Nothing - Romance (5) - Nairaland
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| Re: Nothing by JeniY1: 1:30pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
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| Re: Nothing by Nobody: 1:33pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y: Gosh! it only gets worse! u really are a nasty selfish b*tch. U said your husband knows about the feelings u have for him. well, lemme just ask u dis question: how would u like it if it was the oda way round? would u be happy knowing dat ur husband lusted after some other woman? ur so full of sh*t and stop tryna get sympathy coz it's not gonna work! ur in the wrong and u know it |
| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 1:38pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
nawtiichic:If only you had pulled your milk teeth you would know that throughout her husbands lifetime he will surely have his moments of weakness, and no she would not feel good about it but she would know she has a man who really loves and respects her if he tells her just the way she has told him. |
| Re: Nothing by koolchicco: 1:40pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
nawtiichic: WAEC QUESTION!so true. |
| Re: Nothing by Nobody: 1:48pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Chrisbenogor: errrmm i dnt think so! if she respected his feelings she would never tell him such knowing that it will hurt him. i know ur tryna play the 'old responsible wise man' sh*t but i bet if ur wifey (if ur married) told u that she was in love with someone else u wouldnt think she said it outta 'respect' |
| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 1:52pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
nawtiichic:So let us get it straight then, is she wrong to be in love or she is wrong to tell him? Plus do you not sense that it is the man who did not do his own research well before getting married to her? If you were their marriage counselor and they were both sitting in front of you what would you be telling them? |
| Re: Nothing by Fredique(m): 2:01pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Chrisbenogor: Good question. . .sometimes I wonder whether some comments are coming from robots or human beings. Like they have never entertained nasty feelings. If she is my wife and discusses it with me, I will feel bad (no doubt), but I'll respect her for that -as long as I am convinced she is telling me, not to disrespect me but to deal with it. |
| Re: Nothing by Nobody: 2:01pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Chrisbenogor: are you kidding me? so now its her husband's fault that she is indecisive and manipulative? its wasnt up to her husband to do a 'research' but up to her to have decided who she really wanted to be with. from the initial thread she said at the time her friend wasnt ready to settle down, if she loved him why couldnt she wait for the man she loves rather than rushing into marriage with another man outta desperation and now she's 'unhappy' because shes still in love with her friend. pls, theres no need in tryna defend or feel sorry for her because it is very obvious and clear that she's in the wrong! |
| Re: Nothing by Fredique(m): 2:09pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
nawtiichic: No body is saying that what she feels is right. The point is that it doesn't make her a LovePeddler or a bitch like some posts have suggested. As it is, no one is hurt yet (judging from her post), there is no affair yet (they are even in seperate continents). It's all in the realm of feelings and I believe the idea behind the post is to deal with the feeling -which I think is reasonable. Granted that she is in the wrong, calling her a bitch or LovePeddler will not make it right. |
| Re: Nothing by JeniY1: 2:25pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
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| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 2:28pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Fredique:Very true! nawtiichic:Your answers reflect something very basic, you have not had real life experiences in romance, you see issues as right or wrong and life is rarely ever black or white but my dear its not like that. Let me paint a picture for you, a girl meets a guy in her first year of university, they are both young naive and in love. They are also both of the same age, the guy sadly is studying engineering, and she is in sciences, they are both crazy in love and she finishes before the guy, she is 23 when she finishes, and the guy gets to be 24 when he finishes and she has finished her service and is looking for a job. The guy being the man he is wants to finish and then get a job and of course try and fend a bit for his family then try to start settling down, in his plans he needs 6 more years to get to the point of being married. She knows the risks are all too much for her as anything could happen in those years and if she loses him in the Nigerian context she has lost more than him, they have a little tiff and then they decide to call it quits even though they are still really into each other. Then this guy who is ready to get married in the next year comes around, especially if he already has a successful job in the US and is ready to get married . He is smart and mature and also shows that he loves her, her family loves the guy and her close friends (maybe you pun intended  ) tell her its the best thing that can happen to her, she moves over to LA and has one of the best 3 months of her life, the change of environment and all that makes her feel good and before she knows its wedding bells. After everything settles down, she checks her facebook profile to find out that the guy just got an admission into Imperial College London and his pictures from a holiday in the Caribbean shows her that this guy has still got the SWAG, coincidentally her husband becomes more and more engrossed in work, and then the thought begin to creep in, what if this and what if that, I am sure you get the point by now ( oh and by the way the above is not nollywood but somebody's real life)So tell me who is right and who is wrong? |
| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 2:32pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y:I think you should seek for professional help so you do not hurt your husband more, what I know is that you might never get what what you want from the one you love and that will crush you even more. |
| Re: Nothing by minute(f): 3:04pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
The delusion of a greener grass on the other side,trust me,it isn't.  What is wrong with you people?? Life is too short to be so damn unhappy! You have been letting temptation run your life and that wont lead to happiness either.When you love someone,you are one of the lucky ones,If someone loves you then you are blessed.Dont keep wondering "what if" because you'll mess up a good thing looking for something that might not even exist. |
| Re: Nothing by JeniY1: 3:24pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
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| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 3:27pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y:Yes you will discover happiness someday but you have to work towards it, make happiness for yourself and if you try hard in that marriage and you are still not happy then leave but not to look for your ex try and get a grip of yourself ok, |
| Re: Nothing by pinkstar(f): 3:35pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
it is a grave sin before God,if you should betray your marriage.It can lead you to unending cause & problem in future & generations unborn.If God want you 2 marry your best-friend,he will surely make a way 4 dat.Don't do any stupid,accept your love is a stupid one.Cos as far as i am concerned LOVE is wise and not foolish. |
| Re: Nothing by Chrisbenogor(m): 3:37pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
pinkstar:How is ones love a stupid one? |
| Re: Nothing by MyPeace(f): 4:06pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
@ all lts unfortunate you guys are calling her a selfish person. she didnt say much about the case. For her to call him friend might mean the guy was not into her, but she was into the guy. And when a guy is not into a lady he will always behaviour as if he is not ready. She is only a woman theres no how she can propose, l believe if the guy had proposed to her this woman would hv said yes. @ Poster Baby girl, l understand how u feel. Just know that u are married, the bible says (if u are a xtian), that a wise woman builds her home but the foolish one tears it apart with her own hand. Do you want to tear ur home apart? Rember that what u dont appreciate, will depreciate in value. Always rember that particular thing that made u marry ur hubby and think more of it. Good marriages dont fall from heavy but are made. make ur home! On how to stop thinking about ur best friend. Pray about it. Tell urself that u can NEVER have him. Delete his tel number immediately and stop any other form of contact, email etc. With time u will forget him. |
| Re: Nothing by speeddater: 4:09pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Loved someone like that too but we are different in that u made a fundamental mistake of getting married when u should have taken a risk and held out for true love and waited for this guy to be ready. How to remedy the situation - u r going to have to loose this ur friend as both a friend and a love interest. 1.Stop thinking about him. Anytime ur mind wonders to him switch topics in your head deliberately (visualise a mental button that u can turn on and off). Go on a complete fast of the guy. U are obviously going to break this commandment a few times but its is important that u try and with time i assure him that the he will stop being ur waking and sleeping thot. hjave bible verses u can confess during the times u tend to think of him (google for bible verse on Christ being ur strength) 2 .Avoid situations where u tend to think of him a lot like: driving home alone in ur car and u start daydreaming in traffic - pick someone from ur office to go home with u in the car and chat with spooning in bed with ur husband -- be the outer spoon so that ur husbands imagine is continually before u and ur mind wont start fantasizing Seeing a baby and dreaming of having his --Imagine he is impotent or there is some really ugly gene lying dormant in his family waiting to be latch on to his child. 3. Explain to ur friend that for the sake of ur sanity and marriage that u have to cut all contact with him . Ask the guy to help u by not picking ur calls and not replying ur mails and sms. He has no business encouraging u. 4. Maintain physical contact with ur husband -- have lunch with him during the week, escape to a quiet hotel a few weekends in the year with him. Share the same bedroom. Hold each other when sleeping. Buy karma sutra book and make a resolution to try all the position with him before year end. etc The sad truth is that u r going to have to loose a friend but the other option u have is worse |
