[b]My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wiv[/b]es please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

Why are gurls of today so childish and immature? Whats there in saying good morning? U c y its not advisable to marry a woman older than u? U senior am she cant greet..what if na she senior u? Common good morning!! If na me ur husband i go de sarcastically greet u every time.

U seem to be the over pampered..notice me...cant cook kinda lady. By what means necessary no try antagonise the mum or sis or u either become 2nd wife or ex mrs.
Na ur arrogance go lead u axtray. Y go 2 his pocket? What did keep there...my wife does not go to my pocket. So wen money started disappearing i knew the maid was at work...she even had the nerves to be buying all her classmates a treat at school on mondays and fridays!!

juman:


Good post.

Also visiting marriage counselor by the couple would help.

trust me when I say marriage counseling is going to worsen the situation, such men are very egoistic and bringing in a third party will only compound her problem and make him withdraw more from her, my former comment is the only solution, from experience with my dad, she better watch and thread carefully and please op,I want to know if you have kids, so I can advise you on how to make sure it doesn't affect your kids psychologically, I have been there, and learnt alot

Be prayerfully ... ...everything will be ok

Some people get married for marriage sake and nothing else, maybe your husband is having an affair or he has a secret grudge against you for some reasons, i suggest you sort the issue out with your husband and have a heart to heart talk with him regarding his emotional distance (it is very weird), marriage is not a bed of roses, it is thorny too.

Madam I understand how you feel and I pray God to lavish your home with alots of happiness. I'll help you forward this to a therapist on Facebook. The name is Amara Van-Lare, like her page on Facebook and you will receive her advice on what to do. Thanks

hello, this is not a good place to bring your family problem, you don't need a third party in your family. all you need is to pray for your husband and your family. if you need help, I can send you some Christian movies to watch on how you can go about it. good luck

reading carefully

LuvU2:
Why did u marry him!

see question,.....that's an irony of life.

sexymoma:
Ignore him for awhile... Greet him every morning and do your things on your own...aint talking about personal needs ooo
As in put him in his place... Fine he doesn't want you to joke around with him leave him... Play with your kids
He keeps things away from you... Do the same.. Keep things away from him.. Don't tell him what you gonna do next... If he sits, sits nd Jos ignore him... Don't get me wrong ain't saying you should keep malice with him ooo... Buh i bet you he is doing all these becos you are giving him too much attention..

seconded.

Did you marry your grandpa's age mate? Didn't you court?


As in I really feel for the OP o, can't cope with a stuck up, egocentric, selfish man. Someone you can't joke with, play with, discuss with, share your feelings with, etc, married to a stranger. Some people are worse off than singles sef.

I don't even know what to advice sef just continue managing him and face your children if any. Just saw the 'Ode ' part, please 'Ode' is not a joke o, it's very offensive. I hope you've not called him that 'jokingly ' before.

GloriaNinja:
Some people get married for marriage sake and nothing else, maybe your husband is having an affair or he has a secret grudge against you for some reasons, i suggest you sort the issue out with your husband and have a heart to heart talk with him regarding his emotional distance (it is very weird), marriage is not a bed of roses, it is thorny too.

well said, but do you think heart to heart discussion will work.

Dear I have ones been in your shoes but I tell you , you really need to sit up and work your marriage out .He wants respect, he wants you to greet him in the morning ,when he comes back from work but babe wats the big deal in that , it depends on ow u do it , am very sure he is not sayin come kneel down and say ekaro daddy wa , seriously I greet my hubby every mornin wiv a kiss saying morning baby , tho at first I saw it like hmm wat is all dis oyinbo dem dem but girl it really helped my marriage ,tell you somfyn if u don't do it someone else will do it for him .Thank God ur sexual life/ finance is perfect n am sure he is not hitting you yet , so abeg babe don't call him o de , atleast not yet get to be friends first n also get busy mayb if he doesn't want you to work den learn somfyn , start a class, but babe work on urself just like Charles b , marriage is not for boys and girls but matured minds , grow up girl you are married to a matured busy man.

This girl u r stubborn...its a xter trait..sems u cant help tge stubbornness. U ve to come off ur high horse and not try to be the one in control....the greatest yhing my wife ever did was understand me! N me he of course.
When ever wr argue she stays quiet...even if she is right. After a day or 2 she brings it up quietly when m sober and shows me where i went wrong. I will be surprised y i did not c her point of view then n will apologise. N we move on. Never ever expect ur hubby 2 be rational in the heat of anger. Use this method n he will see u as less disrespectful n more trustworthy.

Babztetmmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, interms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

If you are an ardent follower of nairaland u would understand that most of them are just pasting there WEAC result here.
So that is to say out of 100 percent nairalander 70 percent are jambites, 20 percent are still in school, 3 percent are youth looking for jobs and settling down why the remaining 2 percent are married.
So with this analysis, who wan give u advice make ur marriage take Good?

If you are an ardent follower of nairaland u would understand that most of them are just pasting there WEAC result here.
So that is to say out of 100 percent nairaland 70 percent are jambite, 20 percent are still in school, 3 percent are youth looking for jobs and settling down why the remaining 2 percent are married.
So with this analysis, who wan give u advice make ur marriage take Good?
Because whEn u guys where busying creating publicity stunt with wedding proposer you jump say yes.
if we talk them go say we b haters.

Very painful, if you have business and children concentrate on them, give him some space, life is not only about marriage, may God guide you.

Babztemmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, in terms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

@OP dear, you see in life we dont always get what we want. we simply make the most of what we have. STOP with the arguments already. no matter how tempted you are, try not to talk back for the sake of your sanity and the wellbeing of your relationship. hmmm he takes care of you, most of all your sex life as you said is perfect. you have got a very good man. he is for keeps. don't throw away the baby with the bath water as it is said. see,look inwards and sought yourself out first. if he wants to be worshipped like a king, why not? isit too much to ask for? do what makes him happy because it seems your definition of 'happy" is different from his. seems you have not taken out time to understand your mans Love language. you need to understand him, his body language and things or acts that truly makes him happy and do as much of it as you can.
Talk of running away, where to? you face your problems head on with a mission to finding a long lasting problem not running away or finding quick fix solutions. simple acts such as "pls" and "thank you" goes a long way. if he is the kind that likes kneeling to greet by all means do.it puts a smile on his face and feels happy, that in turn keeps you happy because he will be kind to you. if he wants to be spoon feed, pls do. if he wants to be bathed by all means. if you truly love him, all these should be effortless.
Sister, work on yourself. these are self inflicted problems. you have a good man dont throw him to the dogs. trust me the market is saturated as it where if you know what i mean. God Bless and keep you both happy. ohh by the way...... no derogatory name calling.

Marriage sha
U never enter wahala
U enter...ijogbon,oga ooo

How do you dress at home? hope you don't wear those long mary amaka gowns at home while some other bitch is dressing to kill?
well, find out those attributes that made him fall in love with you, ignite it.
Am suspecting his an introvert, so you gatta try to understand him too...
most importantly, sit him down and discuss this issue with him, tell him how much you
love him and how much your hurt by his actions...

I mean don't depend on him to get emotional satisfaction or joy. He is a typical African man and there is nothing you will do to change that instead focus on yourself channel the energy you will use to please him to pleasing urself and ur kids if any and try and get busy with time you will even see his attention as disturbance

Are u one of those that took part in the mass marriage in Kano? You should know why I'm asking.

Op, do you have a child? If your answer us ''NO'' then he is not happy with you and finds no reason to believe in you,that is why he doesn't share his secret with you. Find time and open up to him and wait for his response.

Skmoda360:

well said, but do you think heart to heart discussion will work.

Yes, don't you know that what makes a relationship strong is communications? there is zero communication in the marriage, that is why there is emotional distance.

Kobicove:
There are some jokes that can be taken too far...

Don't ever call your husband "Ode" either when joking or not especially when there is a third party there.

I would also take issues with that

Hmm, I won't, since I know it's a harmless joke like 'ishi aki'.

But seriously, I don't think there is a way out for the OP. It's a foundational problem, and if the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do?

Op, I can relate with your story. I once had a guy who was coming for marriage and was always screaming Respect! Respect!! Respect!!! like his life depended on it. Very difficult to please and never finds anything funny.
We were together for about 8 months and that was the longest relationship he's ever had. I practically fled cos I just couldn't cope with the excessive demand for respect like he was the King of Heaven. I even nicknamed him Assistant God...
These things are not hidden when you're dating and that is when you could decide whether or not you can live with him.

Here's what you ll do Op. I'm encouraged dat d seX is good..90% of the problem is solved.
GET A LIFE!!! Are you working? Face ya work!!! Turn your emotional needs away from him as he doesn't want or need em. .so give am to your pikin, ur friends, ur job n family. Greet am good morning, gd afternoon, good evening n gdnight. No wahala there. Hope u have a job...face it and concentrate on it.

People generally want what they can't have...so take it all away. He doesn't want. Your time n emotions are cheap to him and not valued so take them where they will be. He shares secret wit mum n sis...no problem let him kp them there. You..face ur front n keep ur own secret with who u like.

Point is u can't force love or emotional closeness. U just leave it and let it come to you. Leave ur husband alone and let him come to you. If he never does, well...have ur own life n people around you.

Ce finis. .

Slimszy:



Exactly... Op im just being realistic and objective here... You actually married that man prolly as an opportunist (gold digger) since you said he gave you everything you want expecially in terms of finance...theryby being a nice guy.. Your husband never mind and recognised you as one..now he is tryna impose his guts and ego on you... You need to manage your predicament by playing along

i even read it again to see she n her hubby planned the pregnancy. she is good at designing so she will survive, his money will keep her company.

my sisterly advice is go to the one that established marriage, he alone knows everything and I mean everything about marriage, in marriage you can not use the yardstick of one family to measure yours.
Give Jesus the head of the home your life by the time Jesus turn your life around. even your husband will fall in line with you, the word of God says " if your way pleases the lord he will make your enemies to be at peace with you.
I will also advice that you begin to read books on marriage. First of all read Why you act the way you do by Tim Layeh , Spirit control temperament by same author. then when buy books for him too like Finishing strong , etc
Also pray for him. pick a particular day of every week to fast and pray for him, the bible says right from the time of John the baptize the kingdom of heaven sufferth violent and the violent taketh it by force, Mount Zion film titled " Stormy seas" too can help. pls whatsapp me on 08131338888 and we shall talk more.thanks

This kind of story dey taya person. Didn't you know about these bossy traits before marrying him?? If you did why then are you complaining?

How long did you know him before marriage?

Was he like this before marriage?

Something is definitely wrong somewhere and you need to figure it out.

Though most people will encourage divorce, but I suggest you should be stay strong.

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

My sis chill o......solution call him quietly & politely & bare ur mind in a. hrt touchn way ,den act & become frndz. wit him lets see hw it goes...all d best hml & gt to know his likes u may talk 2 mama too

2dugged:
trust me when I say marriage counseling is going to worsen the situation, such men are very egoistic and bringing in a third party will only compound her problem and make him withdraw more from her, my former comment is the only solution, from experience with my dad, she better watch and thread carefully and please op,I want to know if you have kids, so I can advise you on how to make sure it doesn't affect your kids psychologically, I have been there, and learnt alot

Hmmm.

As you stated she should just live her life: happy life.