back to school. I respect him a lot and think there will be no Nigerian guy that can impress me more than he did.

emmagined:


from what u say, it appears you & your mom have a good talking relationship, so try n talk to her more and find out the root of her beef

Actually I have no such relationship with my mother. The only thing she can do is to shout at people to impose her ideas. Anyway I have made up my mind and I am not giving him up. It is with or without her consence.

well the decision is yours and last last na your life, there's no harm in sticking by your guy, but remember, hell hath no fury, and yousef you know say u be woman and eventually you would have a daughter, like i said try and talk things through with your mom

diplomacy is the best way to resolve issues, and besides your're still quite young babes whats the big rush??

emmagined:



diplomacy is the best way to resolve issues, and besides your're still quite young babes whats the big rush??

I can say I am a very cool girl and also with constant feelings. For almost two years i have had only him on my mind. When most of my friends change boyfriends everyday like t-shirts. he means a lot to me.

sorry to go offtopic but are you mixed michelin? also can you go in depth about the racism of italy, i always wanted to know first hand experience

as for your mom, if she sees the way the guy treats you, she'll eventually get over it, invite him to a public/fmaily function(I doubt she'll embarass him in public)

michelin89:

I can say I am a very cool girl and also with constant feelings. For almost two years i have had only him on my mind. When most of my friends change boyfriends everyday like t-shirts. he means a lot to me.

well its obvious your mom has not known for the 2 years u been with him, so you can keep it like that till the appointed time

ThiefOfHearts:

sorry to go offtopic but are you mixed michelin? also can you go in depth about the racism of italy, i always wanted to know first hand experience

I have never experienced any type of racism in any way. I am a full Nigerian who was adopted by the white man my mother got married to. I am a very out-going person so I didn't find any difficulty mixing up with the Italians.

I must admit though that the Italians are very afraid of foreigners especially those from morocco, Albania and Romania. I can't fully blame them though. Most immigrant are without the permission of stay. Without that permission you can't work and so to able to get a living they do illegal jobs. Also most criminal acts are committed to foreigners: rapes, rubbery, murderers.

Also think that the Italians apart from Liberia didn't colonize any black country so they aren't used to them in anyway.

In addition most of the blacks here are all workers and few are willing to go to the university. That is the major problem. If you prove to them that you are smart they will always respect you no matter how dark you skin is. Of course they will be somehow skeptical at the beginning but when they know you are not the black man who lives on trees as they see in their documentaries they'll change their mind.

At last just take in consideration that the northerns discriminate the southern so you can imagine how they treat who come from another country. Despite all the Italians I have spoken to have said to prefer immigrants to their fellow southerns.

ThiefOfHearts:

as for your mom, if she sees the way the guy treats you, she'll eventually get over it, invite him to a public/fmaily function(I doubt she'll embarass him in public)

My mother is capable of doing such a thing. I just hope there is someone who has a mother like mine and that can give me tips on how to make her look beyond her nose and see things cin another point of view.

ThiefOfHearts

wat makes u think say ghana are doing better than nigeria! sori for going off topic.

Go there.

michelin89:

In addition most of the blacks here are all workers and few are willing to go to the university. That is the major problem. If you prove to them that you are smart they will always respect you no matter how dark you skin is. Of course they will be somehow skeptical at the beginning but when they know you are not the black man who lives on trees as they see in their documentaries they'll change their mind.

At last just take in consideration that the northerns discriminate the southern so you can imagine how they treat who come from another country. Despite all the Italians I have spoken to have said to prefer immigrants to their fellow southerns.

Has your mother ever experienced racism from them? and it's kinda sad that a person would have to PROVE themselves to such people just because they're ignorant to think all black people must be gorillas or whatever bull. I believe one of the main reasons why the Nothernerns discriminate against the Southerners is because those from the South are darker, right? sad.

anyway your guy is really gonna have to try and prove his love for you to your mom, if he does like you, he'll be willing to do whatever is possible.

My dear Michelin, i feel you and your wahala with your mom, i can tell you that your mom is only acting the way she does out of ignorance and i hope the earlier she changed this her stereotypical mentality the better for her,

The best i'd advise you is that you hang on to what you think is best for you and in this regard if its this guy you feel will make you happy go for it no matter what your mama threatens to do because this is simply a case of racism and not because she's protecting your interest, She's sure gonna talk and threaten and do all what nots but hang in there she'll get over it and stop ranting soon,

Not advising you disrespect your mom oooh but in this case it is very obvious that she is just been unnecessarily biased without any geniune reasons,

My dear your happiness is what matters and if your mom loves you so much she would realize and let you be you,


Take care and God bless

GBELO GHE EGBE OBHIO

hey thiefofheart wats up fellow cappyhit me up sis

ThiefOfHearts:

Has your mother ever experienced racism from them?

Not anyone. Those I have heard of were not relevant enough to presume that there was a case of racism.
Also now there is a law that protects all foreigners from offensive and discriminating words and acts. it is illegal to call a black man NIGGER in Italy.

