What do you do when you find out that your girlfriend (or someone that you intend to marry) has had sex with two different men while you were not around (or out of the country?).

And keeps "h-mute" about it - not confirming or denying it - even when confronted with the cold hard facts.

Is revenge or retribution the best option?

Let's come to face it, frankly!

Nobody will ever take a case of cheating lightly. There is no justification for any reason that might be given for cheating.

Even in cases of rape, only one in a thousand men will honestly look at their wives or spouse mercifully, you will definitely find traces of jealousy in him for what happened. This may eventually lead to jilting.

But sometimes it is good that you hear her out, you might just be the one at fault.

Her justification or reason for doing such thing will tell if you are to revenge or retrench, depending on your personal judgement and level of disappointment.

But as for my own personal judgement, she will have to go on suspension for sometime for me to get over the shock, after which I may be lenient enough to her story and decide on what to do.

Adetola: Even in cases of rape, only one in a thousand men will honestly look at their wives or spouse mercifully,

It is very, very insensitive of you to classify rape with adultery/cheating. [s] It shows that you are one of the men who would desert your fiance or girlfriend if she is raped.[/s] Yet the same men will come around and call women 'irrational'. Who could be more irrational than someone who thinks [I]rape[/I] and adultery are basically the same thing?

Yes, it is true that most men would have trouble dealing with the rape of their wives and girlfriends. However, it is not a case of jealousy; it is a case of feeling like a failure. Most men see themselves as protectors of their girlffriends, their family. When a man's girlfriend or wife is raped, deep within him he feels [I]like a failure[/I] for not being able to protect her from the assailant. This is the real reason why such men end up deserting their wives or girlfriends.

So please, do not classify rape and cheating/adultery together; let us not bring disgrace to the entire male race.

If my fiancee or wife sleeps with someone else, I honestly don't know what I would do. I guess I would first of all want to know why she would do such a thing. However, I don't understand why couples engaging in premarital sex make a big deal about 'cheating' when in fact [I]you[/I] are the one who is 'cheating' his/her future husband or wife, since you probably won't marry her.

Quote from Adetola: But sometimes it is good that you hear her out, you might just be the one at fault.

In reply to this, how is it one's fault when one's sweeter half cheats?  I don't get the logic.  Are you insinuating that she was driven to cheat in one's absence?  Please explain yourself, since I don't want to be pre-emptive here and accuse you of not knowing what the hell you are talking about..

To remain in a rational state of mind, let's suffice it to say that if and when you have a similar experience in the first person, then you'll know where someone is coming from. 

PS: [s]It doesn't matter if Seun is in a relationship or not.[/s]  There's no justification for rape, and cheating and rape are not even in the same universe, talkless of hemisphere.

No.

Somebody like me, even though I find my wife with another man in bed (not to talk more hearing it outside again) I will do her nothing because I want the best for her. Since she believes I am not the right person and she has gotten the right person, I am even cheating the right guy by keeping her in my house!

Think it through; I'm right.

If I discover that my fiancé is cheating on me I will end the relationship right there and be thankful to God that I was able to see this before I entered into marriage with him and possibly had children.

I don't believe in revenge or getting retribution because it eats away at you and makes you a bitter person, even though your intent is to make the other person's life a living hell. It always backfires. By freeing me to find someone who would be better suited to me, I have already had the best revenge.

So... should the individual go 'scot-free'  

Yes. The offense is not punishable by law!

To the best of my knowledge, no one who cheats goes scot-free. It's called nemesis and it manages to catch up with them in one form or the other, always. I should add 'sooner or later'... more often than not, sooner.

CimonJorr:

What do you do when you find out that your girlfriend (or someone that you intend to marry) has had sex with two different men while you were not around (or out of the country?)

If it's someone you intend to marry: "mai fren', dat one dey simpu: na to call off wedding now" ("my friend, that is a simple question. You have to call off the wedding."

HHhhhhmmmm....... this is a difficult decision u know, ....

Why is it that In our society when the man is caught cheating... nothing happens... they say its a man's world" so its normal abi? when the woman is caught cheating.... Everybody says its an abormination!!!! She must pay for it, she must be divorced. U must breakup with her. Yet for the man, they say, u must pray, u must get ur man back, bla, bla bla.

In as much as i cannot stand the act of unfaithfulness, (from both parties) i want to ask some questions here...

Cimonjorr, For how long were u gone for?

Was it a short business trip, or a course, or u went to study abroad, or went seeking greener pastures?

Probable, u left the country for so long a time, and her 'liver' failed her dat her bobo might not show up again or even if he does, maybe with another woman or some other stories.... she will now be left hanging and would have lost out in two ways....

