sorextee:
I remember when one of my gf broke up with me. It wasn't even the break up dat pained me o. It was the manner at which she did it.

foolinlove:
No contact is designed to help you get over heartbreak and move on quickly.

I must stress that there has to be a break-up for this to work properly for you. If there is no break up then you will always be wondering about something you never actually closed off (and no one needs those kinds of regrets). For this to work, there must be a break up. When someone treats you badly, and even though it makes you sad, you can break it off and use this no contact rule to regain your peace.

Why it works:
The ex's contact is a drug to those in love. You will crave their attention because every time you hear from them it gives you a hope things can be the way they were. When you have contact with them it will be like you are high on a drug - you will have a fleeting happiness moment.

Your happiness moment is linked to hope. You will be hoping, praying that they respond to you again. Then the cycle continues: you crave more contact, then you get some, your hope increases, then the hope fades, you crave more contact and so on. As the cycle continues you get addicted and you can't move on properly to be with someone who cherishes you. The only way you can move on quickly and properly is to BREAK THE CYCLE.

How it works:
When your love drops you, or they have cheated, say "ok. I wish you happiness." make sure all ends are closed off (like you don't have items at their house etc.) and then cease contact altogether. Remember, if they have cheated, they do not truly love you - you need to move on for your self and your peace. Do not forgive, because you will have suspicions and trust issues for the rest of your relationship and it will be miserable for both of you.

Do not tell them you are doing the "no contact rule" with them. Just be silent. Do not contact them no matter how much you want to. If they contact you, do not respond to their calls, texts, messages etc. Where you can, block their facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatsapp, EVERYTHING.

If you are strong enough, you can look at what they send to you. Cry, gnash your teeth, pull your hair, whatever. BUT DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Keep a diary of all the times you want to contact them instead. Day one, day two, day three, day four, day five and so on. Write all your feelings, talk to friends, but DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Even if they are begging you for one more chance, DO NOT RESPOND (see below for how this affects your reconciliation chances).

The longer you go not contacting them, the stronger you will be. You will start moving on and it will be longer between the times you think about them and crave them. One day... you will realise that you haven't thought about them for so long! When you do think about them, maybe your feelings have waned so much you wonder why you were attracted to them in the first place.

When to break the no contact rule:
NEVER. If you think that something is so important that you need to contact them, you can get a friend or a family member to do on your behalf.

If they contact you with this "come pick up the thing, or I need to pick up the thing, I need to tell you something", give their details to a friend or family member and let them respond to the request. Make sure you are not around to see them if they come to collect or drop off items at your house or school etc. You are to have NO CONTACT AT ALL.

The effect on your ex:
If you stay silent, it sends a message to your ex that you no longer have time for them. That they hurt you and you cannot be friends with them any longer. They will realise that you are better than craving after them. Your ex's respect for you will grow.

If they do want to be with you truly, believe me they will find a way to let you know - either through your family member or turning up on your doorstep to beg you. You will know when they are serious about you because they will say and do things they've never before. Do not accept a weak attempt at reconciliation. Only accept what you know to be serious and true. Remember: reconciliation is not possible if one of the parties has cheated.

If they don't want be with you, they won't try that hard. They will accept and you are free of them and their hurt forever. You have broken the cycle and you can move on to someone who can cherish and truly love you.

It is about you, not them:
No contact is about YOU - it is not about making your partner come back, even though the no contact rule can do that sometimes. No contact rule is a tool to give yourself some peace and some respect. It is a tool to help you MOVE ON. Most relationships end. ALL the guys/girls are the wrong one until the LAST ONE, the one you truly love and loves you with heart, soul and mind.

It is hard. It is very VERY hard. But you are worth it.

Withambition:
please, reply my PM because I'm really interested in your experience. Haaaaa! It's like it's a no going back thing for you! Is it that bad?

foolinlove:


If u read my posts u can get an idea of what I went thru. Yes, it was that bad. What questions u have for me?

Withambition:
I believe there's more to it. BTW, I can't ask you personal questions on this public platform nw

foolinlove:


Like what more? Anyway u can ask. I don't care.

PushPlay:


wtf! is this write up all about?

•You wouldn't understand a post like this,its actually helpful

Morning.What made you emerge from that cave you hold up in ta write that trash you post.
Needed some sunlight?

KingCheezyPuff:
•You wouldn't understand a post like this,its actually helpful

Morning, what made you emerge from that cave you hold up in ta write that trash you post.
Needed some sunlight?

PushPlay:


Am i supposed to be MAD, now that you called me a caveman.