ThiefOfHearts:

I believe one of the main reasons why the Northerns discriminate against the Southerners is because those from the South are darker, right? sad.

Sorry i didn't specify. when I was talking about southerns and northerns I still referred to Italy. Italy, can be said, is divided into the north and the south. The north is richer than the south. The northern Italians donnot like the southerns.

ThiefOfHearts:

and it's kind of sad that a person would have to PROVE themselves to such people just because they're ignorant to think all black people must be gorillas or whatever bull.

I think this happens everywhere. Even inside your own country you'll never get the respect if you don't prove to be smart and heading to success. Nigeria is a good example of this phenomenon. Can you tell me that the respect that is given to an educated person is the same given to an illiterate? Or between an illiterate but rich man and an educated but poor man?

Also consider that that is the information they get from their informers: TV and newspapers. Anytime I switch on the TV there is always an ad to invite people to help the people suffering in Africa. I have never seen them showing the beautiful parts of Africa. And also analize the situation. If Africa is so developed why do we have people running away from there to come and find fortunes in Europe.

Sorry I have gone a lot off topic, but I need to say one more thing. Nigerians are discriminating Ghanaians just like the way all Africans are being discriminated by the whites. If we can't learn to love each others as brothers and sisters how can we expect the westerns to do that?

gaby:

My dear Michelin, i feel you and your wahala with your mom, i can tell you that your mom is only acting the way she does out of ignorance and i hope the earlier she changed this her stereotypical mentality the better for her,

The best i'd advise you is that you hang on to what you think is best for you and in this regard if its this guy you feel will make you happy go for it no matter what your mama threatens to do because this is simply a case of racism and not because she's protecting your interest, She's sure going to talk and threaten and do all what nots but hang in there she'll get over it and stop ranting soon,

Not advising you disrespect your mom oooh but in this case it is very obvious that she is just been unnecessarily biased without any geniune reasons,

My dear your happiness is what matters and if your mom loves you so much she would realize and let you be you,


Take care and God bless

GBELO GHE EGBE OBHIO

thank you so much.

if GBELO GHE EGBE OBHIO means what I think TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF i guess then you are eshan right? Ahhh my comrade finally.

the whole world knows italians are simply bloody racist! we know that!

of course they wont use nigger, they'll just use the italian word for "eggplant' instead.

michelin89:


. If we can't learn to love each others as brothers and sisters how can we expect the westerns to do that?

lol, Exactly what your mother needs to realize. I hope for your sake it doenst take her too long.  

hey gaby.  


[quote][/quote]

michelin89:




. Nigerians are discriminating Ghanaians just like the way all Africans are being discriminated by the whites. If we can't learn to love each others as brothers and sisters how can we expect the westerns to do that?

na only ghana people, Jamo nko,

my cousin was telling me that her folks totally said they don't wanna see her bring home a jamo or a white man, thats how life is anyway, people are different, but that main thingy is knowing what you want for urself in life and following it, be it financially, educaionally, professionally, emotional etc

michelin89:

offtopic: ofure

ok then back to the topic

listen to ur mum.
she has her points.

4 me thing deeply because your mum know better than u do,b4 you take any step pray over it God know better than we do

juogar:

4 me thing deeply because your mum know better than u do,before you take any step pray over it God know better than we do

i am atheist. Any othet suggestion?

Not all Nigerians discriminate against Ghanaians, If you live in the UK you will get to realise that most of them are not too crazy about us either. I happened to have gone too Uni with loads of them and you need to listen to them talk about Nigerians in a derogatory way for you to know that it is a personal thing, I still have them as friends till today, though. A Ghanaian boy once told me that, he wouldn’t be caught dead dating a Nigerian girl even if she was the last of the female species on earth. Am not saying this kind of behaviour is acceptable amongst we Africans, and I’m really sorry your Mum thinks that way too.

However, I will advise you to give your mother the utmost respect she deserves because at the end of the day, she is still your mother and Blood, they say is thicker than water. I believe if you continue to show her respect and be exceptional in your attitude and studies, she will one-day realise she can trust you to make the best decision regarding your relationship. And continue to tell her all the good things your boyfriend is doing with his life with a bit of “exaggeration”, I want to believe her heart is not made of stone, she will come around sooner or later.

Oh thank you Desiree, thank you, that is so true. I never had problems with Ghanians till recently, i didnt know i was in some cocoon about the realtionship that exist btw Nigerians and Ghanians. I too used to think we were very close and like bros and sis, to my utter disblief recently. I met some Ghanaians that were so appalling in their attitude towards us it was shocking. My hairdresser too was telling me about her bf from Ghana and she had nothing pretty to say about him and his friends and family. Mycousin too went out with this guy from Ghana and she had a nasty experience with his family.

So yes there is tension btw us but i really dont know why
@Michelline i would say like everything dont jump in with both feet, check him out, not just becos of what mama says but just generally. Listen to your mum, she may say its because he is from Ghana, but there is a thing called maternal instincts and you should take it seriously.

