2dugged:
I don't know why he did that,but I know he knows my step mum will do nothing and that didn't stop him from philandering about either

Hmmm.. Your step mum seems nice.. Some would have caused enmity in the family and may even go about fighting whoever they see with their husband.

SycophanticGoat:


Hmmm.. Your step mum seems nice.. Some would have caused enmity in the family and may even go about fighting whoever they see with their husband.

yea,she is,mean men like my dad always had good and calm women from my mum to my step mum

my dear, i so much feel ur pain, moreover u must bear in mind that nothing just happens.. there is wat i call countenance, and believe me my sister, there is a spirit responsible for such.. if u doubt me ask david wat came over Saul dat made his countenance changed anytime he played the musical harp...? my dear go spiritual there's a spirit that changes a man's countenance from good to bad.. he sees nothing good in anything u do. this is a secret i'm giving u.. pray ur way out of this. if u think a marriage counselor will do u a favor, then run to God who is the chief institutor of marriage. my dear dont take ds lightly or else very soon, u will wish u had taking a step of faith by seeking God at this moment. God bless you.

OP i no see anything about forking for your post o, how many times a week do you collect the dick? Increase the frequency, come back and share your experience

2dugged:
yea,she is,mean men like my dad always had good and calm women from my mum to my step mum

Them tell you say them no geh sense??

Just like one of my uncles, the man wife dares not say a word when he's talking. She fears him to death. That man, na double - double him dey carry for woman outside oh.. My sis, bro and cousins have seen him on several occasions at eateries and night clubs with two hot chicks on each ocassion..

Calm guys like me will then be left with fire-women..

SycophanticGoat:


Them tell you say them no geh sense??

Just like one of my uncles, the man wife dares not say a word when he's talking. She fears him to death. That man, na double - double him dey carry for woman outside oh.. My sis, bro and cousins have seen him on several occasions at eateries and night clubs with two hot chicks on each ocassion..

Calm guys like me will then be left with fire-women..

na so we see am o,opposites always attract

joey150:
Am not married. But i absolutely think your husband has some case of pride. A chip on his shoulder that he wants to feel like a demi god. Who best else to feed his ego like his own wife.

Point is if this has gone on for 4 years, i dont see what a talking to would really change. As am pretty sure sitting him down and talking to him about his attitude is a big disrespect (in his own world),But give it a shot and see.

And dont always act too bothered. Play the i dont care card for much longer and if he dosent come around then you married a hard core narcissist.

But try and go out more regularly..let him see how other men treat their wives,watch more romantic movies together and stuff.

Ok bye!

You're right. I understand how she feels. I married a hard core narcissist but I'll survive.

HungerBAD:
To the OP.

It is easier for people to apportion blames to the woman,but I will not do that.

Sometimes,to solve problems like this,you have to revisit how you guys met,and did before the marriage.

Was there courtship before marriage?this is very important,since you said he does not even know the things you like and that includes music or even your dress or shoe size.

Was the marriage an arranged one?was it a courtship the Christian way,where you dating and speaking only about the bible before marriage?

How did he grow up?did he grow up in a house where the Mom literally worshipped the dad?and he is looking for something like that?

You did not mention kids.

Your write up makes it look as if you guys are strangers,I mean total strangers.

Let us talk about the respect thing. So,continual greeting to him shows respect right?he is your husband and if greetings make him feel respected,then please do it. Or does greeting him make you feel unhappy?

Some men are generally not the touchy type,and do not like women all over their body,he might be that type of man,and not necessary somebody that is not romantic,he just don't like being touched.

Lastly,and and this is for you. What makes you happy?I know a lot of women will do anything to be a (Mrs)but after the marriage then what?what gives you Joy in your marriage?

Talk with him. Do not talk to him. Talking with a person is the ability to draw the other person into your world,into your pains,into your frustrations,into your life.

He is human,and I am sure he will see reasons with you.

Goodluck.

Where CocoCandy sef?come advice here. If na to insult me now,I go see you.

