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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband (43787 Views)
This Couple Graduated From High School In 2015, Got Married And Bought A House / She Told Me A Very Dark Secret, Should I Still Marry Her? / I Didnt Like My Dad When I Was A Kid And Still Dont Like Him Now I'm Grown Up (2) (3) (4)
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Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Ibidapson(m): 10:36am On Aug 08, 2016 |
LuvU2: OMG!!! See question |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by dazzlinglyme: 10:36am On Aug 08, 2016 |
if you ask me i will say this is what happens when a man marries when he does not wanna be married,maybe to you. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by awa(m): 10:38am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Madam, Please accept my suggestion in good faith. I think you are the one causing your problems. You want him to be who you want him to be but he prefers being who he wants to and there is nothing wrong with that. Marriage doesn't mean that the other person should stop being himself or herself. This is where we get it wrong. He can only adjust to what makes you happy if you are truly sure that he loves you that much as you claimed. Stop over-stressing yourself expecting him to be what you want but accept him the way he is and adjust your expectations from him. He might feel like you can leave without him and start coming back to you with time if only you form the habit of giving him his space as much as possible. I am sorry this is real life and marriage. You can't just change him within 4 years but if you are lucky with time you might change him God on your side 3 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by july66: 10:39am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Babztemmy:your story too long. You are not his wife but his tool. Tools don't complain, they are used by their handlers. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by stunningjudy(f): 10:39am On Aug 08, 2016 |
op, u no try sha. 2months and u were already pregnant. well you are the architect of your problem, so design a solution. i'll suggest you have a heart to heart discussion with him, explain how much you want things to be different and all. i wish u well 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by chidekings(m): 10:40am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Even from this ur one sided story,it is glaring that u really lack respect.no matter how u paint the words. Who calls her husband "ode" |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by SycophanticGoat: 10:40am On Aug 08, 2016 |
2dugged: The man na retired soldier ni? Very similar to my mum back then.. My mum beats us up with weapons like pot, stool, wire, spoon, padlock, etc.. Some parents self... Also, my ex has a dad like this. She dey talk say she fear her papa pass armed robber because of his attitude. Only look way he go give her, she go wan make ground swallow her... 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by sirEAGLES(m): 10:41am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I went through your profile madam and from your topics you are always complaining about your family eg u had a problem with your brother in law, mother in law, even saw a topic about infidelity. It seems u complain a lot and I can tell u also nag from your topics. A man doesn't transform into a beast overnight. Check your character and attitude madam. When u re always having problem with people around u common sense should tell u that some of the blame lies with u. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Stanbeto: 10:42am On Aug 08, 2016 |
How did you guys get to know each other? Let me start from there |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by MadCow1: 10:42am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Babztemmy: Taking your post to be true... It does not sound to me like you are in a marriage. It sounds like a Master/Servant relationship. To help me understand the dynamics in of your union, please tell me; 1. How and where did you guys meet.. 2. How long did you both court for? 3. Did you at any point have issues with his family before or after the wedding.. 4. Were you guys really friends before marriage? 5. Did you guys discuss and tell each other what you would expect from your partner during courtship? - Many couples don't do this during courtship only to enter into the marriage and be shocked at what lies on the other end of that door.. 6. What is the relation between your husband and your family like?Does he like and respect your family? 7. Who is the Bread winner in your house? Were you ever working (before/after marriage)? explain a bit about the financial dynamics in your home.. If you both work, are you guys open to each other about your finances? A lot of these are very key to understanding the dynamics of your relationship. 3 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by jeanierose: 10:42am On Aug 08, 2016 |
madam just find the inner strength in you to carry on emotionally.Forget ur husb n move on |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by SycophanticGoat: 10:42am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I've read some part of your post and it all still boils down to you not knowing the man you wanted to SETTLE DOWN WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You have to manage it that way, cuz life's not a bed of roses. You may leave him and meet a wife beater.. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 10:42am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I will just read comments on this one 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 10:43am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I will just read comments on this one. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by iPopAlomo(m): 10:43am On Aug 08, 2016 |
