Babztemmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, interms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

Hmm sorry about this hell you are passing through,but let me ask you a few questions
1. Before you dated for 2months,did you surfer him when he was toasting you?
2. Did you play life so much before he met you?as in how did you guys meet?does he have a bad mental picture of you?like you were a serious runs girl before you guys married?
3. Did you cheat on him in any way? Maybe he found out somehow and didn't mention it to you.

These are the main reasons a man will torment a woman so check yourself,there is no smoke without a fire,he is not mad to be acting like this just like that now,anyway I wish you good luck.

How did you guys meet? Did you see this sign before you got married? Because i don't think it happened overnight. Or were you blinded by love and thought i can change him. Do you guys have children?

sometimes if I cum remember hw my dad use to play with my mum eh like small children marriage go dey hungry me though he's late bt I learnt a lot from my dad in terms of marriage.I wish my sister a husband like my dad ijn amen. to my future wife I will spoil u with love

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

op I get the clear picture here.

your husband is my exact stereotype expect for one thing.
the truth is that you have unknowingly offended him.

is he playful before all this drama if not with you maybe with his mom or sister. like can he make someone laugh in a conversation.

answer them I can give you solution to your problem.

Then why did you marry him?

R u married?

sexymoma:
Ignore him for awhile... Greet him every morning and do your things on your own...aint talking about personal needs ooo
As in put him in his place... Fine he doesn't want you to joke around with him leave him... Play with your kids
He keeps things away from you... Do the same.. Keep things away from him.. Don't tell him what you gonna do next... If he sits, sits nd Jos ignore him... Don't get me wrong ain't saying you should keep malice with him ooo... Buh i bet you he is doing all these becos you are giving him too much attention..

I think d issue is with your guy not you. but was he like this when u guys were dating? I would have suggest a marriage counseling for both of u again but I guess he won't go so why not try and use the mother, if you two are close.

Please,go and watch a movie titled "wAR ROOM". You and the woman in that movie has similar problem. You will understand and follow exactly what she did.

Calling your husband 'Ode' and you expect him to be happy?

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

my dear I truly know how u feel,though am not married yet,it seems my character and dat of your husband are almost alike coz I do same to my gf....u just need to call someone who u feel is closer to him,his friends or even your pastor,let dem talk to him,buy him gifts,pray about it,wen he wakes up in d morning kneel down to beg him,try shed some crocodile tears,tell him u don't like d way he z treating u,do all those ladies talk....atleast he doesn't beat u,doesnt womanise,jst reduce arguments wit him,d truth is he luvs u sincerely...don't mind what he says when he is angry,he really dont mean dem...trust me

GloriaNinja:
Yes, don't you know that what makes a relationship strong is communications? there is zero communication in the marriage, that is why there is emotional distance.

the way i see it, i think the op is not working and he might take her as a liability which in turn can lead to pride and ego growth so i suggest she should get busy and all this bullshit will lessen..

Kobicove:
There are some jokes that can be taken too far...

Don't ever call your husband "Ode" either when joking or not especially when there is a third party there.

I would also take issues with that

Ode ke?

Ode means a fool, which kind joke be that?

even when there is no one there?
which kind joke be dat?

but 4 years is a long time oh.

i think you need to be push, he will relax with time and totally open up to you.

You will get to understand him the more as time goes on and he too wil understand you too.

GoldenJAT:
though not married! I understand how it feels 2b so lonely when ur spouse is still around, but I tell u... all d signs listed above points 2 a lack of emotional attachment,cos even d hardest of men.. when in love, acts all simple and loving.go do some background check and I bet u... u b shocked at what u see.... don't allow anyone make u unhappy jare. give d marriage 1 final chance, and If there isn't any improvement.... take some drastic measures...or u c urself cheating on him emotionally.

You actually meant divorce? You bad o.

sorepco:
R u married?

nope

OP, if you are a christian and not close to God then you are making a very big mistake. Now is the time to get on your kneels and talk to God concerning whatever you are facing in your marriage. There is no situation God cannot change. He is the unchangeable changer. He makes the impossibility possible. Talk to God about your husband. You can start with fasting from 6 to 12. After the prayers, God in His infinite mercy will give you back your husband. Don't forget to at all times to respect and pray for your husband. It's your duty to always pray for your husband. God will work wonders in your marriage. It is well. Cheers

Apparently, mummy didn't tell you pen1s envying plebs that you can't have it both ways. I'm sure the man you eventually married wasn't the only one who showed genuine interest in you. There must have been others who pledged undying love and who also had impeccable characters and could provide some level of stability. But you turned a blind eye to them and went for the one who satisfied your fleshly lusts. The one you could present to your friends and have them turn green with envy. Well you got you wish and now you must live with it.