It is clear both of you were not compatible from day 1. he was probably moved (deceived) by your romantic (playful side), while you were probably attracted to his manly(physical and financial security) side. these are superficial qualities. he percieves you as a scatterbrained person who is low in real intellectual engaging discussion. you have to show him your intellectual side by studying what he likes best or his job description/industry. he id attracted to intelligent people. you must always show this to keep winning his heart and save your marraige from generating into infidelitu. God help you.

Crap crap and some more crap. I keep telling people i keep showing people d illustrations are endless, scape goats

Why do ppl care so much abt marriage. Abt love and all dese commitment crap. Dont u see dat it brings notin but pain nd hurt nd despair i mean look at dis young Lady who is literally living a hell of a life in d name of marriage nd love.what a mess miss

Op tell me for a second u avnt wished u neva set eyes on ur sadist of a husband

And yet someone will see dis post nd still walk down d fúckin aisle dis Saturday. Isn't dat how dey define foolishness. Doing d same tin nd expecting different results. Well i dont bliv in love nd certainly not marriage cuz i see everyday dat all it brings is pain

But as for u i think deres no going back now. The deed is done u mite as well just enjoy it while it last. U neva know wen it will all disappear in a flash. Afterall not everyone will have d privilege lifes too short for regrets trust me

eeewise:
pls wether they dated is inconsequential what's appropriate for now is counsel on solutions,the way forward.

The only way forward is that singles should date before marriage and not go blindly into a marriage.

The op couldn't claim ignorance about the man at the start. She should deal with it. Didn't she know the man before agreeing to marry him? How would she agree to marry a man without knowing him properly? Was she blind or something? Or was she a kid that never knew what she was doing? It is her cross and she should carry it.

Babztemmy:

@freshraymond. Thank you. We dated for only two months. But we knew we liked eachother. The mistake we made was we had no clue it doesn't and by liking. Okay now we both now actually realise we don't understand each other AT ALL. When we argue he reminds me that it was his mum who begged him to stay cause I was pregnant for him but planned pregnancy we both planned it. When we argue he also reminds me of how he wished he never settled down with me. When he is angry like this am his greatest night mare. Sometimes I just want to run away as in far away from him. He HATES me sooo much when he is angry. What keeps me going is he is really nice. He is a very nice guy and that's my encouragement he gives me everything I ask for, interms of finances, and then our sexual life is perfect. BUT the understanding each other aspect is not working. I don't know what else to do

You just nailed it; it was a marriage of convenience. You married him because he gave you everything you asked for. That,my lady, is a myopic reason to gfet married. unfortunately, you will have to live with it. 2 months of dating? Hmmmmm.

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

What's the age difference between you and your husband?

The man is rich, and the money is entering his head.

Babztemmy:
I have being married for 5years and sadly I still dont feel so close to my husband. I got the bible says when two come together they become one. That is that become friends, right? But sadly it doesn't feel like it. My hubby is the kind that likes FULL time respect; greet me when you wake up in the morning, great me when I come back from work, (yes wives please greet your hubbys oo) am heading somewhere with this please dont judge me yet, don't go out without telling me, don't put your hands in my pocket, what are you looking for, don't talk .

While am talking (that is even understandable tho) many more I can't mention. Don't tap me on my shoulders if you want to talk to me, don't, don't, don't.

He also isn't romantic, he hates me been romantic around him, it gets him upset. Its been 4years plus and we still argue ALOT. I thought they said the first 3years is the time of misunderstandings but its 4years now and still nothing has really changed.

Sometimes i try to make him talk maybe am not doing something right, and he just always seems to find a fault. Either I don't have respect or I don't have respect or I don't obey him everything calls to respect. Well it's not like I don't respect him or I just wake up in the morning and start disrespecting him. No, it's always in the cause of an argument so while am trying to justify myself or win the case, the disrespect sorts of crops it's way in, but fews hours later you will see me back all over him, trying to make peace but by then I have lost all my worth. He is way closer to his mum and sister than even to me. He prefers to Share all his secrets with them than with me.