| Re: Nothing by olelle: 4:50pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
I advise you to get veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery serious with God like committing to Him you and your husband such as going to church, have devotions at home daily etc, and let God save and help you in your marriage. |
| Re: Nothing by Damoche10: 5:11pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Your husband should check the paternity of the child/children you have for him, I don't trust you. |
| Re: Nothing by rubi(f): 5:22pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
This is exactly like nollywood movie one more kiss @Poster do not give in to that your best friend. He will one day remind you that you abandoned your hubby and ran to him he will not respect you either. Be firm and delete any contact with him go and re-read your marriage vow. Once again you don't know the value of what you have until you loose it. |
| Re: Nothing by holythug(m): 5:25pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
@ post Why did u get ur self knotted . . . when u r in love wit sum1 else |
| Re: Nothing by JeniY1: 6:56pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
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| Re: Nothing by C2H5OH(f): 7:07pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y:Yeah yeah, what were you expecting to have your potbelly rubbed? You should have known that not all criticisms would be constructive. Best of luck in the future, AND STAY AWAY FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND; YOU ARE MARRIED. |
| Re: Nothing by LAX89(m): 7:07pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
@ Jeni-Y My dear, life's toooooooooo short to deprive yourself of anything, so long as its legal. If you have the hots for this your your 'friend', just do him once and see how you feel afterwards. As for your husband, poor bastard, thats his luck. Can anyone guarantee that he's not diddling some broad somewhere nice and quiet. I say again, life's toooooooooooooooooo short, when in doubt, do. Pls do this your 'friend' already and move on. |
| Re: Nothing by pappy4real(m): 7:19pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
was this friend of urs f**king u real hard/good? or y are u so infatuated to hm? cos in my opinion what u fell is infatuation and lust. NOTE:- if u think that ur friend will gladly marry u if u divorce ur husband, then u need a re-think. focus in ur husband and how to move onwith ur life and have kids 4 the man that loves u enuf to marry u. this is the treasure i can offer u ooooooooo |
| Re: Nothing by larez(m): 8:52pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
It's just a pity. A damn shame that integrity is hard to find in today's society. Have you guys noticed the number of "I"s and Me me me that the poster has in every post? This is a born selfish and self-centered person. No matter how selfish her thoughts are, she will find a way to rationalize it. I bet she's a daughter of one of these despotic politicians. You'd be surprised. |
| Re: Nothing by MUZBO(m): 8:59pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y:Trust me. You'll forget about him easily once you know he is married with children. It will be hard but at this stage, feeling the desperation in your post, I'll say you should seek counselling alone or with your husband. Not necessarily a psychiatrist but a Clinical psychologist. Trust me, it helps. |
| Re: Nothing by EchuaA: 9:18pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
This gist isn’t complete. I wish u could fill this lacuna and answer these myriads of questions.  As @ the time u got married, were u arm twisted? Did he cast a spell on u, were u deceive? How ar u sur dat what u hav 4 ur friend is not true lov but infatuation, ar us sur dat after ur break up ur friend wil hook up with u? Lots need to b taken into consideration. In as much as u ar seeking tru love and happiness, the world will 4giv u 4 not following ur heart but to make a second mistake wit a view 2correcting the first, even mother earth will not 4giv u. ur dilemma is shared by many. U hav 2 know dat this is a life long decision which is capable of makin or marring u. my candid advice, tak an intense prayers and fasting go down to God in Deep communication. After this tak 2 what u lik doing best, spend som time in a nature fill environment appreciate God’s Beauty in Flowers, running water/ water fall, do som jogging tak deep breathing exercises and c if u still can picture dis ur friend. If yes, picture his few odd, magnify them and let them dominate u mind. If u stil lik him. Then talk 2ur Religious guide be it, Pastor, Imam or Priest (friendly on else ur issue will be compounded). After exhausting all means to mak u lov him, they will arrange a peaceful break up by church, mosque or court. U will once more be set free to follow ur heart. Your case is dat of over 50% of married couples u may shout :oWHOA! But is the bitter truth. Thanks 4bin bold enough to shar urs. Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed not endured  |
| Re: Nothing by TheSeeker(m): 9:25pm On Aug 24, 2009 |
Jeni-Y: |
| Re: Nothing by na2day2(m): 1:15am On Aug 25, 2009 |
Outstrip: oh i did and u did not, she is the one running tooth and nail for another guy, the guy said i am not ready, she said i can't wait, what do u want the guy to do, tie her down? |
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