All i can say is her mums menatality and many others who think like her, is the reason why Africa and black people all together will never rise up. How can white people take us seriously when we hate one another. I live in london , born and bred there and so is my Nigerian boyfriend - we have no problems, i think that its mainly the older generation that still have the problem. If you are going to talk about Nigerians Vs Ghanaians, you need to mention that some Carribeans actually detest Africans and so do some white, asians and oriental (chinese etc). To the original poster, go with who you love parents are not always right- if you listen to what people tell you and don't listen to your heart , you will be miserable. It seems that you really care for him too (wish you the best of luck).

@superman Ghana does have a better standard of living many nigerians i know have said this over and over again. However it is not about who is doing better, because at the end of the day we are all third world countries and are worth less than Europe, America and Asia (even though we have resources that are worth a lot, our greed and backstabbing mentality always causes our downfall) even the Carribean is richer than Africa and have a better standard of living (i went to jamaica and st lucia and it was beautiful however i still prefer Ghana). These counrtries (not so sure about the carribean because some islands discriminate against one another too e.g jamaica Vs Barbados) all stick together and as long as we are bickering about who is uglier, darker, prettier , or has the most money - the reality is Africa is still poor.

N.B The funny thing is as much as we fight amongst ourselves,  Europeans, Asians and orientals people all see us as one people.I for one will not take part into this tribalistic behaviour, it extremely ridiculous.

We are all one - Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Kwame Nkrumah, Martin Luther King would all be turning in their graves. Its such a sad sight to see. I'm Ghanaian and have Nigerian friends, Ghanaian, Carribean, Ugnada, Eiritrea, Somalia, ivory coast, Zimbababwe, Zambia and so on and we all treat each other as equals. This 'Ghana must go thing is really wearing thin' -why hold a grudge beacuse of something that happened a long time ago. in london there are many africans(from different countries) and carribeans that i know who date each other (my aunt happens to married to a jamaican man and one uncle is married to a nigerian woman and she has never been discriminated against by my family and my other uncle is married to a Zambian lady all have longlasting marriages). E.g my male friend from Jamaica is going out with my Ugandan friend, my ghanaian friend is going out with a liberian boy and previously dated a seirra leone guy - Its all in our heads and its ridiculous. Nowadays the younger generation (abroad) aren't really bothered (im 19 by the way), i find that the ones who live in the continent hold this rubbish tribal mentality like it has some value when all it does is divide and separate us.
Its time to wake up!

yaa ataa
yes sister is time to wake up for real like u stated! to say that there is nothing going on between ghana and nigeria could be an undertstatement. now lets not get carried away. and the fact u yourself lives in london like some of us makes me even more frightening with regards of your non chalanat attitude in way like u dnt know ghana are very very jealous of nigerians! lie as much as can but me like most nigerians already know! keep fooling yourself, just keep doing that right

to all nigerians out there yes i second your mum motion especailly the nigerians in london ghanaians could be so crafty u no cunning and stuff ! they are a such a big haters! some of them even believe some nigerians eat human being ! they are such a bad neighbour.

now if u think this superman is playing around i can only wish your boyfriend dnt get so close with your ghanaians folks c uz u already know what the outcome will be! i swear they gona go behind his back and stab him c uz your men are ulgy and jealous . it wouldnt suprise me about the barrage swing up your way.

im not saying nigerians are good and ghanaians are bad c uz there is always good individual but the truth reminds as a society ghana are bad for real. and that does reflect on their characters each time your happen to find yourself in a ghanaian party or sdomething. even that they are so jealous of each other. if yall wana party u are more likely to enjoy yourself in nigerians party c uz we know how to get down.

now to your poverty thing ! dnt make jamaican sound like a heaven now! i never being there but i can tell u most people that have said the holiday villa there is really nice and i believe that, no time for advocating to ass licking trying to make some like yall! nigerians havent got time. in country their population is same as that of football pitch still can't get their act togerther got we nigerians wondering! a lot wana escape to abroad ! now lets not confuses issuse here and understand what poverty really means before we begin dey yan story.

right for african to rise at this state it is the whole world knows africa can't do away with nigeria. in europe the french dnt like the english, the english dnt like the french but does that stop them from developing their country nevermind their differences! so be careful what u say sometimes as u already know your ghanaians are simply haters and very jealous human being!

like ghanaians love to speak as for your boyfriend nigerian men are like gold to many ghanaian ladies and u know it so hold tight love! it dey like accra market paraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha!

now like u said before africa has come a long way ghanaians better recognise that and chill. stop the hating ghanains you know

superman:

im not saying nigerians are good and ghanaians are bad c uz there is always good individual but the truth reminds as a society ghana are bad for real. and that does reflect on their characters each time your happen to find yourself in a ghanaian party or sdomething. even that they are so jealous of each other.

You people need to elaborate on these situations. What do they do? What do they say? I frankly cant say I know much about the madness between Ghanians and Nigerians. The ones in the States never said any crap to me then agains dont really ahng out with them that much so maybe that's the reason.