I totally understand the write up. Just trying to see her perspective. Right?

I never implied you where a "caveman"
.....I was straight calling you a cave CREATURE

What for do you need her perspective? Has she not already said all in her post?

KingCheezyPuff:
I never implied you where a "caveman"
.....I was straight calling you a cave CREATURE

What for do you need her perspective? Has she not already said all in her post?

foolinlove:


If u read my posts u can get an idea of what I went thru. Yes, it was that bad. What questions u have for me?

PushPlay:


Now you call me a creature?

Exactly what kind?


So you expect me to read all that and swallow it. Hook, line and sinker?

•"What kind"?... An ugly 1

If she gave this account once, I'm sure she'll give it again.Leave it...
.....

foolinlove:


Like what more? Anyway u can ask. I don't care.

Withambition:
Haaa! This is serious! Anyway...it's well. Really, everybody have their individual experience(s) but I want to know your own experience that just make you to lock-up totally like that. In fact, it's as if you don't mind killing if it is criminally inconsequential.

foolinlove:


I don't see yout analogy.

Killing? Never. I made a choice that I will never be heartbroken again. Being in a relationship and not loving the partner is really wrong. If I am in a relationship and do fall in love, there arr no guarantees that it will not end in heartbreak. Hence deciding not to be in a relationship. My personal choice is all.

This rule ia not saying that you have to lock up to everyone. Just that one person. It's so you can move on properly.

Amthol:
This has really been enlightening in my own opinion i think this would have served as the topic of the write up better


" NO CONTACT RULE: THE INGENUITY OF A HEART BROKEN LADY"

To be honest it must be really tough on you going through all that, yet i feel you still the same person as before despite your no contact rule to feel secure, well it might have been working for you, but nothing has changed, you only left from one extreme point(loving blindly) to another extreme point (not loving at all), in that case[color=#000099][/color] you can kuku be a NUN then. just a word of advice, work towards achieving a balance in your life.

DonTim1:
say ur no contact rule has worked for u 5 years down, then u find yourself in a position where u have to seek help (job,health, connection etc) from this your EX, and u are sure its the easy way and he will help, you'll still not contact?

i dont believe in burning bridges as ur no contact rule suggest, i believe its better you dont contact except its important, life saving / improving and keep the conversation on point, no talks of the 'before'.

some people are meant to be friends and not lovers, when they breakup and at least have an 'ok' relationship , they can still have purpose or influence in eachothers life.

from personal experience, i have exe's who have contributed to my personal growth and me likewise just because we didn't burn the bridge

foolinlove:


I didn't suggest burning bridges. I suggested that if you love that person so much, this is a way to get over it and move on.

Maybe in a few years you will be able to talk again - who knows? But this is for heartbroken people whose exes have dumped them, not a mutually agreed breakup.

DonTim1:
say ur no contact rule has worked for u 5 years down, then u find yourself in a position where u have to seek help (job,health, connection etc) from this your EX, and u are sure its the easy way and he will help, you'll still not contact?

i dont believe in burning bridges as ur no contact rule suggest, i believe its better you dont contact except its important, life saving / improving and keep the conversation on point, no talks of the 'before'.

some people are meant to be friends and not lovers, when they breakup and at least have an 'ok' relationship , they can still have purpose or influence in eachothers life.

from personal experience, i have exe's who have contributed to my personal growth and me likewise just because we didn't burn the bridge

Sincere4u:
This technique is wicked and mean to me. I can't apply it to someone I had loved no matter what led to the breakup. My ex cheated so badly that I couldn't go on with her.
She was just about becoming my wife at the time of discovery. Her cries and pleas didn't fall on deaf ears. Having forgiven her, I set a limit to that forgiveness which is that we could never continue with the relationship yet she still has a place in my heart.
I pick her calls at times and reply her messages when I feel like but I have still been able to move on though not in any relationship yet. I keep urging her to move on too and wished her well.
I can never bring myself to apply this draconian and heartless rule.
Not if one truly loved and cherished that person before things went wrong. Only whites and like minded blacks can apply the no contact rule.

foolinlove:


That's fine. Each to their own. As I said, this only works in certain circumstances and is really just a method to get over heartbreak more easily. I have said before that No Contact doesn't last forever, just until you have enough space to have moved on emotionally. To the point where you are no longer hurting from being dropped or by the idea that a person no longer loves you.

If cheating occurs, I believe that the relationship is shattered beyond repair. My personal belief is that if someone loves, then they don't cheat. Everything after the cheating will be marred by the idea that someone has been unfaithful and can therefore do it again. Trust is a hard thing to rebuild.