You changed the social contract. You strived and fought for equality. You asked for feminism and the right to choose only the man you are attracted to. Now, sweetheart, you have your prince charming and you want us to advise you on how to make him love you and stop being a d1ck to you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You cannot love something that disgusts you. Prince Charming also comes with its own cons, especially when you become a used up sack with no redeemable features in his eyes.

Just woman up and quit bleating.

oluwamile:
my dear I truly know how u feel,though am not married yet,it seems my character and dat of your husband are almost alike coz I do same to my gf....u just need to call someone who u feel is closer to him,his friends or even your pastor,let dem talk to him,buy him gifts,pray about it,wen he wakes up in d morning kneel down to beg him,try shed some crocodile tears,tell him u don't like d way he z treating u,do all those ladies talk....atleast he doesn't beat u,doesnt womanise,jst reduce arguments wit him,d truth is he luvs u sincerely...don't mind what he says when he is angry,he really dont mean dem...trust me

Like not telling her about the car, giving excuse that the wife didn't greet him the night before. As if it only took him between that night and the following morning to plan and buy car for his mum.

Hmm...... How old is your husband,and how did you meet and.marry him? How did.you end up marrying someone who does not share the same VALUES with you,which is the primary requirement for marriage? This will be a bit difficult to fix. Will send.you some gift-downloads soon on how to go about fixing the situation. Watch this space.... By the way,which religion are you and your husband? The same advice does not apply to all. #qdDOWNLOADS

sis try and understand him first, know him well. what are the tins he like and dont like. if u done with this then work on them..

Just take a bold step,Ask him boldly for a talk but be mild in ur statement. The power to change things is currently in your hands.Ask him questions like what does he truly want and what he truly hates.Pour out ur mind and tell him your emotions are crushed. Don't hide anything cos at this point i think,he is the mummy's type and truly this will only result to a failed marriage.

Skmoda360:

the way i see it, i think the op is not working and he might take her as a liability which in turn can lead to pride and ego growth so i suggest she should get busy and all this bullshit will lessen..

There is a sense in what you just said, She is a house wife, that is why the husband is treating her like shit. i believe in self made, if she gets busy, He will start respecting her.

lady25:

Right here is a perfect description of the op's husband (ladies beware). If I can't play with my husband then who? Marriage isn't a slave trade affair. My husband should be my brother, friend, father, etc.
@ op don't call ur husband names. Calling him 'ode' no be joke o

You are contradicting yourself.

She should have noticed his usual mien during courtship. So she cannot expect anything different. Why say "I do" when you cannot live with a strict man?

If your fiance wants respect and you have a problem with it you should not marry him. Simple. If you can respect your elder brother or boss it should not be a big deal to treat your older husband with respect. He is not your mate.

Curvinus:
Apparently, mummy didn't tell you pen1s envying plebs that you can't have it both ways. I'm sure the man you eventually married wasn't the only one who showed genuine interest in you. There must have been others who pledged undying love and who also had impeccable characters and could provide some level of stability. But you turned a blind eye to them and went for the one who satisfied your fleshly lusts. The one you could present to your friends and have them turn green with envy. Well you got you wish and now you must live with it.

You changed the social contract. You strived and fought for equality. You asked for feminism and the right to choose only the man you are attracted to. Now, sweetheart, you have your prince charming and you want us to advise you on how to make him love you and stop being a d1ck to you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You cannot love something that disgusts you. Prince Charming also comes with its own cons, especially when you become a used up sack with no redeemable features in his eyes.

Just woman up and quit bleating.

You are pathetic! No empathy whatsoever, you are sick Sir. Did you just realized that you responding to a woman in distress? You sounded like Blackway in a movie titled Blackway.

sorry my sister,,most of this happens sometimes in most marriage,, but in your own case,,you guys r still 2 different people ,,,by being married to him u HV every right to make him the man you want him to b ,,likewise him,,have u sit him down after dinner to talk to himm,?if no please try to do so,,sit him n tell him how much u love him and u know he loves u 2,,tell him you know you both r not equal,,tell him that in marriage you both r all that you both HV,,tell him you HV but one request to make,,n I know he will definitely ask you what's the request,,then tell him that you want us to remain best friend,,,cry very well if you can ,,tell him u want you want him to be the husband that you will always want to b around you n not a husband that u will b terrified at the sound of his voice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Another thing is that quit arguing with him every time,, try to control you anger when he starts all that unnecessary complain if you must say something it should be forgive me and try to leave his sight even when u r not wrong,,try to smile often to him,, if you c an hair style in a magazine go to him stay close to him put your hands on his shoulder n ask him which one he will love you to make just try gradually to mold him to the man you want ,,that after speaking to him,,I hope this work for u.........

Babztemmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, interms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

Gosh! This bolded part is so mean and not normal. My advice is that you stop those conversations talking about his lack of closeness or coldness. You are like a broken record to him. You should get in touch with your own self emotionally. Focus on urself, ur happiness, activities & basically fall in love with urself. Stop centering ur life on his reactions. Do not nag, get angry or try so hard to please him. It will just make him lose respect for you. Thats why hes able to make all those kind of statements to ur face. If ur upset, just be humble & say how what he says made u feel instead of namecalling/condemning his person. Surprise him by not batting an eyelid if anything like dt car situation comes up again. Let it go & focus on finding yourself. Dont over focus on ur kid & then lose urself (I know dt part is difficult for most mothers).

Talk to him about ur own hopes & dreams for ur life (u can only do this when uve bn able to fall in love with ur own self & get some self respect). Pray with him at night, for his business & ur family. Tell him u love him often.

And always confess love and intimacy over ur marriage. You wont get it by being confrontational. Slowly but surely, he will get emotionally connected to you. Hang in there.

Babztemmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, interms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

But from what you are saying, he's not nice at all. If he's nice to outsiders and not to you, then it doesn't count. Charity begins at home.

I understand you really want to make your marriage work, but there is nothing much you can do when your husband is clearly being cooperative.

I don't think divorce is the way to go sha, but I think you need to let him be. Stop expecting ANYTHING from him. Live your life fully aware of the fact that he's just a spouse, and not a friend or lover . . . It will definitely hurt, but it will save you from any future disappointment and heartache.

For example, my husband has always being bad at communication. If I traveled, he would not call or care . . . when we got married and had kids, he changed a bit, but still he wasn't as caring as I wanted him to be when I'm out of town. Infact, he often acted like out of sight is out of mind . . . . and it really hurt. After a while, it looked like he had changed and would call/text/PM whenever I traveled and I was happy. Then I was transferred to another state. Of course knowing how he was before and how he has progressed, I knew us being almost permanently apart will cause him to regress to his incommunicado mode. But this time, I stopped caring. If he calls, fine . . . . if he doesn't, also fine!

Now I really don't care as much as I used to. In-fact I don't call or try to communicate with him until he initiates it . . . . . Obviously it's putting a strain in our relationship as we don't get to talk as often as we should, but there's nothing I can do about it. I cannot go through the whole process again . . . . . if he wants it this way, it's fine by me.

So sorry that you are going through all this. Your husband is abusing you emotionally and probably doesn't even know it. Two months is not enough to know anyone. So darling, you have to take the time to know your husband as you both should have done( not judging).
If he wants you to greet him morning and evening, please do. There is absolutely no big deal; it is what you are supposed to. Secondly, not all men are playful accept it that's just who he is.
Please, find something to do that way you will earn his respect, be cordial to his family.


Above all God can fix every situation so draw closer to God and lean on him in times of pain and heartache.

And please do not I repeat do not compare your marriage to anyone else's cos you don't know the struggles they are going through. Cheer up darling it will end in praise

I don't see this marriage working. Even if the OP shelves her ego I don't see her husband shelving his. I bet they've already become involved in extra marital affairs. The only solution is separation. Maybe after a while both will either find they compliment each other and reconcile for good or stay divorced.

ivyy:
The big question is, weren't you aware of his attitude before saying I do?

Exactly

Look, Madam OP...im going to tell you the hard truth, your husband is already regretting having you as wife and truuuuuuusst me..there's another woman involved. No matter how hard or disciplined a man is, he becomes loving with "the one he loves". When it comes to real emotions...there's nothing like "hard man". The same respect he gives to his mother should be given to you atleast. For now, give him space..hovering around him and getting emotional will only make him despise you the more because he already feels suffocated. Just let him be

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

Am not yet married but I think you should stop arguing with him, stop talking him out, don't even border telling him jokes, just watch him and live your life the way he live his or the way he wants you to live it.