HungerBAD: Oga... are you a learner...? it's clear they didn't meet... and it is clear the hubby is way older than the wife... the OP married for money... now she don see the result... make she carry her cross abeg... if she wanted to call her hubby 'ode' Or throw pillow at him... she should have married her mate or the guy that genuinely loves her... |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by sexymoma(f): 10:45am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Ignore him for awhile... Greet him every morning and do your things on your own...aint talking about personal needs ooo As in put him in his place... Fine he doesn't want you to joke around with him leave him... Play with your kids He keeps things away from you... Do the same.. Keep things away from him.. Don't tell him what you gonna do next... If he sits, sits nd Jos ignore him... Don't get me wrong ain't saying you should keep malice with him ooo... Buh i bet you he is doing all these becos you are giving him too much attention.. 5 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 10:47am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I pray that things change for the best for both of you..we should be able before marriage to know what men wants in marriage and what women want in marriage. That's were most of us get it all wrong. You don't go into a marriage to change the man or woman,you had better do a background check of who he/her is and his/her character and know if u can put up with it before marriage,if not don't..Couples should at least be best of best and not apart. I think that you didn't really know him well before committing to the marriage,your are even supposed to see him get angry and argue,see how he reacts and all that. Marriage os for better and for worse o and so I wud advice that you seek divine counsel on this matter. Nobody wud want dis kind of predicament in a marriage and divorce isn't acceptable please. There are other things apart from been in love that sustains a marriage and these things are clearly missing...it can still work out just don't stop trying. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by momove4real25(f): 10:47am On Aug 08, 2016 |
When one is blinded by love, u forget to study many thgs about ur partner, u forget to see if he has all qualities u needed in one another. Am still single but its gud to kW the kind of person u wana settle with. U can spend many years with someone without knowing everything about them but with time u will kW many thgs. That's d mistake u made. If care is not taken it might leads to speration. Its not only u going tru this many can't even say it out. Like a Frnd of mine, she kws the kind of guy she wana settle with, he doesn't gve calls, he doesn't exchange gifts he doesn't show romantic stuffslike that, finally his family doesn't like her yet she want to settle dwn with the guy. Op. Find his happiest moment n discuss, I pray he heeds to it. Sorry Abi was d marriage a match making stuffs? Did u tie him dwn with pregncy? Di u force ur way? U shud av studied to kW if he can cope with ur type or u. If he man doesn't feel comfortable with u no genue love. Ki se mimo se. I pray God help u |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Curvinus(m): 10:47am On Aug 08, 2016 |
What you are feeling is perfectly normal and this is why we have many sexless/loveless marriages and high divorce rates nowadays. It is most prevalent when you marry someone beneath or above your looks threshold. Yes, it's all about looks. Money and status are just added advantages that could make you feel affection for your hubby but not sexual attraction. Remember, affection is different from attraction. I have been in countless situations where 90 percent of the girls, women wanted only the top 3 good looking men while the rest were ignored, neglected. Not even their personalities made any difference. To these women, the sub par men just didn't exist. It's quite brutal. These good looking men of course won't turn down the avalanche of choochies on offer but that doesn't mean they love you. You are just a cum dumpster to them. You may feel pity for your hubby that he or she is trying hard to be the best husband, best wife, best father or best mother to the kids and good lover in bed but that is as far as it gets. Perhaps he used his money and status to buy himself a trophy wife to show off to his friends so they could have something to ogle at. Perhaps you went for the good looking man, ignoring the guys who genuinely wanted a romantic relationship with you. Now you must learn the hard truth that money and status cannot buy attraction. This is the smoking gun society has been hiding from all of us. Could be quite depressing but it's true. You are either good looking or you are dead in the waters. It's why I always advise men to only go after women whose interest in them is primarily sexual to avoid stories that touch the heart. The same applies to women, except you don't value your own happiness. Find somebody in your leagues and stop settling/coping in a relationship. I dare not speak any any further here as my recommendations could be quite drastic...... 5 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 10:49am On Aug 08, 2016 |
SycophanticGoat:if na only that one e for good, e come still be womanizer join, na now wey e don old e come dey tell us say if to say him know that time 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Jay542(m): 10:49am On Aug 08, 2016 |