Secondly do u have evidence that she actually did it or its just stories from jealous friends who are interested in having u for themselves?

Hope most of u watch our local Super Story drama series.... there might be a lot of the likes of CARO out there u know.

Please think well before u pursue ur babe o.

well ,havin gone thru all the contributions of the fellow house me

cimoorr (sorry i dont know if got dat lol) is the only person dat has the soln to its problems,everyone says his or her mind

but then it is he who wears the shoes know where it pinches him most,so my dear look into yourself to know if dis is actually tru,then know if u can forgive her or not it depends on u focus ur mindset on her:

actually wat works ffor one might not work for another.

i am tired and sick of hearing that dudes are allowed to somethings and the ladies aint. that is what i call crap aight. if me man can do some stuffs i believe i shld be able to do the same only if it is against me wish not to. if ur wife cheats on u when u are away i believe u shld still marry her if u really love her. it is going to be a big decision that will take time tho but i believe people should learn how to forgive but if it is someone u do not intend to get married to plssssssssss drop the dude or dudedette ass plsssssssssssssssssssss. dont think twice. but if there is a reason behind it then resolve it between urseves

Twinkledew, wait, wait, wait...... are you implying that Cimonjorr should also do same? As in cheat on her cos she cheated on him? or you are saying if yourguy cheats on you, u will also do same? hhmmmm.....

Anyways, He said she has done it 2 times (if i am not making a mistake) and she has neither denied nor accepted the accussation when confronted with it. Yet you say he should go ahead and forgive, Let me have a re-think... , yes, i agree with you... he can go ahead and forgive afterall, even GOD himself forgives, but forgiving her doesn't mean he has to continue with the relationship right?

little saint what i meant was that i am sick and tired of hearing guys saying that some gurls can not do some certain things becos they are ladies and only guys are allowed to. e.g they can not be players etc (call them sluts)to me its dump becos if a guy can, and a gurl's wishes is to go through that direction then she is allowed to. i dont play neither am i a player.

Forgiveness is the best answer to your question. Forgive her.

Ur galfriend or wifey can cheat on u till u die and u wouldn't know,, ,but revenge sounds definitely crazy to me

Quote from: Adetola
Even in cases of rape, only one in a thousand men will honestly look at their wives or spouse mercifully

It is very, very insensitive of you to classify rape with adultery/cheating. It shows that you are one of the men who would desert your fiance or girlfriend if she is raped. Yet the same men will come around and call women 'irrational'. Who could be more irrational than someone who thinks rape and adultery are basically the same thing?

Thank you for being a man of reason concerning the insulent comment adetola made. Holds my tongue or I will surely be banned from Nairaland due to the words that will flow from my mouth

So please, do not classify rape and cheating/adultery together; let us not bring disgrace to the entire male race.

Please teach him!

@CimonJorr

The ultimate decision is yours my friend; however, don't allow the actions of another cause you to harbor bitterness. Life is too short!

If you choose to stay with her, then work it out and let the past rest, and if you decide to leave, then be selective in future relationships but don't bring your previous experiences and impose them upon the new relationship. Good Luck to you

This na serious topic o jare,

Well, lf it happens to me, simple and short, cut the guy's toto and turn myself to the cops, the guy go learn lesson from me that he no go Bleep again in his life as in cheat with any babe while am in jail .lol . I call that Total Nonsense,

it all depends on the love u have 4 her

i'll lose my mind and turn a serial cheat,

Nope. . . it only puts you on the same level with the person and doesn't make you any better.

@poster (CimonJorr)

What do you do when you find out that your girlfriend (or someone that you intend to marry) has had sex with two different men while you were not around (or out of the country?).

And keeps "h-mute" about it - not confirming or denying it - even when confronted with the cold hard facts.

Is revenge or retribution the best option?

First and foremost, your profile says that you are a 36yrs old male who is located in Aberdeen. Hence please note that you a man hence as a man you would always have time on your side to make the right choice when it comes to choosing a wife. So please there is no reason to beat up yourself about a woman who might not be worth it.


Yes she[b] might [/b] be beautiful - nevertheless you would still find more beautiful women, if you are patient enough.
Yes she might be educated - nevertheless you would still find more educated women, if you are patient enough.
Yes you might love her - nevertheless love is a two way street, hence don't ever make the mistake of marriage until you are 100% sure that the woman     
                                                     loves you enough not to cheat on you irrespective of whether you are far away from her or not.