Last two weeks was like the saddest day of my life in this marriage journey. He bought a car for his mum, he didn't tell me, the car slept in the house over night I didn't know, on my way back from my outing I saw my hubby in a new car driving down with his mum, In amazement I came down to ask whose car it was and how come I was kept in the dark, then his mum said "it's my car didn't you know?" I felt like a stranger all over again. I called his mum on the phone few mins after I left the embarrasing scene to ask why her son didn't share the good news to me knowing fully well i'm not against him buying her a car. And she said my husband said i didn't greet my hubby the night before and also that morning. Yes I remeber not greeting him the night before cause we had little issue and i just thought to do small shakara, then my not greeting him that morning wasn't intentional, I even apologised immediately my husband cautioned me and I thought we were fine. But I guess we weren't. This is where friendship comes in marriage. No matter what your partner does( as long as it's not adultery or some other serious things I know some women can do.) I feel you should still be able to still give her the respect due. Abi I really wish out vind could grow stronger, it's bin 4years and my hubby doenst know my dress size, or shoe size or favorite artist or favourite food, my choice of music, my choice of anything, he hardly laughs at my joke, I can't tickle him or throw a pillow at him he will term it as lack of repect, I can't call him "ode"while joking he will say am rude, It's plenty ooo. I thought marriage was more you both becoming friends. Don't you think life is too short to be rigid ALL the time. My husband is very rigid it scares me alot if I would be able to go on for long.. I love him very much than anything in the world but he doesn't feel that way or that much for me. Not like he doesn't love me. But I think I love him more. So we are probably not on the same page. i want to be the one he can run to anyday anytime, share his secrets with, want to be the one that has the power to put the best smile on his face, but each time i try, i fail. WHY?? Is there still hope.

Anyone in the house who has testimonies of marriage getting better after 4years. Cause i feel if you fail the first 3years you may never get it right. Mhen ladies you got to get it RIGHT from the beginning to avoid stories..

Secondly, always arguing with a man who feels intellectually superior will always have a negative outcome. he is more logical and you seem to be more emotional. he may deeply love you, but feel if he keeps showing you that side of him, you might take advantage of it to disrespect him.you have to find a way to be respectful romantically, i.e not losing who are, but at thesame time, giving him what he wants. ask him how he wants to be touched, addressed and respected without sounding argumentative (you must study his moods to know when to raise issues. i percieve he is also a critical person). but make sure you do the first thing in my ealier post. you must show you can handle issues logically (intellectually), not emotionally.try and listen to him more to be able to contribute intellectually to his train of thoughts.because you have to prove to him first that you undetstand his points before you quietly ( stylishly ) chip in yours.better still, you can do a rsearch about it (google, etc). in that way, he will see you as a someone he can talk and confide in.his emotions will be naturally fired up, without you having to nag about how he doesn't show affection. they key is being respectfully romantic!! this means you must make it a lifelong lesson to control your emotions and channel it towards intellectual harmony. forget the rules of compatibility after five years.its a lifelong journey. throw away the clock and try to understand him day by day. don't bother yourself too much about his side. just be committed on your own side to make it work. God bless and help you. ensure you also ask God to help you always. the power of a woman is not how well you talk to him, but how well you talk with him and about him to God. thank you. peace.

HungerBAD:
To the OP.

It is easier for people to apportion blames to the woman,but I will not do that.

Sometimes,to solve problems like this,you have to revisit how you guys met,and did before the marriage.

Was there courtship before marriage?this is very important,since you said he does not even know the things you like and that includes music or even your dress or shoe size.

Was the marriage an arranged one?was it a courtship the Christian way,where you dating and speaking only about the bible before marriage?

How did he grow up?did he grow up in a house where the Mom literally worshipped the dad?and he is looking for something like that?

You did not mention kids.

Your write up makes it look as if you guys are strangers,I mean total strangers.

Let us talk about the respect thing. So,continual greeting to him shows respect right?he is your husband and if greetings make him feel respected,then please do it. Or does greeting him make you feel unhappy?

Some men are generally not the touchy type,and do not like women all over their body,he might be that type of man,and not necessary somebody that is not romantic,he just don't like being touched.

Lastly,and and this is for you. What makes you happy?I know a lot of women will do anything to be a (Mrs)but after the marriage then what?what gives you Joy in your marriage?

Talk with him. Do not talk to him. Talking with a person is the ability to draw the other person into your world,into your pains,into your frustrations,into your life.