iPopAlomo:Guy your signature iss sick . It got mee really. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Juzzybabe(f): 10:50am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Hey Dear, all i will say is, don't give up. I don't think its enough to get fed up. I know the feelings, i have a great idea of what you are passing through but either you have kids or not, hold your marriage and keep working and praying. Do the best you can and remain faithful and loyal,someday,he's gonna need a friend and it will just be your turn. Really, i don't know whats with Nigerian mothers and their son's marriages...should his mother feel really comfortable that her son bought her a car without your consent or knowledge? SMH. 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by xamilola(f): 10:50am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Heya really I don't even know what to say but I thought you were supposed to marry your friend, not your oga, pls if I may ask didn't you notice this during courtship? and is the age difference between you both that much? I am thinking if he is way older than you he might not see things from your perspective and that respect thing, abeg this is 21st century, does he want you to call him Boda ni? |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by juman(m): 10:51am On Aug 08, 2016 |
2dugged: Good post. Also visiting marriage counselor by the couple would help. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by SycophanticGoat: 10:51am On Aug 08, 2016 |
2dugged: Hahahaha, are you sure you're not the ex I was talking about? Cuz her mum found out that her husband was dating her best friend... |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Nobody: 10:54am On Aug 08, 2016 |
SycophanticGoat:my elder brother once walked in on him at a bar with a girl, my dad bought drinks for him and his friends and warned him not to tell when he got home, he still came home and told my step mum who being the quiet woman she is swallowed it and did nothing. The thing vex me eh 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Florena(f): 10:56am On Aug 08, 2016 |
I so much feel your plight and I understand how you are feeling. I don't know why people are blaming you though, it's very obvious your husband is a typical traditional, ego-driven, proud man. He wants all the kneeling down to greet me stuff. Then I ask myself what is marriage without romance and there can never be romance where ur husband sees you as a lower breed, I mean why can't I greet my husband in d morning with a kiss? My advice is if u want to keep this marriage so badly then u Ave to act like he's nt always around, fall in love with something else nt someone (do not cheat) get busy cos believe me, he's nt going to change, NEVER!!! |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Handsomecole(m): 10:56am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Come Ist did you people "date" at all even for a day before getting married?? Because me I don't understand this one ooo... Well in a nut shell, leave your husband alone stop disturbing or perching around him. You know your duties as a wife, perform it an leave the rest. You are not the Ist to get married to a husband like that. I have an aunt in ur situation. I've never seen the man's "teeth" b4 cos he is stern to the core, he even stopped my aunt from her medical practice to sit @ home to show you worse. But she got used to him and they are still together till date. Perform your duties as a wife, respect your husband. Thats what he wants simple. 1 Like |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by sben2308(m): 10:56am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Babztemmy: Am not married yet but will use a close frnd testimony.Wen she married she didn't enjoy d marriage for 2 years eight months and 13 days .But now I tell u she is happy she didn't give up and here r wat she did . 1. She loved her hubby and am glad u love urs . 2. She was prayerful 3. She was very patient 4. She reads Psalms 30 vs 5 and key into it . Pls don't give up 2 Likes |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Handsomecole(m): 10:56am On Aug 08, 2016 |
Come Ist did you people "date" at all even for a day before getting married?? Because me I don't understand this one ooo... Well in a nut shell, leave your husband alone stop disturbing or perching around him. You know your duties as a wife, perform it an leave the rest. You are not the Ist to get married to a husband like that. I have an aunt in ur situation. I've never seen the man's "teeth" b4 cos he is stern to the core, he even stopped my aunt from her medical practice to sit @ home to show you how worse. But she got used to him and they are still together till date. Perform your duties as a wife, respect your husband. Thats what he wants simple. |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by Slimszy: 10:57am On Aug 08, 2016 |
stunningjudy: Exactly... Op im just being realistic and objective here... You actually married that man prolly as an opportunist (gold digger) since you said he gave you everything you want expecially in terms of finance...theryby being a nice guy.. Your husband never mind and recognised you as one..now he is tryna impose his guts and ego on you... You need to manage your predicament by playing along |
Re: It's Going To 5years I Got Married And I Still Dont Feel Close To My Husband by yerokunphilips: 10:57am On Aug 08, 2016 |
You know the answer to your question ,you just don't know you know .He want to be respected ,show him that you respect him .This kind of people are the easiest to deal with,over respect him ,he will show you too much love . There is always a baby in every man ,a wise woman will bring it out .Is just a typical Africa man . Please in the cause of playing with such man don't use word like ODE . If you keep respecting him is a matter of time HE WILL OPEN UP. |
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