Secondly, having gone through your posts on the thread, please i need to confirm the following information before giving my opinion about it:


1. How did you find out about the two men, was it from her or a friend of hers or from the people involved.
2. Did you inform her siblings or her family about the situation.
3. Have you slept with her before or after you found out the information (to make sure you have not been infected with any STD or HIV infection).
4. What do you mean by cold hard facts, does it mean you caught her red handed or someone caught her red-handed or you have a physical evidence of her deeds.
5. How long have you two been together.
6. Did she claim to be a virgin before meeting you.
7. Did she claim to be keeping herself for you while you were away, before you now found out that she slept with two men.
8. For how long were you away from her.
9. What do you mean by revenge and retribution.
10. Why do you need to have revenge and retribution, considering that it costs you nothing to just dump her and move on with your life.


I would appreciate if you can please answer the following questions above before i make my own contribution to the thread.

No2Atheism:

@poster (CimonJorr)

First and foremost, your profile says that you are a 36yrs old male who is located in Aberdeen. Hence please note that you a man hence as a man you would always have time on your side to make the right choice when it comes to choosing a wife. So please there is no reason to beat up yourself about a woman who might not be worth it.


Yes she[b] might [/b] be beautiful - nevertheless you would still find more beautiful women, if you are patient enough.
Yes she might be educated - nevertheless you would still find more educated women, if you are patient enough.
Yes you might love her - nevertheless love is a two way street, hence don't ever make the mistake of marriage until you are 100% sure that the woman     
                                                     loves you enough not to cheat on you irrespective of whether you are far away from her or not.



Secondly, having gone through your posts on the thread, please i need to confirm the following information before giving my opinion about it:


1. How did you find out about the two men, was it from her or a friend of hers or from the people involved.
2. Did you inform her siblings or her family about the situation.
3. Have you slept with her before or after you found out the information (to make sure you have not been infected with any STD or HIV infection).
4. What do you mean by cold hard facts, does it mean you caught her red handed or someone caught her red-handed or you have a physical evidence of her deeds.
5. How long have you two been together.
6. Did she claim to be a virgin before meeting you.
7. Did she claim to be keeping herself for you while you were away, before you now found out that she slept with two men.
8. For how long were you away from her.
9. What do you mean by revenge and retribution.
10. Why do you need to have revenge and retribution, considering that it costs you nothing to just dump her and move on with your life.


I would appreciate if you can please answer the following questions above before i make my own contribution to the thread.

abeg bros answer questions as a matter of urgency !

Cimonjorr,
I think I found the solution for my cheating spouse, don't get mad get even. Since the harlot that he consorts with has no papers I think
that I'll just call the hotline at immigration so they can have the bangles ready when she goes for her green card interview. I think she needs a free one way ticket back to the bush she came from. By the way she is not innocent, she knows that he is married and persists in harassing
my household with her calls. If he doen't like it, he can go with her and I told him so. She could not be so bold without his cooperation.
Now that I know her home address they may decide to pick her up before her interview. Will she think going back home in disgrace be worth what she has done. I'd like to know what others think about this problem I have. What would do?

Euchena:

Cimonjorr,
I think I found the solution for my cheating spouse, don't get mad get even. Since the harlot that he consorts with has no papers I think
that I'll just call the hotline at immigration so they can have the bangles ready when she goes for her green card interview. I think she needs a free one way ticket back to the bush she came from. By the way she is not innocent, she knows that he is married and persists in harassing
my household with her calls. If he doen't like it, he can go with her and I told him so. She could not be so bold without his cooperation.
Now that I know her home address they may decide to pick her up before her interview. Will she think going back home in disgrace be worth what she has done. I'd like to know what others think about this problem I have. What would do?

your problem is a deep one and no woman would want that sort of problem. sometimes even getting even does not fill the void in our hearts. the void in your heart now is one of lack of love and the fact he has eyes for another woman. reporting her to the authorities may not solve the problem and could lead to a bigger can of ugly worms. she is definitely out of order, so is he. you need to think long term here, whether your thoughts right now are ones you can live with in the long run. its better to be better than to be bitter. a wise thing may be to tell your husband you can do it without actually doing it. that may scare him into realising his wrong, alerting the woman and you will subsequently regain your man. if you are hell bent of doing it proceed but remember that life is a long winding road. God bless you

let it go, mate

If cheating automatically ends a relationship it might cause some people to think twice before cheating, because a relationship with someone who truly loves you for who you are is irreplaceable, priceless, invaluable and some cheaters never realize this until it's too late.

Whatever their reasons for cheating may be, it is unjustifiable and sick.  I don't care if you're a man or a woman. 

If a woman cheats on me and I find out, she will suffer one way or another in the long run or the short.

Vengeance is mine saith the Lord .