He is human,and I am sure he will see reasons with you.

Goodluck.

Where CocoCandy sef?come advice here. If na to insult me now,I go see you.

OP is immature.

She ain't ready for marriage.

The man married her maybe because she was pretty (but unknown to him that she has underdevelop brain).

A child lives to play, so does the OP.

Until she allow maturity to step into her schedule, she might continue to find it tough to handle.

kpolli:


What's the age difference between you and your husband?

that's one question I also wanted to ask the OP plus wasn't he like this before the marriage? why complain now?
if I know anyone like this my advice will be stop expecting this type to change or you keep having issues. it is you who will have to adapt. get use to it. maybe its just not his style. you can still enjoy yourself in his company without getting him involved
By the way Ode is not a word couples should use for each other no matter how dem play reach, even I won't take it.

and who told you that the first 3 years is the time for argument, my dear you are wrong!

idrissunny:
You din't mention wether you guys has kids most especialy his love sex.

What?!

I dont think there is any problem wit your hubby but the problem is you. You have known that he desires respect more than love itself why wont you adore him that or is so big for you to do

Babamama:
The man is rich, and the money is entering his head.

His Money entered into her eyes and head u mean to say?! Birds of a feather. Just like you, this lady is covetousness personified! She married the guy because of his money. Now she's looking for justification to do the next wickedness on her mind; using the guys money to lure a supposed good-listener guy into infidelity she craves for. She probably already has one of her numerous old boyfriends on mind. This wonderful husband works his arse out daily to provide all your lazy-lousy butts' needs and still manage to fvck you so hard at nights instead of sleeping and resting as deserved. YET you still come here ranting?! You want a perfect man; a man that has EVERYTHING. You refused to accept and love him with his imperfections like you don't know that NoBoDY is perfect. Women!!! Most are simply insatiable! I feel so sorry for your wonderful husband. Truth be told; he deserves a much better wife than you heartless bbitch!

The husband is on this forum.

Just a little digging will give you more insight on who the op really is.

kaboninc:
The husband is on this forum.

Just a little digging will give you more insight on who the op really is.

Abeg tell us make we hear.. Who be the husband...?


Is LordaGuru, her husband...?

SycophanticGoat:



Abeg tell us make we hear.. Who be the husband...?


Is LordaGuru, her husband...?

Go through her profile bro.

One mouthcuffed guy or something like that

I really hate such scenarios.... But unfortunately, it is already too far gone to be dwelling on the past. At the very least, you can see that a lack of foundation has come full circle to haunt you. You can't change a man-that's a conclusion he has to arrive at by his own damn self. Getting married doesn't mean everything will fall into place-you have to work at it-really, really hard!!!!
You need to first sit down and make a core decision: what is the best version of you? Your husband is not the definition of you-you define yourself. As a child of divorce, I know how far-reaching the decision you make has consequences, with or without children involved. You deserve to be happy first before you can share that to the ones you love. Rather than focus on the flaws, look for the beauty and build on them. Go on a journey of self-discovery and discover him from scratch whilst evolving yourself.
The other alternative though maybe not what you would want to hear: get the hell out of there rather spend the rest of your days in misery! Life is so much more than that! Either way, make sure it is a decision that gives you peace-and one you can live with.

kaboninc:


Go through her profile bro.

One mouthcuffed guy or something like that

Post links na.. I no fit do that kind FBI job ni...

SycophanticGoat:



Post links na.. I no fit do that kind FBI job ni...

Try joor. She no too regular here

Babzilla:
These days when people say they are courting they just fùck, give gifts, go on outings and little else.
No trying to understand one's partner
No communicating
nothing

As true as ds ur comment is,many wl still ignore and say it's ur opinion
But what cn men do than to leave victims wt deir miseries mostly influenced by bad western ideas.



Now OP!
Follow HungerBAD and placeofallure pieces of advice.....coz dey got the points!!!

kaboninc:


Try joor. She no too regular here

I rather sleep instead.. My spirit done sleep finish, na just my body dey NL oh.. Good night bro

placeofallure:
Well, I've been married for about the same time as you are. When I first read your story, I wanted to ask if you dated at all but on reading the comments, then your response, asking won't be necessary anymore.