Having said that, if you were able to rebuild your relationship then well done! You are obviously a strong person and very in love. I wish you the best in your relationship

Ps. Please don't be mean to me because I'm white. The No Contact rule has worked for so many people. It may be Draconian to you, but sometimes people have to exercise this rule in order to regain their self-esteem and balance in life.

foolinlove:
No contact is designed to help you get over heartbreak and move on quickly.

I must stress that there has to be a break-up for this to work properly for you. If there is no break up then you will always be wondering about something you never actually closed off (and no one needs those kinds of regrets). For this to work, there must be a break up. When someone treats you badly, and even though it makes you sad, you can break it off and use this no contact rule to regain your peace.

Why it works:
The ex's contact is a drug to those in love. You will crave their attention because every time you hear from them it gives you a hope things can be the way they were. When you have contact with them it will be like you are high on a drug - you will have a fleeting happiness moment.

Your happiness moment is linked to hope. You will be hoping, praying that they respond to you again. Then the cycle continues: you crave more contact, then you get some, your hope increases, then the hope fades, you crave more contact and so on. As the cycle continues you get addicted and you can't move on properly to be with someone who cherishes you. The only way you can move on quickly and properly is to BREAK THE CYCLE.

How it works:
When your love drops you, or they have cheated, say "ok. I wish you happiness." make sure all ends are closed off (like you don't have items at their house etc.) and then cease contact altogether. Remember, if they have cheated, they do not truly love you - you need to move on for your self and your peace. Do not forgive, because you will have suspicions and trust issues for the rest of your relationship and it will be miserable for both of you.

Do not tell them you are doing the "no contact rule" with them. Just be silent. Do not contact them no matter how much you want to. If they contact you, do not respond to their calls, texts, messages etc. Where you can, block their facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatsapp, EVERYTHING.

If you are strong enough, you can look at what they send to you. Cry, gnash your teeth, pull your hair, whatever. BUT DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Keep a diary of all the times you want to contact them instead. Day one, day two, day three, day four, day five and so on. Write all your feelings, talk to friends, but DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Even if they are begging you for one more chance, DO NOT RESPOND (see below for how this affects your reconciliation chances).

The longer you go not contacting them, the stronger you will be. You will start moving on and it will be longer between the times you think about them and crave them. One day... you will realise that you haven't thought about them for so long! When you do think about them, maybe your feelings have waned so much you wonder why you were attracted to them in the first place.

When to break the no contact rule:
NEVER. If you think that something is so important that you need to contact them, you can get a friend or a family member to do on your behalf.

If they contact you with this "come pick up the thing, or I need to pick up the thing, I need to tell you something", give their details to a friend or family member and let them respond to the request. Make sure you are not around to see them if they come to collect or drop off items at your house or school etc. You are to have NO CONTACT AT ALL.

The effect on your ex:
If you stay silent, it sends a message to your ex that you no longer have time for them. That they hurt you and you cannot be friends with them any longer. They will realise that you are better than craving after them. Your ex's respect for you will grow.

If they do want to be with you truly, believe me they will find a way to let you know - either through your family member or turning up on your doorstep to beg you. You will know when they are serious about you because they will say and do things they've never before. Do not accept a weak attempt at reconciliation. Only accept what you know to be serious and true. Remember: reconciliation is not possible if one of the parties has cheated.

If they don't want be with you, they won't try that hard. They will accept and you are free of them and their hurt forever. You have broken the cycle and you can move on to someone who can cherish and truly love you.

It is about you, not them:
No contact is about YOU - it is not about making your partner come back, even though the no contact rule can do that sometimes. No contact rule is a tool to give yourself some peace and some respect. It is a tool to help you MOVE ON. Most relationships end. ALL the guys/girls are the wrong one until the LAST ONE, the one you truly love and loves you with heart, soul and mind.

It is hard. It is very VERY hard. But you are worth it.

Sincere4u:
This technique is wicked and mean to me. I can't apply it to someone I had loved no matter what led to the breakup. My ex cheated so badly that I couldn't go on with her.
She was just about becoming my wife at the time of discovery. Her cries and pleas didn't fall on deaf ears. Having forgiven her, I set a limit to that forgiveness which is that we could never continue with the relationship yet she still has a place in my heart.
I pick her calls at times and reply her messages when I feel like but I have still been able to move on though not in any relationship yet. I keep urging her to move on too and wished her well.
I can never bring myself to apply this draconian and heartless rule.
Not if one truly loved and cherished that person before things went wrong. Only whites and like minded blacks can apply the no contact rule.