Now dear, this is a situation you have to manage well to be able to keep your home. It's obvious you had little time to check compatibility. You have to endure pending the time you see a therapist but before then, give him everything he wants, I mean EVERYTHING. He wants respect, he gets it, He does not want to be touched, so be it. I'm sure he's not making some unreasonable demands of you otherwise you'd have told us.

The only little 'ish' I see here is your hubby not confiding in you. You should work more on earning his trust. Really it's a slap that he prefers his mum or sis to you. Don't fret over it just talk with him more, have little or no arguments, act the fool at times. I hate divorces. Then except in absolute helpless situations, don't discuss your marital issues with outsiders, your mum and his mum are classified outsiders, how much less others.

The marriage is still young, I know you'll come around. You forgot to tell us whether you work or not. I want to tell you to ensure you get another life outside marriage. Let your mind be occupied with stuff. You said he is a financial pillar for you but my dear, get busy too. If I were married to a Dangote I'll still be my workaholic self. That way you'll have less time to worry about trivial things. If you don't work presently just engage in some activities that will make you happy. I wish your marriage the best.

Yes I work. I run a creche. As for keeping 3rd parties off I do that as much as possible. But he always discussed me with his mum and sister. And when I ask why cause I feel it's not a safe idea. He says he wants them to pray for me, but it's unconciously keeping this people day from me. Am sure they would pray but don't forget am an inlaw. They would always look at me with the mistakes my hubby reports to them.

iPopAlomo:



Oga... are you a learner...? it's clear they didn't meet... and it is clear the hubby is way older than the wife... the OP married for money... now she don see the result... make she carry her cross abeg...

if she wanted to call her hubby 'ode' Or throw pillow at him... she should have married her mate or the guy that genuinely loves her...

My husband is 31, am 28.

Gus57:
...
The other alternative though maybe not what you would want to hear: get the hell out of there rather spend the rest of your days in misery! Life is so much more than that! Either way, make sure it is a decision that gives you peace-and one you can live with.

What happened to for better for worse? GOD hates divorce! The guy is not womanizing, he's not Poor, not even that he's a wife-beater or trying to use her for money rituals. Why on GOD's green Earth would you advise her to divorce. Watch your soul before you find yourself in hellfire. Even if you are hell-bent on going to hell, don't take her with you.
My sister, I'll teach you what works 100% (provided you are not filled with pride). Wait for a night that you both ended happily. Wake him up by 1:00am pleading that you need to discuss something very important with him. Go on your knees and ask him why he doesn't believe that you truly love him. Burst into tears (should be easy if you deeply think about how hard you want him to know) and ceaselessly tell him and affirm that you can NEVER love or be happy marrying any other guy apart from him. Tell him that when you took the marriage vow, you gave him the totality of your body, heart and soul. By then, he would already have teary eyes if not already crying. Tell him that the marriage can be much more fulfilling and become an exemplary motivating type that upcoming youths and other singles would see and pray to have such. You then explain all you desire him to do and promise never again to disrespect him. Your marriage shall excel and be fulfilling in all ramifications of Life IJN.

Babztemmy:

Yes I work. I run a creche. As for keeping 3rd parties off I do that as much as possible. But he always discussed me with his mum and sister. And when I ask why cause I feel it's not a safe idea. He says he wants them to pray for me, but it's unconciously keeping this people day from me. Am sure they would pray but don't forget am an inlaw. They would always look at me with the mistakes my hubby reports to them.

Fine, if that is the case, warm yourself to your mother-in-law's heart. Whatever your husband says to her about you will hold no water. I knew a woman, she is a public figure if I mention her name, you'd know her. She had fertility challenges in her marriage for over 12 years but do you know what kept her in the marriage? Her MIL. Even when her husband was wavering, She insisted her son must keep hope with her. On her death bed, she told her son, whatever happens, you must keep this woman in this house. Her only regret when she eventually had her twin babies was that her MIL was late at the time. She cried her heart out about this. Imagine the level of closeness. You can achieve that, can't you. Please just try, only you know why you're doing that.